TRF Prediction Thread and Roast: Rushgoober's 30,000th post

[Tombstone Mountain]

The press conference is just about finished. Five minutes

[Tombstone Mountain]

The Yukon Blade Grinder

Weekend edition

 

11.15.2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

As dawn breaks over Santa Barbara, the local sheriff dept has rounded up the last of wild beasts running wild. The Yukon Blade Grinder is more than happy to report great strides being made regarding the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, and its origins. Always timely and never perspicacious, the Grinder has moved into the driver’s seat taking the lead in reporting the facts of this bizarre case. Bizarre is quite a mild description actually, for Neverland and the “spirits” who communed there specialize in “black helicopter” paranoia. Santa Barbara has seen its share of scandals, but this one looks much darker than its predecessors.

 

Law enforcement has been giving as much information as it can, but still lacks key details. Trying to understand the nature and modus operandi has been difficult to ascertain because of the unknown background of the alleged perpetrators, but our knowledge is growing. Keeping an ever-watchful eye, the Yukon Blade Grinder scored big by landing the first interview of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers since their release. Posting a $5 million dollar bond for the dancers, Hustler magnate Larry Flint was being more than opportunistic as he rolled onto the scene, by commanding the price of $10,000 for the chance to ask the question the world is dying to ask—WTF is going on?

 

Well, Santa Barbara Sheriff Ron Howard has been consistent in sharing what he does and doesn’t know. After two mind blowing press conferences, he’s ready to tackle the impossible and offer more clues about the cult figure, Rush Goober. There has been an overwhelming presence of media outlets just waiting to discover more about this man, and Sheriff Howard is ready to start today’s briefing. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: Before I get started I’d like to say thank you to all the volunteers who were with us all night, catching the last of the escaped animals. Just to give an example of the difficulty of our task, we’ve had to deal with spider monkeys, rhinos, giraffes, and zebras. A hurdle that we had to overcome was the language barrier. None of the animals understand English, apparently because all of the zoological experts employed by Neverland Ranch are from the jungles of New Guinea. They trained the animals in their native tongue. But, we overcame that by killing and grilling the large birds. The animals saw that and fell in line quickly. Amazing what a little negative reinforcement can do.

 

A new development is the release of the Seven Cities of Gold dancers. They have been charged with criminal trespassing and obstructing justice. Bail had been set at $5 million dollars. Mr. Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler magazine, has paid that. Travel restrictions have been put in place, and they appear to be enjoying their new accoutrement, namely GPS tracking collars. At this point, all I can say about their situation is that Mr. Flynt has plans for them after the trial, “freedom isn’t free” as they say.

 

Now for the leader of the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, Rush Goober. He’s been charged with several serious crimes. Trespassing. Obstructing Justice. Cruelty to Animals, and this is a biggie in Canada—Impersonating a Rush Fan. We’ve learned that Goober and the dancers have a previous connection. Rush employed them all before the Clockwork Angels tour. During that time, relationships were developed and then relationships soured. A sort of alienation took place between the band and cast, but that’s another conversation.

 

In regards to Goober and his connection with Michael Jackson, it was both professional and private. You all know he was a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Now we’ve learned of his ancillary duties at Neverland Ranch. He conducted tours. Washed cars. Fed animals. In regards to Mr. Jackson’s nose, and how Goober came to possess it, we cannot divulge that information at this point due to pending legal action by the estate of Michael Jackson. With that said, let’s open the floor to questions.

 

Cosmopolitan Magazine: Any word on the dancer’s post-trial commitment to Mr. Flynt in exchange for bail?

Sheriff Howard: I have no idea of that. Pretty sure it’ll be on their backs though. Next question.

 

National Geographic Magazine: What steps did you take to engage the animals in their native tongue?

Sheriff Howard: Can’t believe you even have a job…next.

 

David Fricke, RollingStone Magazine: Has Anthem Entertainment told you the reason for the dismissal of the perpetrators from their employers?

Sheriff Howard: It stemmed from several physical altercations at Mr. Alex Lifeson’s bar called The Orbit Room. It was in the VIP section. Apparently a huge fight broke out during a “Battle of the Bands” competition before the tour started. Two lawsuits emerged from that melee, one from John Cleese, and the other from Werner Herzog. I have no other information regarding those two individuals.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: You said that Goober is being charged with “impersonating a Rush fan”, what evidence is there to support that charge?

Sheriff Howard: All you have to do is log on to The Rush Forum and just read the shit he puts out. Evidence shows he constantly rails against the band's music and abilities, yet claims to be a huge fan.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: Ok, but do you have anything more specific?

