TRF Prediction Thread and Roast: Rushgoober's 30,000th post

[Tombstone Mountain]

Only two posts in this thread in 48 hours?

 

 

http://aussiestorageblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/its-dead-jim.jpg

Dude. HPL just cooked up a pulitzer quality article.

 

"You got any fuzz on them peaches?"

—Ricky Bobby

[Tombstone Mountain]

November 25, 2013: Electric Kool-Aid Acid Stomach Edition

 

http://www.digitaloperative.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/KoolAidMan_Fullpic_2.png

 

Several stories have broken in just the last couple of days regarding the Rushgoober scandal that has reached as far as Neverland Ranch and The Vatican. We now have confirmed video brought to us by a cult follower who claims to have ingested a Jesus Juice-like Kool-Aid mixture containing Holy Water and bathtub gin:

 

 

As you can see, the playing of Rush’s Vapor Trails album was necessary to induce vomiting in this case. The anonymous source says that other drastic methods used to remove said Kool-Aid mixture included massive doses of Dirxst fan fiction and some demo CD’s from a bad Rush tribute band called Hurry Yourself.

 

“We needed to take the most extreme measures we could think of.” Said the cult member. “Rushgoober doesn’t know we’re alive, so don’t post this online because he might be lurking.”

 

The source also claims that Rushgoober tried to win back favor from The Pope by imitating St. Francis of Assisi and removing all of his clothing in front of him to show his sense of austerity. The Pope could not be reached for comment, as his aides have told us that he’s currently holed up and saying The Rosary repeatedly.

We need more of this from chick...were is she?

 

I'm in the YBG's new Warm Weather Bureau.

Nice! Please answer the bell of service and let it rip. Ding!

[H. P. L.]

Yo Tombstone, need some serious dough here. I'm going back to good old Europe to pursue the trail of Captain LeComte. Who might he be? Under which disguise is he hiding? He might even be someone famous!

 

PS: did you know that steaks here cost 2000 $ ???

[Babycat]

Is Goobs still hiding? Is he coming back? Does he need a sharpened claw in his booty?

:P

[Tombstone Mountain]

Yo Tombstone, need some serious dough here.

 

PS: did you know that steaks here cost 2000 $ ???

Please submit your itemized reimbursement form 2112-CA.

 

[Tombstone Mountain]

Is Goobs still hiding? Is he coming back? Does he need a sharpened claw in his booty?

:P

It appears Goobs could make a comeback, after this is said and done. Doesn't seem to social at the moment. Poor fella!

[ThatLightInYourEyes]

Well, we're still here at the Warm Weather Bureau anyway. Florida is home to one of Rushgoober's many rumored sanctuaries, as he seems to take a strange interest in the more controversial moments of Rush history.

 

Hold on, we've just gotten word that Rushgoober has been airlifted and is headed down to Florida as we speak. The mysterious helicopter, labeled TRUMP on the side and ASK ME ABOUT MY WIVES on the back, is said to be headed down here somewhere for the winter. We'll have that for you just as soon as our crew of volunteers stops taking up bandwidth with Japanese Hentai sites.

[Babycat]

Is Goobs still hiding? Is he coming back? Does he need a sharpened claw in his booty?

:P

It appears Goobs could make a comeback, after this is said and done. Doesn't seem to social at the moment. Poor fella!

Well, he probably won't appreciate a sharpened claw in his booty, then.

[Tombstone Mountain]

Is Goobs still hiding? Is he coming back? Does he need a sharpened claw in his booty?

:P

It appears Goobs could make a comeback, after this is said and done. Doesn't seem to social at the moment. Poor fella!

Well, he probably won't appreciate a sharpened claw in his booty, then.

Ya never know. He may love the pain. Seems able to appreciate awkwardness

[Tombstone Mountain]

Well, we're still here at the Warm Weather Bureau anyway. Florida is home to one of Rushgoober's many rumored sanctuaries, as he seems to take a strange interest in the more controversial moments of Rush history.

