Another question for the gals

**Slime** · December 8, 2006

Ok ladies, here's something that's been on my mind since forever.

If a guy tells you that you are good looking or beautiful, why do you disbelieve him? Do you think he's lying? Just saying nice things so he doesn't get smacked? This is something that you women will have to explain to me, since I cannot see how any rational and good looking female can deny that they at least aren't hideous. But unfortunately, MOST (in the 99% range here folks) women I personally know and have talked to are totally DOWN on their beauty.

Let me give you a standard guys perspective on a woman who is down on her beauty.

1) It pisses us off like NOTHING else. Even thinking about it is causing me to get annoyed right now. Trying to compliment a woman on her beauty AND having her accept it is like trying to empty the ocean with an eyedropper.

2) We aren't lying to you when we say things like "You are beautiful". Trust us.

3) What good does it do when you consistently degrade your own beauty EVERY SINGLE TIME we try to say nice things about it?

Anyway, I'll leave the floor open to the ladies on this one, assuming they aren't out to kill me now

**thesweetscience** · December 8, 2006

I have wanted to know the answer to this question for a long time and I have asked many women and do you know what I have found? They will not give a strait answer to this question. This question and why they would break up with a guy for being too nice are two questions that we will never have answers too.

Good luck trying to glean some useful information from this post!

**Daylin** · December 8, 2006

Beauty....it's what's inside that counts

A very wise woman once told me this

That's all you're getting from me here

**pixey** · December 8, 2006

1. It's always hard to accept a compliment.

2. We dont want to appear as if we have a big ego by automatically believeing something that is important to most women.

Being told your beautiful is a big thing for women! It's just not easy believing it!

**Maddy** · December 8, 2006

Well, if it ever happens, at least I'll know how to handle it...

**chaotica** · December 8, 2006

Well some men use it as a pick up line and well you will be denied immediately for that one!!!

and it's not just how you say the words it's everything else too.... if you say too much then we think you trying to convince yourself not us

and then theres some of us who are not pretty and know it so we just feel thats it's an insult instead of a compliment

Thats all I'm saying!!

**blonde77th** · December 8, 2006

Beauty is in The Eye of the Beholder & No matter how Beautiful a woman is on the outside It Is The Inside that Really counts I say . Same really goes for men too .

**Daylin** · December 8, 2006

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Dec 8 2006, 08:37 AM)

Beauty is in The Eye of the Beholder & No matter how Beautiful a woman is on the outside It Is The Inside that Really counts I say . Same really goes for men too .

That's two of us that said this

**Slime** · December 8, 2006

QUOTE (chaotica @ Dec 8 2006, 08:37 AM)

Well some men use it as a pick up line and well you will be denied immediately for that one!!!

and it's not just how you say the words it's everything else too.... if you say too much then we think you trying to convince yourself not us

and then theres some of us who are not pretty and know it so we just feel thats it's an insult instead of a compliment

Thats all I'm saying!!

I can speak as a male who has NEVER used a pickup line of any kind. That sort of thing takes courage

But here's the thing: I only compliment a woman's beauty numerous times if she is BASHING it numerous times. Is this the start of some vicious circle?

As to the idea that a woman can "know" she isn't beautiful: That is a horrible idea to hold in your head. Please get rid of it! It is useless and false.

**JohnnyBlaze** · December 8, 2006

QUOTE (Slime @ Dec 9 2006, 01:29 AM)

I can speak as a male who has NEVER used a pickup line of any kind. That sort of thing takes courage

Sorry but I disagree. Giving someone a line doesn't take courage. In fact, I think it's the opposite since (I think) they're not confident enough in themselves and feel they HAVE TO use a pick up line to interest someone/score/or whatever.

It's unfortunate that when some guys tell a woman that they're beautiful (even when it's genuine) it's thought of as a pick-up line....real unfortunate, but I can understand why many women would think that.

**failte** · December 8, 2006

being told that you're beautiful can be a dangerous thing for a woman.

slime, your gonna have to realize that there are men who will tell a woman that she is beautiful only because they want to have sex with her, even though you aren't like this. they may seem all innocent like, but that lascivious gleam to their eye gives them away everytime.

i am one of those women who you asked about. until i met my husband i had a hard time accepting that compliment. and he tells me all the time so i'm able to accept it now. but when i was younger.... now i can't speak for everyone, but i suffered from low self-esteem for a while and when the only people who can tell you that you are beautiful or pretty are your parents (who are required to feel that way ) it makes it hard to accept it from others.

again...not speaking for everone, just my personal view

**blonde77th** · December 8, 2006

QUOTE (Daylin @ Dec 8 2006, 10:43 AM)

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Dec 8 2006, 08:37 AM)

Beauty is in The Eye of the Beholder & No matter how Beautiful a woman is on the outside It Is The Inside that Really counts I say . Same really goes for men too .

That's two of us that said this

Cause we smart

**Trance** · December 8, 2006

QUOTE (failte @ Dec 8 2006, 01:49 PM)

being told that you're beautiful can be a dangerous thing for a woman.

slime, your gonna have to realize that there are men who will tell a woman that she is beautiful only because they want to have sex with her, even though you aren't like this. they may seem all innocent like, but that lascivious gleam to their eye gives them away everytime.

i am one of those women who you asked about. until i met my husband i had a hard time accepting that compliment. and he tells me all the time so i'm able to accept it now. but when i was younger.... now i can't speak for everyone, but i suffered from low self-esteem for a while and when the only people who can tell you that you are beautiful or pretty are your parents (who are required to feel that way

) it makes it hard to accept it from others.

again...not speaking for everone, just my personal view

Same situation here.

Low self esteem, workin' on it though. It's always a work in progress, I think.

