An Enemy Without Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 QUOTE (In A Tidewater Surge @ May 18 2011, 08:46 PM) QUOTE (An Enemy Without @ May 18 2011, 04:31 PM) QUOTE (In A Tidewater Surge @ May 8 2011, 06:27 PM) Why did the German cross the road? Because it marked the Polish border Find your own avatar and stop stealing everyone else's. Find your own forum and stop using everyone else's ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Why don't banjo players play hide-and-go-seek? Nobody wants too look for them! (Ca-ching!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALifeson85 Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday. The first Friday the question was, "How many gallons of water is there in the whole world." No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday. Next Friday, the question was, "How many grains of sand is there in the whole world." No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday. By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday. So he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the ping-pong balls up to her. She aksked, "Alright, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Johnny said "Eddie Murphy! see you Tuesday." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jun 7 2011, 03:30 PM) It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Wife: There's talk of making a new bank holiday called National Sex Day. Husband: That's a great idea - but will the employers let their staff have it off? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What's the opposite of a cold front? A warm back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? To win the No-bell prize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What happened to the shark who ate a set of keys? He got lockjaw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind? Its arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker? A bird that talks in Morse code. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 3 old ladies were sitting together on a bench in the park. A flasher approaches and gives them an eyeful. The first lady had a stroke. The second lady had a stroke. the third lady's arms were too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILSnwdog Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Why didn't Lebron James go to college? Because they knew that he wouldn't show up for the finals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 QUOTE (ILSnwdog @ Jun 14 2011, 03:49 PM) Why didn't Lebron James go to college? Because they knew that he wouldn't show up for the finals. Oooooooooh... take that Lebron! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Jun 14 2011, 07:34 PM) 3 old ladies were sitting together on a bench in the park. A flasher approaches and gives them an eyeful. The first lady had a stroke. The second lady had a stroke. the third lady's arms were too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred Star Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 (Taxi.. keep that engine runnin') Q: How d'ya tell the sex of a Chromosome..? A: Take it's genes off. (Thank you.. Thank you all-y've been great) <<Exit's, Stage Left>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oracle Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 A husband and wife are sitting on their couch, cuddling. Out of the blue, the wife whispers into her husband's ear "I want you to tell me dirty things." The husband whispered back, "Kitchen, bathroom, and laundry." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 QUOTE (Oracle @ Jun 15 2011, 10:55 PM) A husband and wife are sitting on their couch, cuddling. Out of the blue, the wife whispers into her husband's ear "I want you to tell me dirty things." The husband whispered back, "Kitchen, bathroom, and laundry." That's it. I'm stealing this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greyfriar Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) A one-armed guy comes into the second hand shop... Edited June 16, 2011 by greyfriar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gompers Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pags Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 One blonde says to another, "I slept with a Brazilian last night". The other blonde replies, "How many is that???" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Whompus Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It was the chickens day off!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigalfan Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) .. Edited July 13, 2011 by bigalfan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigalfan Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) A three-legged dog walks into a bar in Tombstone and proclaims, "I'm lookin' for tha man who shot my paw (pa)!" I see someone beat me to it and posted the same on page one...oh, well... Edited July 13, 2011 by bigalfan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with pallets of sod. "I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1. "Do what?" asked Blonde #2. "Send my lawn out to be mowed." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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