Drunken Tales

[Riv]

I thought this would be a cool thread, because we've all got some funny stories from when we've been drinking. I know I could write a book of them. Instead of thinking of them I'll type them whenever I remember them out of the blue and make me laugh.

 

For instance, I got an email from an old college friend ( ) today and she reminded me of some funny stuff. Kent State is horrendously cold in the winter - just like the rest of Cleveland. Well, the campus has very large vents in the ground here and there that blow out hot air. I clearly remember walking home from the bars one night and freezing my ass off. Last thing I recall is standing on one of those vents. I remember how good it felt, you know when hot air goes up your pant legs and stuff?

Next thing I know I am getting awakened at 8 A.M. by my friend Laurie. Apparently I had decided to lay on the vent for a while and I passed out. People had been walking by me going to class for over an hour.

 

I've got better ones, but that memory made me laugh today.

[Alsgalpal]

Waiting for more stories Riv!!

[Riv]

QUOTE (Alsgalpal @ Aug 24 2005, 02:30 AM)

Waiting for more stories Riv!!

 

Me too.

[sullysue]

Freshmen year at University of Texas, Arlington. O'Riley's. Tequilla. Passed out on front stoop of apartment. Ginormous Sunday paper launched at my head.

 

 

[Cygnus]

Took a Fifth of 151 Baccardi into the Nebraska-Oklahoma football game one year. 12 noon kick off. Don't remember a thing past half time. Woke up the following day, face down in the yard of a neighbor of a classmate several miles from where I lived. To this day I have know Idea how I got there

[RushRevisited]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Aug 23 2005, 08:38 PM)

Took a Fifth of 151 Baccardi into the Nebraska-Oklahoma football game one year. 12 noon kick off. Don't remember a thing past half time. Woke up the following day, face down in the yard of a neighbor of a classmate several miles from where I lived. To this day I have know Idea how I got there

[Midway Hawker]

Junior College, I was 18-19..

 

Went to a party with friends... First hour I was there, drank 9 shots of JD and 4 wine coolers... Plus a few beers... ( I think ) By 9pm I was passed out on some girl's bed.. The next thing I knew, I woke up in my friend's car at 4am.. It was middle of winter and freezing cold.. His car was running with the heat on. I'm glad he took care of me or who knows what would have happened.

 

To this day, I avoid Jack Daniels like the plauge.. Just a psychological thing I guess.

 

[Slaine mac Roth]

While I was at University (probably 1993), one of my friends had a brother who was doing a post-grad course at Darwin College, Cambridge. This brother invited Chris (my friend), Adam, Andy (two other friends) and myself down for the weekend to attend a 'college dinner'.

 

Now, I don't know how much any of you know about Cambridge, but it is the home of the second oldest university in the English speaking world (Oxford is older) and its chancellor is the Duke of Edinburgh. Each of its 31 colleges are, in fact, independent of the University and completely autonomous. Darwin College itself was founded in 1964 (there are only six newer colleges) and is for post-graduates only.

 

Cambridge itself is a very refined and genteel town, very quiet and possessing a large number of very old and historically interesting buildings.

 

anyway, arriving at the college, we were ushered into a small ante-room where glasses of sherry were available. Following a couple of these (booze hounds that we were), everyone was called into the main dining room. Now, there were a lot of current students there, all in the traditional university black gowns, as were some of the professors and previous graduates. Equally numerous were the middle aged men in formal military uniforms, most sporting large amounts of gold braid and medal ribbons, indicating some higher rank. The women were all dressed in a very formal manner (the four of us from Staffs UNiversity looked rather under-dressed although we did wear trousers, shoes, ties and proper shirts).

 

Following the meal (which was excellent and supplied with a great deal of wine), the younger people there made their way down the College bar (and this is where the story really starts).

 

Now I don't know about student bars/unions anywhere else in the world, but in the UK the prices are very cheap. Add to this the fact that working behind the bar was a housemate of Pete (my friends brother). Due to some obscure rule, only college members were allowed to purchase drinks at the bar so Pete was kept busy running to the bar and back for the rest of us.

 

Now, I was drinking JD and Coke and, because it was in my younger days, I was able to manage a lot more than I can now. I later discovered that the barman was putting triple measures in out glasses and only charging us for singles.