Sheriff Howard: Yes, well just one example is enough. Before the release of Clockwork Angels, RollingStone put out an exclusive early release of the hit song “Headlong Flight”. Just read what he had to say about that song. Unthinkable. He said it was a “chore” to actually play it. Isn’t that messed up? Just read what he has to say about Vapor Trails, I get chills when I think about it. There’s your proof.

 

Thanks for showing up guys…we’ll have DNA results next week. Have a good weekend

 

--end transcript--

 

The low hanging fruit has been picked and now we find ourselves climbing for the good stuff—the juicy stuff. That means getting into the world of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers. Salivation and consternation are sure to rear their heads. We find ourselves going back to the past to revisit the ill-fated days before the great Clockwork Angels World Tour. What will it tells us about Goobs? What will it tell us about the dancers? What will it tell us about Michael Jackson’s nose? Those questions and more will be answered as the Yukon Blade Grinder brings you the exclusive interview with the former vixens of Canada’s number one export.

Edited November 15, 2013 by Tombstone Mountain

[Lorraine]

:lol: This is the funniest one yet! I'm still laughing.

 

I don't know how you do it. Do you laugh when you are writing it?

 

Bravo!!! :ebert: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Tombstone Mountain]

:lol: This is the funniest one yet! I'm still laughing.

 

I don't know how you do it. Do you laugh when you are writing it?

 

Bravo!!! :ebert: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Actually no. I go into a deep trance, kind of like Edgar Cayce did when he practiced medicine. I envision what I need to say, turn on the computer—and it's there!

 

Thanks BTW

[HomesickAlien]

:lol: :notworthy:

 

I'm speechless. I need a good stiff drink, then I'll head back to the Thistle Dew, rat traps in hand.

[Tombstone Mountain]

:lol: :notworthy:

 

I'm speechless. I need a good stiff drink, then I'll head back to the Thistle Dew, rat traps in hand.

Lorraine should be there—she's probably trashed already. Don't cook fish in the microwave—that pisses her off

[HomesickAlien]

When is the bail hearing? We'll have to sober up by then.

[Lorraine]

:lol: :notworthy:

 

I'm speechless. I need a good stiff drink, then I'll head back to the Thistle Dew, rat traps in hand.

Lorraine should be there—she's probably trashed already. Don't cook fish in the microwave—that pisses her off

That reminds me.

 

Can someone direct us to a good sushi bar in the area?

 

Thank you.

[Tombstone Mountain]

When is the bail hearing? We'll have to sober up by then.

Yeah you must be drunk. Bails been denied for Goobs, but the dancers are now beholden to Larry Flynt...that'll be awesome

[Lorraine]

When is the bail hearing? We'll have to sober up by then.

What if they think we are impersonating Rush fans too? How will we ever prove that we are not??

 

As for sobering up, the only way you are going to fall asleep in that flea bag of a motel is to be smashed out of your mind and pass out.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

We must keep this mantra going nonstop lest reality hits us.

[Lorraine]

When is the bail hearing? We'll have to sober up by then.

Yeah you must be drunk. Bails been denied for Goobs, but the dancers are now beholden to Larry Flynt...that'll be awesome

See? What did I tell you about dancers?

[Tombstone Mountain]

When is the bail hearing? We'll have to sober up by then.

Yeah you must be drunk. Bails been denied for Goobs, but the dancers are now beholden to Larry Flynt...that'll be awesome

See? What did I tell you about dancers?

The dancers—they're sweet. They're into a little rough edged fun. They like classical music. They just wanna have fun

[HomesickAlien]

When is the bail hearing? We'll have to sober up by then.

What if they think we are impersonating Rush fans too? How will we ever prove that we are not??

 

As for sobering up, the only way you are going to fall asleep in that flea bag of a motel is to be smashed out of your mind and pass out.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

We must keep this mantra going nonstop lest reality hits us.

 

It's been a trying week. Let's hit the town, drown our sorrows in cheap liquor, crash at the Thistle Dew and determine our next move tomorrow.

 

We can't do anything to help Goober tonight.

[Tombstone Mountain]

When is the bail hearing? We'll have to sober up by then.

What if they think we are impersonating Rush fans too? How will we ever prove that we are not??

 

As for sobering up, the only way you are going to fall asleep in that flea bag of a motel is to be smashed out of your mind and pass out.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

We must keep this mantra going nonstop lest reality hits us.