 

Hold on, we've just gotten word that Rushgoober has been airlifted and is headed down to Florida as we speak. The mysterious helicopter, labeled TRUMP on the side and ASK ME ABOUT MY WIVES on the back, is said to be headed down here somewhere for the winter. We'll have that for you just as soon as our crew of volunteers stops taking up bandwidth with Japanese Hentai sites.

I hope he brought his Trump hairpiece

[H. P. L.]

http://youtu.be/KFQgC_m_LjY

[Tombstone Mountain]

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Hanging Dwarf Edition

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/31/Warwick_Davis_interviewed_2.jpg/220px-Warwick_Davis_interviewed_2.jpg

[Tombstone Mountain]

The Yukon Blade Grinder

Mayor Ford Edition

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e8/Rob_Ford_Mayor.jpg/220px-Rob_Ford_Mayor.jpg

 

Toronto Backstage Club

Member #1

 

"I'm going to eat Rushgoober for lunch"

[Tombstone Mountain]

The Yukon Blade Grinder

Michael Jackson Edition

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/dc/Lot_324_-_Sofitel_Macau_MJ_Gallery_-_Michael_Jackson_White_Rhinestone_Glove.jpg/170px-Lot_324_-_Sofitel_Macau_MJ_Gallery_-_Michael_Jackson_White_Rhinestone_Glove.jpg

 

The Spirits of Neverland live on

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f5/NeverlandRides.jpg

 

Locate the stone formation and win a trip to

Megadon

Edited January 11, 2014 by Tombstone Mountain

[Tombstone Mountain]

The Yukon Blade Grinder

Ron Howard Edition

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/53/Andy_Griffith_Ron_Howard_Andy_Griffith_Show_1961.JPG/185px-Andy_Griffith_Ron_Howard_Andy_Griffith_Show_1961.JPG

 

His law enforcement instructor

 

Menu item for the homeless of Santa Barbara

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4b/Ostriches_cape_point_cropped_2.jpg/250px-Ostriches_cape_point_cropped_2.jpg

Edited January 11, 2014 by Tombstone Mountain

[Babycat]

Is Goobs still hiding? Is he coming back? Does he need a sharpened claw in his booty?

:P

It appears Goobs could make a comeback, after this is said and done. Doesn't seem to social at the moment. Poor fella!

Well, he probably won't appreciate a sharpened claw in his booty, then.

Ya never know. He may love the pain. Seems able to appreciate awkwardness

"May love the pain"..? :o Kinky..!

:P

[HomesickAlien]

The Yukon Blade Grinder Europe

(currently grindin’ blades in the land of the risin’ sun)

 

presents

 

“I am an alien from planet Mega-something!”

 

 

Chapter one. The night and the white foxes

The white foxes know the truth. They come out to greet me every night from their small shrines, with their red ears and pointy, smiley faces. They seem to know every kind of truth, but as every true possessor of truth, they keep it for themselves.

Harsher is the destiny of the reporter, who seeks not enlightenment for himself but knowledge for the masses. I am here to understand and share. The white foxes understand and keep on smiling.

 

For weeks now the YBGE has been following the trail of news surrounding Yuki Kitazume, the main actor in the late-70s sentai series Megaloman, in which he played the role of young space warrior Takashi Shishidô, protecting Earth from the destructive monsters of the Black Star as the long-haired kung-fu colossus Megaloman. Apparently Kitazume has lately suffered from many “unlucky accidents” that nearly cost him his life. According to former co-star Pepe Hozumi, these accidents are actually killings gone wrong. But furthermore, Hosumi is adamantly sure that Kitazume is really an alien.

 

http://img377.imageshack.us/img377/6776/vlcsnap310843.png

(above: Kitazume in his heyday as Megaloman)

 

For an entire week I’ve been meeting Kitazume. He agreed to meet me only at night and only in the Sasuke Inari Temple, lost in the wooden hills surrounding the city of Kamakura. No technological instruments or even electric appliances were allowed. So I had to make my way uphill through an endless procession of red Tori doors lighting my way with matches, and scribble Kitazume’s answer on paper, with just a candle enough to be sure my pen was working.