 

Anyway, sometime after midnight, we were poured out into the cold air of a quiet, sleepy Cambrige night. Before long I, accompanied by Adam who matched me drink for drink, began a very liud, very drunk rendition of Friggin' in the Riggin' (much to everyone elses disgust).

 

Eventually, we got back to Pete's house and all piled into the kitchen. Pete soon went to bed while Adam and Chris curled up in sleeping bags on the floor leavinf Andy and myself talking. It was at about 5am when I ran out of cigarettes so the two ventured out into the early dawn in search of a 24 hour garage where I could buy some more.

 

We had got, perhaps, 1000 yards down the street when one of us (Andy probably, he was more sober than I) realised that the door to the house was a deadlock and we were locked out. Shrugging our shoulders, we continued our quest for tobacco, eventually finding a place that was open. By this time, it was after 6 and we were both starving. Luckilly, we found an open cafe which did a fantastic fried breakfast. A decent helping of bacon, eggs, sausage, fried bread, mushrooms, toast, and beans, along with about three mugs of tea saw me totally sober.

 

After this, we had top try and find our way back to the house but that doesn't come into it.

[Dread Pirate Robert]

Okay, here is one:

 

Back in college, late one night (dunno, maybe around 2 in the morning), a friend and I were heavily smashed on something alcoholic. Don't recall what in particular.

 

For some reason, our drunken brains decided out of the blue that it would be fun to go running naked across campus.

 

So, we stripped off all our clothes, except for running shoes, and proceeded down the road towards Duke University's East Campus. (My house where I lived at the time, where we had been drinking, was a block away from there).

 

We proceeded without event down the street, crossed the low stone wall which separates that section of the campus from the city, and were going by the Music Building, still not having encountered another soul, when a side door of the building opened unexpectedly, right beside us, about ten feet away. We found ourselves staring for a moment right at a uniformed Campus Security Officer, who had apparently been checking the building, which was supposed to be closed at that hour. He was staring back at us, just as surprised as we were.

 

That only happened for about a second, before we reacted first and tore out of there at full speed, in different directions. Behind me as I sped away, I heard the officer calling on his radio (he was one of those distinctly overweight security officers, and there was no way in hell he was going to catch either one of us on foot).

 

I vanished into a dark corner of the campus, recrossed the wall, and quickly made my way through an indirect route through dark alleyways back towards my house, encountering my friend doing the same thing on the street where my house was located. We were almost back there, and stopped to laugh about what had just happened, thinking it funny that the only human we had encountered -- and right off the bat -- was a security officer.

 

We were making jokes at the overweight officers' expense, things like how he had eaten way too many donuts to be able to catch streakers, and generally smugly satisfied with ourselves at so easily escaping the Law, when a car came down the road towards us. Street lights in the distance revealed cop lights on the top of it as it approached. We quickly ducked into the yard we happened to be in front of at the time, a particularly dark, heavily wooded one. I crouched behind some bushes, thinking the cop car had been too far back to have seen us on the rather dark section of side walk we had been on , and would go on by. Wrong.

 

The police car stopped right in the street, immediately next to where we were, and a cop quickly jumped out with a flashlight saying something "stop right there".

 

Well, we did just the opposite of what the cop ordered. Again splitting in different directions, we tore out of there. I went directly back deeper into the dark yard, instantly at top speed, flight mode adrenalin totally kicked in. I went about ten yards before at full tilt smacking into a low wire mesh fence that had been hidden in the dark. It came up to about chest level, and I bounced back off of it, kept my footing, and without further hesitation went forward again, up and over it in one smooth motion (at this point, the adrenalin response was overrriding any impairment I had from the alcohol) , the cop's flashlight dancing light right behind me, and tore madly through the rest of that yard, and through a couple more, before coming to another dark area which offered concealment, with lots of high shrubberies, flowers etc. I hit the dirt in the middle of a flower bed and hugged the ground. A few short moments went by, which seemed like an eternity, before I saw the cop with his flashlight going by, sweeping the area with it. I flattened my body as much as possible against the ground in my flowery hiding place, and the cop proceeded on past me, searching in vain.

 

At that point, I realized that the yard I was in belonged to a person in the neighborhood who me and some other of my college friends had something of a feud going on with, he not liking our rowdy college ways. The humorous irony of the situation, with me using his flower bed to hide from the cops, struck me and I laughed softly.

