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#121 Blue J

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 04:55 AM

View PostLyndseyG, on 10 April 2014 - 04:48 AM, said:

Thank you Blue J, that means a lot. :hug2:

I try ignoring it and does pass after a while.

I think it has something to do with my self esteem or something.... Telling me I'm no good, and using those faces of past bullies as some sort of justification...

:hug2:

Well, I tinker with my acoustic guitar, and I don't need anyone to tell me I'm no good, hahaha...I'll play a few songs here and there, just for myself, and that's good enough for me. I didn't take it up because I wanted everyone else to hear it; it's something I do just for myself.

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#122 LyndseyG

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 05:10 AM

As for the parent thing I think you guys make a good point.

My mum used to be.... An angry person. She never drank or beat us up. She used to smack us if we were naughty but apart from that, she'd just shout or scream. She had this certain tone of voice she used when she was REALLY pissed. It would terrify the crap outta me.

My dad was more reserved. He had a way that was very calming to my mum. He was her support and her rock.

He passed away 20 years ago in May. She's been on anti depressants ever since. She's totally different person now. Much more laid back and carefree. She admitted to me once that "I used to be a cow back then."

There's many, many things but the 2 really big ones that I can think of right now...

I've mentioned before about a very best friend who did a 180 degree turn on me and threatened me with violence. It's on another thread. When I got home and told my mum what happened her response was "Well? What do you expect me to do about it? If I go down to the school and have a rant about it they'll beat you up as soon as I turn away!" I didn't care about being beaten up, it would've shown she cared enough to try.

The second time was when my sister came out. I wasn't there for the fight, sis told me after. Apparently it was epic. It was ironic really as both my parents guessed years ago that she might be gay.

But my experiences of my childhood aren't as bad as other peoples.

#123 LyndseyG

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 05:17 AM

View PostBlue J, on 10 April 2014 - 04:55 AM, said:

View PostLyndseyG, on 10 April 2014 - 04:48 AM, said:

Thank you Blue J, that means a lot. :hug2:

I try ignoring it and does pass after a while.

I think it has something to do with my self esteem or something.... Telling me I'm no good, and using those faces of past bullies as some sort of justification...

:hug2:

Well, I tinker with my acoustic guitar, and I don't need anyone to tell me I'm no good, hahaha...I'll play a few songs here and there, just for myself, and that's good enough for me. I didn't take it up because I wanted everyone else to hear it; it's something I do just for myself.

I'm like that. I play because I enjoy it. :)

The thing is, I know that since I took the flute back up I'm a much improved flautist.

I just used my flute practice as an example. It doesn't always happen there either... Sometimes it's when I'm washing up or knitting...


#124 Blue J

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 05:18 AM

View PostLyndseyG, on 10 April 2014 - 05:10 AM, said:

As for the parent thing I think you guys make a good point.

My mum used to be.... An angry person. She never drank or beat us up. She used to smack us if we were naughty but apart from that, she'd just shout or scream. She had this certain tone of voice she used when she was REALLY pissed. It would terrify the crap outta me.

My dad was more reserved. He had a way that was very calming to my mum. He was her support and her rock.

He passed away 20 years ago in May. She's been on anti depressants ever since. She's totally different person now. Much more laid back and carefree. She admitted to me once that "I used to be a cow back then."

There's many, many things but the 2 really big ones that I can think of right now...

I've mentioned before about a very best friend who did a 180 degree turn on me and threatened me with violence. It's on another thread. When I got home and told my mum what happened her response was "Well? What do you expect me to do about it? If I go down to the school and have a rant about it they'll beat you up as soon as I turn away!" I didn't care about being beaten up, it would've shown she cared enough to try.

The second time was when my sister came out. I wasn't there for the fight, sis told me after. Apparently it was epic. It was ironic really as both my parents guessed years ago that she might be gay.

But my experiences of my childhood aren't as bad as other peoples.

Ahh, my mother drinks a lot, and is self-absorbed. And my dad is just self-absorbed.

My sister came out, too- to my mother, over the phone, at 3:00 AM on the night before I got married. (How's that for timing?) But she only had one relationship with a woman, for about a year and a half. And then she went back to men. But she never had a whole lot of success there, either. She died about five and a half years ago, from a combination of pills and alcohol- not an intentional overdose, but just enough was in her system to stop her heart. It really threw me; she and I were soulmates.

Oh, and I'm an alcoholic, but recovered.

Mmmm, life is grand, innit!? :)

#125 LyndseyG

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 05:25 AM

View PostBlue J, on 10 April 2014 - 05:18 AM, said:

View PostLyndseyG, on 10 April 2014 - 05:10 AM, said:

As for the parent thing I think you guys make a good point.

My mum used to be.... An angry person. She never drank or beat us up. She used to smack us if we were naughty but apart from that, she'd just shout or scream. She had this certain tone of voice she used when she was REALLY pissed. It would terrify the crap outta me.