 

http://www.browniebites.net/photos/japanblog037.jpg

(The path to Sasuke Inari Temple, by daylight. In the nighttime is so f*cking dark)

 

Kitazume is an angry old man. He is bitter, resentful, obsessed, paranoid and boasts a Tourette syndrome the size of a T. Rex. And yes, he’s truly an alien.

I had to assure him that I would pulish everything he said the way he said it. On one thing only he is adamant: he won’t say the name of his home planet. I tried all the tricks to make him slip, even playing the part of the air-brained journalist, but nothing worked. Anyway, it’s time to let Kitazume tell the tale.

 

Chapter two. The time-gap factor and the Mothership

 

So, Kitazume-san, you’re truly an alien from outer space?

No, you brain-fart d*ck-head. Who could come from outer space? It’s obvious I come from another planet.

 

The name of which you’re not willing to tell us, right?

You bet, you fool. He has a language control software, didn’t you know? Every time someone says that name, he knows!

 

Who are you talking about? Who is “he”?

Why, Lieutenant Curratello, of course! That steel-hearted bastard!

 

Excuse me, but… who would this Lieutenant Curratello be?

Listen, you pig-S*it headed gaijin, it’s best if I tell the tale from the beginning, ok?

 

Be my guest.

Fine. So, we became aware of your existance, I mean you human race, when you achieved long distance communication. How we rejoyed when we first picked up your signals! A race of brothers in a far corner of the Universe! All of M… of our planet exploded in joy. Of course we were aware that, due to the long distance between our planets, a lot of time passed between your broadcast and our reception. Our scientists called it “the time gap” and extimated it in 12 years. Not long after, we shivered in fear when your first “world war” erupted. Some of us were already begging to come to your rescue. But our leaders said no. Then the war ended and we all sighed in relief. But not too long after that, you were already deep in another, bloodier war. We listened in pure horror when you dropped an atom bomb right here, in this very country. At that point, there was no more a choice. We had to come to your help. So we delpoyed a ship. Some of us were even afraid that, due to the time gap, we would reach your planet only to find it dead and silent. But we held on to hope. One of our finest ships, the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah…

 

What a lousy name for a mothership…

In your language maybe, rat-brain. In our world it means “The long-distance traveller”! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah travelled faster than the speed of light to your rescue… only to find out that our scientists had done wrong. The time gap wasn’t 12 years. It was fuc*ing 34 years!! We left after picking up broadcasts of 1945 and when we arrived it was 1967. Half the world was in the f*cking summer of love and the other half in another bloody war.

 

Excuse me, but 1967 minus 1945 doesn’t make 34…

That’s because the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah travels faster than your puny signals, you t*it.

 

And where would this Mothership be, now?

The same place it’s always been: in the orbit of Mars. It’s what you call the Deimos moon.

 

Excuse me again, Kitazume-san, but Galileo Galilei saw Phobos and Deimos in the XVII Century…

Yeah, that’s why we had to zap the real Deimos to another dimension and disguise the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah as a moon. That was the trickiest part of the program.

 

The program being?

Observing you and stopping you from committing mass suicide. We could pick up your signals almost real-time from Mars and send reports to Me… to our home planet in a faster way, using pre-laid transmission beams. At that time, the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah was commanded by Captain LeComte, a scientist, a soldier, a man of many talents, a truly enlightened being. All of us in the Mothership would have given our lives in an instant for him.

 

You mean you were a member of the Mothership?

Of course I was, you idiot.

 

And how did you end up here, playing Megaloman?

That… that was all Rush’s fault.

 

Chapter three. The renegade Captain and the Schism

For a while Kitazume seems lost in the vast deepness of space. He looks at the stars, in the small pieces of night the trees allow us to see, as if trying to find an answer. I look at the foxes, small statues of the divinity of this unique temple. Apparently the soon-to-be Shogun Yoritomo Minamoto had a dream of a fox in this same place, while on exile, and decided to build a temple in her honor.

It takes a while before Kitazume speaks again.

 

So for the first years we stuck to our mission. Mass decimation seemed to be out of the question, even if there were some close calls in the early 70s. Captain LeComte was keen on observing all kinds of Earth’s cultural aspects, and in a short while he became a fan of progressive rock. Moreover, he became obsessed with the Canadian power-trio Rush.

 

Why Rush?

He probably liked their music. But even more, I think it had to do with their double-neck guitars. You see, they played a strange sexual connection to our anatomy, since we have two…

 

Please Kitazume-san, let’s keep this… information for another time.

OK, so LeComte became more and more obsessed with Rush, and by the time the 2112 album came out, he was a total Objectivist. He started selecting the information that was to be bounced off to our planet. He said he knew best. Some of the officials were not too happy about this, but facing LeComte was like facing the wrong end of Neil Peart’s drumsticks. Things became rough. Then, shortly after the release of Hemispheres, the second-in-command, Lieutenant Curratello, made a coup. He tried to seize control of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah. The crew was split in half. Brotherly blood was shed. LeComte and all of his faithful followers fled to Earth.

 

And you… were one of them?

Yeah. I was. We scattered all over the planet. We can pass easily for humans. Even more so nowadays, when Rush have become cool.

 

And what about the Megaloman show?

That was a way of trying to tell you the truth without telling it. You see, the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah has terrible weapons. It has a moving waves cannon! Can you believe it? And Curratello… he’s a sad, ambitious and ultimately a totally idiotic fellow. There’s no telling what he would do. We tried many times. The “Galaxy Quest” movie was written and produced by some of us. It’s just one of many examples. But still, you all take this just as kid’s stuff.

 

You said that your people are scattered all over the planet. Are there some of yours in the Vatican?

I’m not answering that question.

 

Are there some of yours in the City Council of Toronto?

Not answering either.

 

Where's captain LeComte now?

No way I'm telling!

 

You do realise you're not very helpful, do you?

Never mind. Whatever that crazy Ford guy is trying to make happen, it will only end in dismal woe. I assure you. Let me tell you something, young man: fear the sky. Fear the night when Phobos appears. For in the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah, Lieutenant Curratello sits alone in the Commander’s seat, and his thoughts are just his own.

 

Chapter four. The here and now

Thus ended my sixth night in Sasuke Inari temple, listening to Yuki Kitazume and his truth. The dawn brought small comfort, as he left with an incredible agility for a man his age. All I could do was turn to the foxes for comfort, but their enigmatic smiles proved to be a mockery. I haven’t been able to look at the night sky ever since. All I can think about is Lieutenant Curratello, watching over us in his empy control room, pondering. What if he didn’t like Vapor Trails? What if the didn’t like Clockwork Angels? Is there a connection between the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah and the upcoming Inner-City Olympics of Toronto? Is there a connection between this alien race that’s been living among us for more than 25 years and the Neverland Ranch cult? All questions doomed to remain unanswered, at least for today. The only certainity is that the YBG will be there, even at the end of the world.

 

:ebert: :ebert:

 

That's some awesome work!

[HomesickAlien]

http://i.imgur.com/0FoPLCh.png

 

 

TABLOID REPORTER STILL MISSING

 

Toronto

11 Jan 2014

Saturday

 

Authorities are unable to ascertain the whereabouts of Yukon Blade Grinder correspondent substancewithoutstyle, who was last seen at the Huguenot Motel on New Year's Eve. RCMP spokesman Dick Moranis said that without any indication of foul play, not much could be done. "He's not a minor, and at this point we're assuming that he left voluntarily. The fact that he took that silly stuffed llama indicates that his departure was planned."

 

Substancewithoutstyle's colleagues, Tombstone Mountain and Lorraine, had differing opinions regarding his disappearance. "I'm not concerned at all. It's impossible to say where a lead in the Rushgoober case will take you, so it may be necessary that he be incommunicado. I'm sure he'll return with a phenomenal story.", said Tombstone. Lorraine, however, wasn't nearly as sanguine regarding his fate. "He always complained that the Justice for Goober campaign was a fool's errand, and that the Huguenot attracted a bunch of derros and bogans. I even heard a rumour that he bought a banana plantation in Coffs Harbour. He's probably sitting under a banana tree right now, muttering to himself and trying to contact John Rutsey with a ouija board."