 

Then, I got up and moved off in a direction other than which the cop had gone, intending, once again, to get back to my house. At this point I was proceeding cautiously, the immediate danger over with, not wishing to have any more bad encounters with wire mesh fences concealed in the dark, feeling the cuts on my chest and stomach, which were wet and sticky with blood mingled with dirt from the flower bed, and thankful that lower portions of my body had not hit the fence instead.

 

So, I cut through some more yards, seeking the darker ones, in a circuitous route back to my house, thankful that that area of the community had a lot of dark areas. I was thinking exactly that, going right by another house, when suddenly a motion detector light sprang on, illuminating me in my stark nakedness, like a deer suddenly caught in headlights. "Shit", says I, promptly scampering rapidly out of that unfriendly yard.

 

Without further mishap, I make it back to my house, where my friend already is, already clothed again, wondering what had happened to me and if I had been caught by the cops.

 

I survey the damage from the encounter of my naked body at full speed against the wire fence. Not too bad. Wipe the blood off, get dressed, and we go out on the porch, sitting there in chairs laughing at the cop cars circling the neighborhood, in fruitless searching for the naked wild men running around. We think that the cops in the cars suspect it is us two idiots, sitting on the porch and laughing at their expense, but they have no way to prove any such thing at this point, and before too long give up the search and go away.

 

The next day, now sober, and in the light of day, I examine the cuts. They look for all the world like a raking pattern from some giant claw, like by a large tiger, from my lower chest down across my stomach, as if from one single, vicious swipe of claws. (To this day, I still carry a very faint scar from them, looking like the remnants of an old encounter with some beast or other)

 

In the afternoon, another friend of mine drops by for a visit. I answer the door with my shirt off. He looks askance at the raking pattern across my torso, and asks "Is it okay to come in? You look like you were attacked by a werewolf last night."

Edited August 27, 2005 by Dread Pirate Robert

[Riv]

^^^

 

Now, that's a good story!

 

You even said "shrubberies".

[Riv]

On one of my many mis-adventures in Tijuana a friend and I proceeded to get lambasted when I came up with the bright idea to take a taxi to Rosarito. We hung out there for a little while and decided it wasn't "Mexican" enough for us. an $80 cab ride and almost 2 hours later at 5 AM we were in Ensenada sitting at a taco shop still drinking beer. This is where the events get hazy...I woke up around noon in a taxi halfway to Cabo San Lucas! Still trying to figure out how we pursuaded a taxi driver to take us 12 hours south.

 

That's when I regained my senses. That day sucked!

 

Stay tuned for the debacle that was Cancun.

Edited August 27, 2005 by Riv

[Dread Pirate Robert]

QUOTE (Riv @ Aug 27 2005, 12:16 AM)

On one of my many mis-adventures in Tijuana a friend and I proceeded to get lambasted when I came up with the bright idea to take a taxi to Rosarito. We hung out there for a little while and decided it wasn't "Mexican" enough for us. an $80 cab ride and almost 2 hours later at 5 AM we were in Ensenada sitting at a taco shop still drinking beer. This is where the events get hazy...I woke up around noon in a taxi halfway to Cabo San Lucas! Still trying to figure out how we pursuaded a taxi driver to take us 12 hours south. That's when I regained my senses. That day sucked! Stay tuned for the debacle that was Cancun.

Been tuned in for awhile. Still waiting for the sequel . . .

[Riv]

QUOTE (Dread Pirate Robert @ Sep 7 2005, 08:23 PM)

QUOTE (Riv @ Aug 27 2005, 12:16 AM) On one of my many mis-adventures in Tijuana a friend and I proceeded to get lambasted when I came up with the bright idea to take a taxi to Rosarito. We hung out there for a little while and decided it wasn't "Mexican" enough for us. an $80 cab ride and almost 2 hours later at 5 AM we were in Ensenada sitting at a taco shop still drinking beer. This is where the events get hazy...I woke up around noon in a taxi halfway to Cabo San Lucas! Still trying to figure out how we pursuaded a taxi driver to take us 12 hours south.   That's when I regained my senses. That day sucked! Stay tuned for the debacle that was Cancun. Been tuned in for awhile. Still waiting for the sequel . . . Ahhhhhhhh, roger that. Long, horrible story. I'll write it later....may need to get a few beers in me first.