 

It's been a trying week. Let's hit the town, drown our sorrows in cheap liquor, crash at the Thistle Dew and determine our next move tomorrow.

 

We can't do anything to help Goober tonight.

That's right—he's Mr. Snuggles

[HomesickAlien]

When is the bail hearing? We'll have to sober up by then.

What if they think we are impersonating Rush fans too? How will we ever prove that we are not??

 

As for sobering up, the only way you are going to fall asleep in that flea bag of a motel is to be smashed out of your mind and pass out.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

All for RushGoober.

 

We must keep this mantra going nonstop lest reality hits us.

 

It's been a trying week. Let's hit the town, drown our sorrows in cheap liquor, crash at the Thistle Dew and determine our next move tomorrow.

 

We can't do anything to help Goober tonight.

That's right—he's Mr. Snuggles

 

The hour is late, but I thought I'd provide an update. Lorraine and I spent the better part of the evening at the Wildcat Lounge over on Ortega Street, attempting to put the awful events of the day behind us. After several hours, the dancing and Goldschlager began to take their toll, so we returned to our fleabag motel, The Thistle Dew. Lorraine promptly passed out. . .

 

Just as I was about to go to bed, there was a knock at the door. Tombstone was kind enough to bring us some smoked ostrich from one his favorite restaurants. Despite the fact that grief and booze had done their best to quash my appetite, I downed as much of the big bird as possible. Just then my phone rang with terrible news.

 

It seems Tom Mesereau is a huge Rush fan, and had heard that Goober takes every opportunity to malign his favorite album, Vapor Trails. Not only did he say he would never defend Goober, he said I could take Lorraine's precious doll and shove. . . well, you know the rest.

 

I just don't know what to do. Maybe Gerry Spence can be coaxed out of retirement?

 

I have to go. I think I heard a rat trap snap. . .

[losingit2k]

_{Picture of the Seven City of Gold Dancers from Larry Flynt's place: From left to right / top then bottom: Ruby, Onyx, Sapphire, Coral, Diamond and Jade. We've heard that they called Goober: "Hemlata" which is Hindi for Golden Creeper!} http://www.deshretdance.com/images/gallery/deshret.jpg Edited November 16, 2013 by losingit2k

[Tombstone Mountain]

_{Picture of the Seven City of Gold Dancers from Larry Flynt's place: From left to right / top then bottom: Ruby, Onyx, Sapphire, Coral, Diamond and Jade. We've heard that they called Goober: "Hemlata" which is Hindi for Golden Creeper!} http://www.deshretdance.com/images/gallery/deshret.jpg

That's only six. Where's Lakiesha?

[losingit2k]

_{Picture of the Seven City of Gold Dancers from Larry Flynt's place: From left to right / top then bottom: Ruby, Onyx, Sapphire, Coral, Diamond and Jade. We've heard that they called Goober: "Hemlata" which is Hindi for Golden Creeper!} http://www.deshretdance.com/images/gallery/deshret.jpg

That's only six. Where's Lakiesha?

Taking the picture I guess! But her stage/ dancer name is actually Hematite!

Edited November 16, 2013 by losingit2k

[Tombstone Mountain]

_{Picture of the Seven City wish them Wellof Gold Dancers from Larry Flynt's place: From left to right / top then bottom: Ruby, Onyx, Sapphire, Coral, Diamond and Jade. We've heard that they called Goober: "Hemlata" which is Hindi for Golden Creeper!} http://www.deshretdance.com/images/gallery/deshret.jpg

That's only six. Where's Lakiesha?

Taking the picture I guess!

Man. Imagine them dancing to to Wish Them Well.

[losingit2k]

_{Picture of the Seven City of Gold Dancers from Larry Flynt's place: From left to right / top then bottom: Ruby, Onyx, Sapphire, Coral, Diamond and Jade. We've heard that they called Goober: "Hemlata" which is Hindi for Golden Creeper!} http://www.deshretdance.com/images/gallery/deshret.jpg

That's only six. Where's Lakiesha?

Don't you mean Hematite? I think Lakiesha was her name prior to entering the cult where they all took fine gem names to match there hair color.

[Tombstone Mountain]

_{Picture of the Seven City of Gold Dancers from Larry Flynt's place: From left to right / top then bottom: Ruby, Onyx, Sapphire, Coral, Diamond and Jade. We've heard that they called Goober: "Hemlata" which is Hindi for Golden Creeper!} http://www.deshretdance.com/images/gallery/deshret.jpg

He's the golden creeper yet only 15 people voted on the poll. Must not be that golden. Makes me weep. The horror. The horror. Where is Rush Forum nation?

