GeddyRulz Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 Dingo: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me. All: And me. And me too. And me. Dingo: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking. And after the spanking, the oral sex. Galahad: Well, I could stay a bit longer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeddyRulz Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 Woman: Well how'd you become king then? [Angelic music plays... ] King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king. Dennis: Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony... you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.... if I went around saying I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeddyRulz Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 French Soldier: Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic2112nic Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 " I must go back and face the peril!" "No, its too perilous" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sark Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Oh just let me have a little good peril! No, it's unhealthy. Bet your gay! No I'm not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deathbyspartan Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Your mother was a Prostitute, and your father smells of alderberrys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerxt1990 Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 I simply HAVE to share. Yesterday in the car, we were driving around with the kids and my wife pointed to some land near where I live and said "They have huge tracts of land!" - I started laughing and said, "Oh yes she got HUGE ........ tracts of land." As usual she had no idea what I was amusing myself with - and after explaining, it didnt sweeten the deal any, but I sure had a great time laughing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeddyRulz Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Customer: This is Bolton. You told me it was Ipswich. Pet Shop Owner's Brother: It was a pun. Customer: A pun? Pet Shop Owner's Brother: No, no, no... what's that thing that says the same forwards as backwards? Customer: A palindrome? Pet Shop Owner's Brother: Yeah, that's it. Customer: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Mount Everest. Forbidding, aloof, terrifying. The mountain with the biggest tits in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerxt1990 Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Not as impressive as the twin peaks of Mt. Kilimanjaro! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HurricaneCharley Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Mr. Raymond Luxury Yacht. Pronounced: Throat Wobbler Mangrove. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deathbyspartan Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 QUOTE (GeddyRulz @ Aug 14 2006, 01:52 PM) Customer: This is Bolton. You told me it was Ipswich. Pet Shop Owner's Brother: It was a pun. Customer: A pun? Pet Shop Owner's Brother: No, no, no... what's that thing that says the same forwards as backwards? Customer: A palindrome? Pet Shop Owner's Brother: Yeah, that's it. Customer: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Good afternoon and welcome to Hurlingham Park. You join us just as the competitors are running out onto the field on this lovely winter's afternoon here, with the going firm underfoot and very little sign of rain. Well it certainly looks as though we're in for a splendid afternoon's sport in this the 127th Upperclass Twit of the Year Show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treeduck Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Yeah I saw all the Monty Python stuff eons ago on the BBC...when they still used to show it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerxt1990 Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 "Right! This is my wife, smells a bit but..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treeduck Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 This is my favourite Python sketch... Michael: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable. Graham: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier, eh Josiah? Terry J: You're right there Obediah. Eric: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier? Michael: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea. Graham: A cup o' COLD tea. Eric: Without milk or sugar. Terry J: OR tea! Michael: In a cracked cup, and all. Eric: We never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper. Graham: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth. Terry J: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor. Michael: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness." Eric: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof. Graham: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing and we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING! Terry J: You were lucky to have a ROOM! We used to have to live in a corridor! Michael: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph. Eric: Well when I say "house" it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpolin, it was a house to US. Graham: We were evicted from our hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake! Terry J: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road. Michael: Cardboard box? Terry J: Aye. Michael: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down the mill for fourteen hours a day week in week out, for sixpence a week. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt! Graham: Luxury! We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hour a day at the mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY! Terry J: Well of course, we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife. Eric: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our Mother would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah." Michael: And you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'. All: They won't.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Follow. But. Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sark Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 With that Bishop thread, I though I would dredge up the ol' Python thread. It's been languishing in the depths of Video Vertigo far too long I tell you! Now where to begin? Is that a dead bishop on the landing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerxt1990 Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Indeed... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDGoBitd1vY belongs in here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bastille Night Posted June 29, 2007 Author Share Posted June 29, 2007 And, courtesy of a Lerxst1990 post elsewhere: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 QUOTE (Sark @ Jun 26 2007, 11:36 PM) With that Bishop thread, I though I would dredge up the ol' Python thread. It's been languishing in the depths of Video Vertigo far too long I tell you! Now where to begin? Is that a dead bishop on the landing? What's his diocese? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 "As a Naval officer I abhor the implication that the Royal Navy is a haven for cannibalism. It is well known that we now have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the RAF who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden? Arabs? Yours, etc., Captain B. J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms, and garlic." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sullysue Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 QUOTE (Arndrake @ Sep 1 2006, 06:17 AM) Follow. But. Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. "What's it do? Nibble your bum?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 QUOTE (sullysue @ Jun 29 2007, 12:10 PM) QUOTE (Arndrake @ Sep 1 2006, 06:17 AM) Follow. But. Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. "What's it do? Nibble your bum?" "I just soiled my armor!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerxt1990 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 I just brought this up in Sense OClock News..., thought this'd bring back good memories. I had mentioned that me and my high school friends starting using the word 'neilpeart' said fast to replace the word nipple (applies to the very last like of this sketch, "My neilpearts explode with delight!" The Dirty Hungarian Phrase Book Sketch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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