Lorraine

They upped my morphine dosage, and now I can't keep my eyes open. If they lower it, the pain will start again. I think it takes two days for the body to adjust. I don't want to go through another weekend like the one I just had. It was bad. Then I think if I wasn't taking anything for the pain, how bad things would be. What I'm trying to say is that I am in worse shape than I thought, and it is getting worse rapidly. Pray for me - please. My husband isn't head over heals in love with me, but he does, in his own minuscule way, care, and I do see him looking more and more worried. I'm sure it's more selfish than anything else, but still ... At this point in time, he is all I have. And I think my sister would get on a plane and knock the doctor in charge of the hospice out like a light if he gave me a hard time. So I am not in that bad a shape. :eh: :unsure: Yet I am always looking forward to tomorrow and if it will bring any new surprises. And my heart is full of joy. I know the whole thing sounds insane, but that is the way it is.

What happened besides me joining? Was a tour announced? It must've been Clockwork Angels. The only thing that happened that day as far as I remember was you joining the board. ;) :laughing guy:

I think the point of this is you never know what is going on in someone's life - or what went on - to make them the way they are. Kindness goes a long way in helping someone to heal. It may even cause that person to, in turn, be kind to someone else.

"Even the strongest hands can lose their grip, Even the greatest of minds can become cloudy and the biggest of hearts can break So, be kind, just always be kind."

What happened besides me joining? Was a tour announced? It must've been Clockwork Angels.

Oh, please, dear Lord, I hope he remembers to wash them this time. That's a wonderful ideal! :codger: I'll spring for another package of napkins and paper towels. Just in case. :) :facepalm: And tomorrow, as a special treat after this bathing assistant they've been bugging me about sending to me from Hospice to help be sure I don't get the tubes and other paraphernalia hanging here and there from my stomach. I decided I am going to bake myself a tray or two of 73's special natural-peanut -butter -one -jar -is- all-you need for every ingredient cookies.! :) See here for details: http://www.therushforum.com/index.php?/topic/108690-cookie-recipes/page__st__20#entry4855239 Hope you like them. They really are good. Just be sure to use the natural peanut butter, the jar where all the artery clinging stuff rises to the top of the jar. :ebert:

All those years ago - should I or shouldn't I join? Had a few forums to choose from. Don't remember why I chose trf. Just remember I stayed because of the immediate kindness that I was shown and thought that unusual. Newcomers on fora are usually not treated so well. A lot of people are now gone that I wish were still here and had given the place a chance even though Rush was pretty much gone. I miss many of them. Narps, whatever happened to you? Troutman? Jainie? And whatever happened to Reb? Busy tending to his beautiful Rush garden still probably. But the core group is still here. My heartfelt and sincere love and appreciation to those of you who have posted here and my cancer thread, and those of you who sent me p.m.'s because going public with such emotions/feelings were uncomfortable to them. It's a good way to find out who the true friends always were and will be. Regardless though, when I kick the bucket, if I can help anyone, and if I am in a position to do so, just ask. If I can help you, I will. Now break out the cake and champagne (and peppermint tea for me :)). I may not make it until my 10th anniversary, so ... :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

That's why it would be an island. Everyone will have flown the coop because of me.

For the first time today the b.m. looked like they describe rectal cancer stool - coffee grinds. And I had a lot of pain today, but I wasn't going to call my nurse back here. As it is, she had to come over first thing in AM to change the dressing again because I couldn't pull the water protector one away from the one protecting the tubes. She told me in order for her to enjoy Thanksgiving with her family and take good care of her patients at the same tme, she has to get up at 1:00 AM and start her rounds from home to home. Her daughter was going to cook the Thanksgiving meal. The nurse if around my age - maybe a few years younger, but a very devoted soul to her charges. "Till death do we part" she told me when she was assigned to my team. But I am determined not to give in to this. I am going to fight as much as I can. I am going to cook our own Thanksgiving meal tomorrow and do the best I can. A kind soul from my church went to the store for me and bought me all I needed and didn't make me feel like I put her out by doing it. My husband is finally getting it through his head this is no joke. He seems startled: now what is he going to do? :huh: I have nothing but admiration for you, cooking your Thanksgiving meal. :angel: :hug2: :heart: It knocked me out, and was made worse by it being in the midst of my two-day-no-steroid experiment to see just how much of a difference the pill made. Well, I'm here to tell you that taking that one little pill in the morning makes a big difference in how I can and can't get anything done in the morning. It's rough now not being able to drive. I could have them take the morphine pump out, but then I'd be taking pills all day long, and pills aren't as effective as the pump. I'll wait a while longer, to be sure, then seriously look into selling the car which should be sold within a week. I'm not out to take advantage of anyone. Just to get the money the car is worth, and used Subaru's in this part of the country are a big seller. A good used one is hard to come by, especially now with winter just starting. My life is a lot more peaceful, and I am becoming more resigned to the inevitable.