[losingit2k]

_{Picture of the Seven City of Gold Dancers from Larry Flynt's place: From left to right / top then bottom: Ruby, Onyx, Sapphire, Coral, Diamond and Jade. We've heard that they called Goober: "Hemlata" which is Hindi for Golden Creeper!} http://www.deshretdance.com/images/gallery/deshret.jpg

He's the golden creeper yet only 15 people voted on the poll. Must not be that golden. Makes me weep. The horror. The horror. Where is Rush Forum nation?

I just think not to many TRF's go into Random Samples. I know I don't. Remember....location, location, location!

[Tombstone Mountain]

The Yukon Blade Grinder

Weekend edition

 

11.15.2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

As dawn breaks over Santa Barbara, the local sheriff dept has rounded up the last of wild beasts running wild. The Yukon Blade Grinder is more than happy to report great strides being made regarding the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, and its origins. Always timely and never perspicacious, the Grinder has moved into the driver’s seat taking the lead in reporting the facts of this bizarre case. Bizarre is quite a mild description actually, for Neverland and the “spirits” who communed there specialize in “black helicopter” paranoia. Santa Barbara has seen its share of scandals, but this one looks much darker than its predecessors.

 

Law enforcement has been giving as much information as it can, but still lacks key details. Trying to understand the nature and modus operandi has been difficult to ascertain because of the unknown background of the alleged perpetrators, but our knowledge is growing. Keeping an ever-watchful eye, the Yukon Blade Grinder scored big by landing the first interview of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers since their release. Posting a $5 million dollar bond for the dancers, Hustler magnate Larry Flint was being more than opportunistic as he rolled onto the scene, by commanding the price of $10,000 for the chance to ask the question the world is dying to ask—WTF is going on?

 

Well, Santa Barbara Sheriff Ron Howard has been consistent in sharing what he does and doesn’t know. After two mind blowing press conferences, he’s ready to tackle the impossible and offer more clues about the cult figure, Rush Goober. There has been an overwhelming presence of media outlets just waiting to discover more about this man, and Sheriff Howard is ready to start today’s briefing. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: Before I get started I’d like to say thank you to all the volunteers who were with us all night, catching the last of the escaped animals. Just to give an example of the difficulty of our task, we’ve had to deal with spider monkeys, rhinos, giraffes, and zebras. A hurdle that we had to overcome was the language barrier. None of the animals understand English, apparently because all of the zoological experts employed by Neverland Ranch are from the jungles of New Guinea. They trained the animals in their native tongue. But, we overcame that by killing and grilling the large birds. The animals saw that and fell in line quickly. Amazing what a little negative reinforcement can do.

 

A new development is the release of the Seven Cities of Gold dancers. They have been charged with criminal trespassing and obstructing justice. Bail had been set at $5 million dollars. Mr. Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler magazine, has paid that. Travel restrictions have been put in place, and they appear to be enjoying their new accoutrement, namely GPS tracking collars. At this point, all I can say about their situation is that Mr. Flynt has plans for them after the trial, “freedom isn’t free” as they say.

 

Now for the leader of the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, Rush Goober. He’s been charged with several serious crimes. Trespassing. Obstructing Justice. Cruelty to Animals, and this is a biggie in Canada—Impersonating a Rush Fan. We’ve learned that Goober and the dancers have a previous connection. Rush employed them all before the Clockwork Angels tour. During that time, relationships were developed and then relationships soured. A sort of alienation took place between the band and cast, but that’s another conversation.

 

In regards to Goober and his connection with Michael Jackson, it was both professional and private. You all know he was a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Now we’ve learned of his ancillary duties at Neverland Ranch. He conducted tours. Washed cars. Fed animals. In regards to Mr. Jackson’s nose, and how Goober came to possess it, we cannot divulge that information at this point due to pending legal action by the estate of Michael Jackson. With that said, let’s open the floor to questions.

 

Cosmopolitan Magazine: Any word on the dancer’s post-trial commitment to Mr. Flynt in exchange for bail?

Sheriff Howard: I have no idea of that. Pretty sure it’ll be on their backs though. Next question.

 

National Geographic Magazine: What steps did you take to engage the animals in their native tongue?

Sheriff Howard: Can’t believe you even have a job…next.

 

David Fricke, RollingStone Magazine: Has Anthem Entertainment told you the reason for the dismissal of the perpetrators from their employers?

