Principled Man

You can see it in their eyes. You place something - like a beverage - on a table or shelf, and their eyes say, “Oh, yes. Thank you! It’s all mine….”

Cats have proven beyond any doubt that the Earth is not flat. If the Earth were flat, cats would have knocked everything off the Earth by now.

The Packers have released RB Aaron Jones. …..who is now joining the VIKINGS.

Showing The Princess Bride to my mother. Her first experience….inconceivable! Epilogue: She actually gave it a !

A Robert Downey, Jr. pin?! On your uniform?!!

The Award for Best Supporting Actor goes to Robert Downey, Jr. for portraying Lewis Strauss in Oppenheimer. His first Academy Award in three attempts. I haven't seen many of his films (Iron Man, The Avengers, The Pickup Artist....that's about it), and I haven't seen Oppenheimer, but I surely know great talent when I see it. The man is gifted. Acting talent and natural charisma. Even when accepting his first Oscar, he was (mostly) cool, collected and smooth.

Not bad. I chuckled.

Told a great joke to a bunch of my co-workers. They were amazed! It was so good, the HR Lady has now invited me over to tell it to her!

SHUT UP!! I hate all this love and affection and admiration! It's making me un-com-for-ta-ble.....

Shortly after I ate dinner tonight, my doorbell rang. I opened up the door, I saw a vehicle drive away, and then I saw a large delivery bag on my doorstep. A HUGE order of Chinese food was in it. I didn't order it. I asked all my neighbors, who also didn't order it. There was no information on or in the bag. No receipt, no name of the company....nothing. Looks like breakfast is gonna be GREAT!!

[An excerpt from satirist Alexandra Petri's "Interview with Measles". ] Now, it seems as though measles is everywhere. Florida. Michigan. Fourteen other states. How to account for its sudden surge in popularity? I sat down with the measles itself to find out. I had suggested we hike or do an outdoor activity, but measles vetoed anything too far out in nature, suggesting instead a number of intimate, indoor locations where large groups of people were gathered in poor ventilation. Finally, we settled on a café. Measles is there waiting for me, looking well-rested despite its whirlwind tour of classrooms and homes. It’s unprepossessing — tinier in person than you’d expect for such an impactful figure, but quite self-assured. I apologize for my late arrival. “Please!” measles says with a smile. “It took me decades!” Is this really the measles doctors warned me about? Every medical professional I interviewed described measles as “deadly" and “bad to have” and “objectively, terrible. Even if it does not literally kill you, it will hospitalize you, give you encephalitis and kill someone else. It is the Dr. Hannibal Lecter of diseases. Why are you giving measles column space?" To them, I said, “Don’t worry. No one reads print anymore!” I tell measles this. It laughs. Like many aspects of measles, its laugh is contagious.

YouTube I have no excuse.

Facebook is down today! Millions of lives have been disrupted!!

I made a whopping seven figures last year! I was also fired from the toy factory for being too slow.

Just found out that some dear friends of mine had a "Man with a gun!" encounter at the Hollywood Casino in Lawrenceburg, Indiana this weekend. People were running out of the casino, while others hit the floor. My friend said that her legs felt like JELL-O as she and her husband were running out of the building. It turned out to be an armed robbery attempt. Some idiot tried to rob the place, briefly took a hostage, then ran out of the building....and was caught. "You think you know how you would react to that kind of situation until it happens," she said.

Assuming that I drive through the nightmare called Chicago, it is 577 miles from St. Elizabeth Hospital in Ft. Thomas, KY to my current home in Onalaska, WI. (I always go around Chicago..... )

I've come a long way in how I see tattoos. I used to think they were really dumb and even low-class, but I've mellowed quite a bit. Some of the artwork that I've seen is really good. I don't give anyone any grief about tattoos. Face piercings, on the other hand.....

When I was at the hospital visiting my mother, I stood near my 58-year old sister and the 20-something nurse, who were showing each other and our mother their arm and leg tattoos. The moment they stopped, I looked at the nurse and said, "I got nuthin'. I'm way too much of a dork to have tattoos." Hilarity ensued....

Yoda: Padawan, inside the taun-taun, how warm was it? Luke: I do not know, Master. Yoda: LUKEWARM, it was.

Ma chews a lot of Doublemint gum. We can't find the larger packs in stores anymore, so went online. We sure struck the mother lode, didn't we?

Let That Be Your Last Battlefield

Your wife is Italian, too?

My wife asked me what day it is. I told her, "March 1st." She stomped back and forth in a line and then asked me again.

"You are a slow learner, Winston," said Wendy O'Brien gently. "How can I help it?" he blubbered. "How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? The Baconator is seven dollars!" "Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes it is nine dollars. Sometimes it is six dollars. Sometimes it is all prices at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane."