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Dweezil

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Hopefully I don't mis-interperet the meaning of your thread, Dweez, and I apologize if I do......

 

6 years ago, when I was 10, my mom was assaulted by a co-woker, a fellow teacher. For weeks leading up to it he had been coming in to the classroom and uttering obscenities and making her feel comfortable, until the day he came in and smacked her around, for seemingly no reason. She pressed charges, but got nowhere because everyone in the school stood up for the dickhead teacher that hit her because they didn't want negative publicity cast upon their school. This, coupled with a terrible childhood, threw my mom into a serious depression from which she has never recovered....... it has landed her in the hospital, from which she has escaped and shown up at my elementary school, yelling at me for no reason, coming home to her throwing mugs at me, my dad and the wall, spitting on my face, overdosing on drugs, having ambulances come to our house at 2 in the morning, slit wrists, and a severe money problem as my family tried to live on one income. this made me question life more than once... and the value of living in a life where such heinous things could happen to a person.

 

Its been Rush that's helped me get through these difficult times, strangely enough, and I've never been to one of their shows......

 

just thought I'd post some of my dealings with life, sorry if i'm out of line.

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QUOTE (Let The Fray Begin @ Feb 24 2005, 08:09 PM)
Hopefully I don't mis-interperet the meaning of your thread, Dweez, and I apologize if I do......

6 years ago, when I was 10, my mom was assaulted by a co-woker, a fellow teacher. For weeks leading up to it he had been coming in to the classroom and uttering obscenities and making her feel comfortable, until the day he came in and smacked her around, for seemingly no reason. She pressed charges, but got nowhere because everyone in the school stood up for the dickhead teacher that hit her because they didn't want negative publicity cast upon their school. This, coupled with a terrible childhood, threw my mom into a serious depression from which she has never recovered....... it has landed her in the hospital, from which she has escaped and shown up at my elementary school, yelling at me for no reason, coming home to her throwing mugs at me, my dad and the wall, spitting on my face, overdosing on drugs, having ambulances come to our house at 2 in the morning, slit wrists, and a severe money problem as my family tried to live on one income. this made me question life more than once... and the value of living in a life where such heinous things could happen to a person.

Its been Rush that's helped me get through these difficult times, strangely enough, and I've never been to one of their shows......

just thought I'd post some of my dealings with life, sorry if i'm out of line.

Welcome to the Sanity thread, brother.

 

 

You are loved.

 

 

heart.gif heart.gif

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QUOTE (Let The Fray Begin @ Feb 24 2005, 09:09 PM)
Hopefully I don't mis-interperet the meaning of your thread, Dweez, and I apologize if I do......

6 years ago, when I was 10, my mom was assaulted by a co-woker, a fellow teacher. For weeks leading up to it he had been coming in to the classroom and uttering obscenities and making her feel comfortable, until the day he came in and smacked her around, for seemingly no reason. She pressed charges, but got nowhere because everyone in the school stood up for the dickhead teacher that hit her because they didn't want negative publicity cast upon their school. This, coupled with a terrible childhood, threw my mom into a serious depression from which she has never recovered....... it has landed her in the hospital, from which she has escaped and shown up at my elementary school, yelling at me for no reason, coming home to her throwing mugs at me, my dad and the wall, spitting on my face, overdosing on drugs, having ambulances come to our house at 2 in the morning, slit wrists, and a severe money problem as my family tried to live on one income. this made me question life more than once... and the value of living in a life where such heinous things could happen to a person.

Its been Rush that's helped me get through these difficult times, strangely enough, and I've never been to one of their shows......

just thought I'd post some of my dealings with life, sorry if i'm out of line.

Your bravery is impressive, and it touches my heart.

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QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 25 2005, 10:42 AM)
I had a huge anxiety attack today even though I took some meds before the meeting. I'm so f*cked up I don't want to deal with life.

I don't show it, but I feel this way way too often. Sometimes life scares me, the pressure to handle everything is overwhelming, and I just want to run away.

 

You're not alone. And I mean THAT from the heart.

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QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Feb 25 2005, 12:37 PM)
QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 25 2005, 10:42 AM)
I had a huge anxiety attack today even though I took some meds before the meeting. I'm so f*cked up I don't want to deal with life.

I don't show it, but I feel this way way too often. Sometimes life scares me, the pressure to handle everything is overwhelming, and I just want to run away.

 

You're not alone. And I mean THAT from the heart.

Right... I woke up 6 hours ago with a rather large anxiety lump in my throat and it hasn't gone away all day. It may not mean much coming from me, but I have an inkling where your coming from, and I care.

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QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Feb 25 2005, 12:37 PM)
QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 25 2005, 10:42 AM)
I had a huge anxiety attack today even though I took some meds before the meeting. I'm so f*cked up I don't want to deal with life.

I don't show it, but I feel this way way too often. Sometimes life scares me, the pressure to handle everything is overwhelming, and I just want to run away.

 

You're not alone. And I mean THAT from the heart.

Oh ino that feeling TOO well,

thinkin WTF am i here ? im just a burden on all around me

Why do awsume people that are goin places die for no good reason and im STILL here livin( if u wanna call it that) in this world. Somthings arent fair confused13.gif

 

 

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A very good friend sent me this. Thankyou LizardWiz.

 

 

A special song for you **********!

http://www.rawmelodymen.net/pkzych/mp3/fix/i-love-the-world.[t&c].mp3

 

New Model Army - I Love The World

 

The roll of distant thunder breaks, the afternoon of silence wakes

They hurry through from Petergate as if they know this dance

In fury blind, I drive at night across the moors, the open roads

Beneath the freezing starry skies, racing in some trance

These cities are illusions of some triumph over Nature's laws

We've seen the iron carcass rust and buildings topple into dust

And as the waters rise, it seems we cling to all the rootless things

The Christian lies, technology, while spirits scream and sing

Oh God I love the world

 

Well I never said I was a clever man but I know enough to understand

That the endless leaps and forward plans will someday have to cease

You blind yourselves with comfort lies like lightning never strikes you twice

And we laugh at your amazed surprise as the Ark begins to sink

This temple that is built so well to separate us from ourselves

Is a power grown beyond control, a will without a face

And watching from outside I wish that I could wash my hands of this

But we are locked together here, this bittersweet embrace

Oh God I love the world

 

And if one day the final fire explodes across the whitened sky

I know you've said you'd rather die and make it over fast

With courage from your bravest friends, waiting outside for the end

With no bitterness but an innocence that I can't seem to grasp

I know somehow I will survive - this fury just to stay alive

So drunk with sickness, weak with pain, I can walk the hills one last time

Scarred and smiling, dying slow, I'll scream to no one left at all

I told you so, I told you so, I told you so . .

Oh God I love the world

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QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Feb 25 2005, 10:36 AM)
QUOTE (Let The Fray Begin @ Feb 24 2005, 09:09 PM)
Hopefully I don't mis-interperet the meaning of your thread, Dweez, and I apologize if I do......

6 years ago, when I was 10, my mom was  assaulted by a co-woker, a fellow teacher. For weeks leading up to it he had been coming in to the classroom and uttering obscenities and making her feel comfortable, until the day he came in and smacked her around, for seemingly no reason. She pressed charges, but got nowhere because everyone in the school stood up for the dickhead teacher that hit her because they didn't want negative publicity cast upon their school. This, coupled with a terrible childhood, threw my mom into a serious depression from which she has never recovered....... it has landed her in the hospital, from which she has escaped and shown up at my elementary school, yelling at me for no reason, coming home to her throwing mugs at me, my dad and the wall, spitting on my face, overdosing on drugs, having ambulances come to our house at 2 in the morning, slit wrists, and a severe money problem as my family tried to live on one income. this made me question life more than once... and the value of living in a life where such heinous things could happen to a person.

Its been Rush that's helped me get through these difficult times, strangely enough, and I've never been to one of their shows......

just thought I'd post some of my dealings with life, sorry if i'm out of line.

Your bravery is impressive, and it touches my heart.

Same here smile.gif

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QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 25 2005, 06:33 PM)
A very good friend sent me this. Thankyou LizardWiz.


A special song for you **********!
http://www.rawmelodymen.net/pkzych/mp3/fix/i-love-the-world.[t&c].mp3

New Model Army - I Love The World

The roll of distant thunder breaks, the afternoon of silence wakes
They hurry through from Petergate as if they know this dance
In fury blind, I drive at night across the moors, the open roads
Beneath the freezing starry skies, racing in some trance
These cities are illusions of some triumph over Nature's laws
We've seen the iron carcass rust and buildings topple into dust
And as the waters rise, it seems we cling to all the rootless things
The Christian lies, technology, while spirits scream and sing
Oh God I love the world

Well I never said I was a clever man but I know enough to understand
That the endless leaps and forward plans will someday have to cease
You blind yourselves with comfort lies like lightning never strikes you twice
And we laugh at your amazed surprise as the Ark begins to sink
This temple that is built so well to separate us from ourselves
Is a power grown beyond control, a will without a face
And watching from outside I wish that I could wash my hands of this
But we are locked together here, this bittersweet embrace
Oh God I love the world

And if one day the final fire explodes across the whitened sky
I know you've said you'd rather die and make it over fast
With courage from your bravest friends, waiting outside for the end
With no bitterness but an innocence that I can't seem to grasp
I know somehow I will survive - this fury just to stay alive
So drunk with sickness, weak with pain, I can walk the hills one last time
Scarred and smiling, dying slow, I'll scream to no one left at all
I told you so, I told you so, I told you so . .
Oh God I love the world

 

1022.gif

 

 

 

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Sometimes I wonder if your heart has been programmed with X number of heartbeats.