 

Just In (3:40 GMT): According to an unconfirmed report from an anonymous source, substancewithoutstyle has been neglecting his YBG duties and spending his free time on a Farscape message board. A f**king Farscape board? That bastard!

[Tombstone Mountain]

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Hanging Dwarf Edition

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/31/Warwick_Davis_interviewed_2.jpg/220px-Warwick_Davis_interviewed_2.jpg

"Yeah I know Goober. When we worked together in "Willow". I got to know him well. He may come across as a big Rush fan on TRF, but he's a fraud I tell you. He once told me Xanadu was a compisition of pious poppycock—let him sway from the gallows of Canadian judgment."

Edited January 12, 2014 by Tombstone Mountain

[H. P. L.]

The Yukon Blade Grinder Europe

 

 

 

The Quest for Captain LeComte

 

Chapter One: "Goober trolled our telepathic internet!"

 

Lisbon, Jan 14

 

One thing we have in common, all we YBG reporters, is commitment. Some may call us dedicated. Others may call us obsessed. Goober fans may call us fuc*ing mor*ns. But one thing we will do, is search for the truth.

So, while my esteemed colleagues overseas are hot on the heels of the Toronto Inner-city Olympics, which may or may not start before the Sochi ones, and keeping an eagle eye on Rushgoober himself, who might be in Toronto or in Florida according to the Weather Bureau (a little clarity here wouldn't hurt, Tombstone! Also, I suspect the girls in the Weather Bureau are taking too many trains to Bangkok, if you know what I mean), while all this happens, we at YBG Europe have started our own personal quest: the search for Captain LeComte, the renegade leader of the group of aliens from the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah, currently orbiting around Mars disguised as the Deimos moon, who were forced to flee to Earth around Emispheres release date.

On our last installment, we discovered this shocking truth from the lips of retired actor Yuki Kitazune. Following the thiniest of clues, much thinier than a spider web, I was able to locate and meet another member of the alien race from Megadon, another artist, and another one who has Captain LeComte much closer to her heart.

 

http://img708.imageshack.us/img708/4602/lisbon1.jpg

 

The light you can find in Lisbon, it's nowhere else to be found. It's a light so pure, so crisp, enough to bring peace to the most troubled mind. But I'm here on a mission.

Teresa Salgueiro, one of the greates female voices in the world and ex-member of the fundamental Portuguese group Madredeus, loved by all Werner Herzog fanatics, agrees to meet me with the same conditions as Kitazume: no electric stuff, no mention of Megadon name.

 

http://www.newsic.it/assets/images3/fo_in_teresa_g.jpg

 

Come on, miss Salgueiro, what's to be so scared by a name? Major Rob Ford throws it around like "cheesburger"!

I don't know what Major Ford is up to, and I don't want to know. But I surely know Lieutenant Curratello (the current Leader of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah and the one who forced Captain LeComte to flee in the first place NDA) and I know he monitors everyone and everything. He has a speech recognition software that reads everything, like a spider...

 

OK, you can trust me. Let's get back to the beginning, shall we? So you are... an alien?

Well, yes.

 

I know your voice has been described as "otherwordly" sometimes, but this is a little... unsettling, isn't it?

For me as well as for you.

 

So you were a member of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah?

Yes.

 

And you fled to Earth after Curratello seized command?

As you said.

 

How many of you are here on Earth?

For our own safety, I can't tell.

 

But you are all scattered around Earth, are you? How do you keep in contact?

Well, we have our own Message Boards. We access them via the astral plane. We've had telepathic internet since the early 80s. Sometimes even humans drop by: the ones who sleep too deep, or the ones who smoke too hard. We called them "trolls".

 

Wait, don't tell me Goober was one of these... trolls?

Yeah, I seem to remember someone by that name. He was all like, "I really can't understand why people can like Gaznevada and not Amon Dhuul..."

