Norm Peterson on life

[Tom Sawyer]

"How's life treating you Norm?"

"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

 

"Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"

"A little early isn't it, Woody?"

"For a beer?"

"No, for stupid questions."

 

"How's life treating you?"

"It's not, Sammy, but you can."

 

"Whatcha up to Norm?"

"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

 

"How's life in the fast lane?"

"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."

 

"Beer please Woody."

"Isn't it a little early Mr Peterson?"

"OK. Float a cornflake in it"

 

"How's life Norm?"

"Ask a man who's got one."

 

"What can I do for you Norm?"

"Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. Uhhh, how about a first one?"

 

"Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?"

"The warranty on my liver."

 

"How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?"

"Pretty nervous if I was in the room."

 

"What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?"

"Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer. Film at eleven."

 

"How's life, Mr. Peterson?"

"Oh, I'm waiting for the movie."

 

"Can I draw you a beer Norm ?"

"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."

 

"What's shaking Norm?"

"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

 

"How's a beer sound Norm?"

"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."

 

"What's the story, Norm?"

"Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it."

 

"What'll you have Normie?"

"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes

out of that tap."

"Looks like beer, Norm."

"Call me Mister Lucky."

 

"What'd you say Norm?"

"Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer."

 

"Whaddya say, Norm?"

"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink."

 

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"

"Another layer for the winter, Wood."

 

"What's going down, Normie?"

"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

 

 

 

[Jack Aubrey]

Classic!

[Snowdog]

My personal favorite:

 

How's life Norm?

 

It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear

 

[Sark]

How's about-

 

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"

 

"Let's talk about what's going in Mr. Peterson!"

[NeilPeartFan2112]

Good stuff.

[Stickman]

Norm was my fav character.

[Milton Bridge]

Classic

 

One of my favourites was when an elderly chap came into the bar and explained that he hadn't been in the bar for 25 years, he observed that the bar had changed, that the stairs were in a different position, that the coulur scheme was different then turned round and said "Hi Norm"

[Arndrake]

Another great line

 

Coach: Why don't you and Vera have kids, Norm?

 

Norm: I can't, Coach.

 

Coach: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

 

Norm: When I look at Vera, I just can't.

 

 

One scene I remember illustrated just how lazy Norm was.

 

He's sitting on the bar stool, when he starts groaning. When asked what's wrong, he explains that when he sat down, his underwear got into a bind. Someone suggests he stand up and straighten the bind, to which he responds that maybe the bind will loosen if he just waits it out.

 

 

Then there's the one where he has the 'evil business partner' named Kreitzer (Vera's maiden name). Or when the company he's working for makes him the official firing person, which causes all the other employees to live in fear of him, even though he bawls every time he fires the person.

[Alsgalpal]

Those are so funny!!!