Ru5h F@n Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks, Troubled User..... _____________________ REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men often complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2 However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag9.5 Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system! Best of luck, Tech Support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necromancer Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Of course none of this is true. But IF it were... this is a HILARIOUS analogy. But again... I MUST STRESS... NONE OF THIS IS TRUE!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Immediate Press Release: The following software has been recalled - Husband 1.0. Husband 1.0 is being recalled due to overwhelming feedback from users who are unsatisfied with the program shutting down during important applications. The program is then impossible to get up loaded after shut down has occurred. Users are being offered the following as replacement lawn-boy 18.0. During testing lawn-boy 18.0 has outperformed Husband 1.0 and has meet or surpassed all application needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 QUOTE (owlswing @ Apr 9 2007, 06:42 PM) Immediate Press Release: The following software has been recalled - Husband 1.0. Husband 1.0 is being recalled due to overwhelming feedback from users who are unsatisfied with the program shutting down during important applications. The program is then impossible to get up loaded after shut down has occurred. Users are being offered the following as replacement lawn-boy 18.0. During testing lawn-boy 18.0 has outperformed Husband 1.0 and has meet or surpassed all application needs. RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!! honey.......darlin'.......sweet sweet owlswing..... can you get me a copy of that ???? i'm just sayin'... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slacker Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 QUOTE (owlswing @ Apr 9 2007, 06:42 PM) Immediate Press Release: The following software has been recalled - Husband 1.0. Husband 1.0 is being recalled due to overwhelming feedback from users who are unsatisfied with the program shutting down during important applications. The program is then impossible to get up loaded after shut down has occurred. Users are being offered the following as replacement lawn-boy 18.0. During testing lawn-boy 18.0 has outperformed Husband 1.0 and has meet or surpassed all application needs. That was obviously doing yard work, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeeJ Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 QUOTE (owlswing @ Apr 9 2007, 06:42 PM) Immediate Press Release: The following software has been recalled - Husband 1.0. Husband 1.0 is being recalled due to overwhelming feedback from users who are unsatisfied with the program shutting down during important applications. The program is then impossible to get up loaded after shut down has occurred. Users are being offered the following as replacement lawn-boy 18.0. During testing lawn-boy 18.0 has outperformed Husband 1.0 and has meet or surpassed all application needs. Can you get me one of these??? My Husband 1.0 is having issues also. I can't get IT to run the programs it should be on the regular basis. I think it has a problem RETAINING things. So... Can you get me a lawn-boy 18.0? I would really appreciate your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barney's Alter Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 What the wife really needs is a harddrive. Not just a puny little memory stick that holds very little. All this after a night of wiggling the ol' joystick... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necromancer Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 QUOTE (CeeJ @ Apr 9 2007, 06:59 PM) QUOTE (owlswing @ Apr 9 2007, 06:42 PM) Immediate Press Release: The following software has been recalled - Husband 1.0. Husband 1.0 is being recalled due to overwhelming feedback from users who are unsatisfied with the program shutting down during important applications. The program is then impossible to get up loaded after shut down has occurred. Users are being offered the following as replacement lawn-boy 18.0. During testing lawn-boy 18.0 has outperformed Husband 1.0 and has meet or surpassed all application needs. Can you get me one of these??? My Husband 1.0 is having issues also. I can't get IT to run the programs it should be on the regular basis. I think it has a problem RETAINING things. So... Can you get me a lawn-boy 18.0? I would really appreciate your help. I have NO idea what you're talking about. Your computer is FILLED with all the RAM it could possibly ever need. Maybe it's the MOTHERboard that is having the issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaVilla Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Brilliant, lmao, Maybe you should install a virus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeeJ Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 QUOTE (LaVilla @ Apr 10 2007, 05:01 AM) Brilliant, lmao, Maybe you should install a virus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowman Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 QUOTE (Barney's Alter @ Apr 9 2007, 10:09 PM) What the wife really needs is a harddrive. Not just a puny little memory stick that holds very little. All this after a night of wiggling the ol' joystick... Second that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Addendum regarding the long-term negative effects of Wife 1.0 on the system: Unfortunately, Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2 are short-lived applications that often stop working after the first year. However, Shopping Spree 2.0 automatically upgrades itself and increases the spending activity accordingly, causing significant debt. It also spawns the following applications; Unnecessary Shoes 4.5, Expensive Dress 2.7 (which will only be used once then sit in the background), and Overpriced Baby Clothes 3.2. Please note that Overpriced Baby Clothes 3.2 is useless after three months and must be upgraded. Even though it is possible to replace Overpriced Baby Clothes 3.2 with Sensible and Inexpensive Baby Clothes 3.2 or Hand-me-down Baby Clothes 3.2, Wife 1.0 will severely resist this to the point of issuing multiple warnings and may cause a complete system crash. Also, once Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2 stop working, Wife 1.0 will become sedentary. Be on the alert for the following mal-ware (malicious applications): Excessive Weight Gain 245.0, Daytime TV 3.3, and Dirty Home 7.5. Also, these apps will nuke Sex 10.0 Despite the warnings to the contrary, it may be in your best interest to run Divorce. This may result in Alimony-Child Support being implemented, but it will also allow installation of Girlfriend 8.0, which can make the system much more stable and user-friendly. WARNING: Do NOT under any circumstances upgrade Girlfriend 8.0 or any newer versions of Girlfriend to Wife 2.0. Didn't you already learn your lesson once, you stupid schmuck? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soni Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 As long as Wife 1.0 dosen't has a virus or a spyware Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
launchpad67a Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Classic!!! Love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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