For the first time today the b.m. looked like they describe rectal cancer stool - coffee grinds. And I had a lot of pain today, but I wasn't going to call my nurse back here. As it is, she had to come over first thing in AM to change the dressing again because I couldn't pull the water protector one away from the one protecting the tubes. She told me in order for her to enjoy Thanksgiving with her family and take good care of her patients at the same tme, she has to get up at 1:00 AM and start her rounds from home to home. Her daughter was going to cook the Thanksgiving meal. The nurse if around my age - maybe a few years younger, but a very devoted soul to her charges. "Till death do we part" she told me when she was assigned to my team. But I am determined not to give in to this. I am going to fight as much as I can. I am going to cook our own Thanksgiving meal tomorrow and do the best I can. A kind soul from my church went to the store for me and bought me all I needed and didn't make me feel like I put her out by doing it. My husband is finally getting it through his head this is no joke. He seems startled: now what is he going to do? :huh: I have nothing but admiration for you, cooking your Thanksgiving meal. :angel: :hug2: :heart: Wish we could all come over for a plate - I'd bring the homemade cranberry sauce! Happy Thanksgiving! Wish you all could too. We'd had have a grand time.

Don't you love farce? My fault, I fear I thought that you'd want what I want Sorry, my dear But where are the clowns? Quick, send in the clowns Don't bother, they're here Rest In Peace! :rose:

Genius. Master. He had a gift rarely given.

What all of this has taught me is how important kindness is. Kindness and gratitude. Saying "thank you" isn't so hard to do. Nor is being grateful to someone for the smallest thing they do for me. We seem to have lost that the last few decades. We seem to feel that all is owed to us, and it's no big deal to let a door slam in someone's face without even acknowledging the person was there at all. Or if someone drops something and they already have their arms full, would it be so hard to bend over and pick it up for them and maybe help walk them to the car instead of hurrying by with their nose glued to their phone? God bless everyone here. I am grateful for all of you.

For the first time today the b.m. looked like they describe rectal cancer stool - coffee grinds. And I had a lot of pain today, but I wasn't going to call my nurse back here. As it is, she had to come over first thing in AM to change the dressing again because I couldn't pull the water protector one away from the one protecting the tubes. She told me in order for her to enjoy Thanksgiving with her family and take good care of her patients at the same tme, she has to get up at 1:00 AM and start her rounds from home to home. Her daughter was going to cook the Thanksgiving meal. The nurse if around my age - maybe a few years younger, but a very devoted soul to her charges. "Till death do we part" she told me when she was assigned to my team. But I am determined not to give in to this. I am going to fight as much as I can. I am going to cook our own Thanksgiving meal tomorrow and do the best I can. A kind soul from my church went to the store for me and bought me all I needed and didn't make me feel like I put her out by doing it. My husband is finally getting it through his head this is no joke. He seems startled: now what is he going to do? :huh:

That is never going to go away, Lorraine. A few years ago, I never thought I would ever say this about an online community, but the love and care here is absolutely genuine. We all care about you, and I would warrant that at any given moment in the day, someone here is thinking about you. I hope so, because I've been taken for enough rides in my life. I always prided myself on being such a good judge of people; maybe that was the problem, I wasn't at all. Thank you for your kindness, Toymaker - always.

I wish. The last few days have been anytinig but. One of the hospice doctors suggested I stop taking the steroid for a week or so. I agree. They had to change the pump line location to the other side of my stomach late this afternoon and my pain is really out of control. I never realized how bad it is until they took the pump out. It was out for about maybe 20 minutes tops. Too long. Keep those prayers and hugs coming. I'd be lost without them and the friendship of so many of you. You have no idea how much it all means when everything else has lost all meaning. :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :heart: Sending my best Lorraine; be strong! I'm trying. This afternoon I told my hospice nurse that I was determined to stay alive to watch my sunflowers grow and bloom again this Spring. Even she was taken aback by this one. I don't think she thinks I'll make it to Christmas let alone May. We shall see. I am not going to let this disease take me without a battle. :madra:

It snowed today! :)

I wish. The last few days have been anytinig but. One of the hospice doctors suggested I stop taking the steroid for a week or so. I agree. They had to change the pump line location to the other side of my stomach late this afternoon and my pain is really out of control. I never realized how bad it is until they took the pump out. It was out for about maybe 20 minutes tops. Too long. Keep those prayers and hugs coming. I'd be lost without them and the friendship of so many of you. You have no idea how much it all means when everything else has lost all meaning. :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :heart:

Someone sent me flowers! :)

Since you can't go to church anymore can you have a priest stop by your house to say some prayers and give you communion? Both my mom and grandma did that when they got too sick to go to mass anymore. I know that's not the same as going to mass but it can still be something to keep you connected with the church in some way. The priest called this morning and is coming on Friday morning. Thanks again for the suggestions. :hug2:

:boohoo: :boohoo: :boohoo: :boohoo: :boohoo: :boohoo:

Sad. Quad dies with me.

Wish I had the hour to devote to listening to this. Maybe even I would choose my opinion about Sting. Rick Beato has been one of the people that saved my sanity during the pandemic, I have learned a lot listening to him and like him a lot. Hope to listen in the next few days, bet it is good. I think his name was Ed Bernstein. He always used to interview Justin Hayward in the 80s/90s. Good interviewer. Made it better that he really idolized the Moodies and Justin, but the interviews were good just the same. This Rick I never heard about until Goose started posting his critiques on songs which were all very good. If you happen to listen to it, can you give a summary here?

Once a tw*t always a tw*t. Whatever his personality, Sting is an absolutely brilliant songwriter and lyricist. Cant deny that either.

Since you can't go to church anymore can you have a priest stop by your house to say some prayers and give you communion? Both my mom and grandma did that when they got too sick to go to mass anymore. I know that's not the same as going to mass but it can still be something to keep you connected with the church in some way. Thank you. I am going to look into that this upcoming week.