Sheriff Howard: It stemmed from several physical altercations at Mr. Alex Lifeson’s bar called The Orbit Room. It was in the VIP section. Apparently a huge fight broke out during a “Battle of the Bands” competition before the tour started. Two lawsuits emerged from that melee, one from John Cleese, and the other from Werner Herzog. I have no other information regarding those two individuals.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: You said that Goober is being charged with “impersonating a Rush fan”, what evidence is there to support that charge?

Sheriff Howard: All you have to do is log on to The Rush Forum and just read the shit he puts out. Evidence shows he constantly rails against the band's music and abilities, yet claims to be a huge fan.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: Ok, but do you have anything more specific?

Sheriff Howard: Yes, well just one example is enough. Before the release of Clockwork Angels, RollingStone put out an exclusive early release of the hit song “Headlong Flight”. Just read what he had to say about that song. Unthinkable. He said it was a “chore” to actually play it. Isn’t that messed up? Just read what he has to say about Vapor Trails, I get chills when I think about it. There’s your proof.

 

Thanks for showing up guys…we’ll have DNA results next week. Have a good weekend

 

--end transcript--

 

The low hanging fruit has been picked and now we find ourselves climbing for the good stuff—the juicy stuff. That means getting into the world of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers. Salivation and consternation are sure to rear their heads. We find ourselves going back to the past to revisit the ill-fated days before the great Clockwork Angels World Tour. What will it tells us about Goobs? What will it tell us about the dancers? What will it tell us about Michael Jackson’s nose? Those questions and more will be answered as the Yukon Blade Grinder brings you the exclusive interview with the former vixens of Canada’s number one export.

The Yukon Blade Grinder

Weekend edition

 

11.15.2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

As dawn breaks over Santa Barbara, the local sheriff dept has rounded up the last of wild beasts running wild. The Yukon Blade Grinder is more than happy to report great strides being made regarding the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, and its origins. Always timely and never perspicacious, the Grinder has moved into the driver’s seat taking the lead in reporting the facts of this bizarre case. Bizarre is quite a mild description actually, for Neverland and the “spirits” who communed there specialize in “black helicopter” paranoia. Santa Barbara has seen its share of scandals, but this one looks much darker than its predecessors.

 

Law enforcement has been giving as much information as it can, but still lacks key details. Trying to understand the nature and modus operandi has been difficult to ascertain because of the unknown background of the alleged perpetrators, but our knowledge is growing. Keeping an ever-watchful eye, the Yukon Blade Grinder scored big by landing the first interview of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers since their release. Posting a $5 million dollar bond for the dancers, Hustler magnate Larry Flint was being more than opportunistic as he rolled onto the scene, by commanding the price of $10,000 for the chance to ask the question the world is dying to ask—WTF is going on?

 

Well, Santa Barbara Sheriff Ron Howard has been consistent in sharing what he does and doesn’t know. After two mind blowing press conferences, he’s ready to tackle the impossible and offer more clues about the cult figure, Rush Goober. There has been an overwhelming presence of media outlets just waiting to discover more about this man, and Sheriff Howard is ready to start today’s briefing. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: Before I get started I’d like to say thank you to all the volunteers who were with us all night, catching the last of the escaped animals. Just to give an example of the difficulty of our task, we’ve had to deal with spider monkeys, rhinos, giraffes, and zebras. A hurdle that we had to overcome was the language barrier. None of the animals understand English, apparently because all of the zoological experts employed by Neverland Ranch are from the jungles of New Guinea. They trained the animals in their native tongue. But, we overcame that by killing and grilling the large birds. The animals saw that and fell in line quickly. Amazing what a little negative reinforcement can do.

 

A new development is the release of the Seven Cities of Gold dancers. They have been charged with criminal trespassing and obstructing justice. Bail had been set at $5 million dollars. Mr. Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler magazine, has paid that. Travel restrictions have been put in place, and they appear to be enjoying their new accoutrement, namely GPS tracking collars. At this point, all I can say about their situation is that Mr. Flynt has plans for them after the trial, “freedom isn’t free” as they say.

 

Now for the leader of the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, Rush Goober. He’s been charged with several serious crimes. Trespassing. Obstructing Justice. Cruelty to Animals, and this is a biggie in Canada—Impersonating a Rush Fan. We’ve learned that Goober and the dancers have a previous connection. Rush employed them all before the Clockwork Angels tour. During that time, relationships were developed and then relationships soured. A sort of alienation took place between the band and cast, but that’s another conversation.