 

You just said Gaznevada???

Well, it was the early 80s, I told you.

 

http://youtu.be/fUMJ2GwRUPc

 

This is truly the most mind-blowing assignment I've ever been on. I mean, Goober trolling an alien telepathic forum in the 80s! Who else could claim to have done that! This is truly a well without bottom. But let's get back to our quest.

 

Teresa, let's talk about Captain LeComte. What kind of man is he?

He is caring, intelligent, wise. A true leader - before he became obsessed with Rush!

 

You resent Rush?

They surely changed him. He became more... rigid. In his views. More intolerant. More challenging, even.

 

You think without Rush the Schism wouldn't have occurred? That you'd all be still aboard the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah?

It's hard to say. LeComte was led by a true love for humanity. Curratello, on the other hand, thinks humans are little more than dogs. He hates and resents humanity. Their views cannot find a common ground.

 

I see. So, you know where Captain LeComte is now? Can you call him on your telepathic internet?

No way I'm doing this.

 

But I need to get in touch with him...

I will not put my Captain in any danger!

 

Danger? I'm just a journalist!

What you are is a fool. You think you're ahead of this? With the kind of powers you have encountered? Do you truly believe you are doing this freely, of your own will?

 

What do you mean?

Search inside your soul. I know your heart is in the right place, but you are being used. And will be abused.

 

By whom? I wanted to ask, but just like that, Teresa Salgueiro upped on a tram and disappeared. The melancholic notes of a fado pictured sadness in the air. And once more, we were left wondering. I took a look at the sky and pictured in my mind Lieutenant Curratello, sitting alone in the control room of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah, pondering in silence. And once more, I was forced to think what I had been dragged into.

 

Edited January 14, 2014 by H. P. L.

[Tombstone Mountain]

The best one yet HPL.

[Tombstone Mountain]

The Yukon Blade Grinder Europe

 

 

 

The Quest for Captain LeComte

 

Chapter One: "Goober trolled our telepathic internet!"

 

Lisbon, Jan 14

 

One thing we have in common, all we YBG reporters, is commitment. Some may call us dedicated. Others may call us obsessed. Goober fans may call us fuc*ing mor*ns. But one thing we will do, is search for the truth.

So, while my esteemed colleagues overseas are hot on the heels of the Toronto Inner-city Olympics, which may or may not start before the Sochi ones, and keeping an eagle eye on Rushgoober himself, who might be in Toronto or in Florida according to the Weather Bureau (a little clarity here wouldn't hurt, Tombstone! Also, I suspect the girls in the Weather Bureau are taking too many trains to Bangkok, if you know what I mean), while all this happens, we at YBG Europe have started our own personal quest: the search for Captain LeComte, the renegade leader of the group of aliens from the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah, currently orbiting around Mars disguised as the Deimos moon, who were forced to flee to Earth around Emispheres release date.

On our last installment, we discovered this shocking truth from the lips of retired actor Yuki Kitazune. Following the thiniest of clues, much thinier than a spider web, I was able to locate and meet another member of the alien race from Megadon, another artist, and another one who has Captain LeComte much closer to her heart.

 

http://img708.imageshack.us/img708/4602/lisbon1.jpg

 

The light you can find in Lisbon, it's nowhere else to be found. It's a light so pure, so crisp, enough to bring peace to the most troubled mind. But I'm here on a mission.

Teresa Salgueiro, one of the greates female voices in the world and ex-member of the fundamental Portuguese group Madredeus, loved by all Werner Herzog fanatics, agrees to meet me with the same conditions as Kitazume: no electric stuff, no mention of Megadon name.

 

http://www.newsic.it/assets/images3/fo_in_teresa_g.jpg

 

Come on, miss Salgueiro, what's to be so scared by a name? Major Rob Ford throws it around like "cheesburger"!

I don't know what Major Ford is up to, and I don't want to know. But I surely know Lieutenant Curratello (the current Leader of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah and the one who forced Captain LeComte to flee in the first place NDA) and I know he monitors everyone and everything. He has a speech recognition software that reads everything, like a spider...