My dad was more reserved. He had a way that was very calming to my mum. He was her support and her rock.

He passed away 20 years ago in May. She's been on anti depressants ever since. She's totally different person now. Much more laid back and carefree. She admitted to me once that "I used to be a cow back then."

There's many, many things but the 2 really big ones that I can think of right now...

I've mentioned before about a very best friend who did a 180 degree turn on me and threatened me with violence. It's on another thread. When I got home and told my mum what happened her response was "Well? What do you expect me to do about it? If I go down to the school and have a rant about it they'll beat you up as soon as I turn away!" I didn't care about being beaten up, it would've shown she cared enough to try.

The second time was when my sister came out. I wasn't there for the fight, sis told me after. Apparently it was epic. It was ironic really as both my parents guessed years ago that she might be gay.

But my experiences of my childhood aren't as bad as other peoples.

Ahh, my mother drinks a lot, and is self-absorbed. And my dad is just self-absorbed.

My sister came out, too- to my mother, over the phone, at 3:00 AM on the night before I got married. (How's that for timing?) But she only had one relationship with a woman, for about a year and a half. And then she went back to men. But she never had a whole lot of success there, either. She died about five and a half years ago, from a combination of pills and alcohol- not an intentional overdose, but just enough was in her system to stop her heart. It really threw me; she and I were soulmates.

Oh, and I'm an alcoholic, but recovered.

Mmmm, life is grand, innit!? :)

I'm sorry for your loss, hun! :rose: :hug2:

It's weird with my mum on the antidepressants because I feel that she should be off the meds but don't want her to go back to being the angry person she was before.

She has tried coming of them but the withdrawal makes her feel so bad that the doctors put her straight back on them.

#126 Narps

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 08:50 AM

View PostBlue J, on 10 April 2014 - 04:28 AM, said:

View PostGeddysMullet, on 09 April 2014 - 05:06 PM, said:

View PostNarpski, on 09 April 2014 - 04:56 PM, said:

This statement is not meant to be critical of anybody but it does amaze me how many folks think so little of their parents for many different reasons..... :(

Sadly, not everyone is blessed with wonderful parents.

This is true. I'd love to be able to go back in time just in order to whitewash my opinion of my parents, but that won't happen. I'll make the best of whatever I can now, but...well, they don't make it easy. For example, I would at least appreciate it if they wanted to spend time with their grandchildren a little more, but I can't force them. We all live within about 20 minutes of each other, and we get together a few times a year, holidays included.

Lorraine, I don't know what you're going through, but you're welcome to send a PM, if I might be able to help.

Lyndsey, I think you're a lovely person, and all I can say is don't let those people rent that space in your head- it's just not worth it! That space is yours, and yours alone. I had problems with that for a time, but that's something I've gotten beyond, for the most part.

Narpet, brother- you're a good man. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

Be well, everybody.
Thanks man. I would never say something to hurt anyone intentionally friend or not to be honest. I have realized finally that when it comes to parents and the subject that I need to keep my big yap shut. My experience was wonderful (my parents) and I think I was and am a damn good parent as well. You would have to ask my children to be sure.... :)

#127 Lorraine

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 11:23 AM

My apologies to all here for my outburst yesterday.

#128 Narps

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 11:25 AM

View PostLorraine, on 10 April 2014 - 11:23 AM, said:

My apologies to all here for my outburst yesterday.
:rose: :hug2: :)

#129 LyndseyG

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 12:11 PM

View PostNarpski, on 10 April 2014 - 11:25 AM, said:

View PostLorraine, on 10 April 2014 - 11:23 AM, said:

My apologies to all here for my outburst yesterday.
:rose: :hug2: :)

:hug2: :rose: :)

#130 Digital Man

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 01:58 PM

View PostLorraine, on 09 April 2014 - 04:44 PM, said:

Are you talking about parent disapproval?  If so, it is not so much that I get it, but that I vividly remember it and I am positive that it has subconsciously affected me throughout my life, because no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I never measured up nor could I make my mother proud of me.  I was the child not to be warmly loved, but the one to be coldly tolerated.

I totally get this.  For me it was dad instead of my mom though. I could never do quite well enough.   6 A's and and B on my report card, dad would say why did you get a B? There two ways to do things growing up: his way and the wrong way.  Unfortunately I still do that sometimes to my kids, but I try not to.  Those things are hard to outgrow sometimes.  It still affects my sometimes and I HATE it.  I have trouble talking to my dad to this day and Ia m 47 years old.

#131 RushFlyer2112

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 06:21 PM

I am very sorry about everyone loss today as I miss you all alot!!!!

#132 RushFlyer2112

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 06:21 PM

I have Twitter

#133 Blue J

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Posted 11 April 2014 - 05:12 AM

View PostRushFlyer2112, on 10 April 2014 - 06:21 PM, said:

I am very sorry about everyone loss today as I miss you all alot!!!!