 

In regards to Goober and his connection with Michael Jackson, it was both professional and private. You all know he was a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Now we’ve learned of his ancillary duties at Neverland Ranch. He conducted tours. Washed cars. Fed animals. In regards to Mr. Jackson’s nose, and how Goober came to possess it, we cannot divulge that information at this point due to pending legal action by the estate of Michael Jackson. With that said, let’s open the floor to questions.

 

Cosmopolitan Magazine: Any word on the dancer’s post-trial commitment to Mr. Flynt in exchange for bail?

Sheriff Howard: I have no idea of that. Pretty sure it’ll be on their backs though. Next question.

 

National Geographic Magazine: What steps did you take to engage the animals in their native tongue?

Sheriff Howard: Can’t believe you even have a job…next.

 

David Fricke, RollingStone Magazine: Has Anthem Entertainment told you the reason for the dismissal of the perpetrators from their employers?

Sheriff Howard: It stemmed from several physical altercations at Mr. Alex Lifeson’s bar called The Orbit Room. It was in the VIP section. Apparently a huge fight broke out during a “Battle of the Bands” competition before the tour started. Two lawsuits emerged from that melee, one from John Cleese, and the other from Werner Herzog. I have no other information regarding those two individuals.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: You said that Goober is being charged with “impersonating a Rush fan”, what evidence is there to support that charge?

Sheriff Howard: All you have to do is log on to The Rush Forum and just read the shit he puts out. Evidence shows he constantly rails against the band's music and abilities, yet claims to be a huge fan.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: Ok, but do you have anything more specific?

Sheriff Howard: Yes, well just one example is enough. Before the release of Clockwork Angels, RollingStone put out an exclusive early release of the hit song “Headlong Flight”. Just read what he had to say about that song. Unthinkable. He said it was a “chore” to actually play it. Isn’t that messed up? Just read what he has to say about Vapor Trails, I get chills when I think about it. There’s your proof.

 

Thanks for showing up guys…we’ll have DNA results next week. Have a good weekend

 

--end transcript--

 

The low hanging fruit has been picked and now we find ourselves climbing for the good stuff—the juicy stuff. That means getting into the world of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers. Salivation and consternation are sure to rear their heads. We find ourselves going back to the past to revisit the ill-fated days before the great Clockwork Angels World Tour. What will it tells us about Goobs? What will it tell us about the dancers? What will it tell us about Michael Jackson’s nose? Those questions and more will be answered as the Yukon Blade Grinder brings you the exclusive interview with the former vixens of Canada’s number one export.

Goober. Renaissance man.

[Babycat]

The Yukon Blade Grinder

Weekend edition

 

11.15.2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

As dawn breaks over Santa Barbara, the local sheriff dept has rounded up the last of wild beasts running wild. The Yukon Blade Grinder is more than happy to report great strides being made regarding the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, and its origins. Always timely and never perspicacious, the Grinder has moved into the driver’s seat taking the lead in reporting the facts of this bizarre case. Bizarre is quite a mild description actually, for Neverland and the “spirits” who communed there specialize in “black helicopter” paranoia. Santa Barbara has seen its share of scandals, but this one looks much darker than its predecessors.

 

Law enforcement has been giving as much information as it can, but still lacks key details. Trying to understand the nature and modus operandi has been difficult to ascertain because of the unknown background of the alleged perpetrators, but our knowledge is growing. Keeping an ever-watchful eye, the Yukon Blade Grinder scored big by landing the first interview of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers since their release. Posting a $5 million dollar bond for the dancers, Hustler magnate Larry Flint was being more than opportunistic as he rolled onto the scene, by commanding the price of $10,000 for the chance to ask the question the world is dying to ask—WTF is going on?

 

Well, Santa Barbara Sheriff Ron Howard has been consistent in sharing what he does and doesn’t know. After two mind blowing press conferences, he’s ready to tackle the impossible and offer more clues about the cult figure, Rush Goober. There has been an overwhelming presence of media outlets just waiting to discover more about this man, and Sheriff Howard is ready to start today’s briefing. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: Before I get started I’d like to say thank you to all the volunteers who were with us all night, catching the last of the escaped animals. Just to give an example of the difficulty of our task, we’ve had to deal with spider monkeys, rhinos, giraffes, and zebras. A hurdle that we had to overcome was the language barrier. None of the animals understand English, apparently because all of the zoological experts employed by Neverland Ranch are from the jungles of New Guinea. They trained the animals in their native tongue. But, we overcame that by killing and grilling the large birds. The animals saw that and fell in line quickly. Amazing what a little negative reinforcement can do.