 

If so, should we make them slow heart beats so we last longer?

 

Cut out all that excitement?

 

No more sex, I tell ya.

 

Can ya mess with the programming to keep it going longer?

 

If we are programmed with X number of heartbeats, I am truly wasting away heartbeats. I am not enjoying the time to the fullest.

 

Too bad employers don't get that. Hey man, I'm here for a limited time.

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QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 25 2005, 11:33 PM)
A very good friend sent me this. Thankyou LizardWiz.


A special song for you **********!
http://www.rawmelodymen.net/pkzych/mp3/fix/i-love-the-world.[t&c].mp3

New Model Army - I Love The World

The roll of distant thunder breaks, the afternoon of silence wakes
They hurry through from Petergate as if they know this dance
In fury blind, I drive at night across the moors, the open roads
Beneath the freezing starry skies, racing in some trance
These cities are illusions of some triumph over Nature's laws
We've seen the iron carcass rust and buildings topple into dust
And as the waters rise, it seems we cling to all the rootless things
The Christian lies, technology, while spirits scream and sing
Oh God I love the world

Well I never said I was a clever man but I know enough to understand
That the endless leaps and forward plans will someday have to cease
You blind yourselves with comfort lies like lightning never strikes you twice
And we laugh at your amazed surprise as the Ark begins to sink
This temple that is built so well to separate us from ourselves
Is a power grown beyond control, a will without a face
And watching from outside I wish that I could wash my hands of this
But we are locked together here, this bittersweet embrace
Oh God I love the world

And if one day the final fire explodes across the whitened sky
I know you've said you'd rather die and make it over fast
With courage from your bravest friends, waiting outside for the end
With no bitterness but an innocence that I can't seem to grasp
I know somehow I will survive - this fury just to stay alive
So drunk with sickness, weak with pain, I can walk the hills one last time
Scarred and smiling, dying slow, I'll scream to no one left at all
I told you so, I told you so, I told you so . .
Oh God I love the world

Great tune dweez..with some meaningful lyrics too icon_alienjig.gif

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QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 26 2005, 02:49 PM)
Sometimes I wonder if your heart has been programmed with X number of heartbeats.

If so, should we make them slow heart beats so we last longer?

Cut out all that excitement?

No more sex, I tell ya.

Can ya mess with the programming to keep it going longer?

If we are programmed with X number of heartbeats, I am truly wasting away heartbeats. I am not enjoying the time to the fullest.

Too bad employers don't get that. Hey man, I'm here for a limited time.

You too, huh? Employers suck rice, I tell ya. The heart though, it's pretty wild actually if you think about it. It beats and beats every day for an average of what, 85 years? That's a lot of work smile.gif I wonder too if it's been "pre-programmed" with the number of beats... that might be somewhere in our genetic code. I wonder if they will find that out, or if they already have? And if there's a way to change the number of beats perhaps?

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QUOTE (Trance @ Feb 26 2005, 06:50 PM)
QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 26 2005, 02:49 PM)
Sometimes I wonder if your heart has been programmed with X number of heartbeats.

If so, should we make them slow heart beats so we last longer?

Cut out all that excitement?

No more sex, I tell ya.

Can ya mess with the programming to keep it going longer?

If we are programmed with X number of heartbeats, I am truly wasting away heartbeats. I am not enjoying the time to the fullest.

Too bad employers don't get that. Hey man, I'm here for a limited time.

You too, huh? Employers suck rice, I tell ya. The heart though, it's pretty wild actually if you think about it. It beats and beats every day for an average of what, 85 years? That's a lot of work smile.gif I wonder too if it's been "pre-programmed" with the number of beats... that might be somewhere in our genetic code. I wonder if they will find that out, or if they already have? And if there's a way to change the number of beats perhaps?

Funny you should ask.

 

There is a book called The Pleasure Prescription by Dr. Paul Pearsall

 

It is full of psychoimmuneurology stuff like that. And written so that dumb peeps like me can get it.

 

One of my fav parts is how altruism affects your body positively.

 

It's my bible.

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QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 15 2005, 09:31 PM)
Kay.

I got in major shit today.

See, you peeps know more about me by reading my posts than anyone except maybe my kids.
Dweezil knows she can be mean sometimes. Dweezil doesn't like to share her feelings. Being nice means peeps will take advantage of you and hurt you so it's better to give them a reason right off the bat and since they don't know you much anyhow, it will not hurt so much. The board is safe because, hey, it's just words on a f*cking computer isn't it? Hmmm. Still hurts.

Apparently people share feelings in real life?

