LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Marge: Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Homer: Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield. Lisa: Yes, but the records only go back to 1978 when the hall of records was mysteriously blown away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doubled_mystic Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 ummm, been watching a few episodes LSM? let's go with "Milhouse, I thought you had to use the bathroom, and I come in here and find you're buying comic books? and Lisa- isn't there any fruit around here Homer- well, this donut's got purple in it, purple's a fruit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme? Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Frink: You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving. Scientist: How much time do we have professor? Frink: Well according to my calculations, the robots won't go berserk for at least 24 hours. (The robots go berserk.) Frink: Oh, I forgot to er, carry the one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Announcer: Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless. Wiggum (checking): Well I'll be damned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow. Mrs. Krabappel: We need names. Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 (Bart hits Ralph in the head) Ralph- (Money falls out of his nose) There's my milk money, (Milk falls out of his nose) and there's my milk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doubled_mystic Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Bob Denver- and another thing I hate when people come to me and go "ah little buddy" and hit me with their hat Homer- I want to to go meet Giligan and whack him with my hat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Cop: Are you crazy or just senile? Grandpa Simpson: A little from column A, a little from column B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Mr. Burns: So do you have a way to get rid of the protesters? Grandpa: One way to get rid of them is to tell 'em stories that dont go anywhere. Like the time we went over to shelbyville during the war, I wore an onion on my belt....which was the style at the time...you couldnt get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones.................now where was I........oh yeah, the important thing was I was wearing an onion on my nelt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get those... (trails off) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: ........Where are we going? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant. Marge: Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother. Homer: C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU. Marge: Forget it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Director: Up and atom! McBain: Up and at them. Director: Up and ATOM! McBain: Up and atdem! Director: UP AND ATOM! McBain: UP AND ATEM! Director: .. Better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Chief Wiggum: How do you like that, it's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purpose of gambling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat. Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster. Marge: And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome. [Looks out window] Bart: [creepily] Hello, mother dear. Marge: That's it, we have to get them back to school. Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa. Get in here. [Lisa walks in] Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Bart: Milhouse, what happened?! You were supposed to be watching the factory! Milhouse: I was watchin'. First it started to fall over, then it fell over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doubled_mystic Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Rex Banner- I'll get you Beer Barron Homer- No you won't Banner- Yes I will Homer- Won't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Homer: Sorry, Mr. Burns. I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Stage hand: Come on people, someone ordered the London Symphony Orchestra. Possibly while high... Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels! (runs off]) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Mr. Burns: No one will want to kiss me after this, eh, Smithers? Smithers: Well, it's their loss, sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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