 

A new development is the release of the Seven Cities of Gold dancers. They have been charged with criminal trespassing and obstructing justice. Bail had been set at $5 million dollars. Mr. Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler magazine, has paid that. Travel restrictions have been put in place, and they appear to be enjoying their new accoutrement, namely GPS tracking collars. At this point, all I can say about their situation is that Mr. Flynt has plans for them after the trial, “freedom isn’t free” as they say.

 

Now for the leader of the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, Rush Goober. He’s been charged with several serious crimes. Trespassing. Obstructing Justice. Cruelty to Animals, and this is a biggie in Canada—Impersonating a Rush Fan. We’ve learned that Goober and the dancers have a previous connection. Rush employed them all before the Clockwork Angels tour. During that time, relationships were developed and then relationships soured. A sort of alienation took place between the band and cast, but that’s another conversation.

 

In regards to Goober and his connection with Michael Jackson, it was both professional and private. You all know he was a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Now we’ve learned of his ancillary duties at Neverland Ranch. He conducted tours. Washed cars. Fed animals. In regards to Mr. Jackson’s nose, and how Goober came to possess it, we cannot divulge that information at this point due to pending legal action by the estate of Michael Jackson. With that said, let’s open the floor to questions.

 

Cosmopolitan Magazine: Any word on the dancer’s post-trial commitment to Mr. Flynt in exchange for bail?

Sheriff Howard: I have no idea of that. Pretty sure it’ll be on their backs though. Next question.

 

National Geographic Magazine: What steps did you take to engage the animals in their native tongue?

Sheriff Howard: Can’t believe you even have a job…next.

 

David Fricke, RollingStone Magazine: Has Anthem Entertainment told you the reason for the dismissal of the perpetrators from their employers?

Sheriff Howard: It stemmed from several physical altercations at Mr. Alex Lifeson’s bar called The Orbit Room. It was in the VIP section. Apparently a huge fight broke out during a “Battle of the Bands” competition before the tour started. Two lawsuits emerged from that melee, one from John Cleese, and the other from Werner Herzog. I have no other information regarding those two individuals.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: You said that Goober is being charged with “impersonating a Rush fan”, what evidence is there to support that charge?

Sheriff Howard: All you have to do is log on to The Rush Forum and just read the shit he puts out. Evidence shows he constantly rails against the band's music and abilities, yet claims to be a huge fan.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: Ok, but do you have anything more specific?

Sheriff Howard: Yes, well just one example is enough. Before the release of Clockwork Angels, RollingStone put out an exclusive early release of the hit song “Headlong Flight”. Just read what he had to say about that song. Unthinkable. He said it was a “chore” to actually play it. Isn’t that messed up? Just read what he has to say about Vapor Trails, I get chills when I think about it. There’s your proof.

 

Thanks for showing up guys…we’ll have DNA results next week. Have a good weekend

 

--end transcript--

 

The low hanging fruit has been picked and now we find ourselves climbing for the good stuff—the juicy stuff. That means getting into the world of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers. Salivation and consternation are sure to rear their heads. We find ourselves going back to the past to revisit the ill-fated days before the great Clockwork Angels World Tour. What will it tells us about Goobs? What will it tell us about the dancers? What will it tell us about Michael Jackson’s nose? Those questions and more will be answered as the Yukon Blade Grinder brings you the exclusive interview with the former vixens of Canada’s number one export.

The Yukon Blade Grinder

Weekend edition

 

11.15.2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

As dawn breaks over Santa Barbara, the local sheriff dept has rounded up the last of wild beasts running wild. The Yukon Blade Grinder is more than happy to report great strides being made regarding the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, and its origins. Always timely and never perspicacious, the Grinder has moved into the driver’s seat taking the lead in reporting the facts of this bizarre case. Bizarre is quite a mild description actually, for Neverland and the “spirits” who communed there specialize in “black helicopter” paranoia. Santa Barbara has seen its share of scandals, but this one looks much darker than its predecessors.

 

Law enforcement has been giving as much information as it can, but still lacks key details. Trying to understand the nature and modus operandi has been difficult to ascertain because of the unknown background of the alleged perpetrators, but our knowledge is growing. Keeping an ever-watchful eye, the Yukon Blade Grinder scored big by landing the first interview of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers since their release. Posting a $5 million dollar bond for the dancers, Hustler magnate Larry Flint was being more than opportunistic as he rolled onto the scene, by commanding the price of $10,000 for the chance to ask the question the world is dying to ask—WTF is going on?