Hey, RushFlyer...we're all just talking. Yeah, the subject matter might be sort of a downer, but life is not all roses and rainbows and lollipops, as we all know.

I'm having a really good day today, though. (Well, so far. I realize, it's still early). :D

I hope you're well, too!

#134 Blue J

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Posted 11 April 2014 - 05:14 AM

View PostDigital Man, on 10 April 2014 - 01:58 PM, said:

View PostLorraine, on 09 April 2014 - 04:44 PM, said:

Are you talking about parent disapproval?  If so, it is not so much that I get it, but that I vividly remember it and I am positive that it has subconsciously affected me throughout my life, because no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I never measured up nor could I make my mother proud of me.  I was the child not to be warmly loved, but the one to be coldly tolerated.

I totally get this.  For me it was dad instead of my mom though. I could never do quite well enough.   6 A's and and B on my report card, dad would say why did you get a B? There two ways to do things growing up: his way and the wrong way.  Unfortunately I still do that sometimes to my kids, but I try not to.  Those things are hard to outgrow sometimes.  It still affects my sometimes and I HATE it.  I have trouble talking to my dad to this day and Ia m 47 years old.

I make a point of learning from lots of things my parents did (and still do) in the sense that I take stock of it and say to myself, OK, this is an example of something DON'T want to do to my kids. Yep, I totally understand where you're coming from.

I love my parents all the same...but sometimes, you know...

#135 LyndseyG

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Posted 11 April 2014 - 12:51 PM

View PostDigital Man, on 10 April 2014 - 01:58 PM, said:

View PostLorraine, on 09 April 2014 - 04:44 PM, said:

Are you talking about parent disapproval?  If so, it is not so much that I get it, but that I vividly remember it and I am positive that it has subconsciously affected me throughout my life, because no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I never measured up nor could I make my mother proud of me.  I was the child not to be warmly loved, but the one to be coldly tolerated.

I totally get this.  For me it was dad instead of my mom though. I could never do quite well enough.   6 A's and and B on my report card, dad would say why did you get a B? There two ways to do things growing up: his way and the wrong way.  Unfortunately I still do that sometimes to my kids, but I try not to.  Those things are hard to outgrow sometimes.  It still affects my sometimes and I HATE it.  I have trouble talking to my dad to this day and Ia m 47 years old.

You know, although I didn't experience this I have seen it...

The manager of a firm I once worked at had two daughters. Both employed with the company and his favouritism for one daughter over another was obvious and, frankly, disgusting. Not only did he display it in front of the staff but in front of his least favoured daughter as well.

Both were spoilt little whatsits but I always got on far better with the least favoured one.

#136 RushFlyer2112

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Posted 11 April 2014 - 02:31 PM

View PostBlue J, on 11 April 2014 - 05:12 AM, said:

View PostRushFlyer2112, on 10 April 2014 - 06:21 PM, said:

I am very sorry about everyone loss today as I miss you all alot!!!!

Hey, RushFlyer...we're all just talking. Yeah, the subject matter might be sort of a downer, but life is not all roses and rainbows and lollipops, as we all know.

I'm having a really good day today, though. (Well, so far. I realize, it's still early). :D

I hope you're well, too!


#137 RushFlyer2112

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Posted 11 April 2014 - 02:32 PM

Yes BlueJ I love you all and I am doing fine and I know that it all not sunshines days and happiness lol

#138 Lorraine

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 11:37 AM

View PostDigital Man, on 10 April 2014 - 01:58 PM, said:

View PostLorraine, on 09 April 2014 - 04:44 PM, said:

Are you talking about parent disapproval?  If so, it is not so much that I get it, but that I vividly remember it and I am positive that it has subconsciously affected me throughout my life, because no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I never measured up nor could I make my mother proud of me.  I was the child not to be warmly loved, but the one to be coldly tolerated.

I totally get this.  For me it was dad instead of my mom though. I could never do quite well enough.   6 A's and and B on my report card, dad would say why did you get a B? There two ways to do things growing up: his way and the wrong way.  Unfortunately I still do that sometimes to my kids, but I try not to.  Those things are hard to outgrow sometimes.  It still affects my sometimes and I HATE it.  I have trouble talking to my dad to this day and Ia m 47 years old.

That is it exactly, except with me, it was my mother.  She was so exacting and put such pressure on me that I started to stutter  in the first grade.  The pediatrician had to put me on some kind of pills.  Thankfully, I stutter didn't last long.

And as for you not doing the same with your children but not being able to help yourself doing it, don't be too hard or beat yourself up over that.  That is all you knew as a child/adolescent; how can you be expected to do otherwise yourself?  Being aware of it though helps immensely because you can catch yourself.

#139 Ancient Ways

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 05:16 PM

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