I've kept this guy hanging for almost 8 years. That f*cker is so stubborn he wont give up on me. He says it's not being stubborn its that four letter word **** and he says I will never get rid of him because he knows I feel it too.

I need help.

Never ever ever ever trust a man. Lying asshole.

 

19.gif 19.gif 19.gif

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QUOTE (dweezil @ Mar 1 2005, 11:19 PM)
QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 15 2005, 09:31 PM)
Kay.

I got in major shit today.

See, you peeps know more about me by reading my posts than anyone except maybe my kids.
Dweezil knows she can be mean sometimes. Dweezil doesn't like to share her feelings. Being nice means peeps will take advantage of you and hurt you so it's better to give them a reason right off the bat and since they don't know you much anyhow, it will not hurt so much. The board is safe because, hey, it's just words on a f*cking computer isn't it? Hmmm. Still hurts.

Apparently people share feelings in real life?

I've kept this guy hanging for almost 8 years. That f*cker is so stubborn he wont give up on me. He says it's not being stubborn its that four letter word **** and he says I will never get rid of him because he knows I feel it too.

I need help.

Never ever ever ever trust a man. Lying asshole.

 

19.gif 19.gif 19.gif

We are not all the same dweez tempted.gif

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QUOTE (Huck @ Mar 1 2005, 05:17 PM)
QUOTE (dweezil @ Mar 1 2005, 11:19 PM)
QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 15 2005, 09:31 PM)
Kay.

I got in major shit today.

See, you peeps know more about me by reading my posts than anyone except maybe my kids.
Dweezil knows she can be mean sometimes. Dweezil doesn't like to share her feelings. Being nice means peeps will take advantage of you and hurt you so it's better to give them a reason right off the bat and since they don't know you much anyhow, it will not hurt so much. The board is safe because, hey, it's just words on a f*cking computer isn't it? Hmmm. Still hurts.

Apparently people share feelings in real life?

I've kept this guy hanging for almost 8 years. That f*cker is so stubborn he wont give up on me. He says it's not being stubborn its that four letter word **** and he says I will never get rid of him because he knows I feel it too.

I need help.

Never ever ever ever trust a man. Lying asshole.

 

19.gif 19.gif 19.gif

We are not all the same dweez tempted.gif

I'm getting too old for this shit, Huck.

 

I see myself as some old lady with a shopping cart and not much else. ANd miserable as hell.

rofl3.gif

 

 

Well, okay, Maybe some local crazy woman.

http://www.mcphee.com/pixlarge/11377.jpg

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QUOTE (dweezil @ Mar 2 2005, 01:06 AM)
QUOTE (Huck @ Mar 1 2005, 05:17 PM)
QUOTE (dweezil @ Mar 1 2005, 11:19 PM)
QUOTE (dweezil @ Feb 15 2005, 09:31 PM)
Kay.

I got in major shit today.

See, you peeps know more about me by reading my posts than anyone except maybe my kids.
Dweezil knows she can be mean sometimes. Dweezil doesn't like to share her feelings. Being nice means peeps will take advantage of you and hurt you so it's better to give them a reason right off the bat and since they don't know you much anyhow, it will not hurt so much. The board is safe because, hey, it's just words on a f*cking computer isn't it? Hmmm. Still hurts.

Apparently people share feelings in real life?

I've kept this guy hanging for almost 8 years. That f*cker is so stubborn he wont give up on me. He says it's not being stubborn its that four letter word **** and he says I will never get rid of him because he knows I feel it too.

I need help.

Never ever ever ever trust a man. Lying asshole.

 

19.gif 19.gif 19.gif

We are not all the same dweez tempted.gif

I'm getting too old for this shit, Huck.

 

I see myself as some old lady with a shopping cart and not much else. ANd miserable as hell.

rofl3.gif

 

 

Well, okay, Maybe some local crazy woman.

http://www.mcphee.com/pixlarge/11377.jpg

Shopping cart? no.gif

 

Local crazy yes.gif

 

rofl3.gif rofl3.gif rofl3.gif

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Roger

 

On the road that I have taken

one day, walking, I awaken,

amazed to see where I have come,

where I'm going, where I'm from

 

~excerpt from the Book of Counted Sorrows

 

However, this road that I am taking at this moment is not one of sorrow.

Rather, a most interesting twist of fate?

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v636/palominodweezil/icon_flip.gif

 

 

 

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Take some time to make some sense

Of what you want to say

And cast your words away upon the waves

Sail them home with Acquiesce

On a ship of hope today

And as they land upon the shore

Tell them not to fear no more

Say it loud and sing it proud today

 

 

I'm not saying right is wrong

It's up to us to make

The best of all things that come our way

Coz everything that's been has passed

The answers in the looking glass

There's four and twenty million doors

On life's endless corridor

Say it loud and sing it proud today

 

Oasis - The Masterplan

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