 

Well, Santa Barbara Sheriff Ron Howard has been consistent in sharing what he does and doesn’t know. After two mind blowing press conferences, he’s ready to tackle the impossible and offer more clues about the cult figure, Rush Goober. There has been an overwhelming presence of media outlets just waiting to discover more about this man, and Sheriff Howard is ready to start today’s briefing. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: Before I get started I’d like to say thank you to all the volunteers who were with us all night, catching the last of the escaped animals. Just to give an example of the difficulty of our task, we’ve had to deal with spider monkeys, rhinos, giraffes, and zebras. A hurdle that we had to overcome was the language barrier. None of the animals understand English, apparently because all of the zoological experts employed by Neverland Ranch are from the jungles of New Guinea. They trained the animals in their native tongue. But, we overcame that by killing and grilling the large birds. The animals saw that and fell in line quickly. Amazing what a little negative reinforcement can do.

 

A new development is the release of the Seven Cities of Gold dancers. They have been charged with criminal trespassing and obstructing justice. Bail had been set at $5 million dollars. Mr. Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler magazine, has paid that. Travel restrictions have been put in place, and they appear to be enjoying their new accoutrement, namely GPS tracking collars. At this point, all I can say about their situation is that Mr. Flynt has plans for them after the trial, “freedom isn’t free” as they say.

 

Now for the leader of the “Spirits of Neverland Ranch” cult, Rush Goober. He’s been charged with several serious crimes. Trespassing. Obstructing Justice. Cruelty to Animals, and this is a biggie in Canada—Impersonating a Rush Fan. We’ve learned that Goober and the dancers have a previous connection. Rush employed them all before the Clockwork Angels tour. During that time, relationships were developed and then relationships soured. A sort of alienation took place between the band and cast, but that’s another conversation.

 

In regards to Goober and his connection with Michael Jackson, it was both professional and private. You all know he was a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Now we’ve learned of his ancillary duties at Neverland Ranch. He conducted tours. Washed cars. Fed animals. In regards to Mr. Jackson’s nose, and how Goober came to possess it, we cannot divulge that information at this point due to pending legal action by the estate of Michael Jackson. With that said, let’s open the floor to questions.

 

Cosmopolitan Magazine: Any word on the dancer’s post-trial commitment to Mr. Flynt in exchange for bail?

Sheriff Howard: I have no idea of that. Pretty sure it’ll be on their backs though. Next question.

 

National Geographic Magazine: What steps did you take to engage the animals in their native tongue?

Sheriff Howard: Can’t believe you even have a job…next.

 

David Fricke, RollingStone Magazine: Has Anthem Entertainment told you the reason for the dismissal of the perpetrators from their employers?

Sheriff Howard: It stemmed from several physical altercations at Mr. Alex Lifeson’s bar called The Orbit Room. It was in the VIP section. Apparently a huge fight broke out during a “Battle of the Bands” competition before the tour started. Two lawsuits emerged from that melee, one from John Cleese, and the other from Werner Herzog. I have no other information regarding those two individuals.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: You said that Goober is being charged with “impersonating a Rush fan”, what evidence is there to support that charge?

Sheriff Howard: All you have to do is log on to The Rush Forum and just read the shit he puts out. Evidence shows he constantly rails against the band's music and abilities, yet claims to be a huge fan.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: Ok, but do you have anything more specific?

Sheriff Howard: Yes, well just one example is enough. Before the release of Clockwork Angels, RollingStone put out an exclusive early release of the hit song “Headlong Flight”. Just read what he had to say about that song. Unthinkable. He said it was a “chore” to actually play it. Isn’t that messed up? Just read what he has to say about Vapor Trails, I get chills when I think about it. There’s your proof.

 

Thanks for showing up guys…we’ll have DNA results next week. Have a good weekend

 

--end transcript--

 

The low hanging fruit has been picked and now we find ourselves climbing for the good stuff—the juicy stuff. That means getting into the world of the “Seven Cities of Gold” dancers. Salivation and consternation are sure to rear their heads. We find ourselves going back to the past to revisit the ill-fated days before the great Clockwork Angels World Tour. What will it tells us about Goobs? What will it tell us about the dancers? What will it tell us about Michael Jackson’s nose? Those questions and more will be answered as the Yukon Blade Grinder brings you the exclusive interview with the former vixens of Canada’s number one export.

Goober. Renaissance man.

Great stuff! :ebert: :D :ebert:

[Tombstone Mountain]

^^^^^^psycho-cat—thanks for playing!