 

OK, you can trust me. Let's get back to the beginning, shall we? So you are... an alien?

Well, yes.

 

I know your voice has been described as "otherwordly" sometimes, but this is a little... unsettling, isn't it?

For me as well as for you.

 

So you were a member of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah?

Yes.

 

And you fled to Earth after Curratello seized command?

As you said.

 

How many of you are here on Earth?

For our own safety, I can't tell.

 

But you are all scattered around Earth, are you? How do you keep in contact?

Well, we have our own Message Boards. We access them via the astral plane. We've had telepathic internet since the early 80s. Sometimes even humans drop by: the ones who sleep too deep, or the ones who smoke too hard. We called them "trolls".

 

Wait, don't tell me Goober was one of these... trolls?

Yeah, I seem to remember someone by that name. He was all like, "I really can't understand why people can like Gaznevada and not Amon Dhuul..."

 

You just said Gaznevada???

Well, it was the early 80s, I told you.

 

http://youtu.be/fUMJ2GwRUPc

 

This is truly the most mind-blowing assignment I've ever been on. I mean, Goober trolling an alien telepathic forum in the 80s! Who else could claim to have done that! This is truly a well without bottom. But let's get back to our quest.

 

Teresa, let's talk about Captain LeComte. What kind of man is he?

He is caring, intelligent, wise. A true leader - before he became obsessed with Rush!

 

You resent Rush?

They surely changed him. He became more... rigid. In his views. More intolerant. More challenging, even.

 

You think without Rush the Schism wouldn't have occurred? That you'd all be still aboard the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah?

It's hard to say. LeComte was led by a true love for humanity. Curratello, on the other hand, thinks humans are little more than dogs. He hates and resents humanity. Their views cannot find a common ground.

 

I see. So, you know where Captain LeComte is now? Can you call him on your telepathic internet?

No way I'm doing this.

 

But I need to get in touch with him...

I will not put my Captain in any danger!

 

Danger? I'm just a journalist!

What you are is a fool. You think you're ahead of this? With the kind of powers you have encountered? Do you truly believe you are doing this freely, of your own will?

 

What do you mean?

Search inside your soul. I know your heart is in the right place, but you are being used. And will be abused.

 

By whom? I wanted to ask, but just like that, Teresa Salgueiro upped on a tram and disappeared. The melancholic notes of a fado pictured sadness in the air. And once more, we were left wondering. I took a look at the sky and pictured in my mind Lieutenant Curratello, sitting alone in the control room of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah, pondering in silence. And once more, I was forced to think what I had been dragged into.

 

You have discovered much my Italian padawan. As they say in Appalachia you're "haulin'" the mail!

[H. P. L.]

The best one yet HPL.

Glad you like it, boss. It's getting lonely here.

[HomesickAlien]

The best one yet HPL.

Glad you like it, boss. It's getting lonely here.

 

Where is Tombstone? Now he's AWOL from his own thread.

[HomesickAlien]

The Yukon Blade Grinder Europe

 

 

 

The Quest for Captain LeComte

 

Chapter One: "Goober trolled our telepathic internet!"

 

Lisbon, Jan 14

 

One thing we have in common, all we YBG reporters, is commitment. Some may call us dedicated. Others may call us obsessed. Goober fans may call us fuc*ing mor*ns. But one thing we will do, is search for the truth.

So, while my esteemed colleagues overseas are hot on the heels of the Toronto Inner-city Olympics, which may or may not start before the Sochi ones, and keeping an eagle eye on Rushgoober himself, who might be in Toronto or in Florida according to the Weather Bureau (a little clarity here wouldn't hurt, Tombstone! Also, I suspect the girls in the Weather Bureau are taking too many trains to Bangkok, if you know what I mean), while all this happens, we at YBG Europe have started our own personal quest: the search for Captain LeComte, the renegade leader of the group of aliens from the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah, currently orbiting around Mars disguised as the Deimos moon, who were forced to flee to Earth around Emispheres release date.