[Dread Pirate Robert]

Okay, here is another one, much shorter than the last one:

 

There was this night I was drunk as shit, and pissed off from a bad day.

 

I knew that going online to post of forums was a bad idea in such a mood. Of course, I was drunk enough to not give a shit about what was or was not a bad idea.

 

Ended up telling some guy on the Rush politics forum that he was an idiot, or something like that, iirc, and got suspended.

 

Go figure.

 

Edit: If Riv ever gets around to posting his sequel, I will share another long one. (I have many to choose from). Maybe the night I got thrown into jail for heckling Al Gore, back in the '92 election campaign . . .

Edited September 16, 2005 by Dread Pirate Robert

[sullysue]

QUOTE (Dread Pirate Robert @ Sep 16 2005, 04:51 PM)

I will share another long one. (I have many to choose from). Maybe the night I got thrown into jail for heckling Al Gore, back in the '92 election campaign . . .

I would PAY to hear that one!

[Dread Pirate Robert]

QUOTE (sullysue @ Sep 16 2005, 05:00 PM)

QUOTE (Dread Pirate Robert @ Sep 16 2005, 04:51 PM) I will share another long one.  (I have many to choose from).  Maybe the night I got thrown into jail for heckling Al Gore, back in the '92 election campaign . . . I would PAY to hear that one! And the bidding starts at . . . .

[sullysue]

QUOTE (Dread Pirate Robert @ Sep 16 2005, 05:03 PM)

QUOTE (sullysue @ Sep 16 2005, 05:00 PM) QUOTE (Dread Pirate Robert @ Sep 16 2005, 04:51 PM) I will share another long one.  (I have many to choose from).  Maybe the night I got thrown into jail for heckling Al Gore, back in the '92 election campaign . . . I would PAY to hear that one! And the bidding starts at . . . . A bottle of '87 Robert Mondavi Cabernet, if it'll get you running at the mouth!   Sounds like you have alot of really interesting stories to tell.

[Dread Pirate Robert]

QUOTE (sullysue @ Sep 16 2005, 05:41 PM)

A bottle of '87 Robert Mondavi Cabernet, if it'll get you running at the mouth! Sounds like you have alot of really interesting stories to tell.

Ooohhh, tempting. But I am not up for it tonight. Won't be online much longer.

 

And yes, I do have a lot of stories. Whatever else one could say about my life, it has not been boring.

[sullysue]

QUOTE (Dread Pirate Robert @ Sep 16 2005, 06:21 PM)

QUOTE (sullysue @ Sep 16 2005, 05:41 PM) A bottle of '87 Robert Mondavi Cabernet, if it'll get you running at the mouth!  Sounds like you have alot of really interesting stories to tell. Ooohhh, tempting. But I am not up for it tonight. Won't be online much longer.   And yes, I do have a lot of stories. Whatever else one could say about my life, it has not been boring. Another time, then. My life is boring, so hearing how interesting someone else's has been is fun.

[Indica]

When I was 16 me and my friend chugged a 5th of Beams white label in 20 minutes time. Don't remember the rest, I've heard stories though.

[searchingforxanadu]

I'm a bit lacking in the alcohol-stories, but I'll give it a shot.

 

I had been attending parties with some significantly older friends for quite some time, and around the 5th or 6th party I attended and wound up a little less than sober, I got seriously sh*tfaced. Hangover was the worst I've ever had . . . ugh . . .

 

Anyways. Half the people at the party swear I was talking to myself in the mirror. Not just talking to myself, but scamming on myself. Swaying back and forth drunkenly and totally hitting on myself. Weirdness.

 

 

The only other good one I have is I caught a ride to school sometime last year with a much older guy, and he had a bottle of that flavored water stuff sitting there. It said watermelon on the label. I stated that I love watermelon water. He told me to have at it, and I opened it and took a great big gulp -- expecting watermelon flavored water -- and it was pure vodka. I coughed and made faces, but it wasn't enough to get me drunk or anything.

 

Of course, that was the first day our school decided to use a breathalyzer. I had to take the test over and over again because it kept detecting something, but finally my beloved social studies teacher pulled enough strings and played enough cards to convince the school security officer that I had had a substantial amount of cough syrup and cough drops due to a nasty cold that was going around. After the officer took my teacher's word for it and I was cleared, the teacher proceeded to give me a nice long lecture about how he saved my @ss and shouldn't have -- to this day he insists I owe him, no matter how much I protest and say, "Brent, I was not drunk. Shut up."