I've never been told I'm beautiful or gorgeous by a man. Like failte said the only people who have called me beautiful are my folks, and I supposed they see something I don't

But, I suppose if it were to happen (someone says I'm beautiful), and they say it to me while looking me in the eye? Then I will believe it.

As far as the dumping guys because they are too nice thing? I pretty much think that's an excuse that some women use. I don't think a guy can ever be too nice (unless of course they are to the EXTREME-ALL-THE-TIME-let-people-walk-all-over-them-because-they-haven't-got-a-set-nice, know what I mean, jelly bean?).

**Maddy** · December 8, 2006

It also depends on whether he's - well, a nice guy who treats you as a friend and fellow human being (a real keeper!) or a "nice guy" who treats you as a cute little female object. That's not so good. I don't think most guys that do that mean to, but they fall into this trap of trying to figure out "what women want" instead of what the particular person (who happens to be female) that they like so much wants. They mean well, most likely, but - well, I had an ex who would come up with things like "I know how much all little girls love them their flowers!" or "I know all you girls like to go do your girl things at the mall." I think he was really trying to be sensitive and understanding, but made me feel like he saw me in the same light as his cat. "I know how much cats love them their catnip!"

I'm not saying any of the guys here do that, I'm just reporting on my own experiences... And no, that was not the reason I broke up with him - that's a story I won't bore anyone with.

**Necromancer** · December 8, 2006

QUOTE (Trance @ Dec 8 2006, 03:49 PM)

As far as the dumping guys because they are too nice thing? I pretty much think that's an excuse that some women use. I don't think a guy can ever be too nice (unless of course they are to the EXTREME-ALL-THE-TIME-let-people-walk-all-over-them-because-they-haven't-got-a-set-nice, know what I mean, jelly bean?).

We could make a new thread about THIS. But let's just hijack this one instead okay?

BULLSHIT!!! Sorry Trance, but it's SOOOOOO true that women either dump good men or they shun good men and go with the men that are bad for them or treat them horrible. Not always...but a large portion of the time.

You can't deny this. How many of you took YEARS to get out of bullshit relationships with HORRIBLE men? And for what reason?

I hear that line about how there's NO good, decent guys out there. Again... BULLSHIT!!! They just don't all have tons of money or Fabio good looks.

A lot of these women that Slime mentions, that can't accept the compliment that they are beautiful, are totally full of themselves and KNOW they are and try to pull off a false modesty act that sickens me, personally.

NOW DON'T ALL GET UP IN ARMS AT NECRO. I DON'T MEAN ANY OF THE NWW!!!

And these same women that ARE physically gorgeous, are so into the whole rich and good looking dream, that a lot of them wind up in horrible relationships. AND, for whatever reason it is... will STAY in these horrible relationships before giving up the "dream guy".

Why??? Because the NICE GUY... just doesn't measure up.

**Daylin** · December 8, 2006

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Dec 8 2006, 11:52 AM)

QUOTE (Daylin @ Dec 8 2006, 10:43 AM)

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Dec 8 2006, 08:37 AM)

Beauty is in The Eye of the Beholder & No matter how Beautiful a woman is on the outside It Is The Inside that Really counts I say . Same really goes for men too .

That's two of us that said this

Cause we smart

You bettcha!

**failte** · December 8, 2006

necro is right about the whole "women won't date nice guys because they would rather have the bad boys" sweetscience will tell you this. you're forever hearing stories about women who are dating/married to these absolute wretched slimeball douchbags but they have money or are attractive. meanwhile they are bemoaning their fate to their not-so-flashy coworker who would treat them so much better if given the chance...

so slime, if you're one of the nice guys, and i'm assuming you are, try older women, they sometimes have a little more sense and can appreciate you.

**Slime** · December 8, 2006

Maybe I did approach this question the wrong way. Since I am (and have been told that I am) a "nice guy", I have NO alterior motive for telling a woman she is beautiful. Whenever I say it, it is because it is true and, more often, because the woman (friends of mine) doesn't believe that she is. I just get frustrated because my female friends are EXTREMELY beautiful both outside and inside (isn't it great how the two often compliment each other?).

I don't know where I'm going to find any older women though. Not many at school .

**Maddy** · December 8, 2006

Every woman's made at least one mistake when it comes to men - I know I have. Some women just don't learn from them. It can be really hard to muster up enough self-respect to say you're not going to put up with any crap. I mean, everyone wants to find that right someone for them. We all go into a relationship wanting to do our best to make it work out. We all know that nobody's perfect, that everyone has their own little faults and peculiarities, but sometimes - yeah, it's not easy on the ego to face up to that fact that when it comes to men, you really shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised, because you're really not capable of making intelligent choices about who to date (Not naming names - Maddy... ).

I think I'm learning, though. I just recently refused to get involved with a guy who initially seemed nice, but had a nasty way of playing little mind games with me. I still feel a little creeped out from that one...

**JohnnyBlaze** · December 9, 2006

QUOTE (Slime @ Dec 9 2006, 08:23 AM)

Maybe I did approach this question the wrong way. Since I am (and have been told that I am) a "nice guy", I have NO alterior motive for telling a woman she is beautiful. Whenever I say it, it is because it is true and, more often, because the woman (friends of mine) doesn't believe that she is. I just get frustrated because my female friends are EXTREMELY beautiful both outside and inside (isn't it great how the two often compliment each other?).

Your fem friends should know that you're being completely straight with them about their beauty. If they can't appreciate your nice comments well then that's their hangup and you shouldn't worry about it. Keep on being nice. Whether folks react positively to that or not shouldn't be the point. (But I know what you mean when you mention being frustrated about it all.)

By the way, good thread.

**Trance** · December 9, 2006

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Dec 8 2006, 05:36 PM)