On our last installment, we discovered this shocking truth from the lips of retired actor Yuki Kitazune. Following the thiniest of clues, much thinier than a spider web, I was able to locate and meet another member of the alien race from Megadon, another artist, and another one who has Captain LeComte much closer to her heart.

 

http://img708.imageshack.us/img708/4602/lisbon1.jpg

 

The light you can find in Lisbon, it's nowhere else to be found. It's a light so pure, so crisp, enough to bring peace to the most troubled mind. But I'm here on a mission.

Teresa Salgueiro, one of the greates female voices in the world and ex-member of the fundamental Portuguese group Madredeus, loved by all Werner Herzog fanatics, agrees to meet me with the same conditions as Kitazume: no electric stuff, no mention of Megadon name.

 

http://www.newsic.it/assets/images3/fo_in_teresa_g.jpg

 

Come on, miss Salgueiro, what's to be so scared by a name? Major Rob Ford throws it around like "cheesburger"!

I don't know what Major Ford is up to, and I don't want to know. But I surely know Lieutenant Curratello (the current Leader of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah and the one who forced Captain LeComte to flee in the first place NDA) and I know he monitors everyone and everything. He has a speech recognition software that reads everything, like a spider...

 

OK, you can trust me. Let's get back to the beginning, shall we? So you are... an alien?

Well, yes.

 

I know your voice has been described as "otherwordly" sometimes, but this is a little... unsettling, isn't it?

For me as well as for you.

 

So you were a member of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah?

Yes.

 

And you fled to Earth after Curratello seized command?

As you said.

 

How many of you are here on Earth?

For our own safety, I can't tell.

 

But you are all scattered around Earth, are you? How do you keep in contact?

Well, we have our own Message Boards. We access them via the astral plane. We've had telepathic internet since the early 80s. Sometimes even humans drop by: the ones who sleep too deep, or the ones who smoke too hard. We called them "trolls".

 

Wait, don't tell me Goober was one of these... trolls?

Yeah, I seem to remember someone by that name. He was all like, "I really can't understand why people can like Gaznevada and not Amon Dhuul..."

 

You just said Gaznevada???

Well, it was the early 80s, I told you.

 

 

 

This is truly the most mind-blowing assignment I've ever been on. I mean, Goober trolling an alien telepathic forum in the 80s! Who else could claim to have done that! This is truly a well without bottom. But let's get back to our quest.

 

Teresa, let's talk about Captain LeComte. What kind of man is he?

He is caring, intelligent, wise. A true leader - before he became obsessed with Rush!

 

You resent Rush?

They surely changed him. He became more... rigid. In his views. More intolerant. More challenging, even.

 

You think without Rush the Schism wouldn't have occurred? That you'd all be still aboard the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah?

It's hard to say. LeComte was led by a true love for humanity. Curratello, on the other hand, thinks humans are little more than dogs. He hates and resents humanity. Their views cannot find a common ground.

 

I see. So, you know where Captain LeComte is now? Can you call him on your telepathic internet?

No way I'm doing this.

 

But I need to get in touch with him...

I will not put my Captain in any danger!

 

Danger? I'm just a journalist!

What you are is a fool. You think you're ahead of this? With the kind of powers you have encountered? Do you truly believe you are doing this freely, of your own will?

 

What do you mean?

Search inside your soul. I know your heart is in the right place, but you are being used. And will be abused.

 

By whom? I wanted to ask, but just like that, Teresa Salgueiro upped on a tram and disappeared. The melancholic notes of a fado pictured sadness in the air. And once more, we were left wondering. I took a look at the sky and pictured in my mind Lieutenant Curratello, sitting alone in the control room of the Mighty Mothership Bub-Bah, pondering in silence. And once more, I was forced to think what I had been dragged into.

 

 

 

:ebert:

 

You deserve an award for sheer perseverance. I'm glad one of us hasn't lost interest in this thread.

 

Sometimes I think Goober is waiting for everyone to grow tired of this thread, then when it slips into the abyss he'll return and pretend he never saw it.