[Riv]

QUOTE (searchingforxanadu @ Oct 7 2005, 12:53 PM)

I'm a bit lacking in the alcohol-stories, but I'll give it a shot. I had been attending parties with some significantly older friends for quite some time, and around the 5th or 6th party I attended and wound up a little less than sober, I got seriously sh*tfaced. Hangover was the worst I've ever had . . . ugh . . . Anyways. Half the people at the party swear I was talking to myself in the mirror. Not just talking to myself, but scamming on myself. Swaying back and forth drunkenly and totally hitting on myself. Weirdness. The only other good one I have is I caught a ride to school sometime last year with a much older guy, and he had a bottle of that flavored water stuff sitting there. It said watermelon on the label. I stated that I love watermelon water. He told me to have at it, and I opened it and took a great big gulp -- expecting watermelon flavored water -- and it was pure vodka. I coughed and made faces, but it wasn't enough to get me drunk or anything. Of course, that was the first day our school decided to use a breathalyzer. I had to take the test over and over again because it kept detecting something, but finally my beloved social studies teacher pulled enough strings and played enough cards to convince the school security officer that I had had a substantial amount of cough syrup and cough drops due to a nasty cold that was going around. After the officer took my teacher's word for it and I was cleared, the teacher proceeded to give me a nice long lecture about how he saved my @ss and shouldn't have -- to this day he insists I owe him, no matter how much I protest and say, "Brent, I was not drunk. Shut up."

Breathalyzers in schools? Holy sheep shit.

[Riv]

I've got some funny ones from this weekend. Well, one may be personal

 

Let me ponder.

[Alsgalpal]

QUOTE (Riv @ Oct 8 2005, 04:27 PM)

I've got some funny ones from this weekend. Well, one may be personal Let me ponder.

Out with it, Riv, you know I enjoy your stories!!!!

 

 

 

Your avatar is fargin hilarious!!!!

[pixey]

Back when RushFreak and I were first dating he had the party house. Him and a couple of friends all had an apartment together ( there were illegal aliens living upstairs and they couldnt call the cops on them) so there were parties every night. We were all in our late teens and just a couple were old enough to buy alcohol so the parties were numerous. So heres a couple of stories.

 

We used to take those big rubber bouncy balls, turn off all the lights in the kitchen and house and throw them down on the floor hard so that someone would get whapped real hard with it. All of us as drunk as could be with the lights all off and all you could hear would be someone yelling out.

 

A friend of ours got real drunk and passed out on the table. So we decided to take all the plastic cups full of half drank beers ( we had lots of keggers) and wrap him up with tape. Now these cups and tape were spread out all over the table. We also loaded him up with shaving cream. Funny as hell when he finally woke up raised his head a lil and everything came spilling down. The more he moved the more beer that fell on him. Let alone he was now sticky even more because of all the shaving cream.

 

We used to go out to the local Nuthouse, it was a place for all the developmentally disabled, the ones that are just to out of it to be at home. It was the HUGE complex in this really old building and it sits along the river. There is a gravel path leading from it along the river to the local college and on down to a seculded park. The kind of park that is out in the country and everyone goes to make out and smoke the green stuff at. There is also a bunch of picnic tables set up at the Nuthouse. So we used to park out at the park and walk up to the Crazy house and drink late at night. Creepy too cuz you can hear people screaming and stuff. One night RF, myself and another friend are out there drinking some Lil Kings when the security guard comes up on us. Luckily he was far enough away that we could get a good running start. Now its dark out there, I mean dark. So we can barely see more than just a few feet ahead of us. We start haulin butt and the security guard starts haulin too. We are runnin so fast and RF is holding my hand practically draggin me along. I tell Mike I cant see anything, were gonna trip and fall. Of course hes sayin that we arent. I no sooner say that then WHAM, we go down and go down hard. We turn around and look and luckily we dont see the guard. I had rocks embedded in my arms and knees and we lost the last couple of beers we had but it was funny as can be. We get back in the car and we are crackin up laughin, we took off and smoked one. Made us feel much better.

 

Now if we had a drug thread I got some funny ones for that too.