sundog Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women PREGNANCY Q & A & More! Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?! A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-" 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space." 8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus. 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alsgalpal Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolinda Bonz Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 http://usera.imagecave.com/RolindaBonz/hehe.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rushgirl Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 PREGNANCY: Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant? A. Have sex once a year. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type B-positive? A. Then the jig is up. Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this? A. Your therapist. Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position? A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc. Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk? A. In your breasts. Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing? A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first. Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away? A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, for use in the event of global chemical warfare. Q. What is colic? A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control. Q. What are night terrors? A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 sunny, this is the first time I've seen your post! I love it! Good one Cygnus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 QUOTE (Daylin @ Mar 8 2006, 02:05 PM) sunny, this is the first time I've seen your post! I love it! Good one Cygnus Glad you enjoyed it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolinda Bonz Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Funny...it didn't mention "short term memory loss," and I think it should. I've heard about short-term memory loss before, (can't remember where) but I was reminded of it as I came upon this thread today. I today as if it was the first time I'd read it. Then I realized that it was bumped... and that I already read it... and that I already responded to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 QUOTE (Rolinda Bonz @ Mar 8 2006, 10:39 PM) Funny...it didn't mention "short term memory loss," and I think it should. I've heard about short-term memory loss before, (can't remember where) but I was reminded of it as I came upon this thread today. I today as if it was the first time I'd read it. Then I realized that it was bumped... and that I already read it... and that I already responded to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaotica Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 well it's a first time for me and this is hilarious you guys are the best... there should be an honorable mention about the breast pump... I know they have electrical ones but they're not made by hoover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.