Lorraine

Used morphine for the first time today. I was doing well this morning. Cleaned the house and then went outside and planted two mum plants in our little garden. That was that. Then the pain started. Trramadol didn't do anything, so the hospice nurse said to take half a tab of morphine which took care of it. I can still feel the effects of it. That's a powerful drug.

Who would have ever thought, Pat, huh? No one was more shocked than me. It's the last thing I ever expected to die from. Thank you for your much needed prayers.

I'm getting a new walker tomorrow - the ones with four wheels and a seat and breaks on the handles. This past week has been hard and my legs are always so tired. I am light-headed, often dizzy and becoming more disoriented. A cane is nice, but the walker is better. If you had told me last September this would be what I would be like this September, I would have thought you crazy. One never knows what is lurking inside of one's body. As one doctor, pain is often the last resort to warn someone of the existence of an abnormality. http://www.clipartsuggest.com/images/555/walker-clipart-images-pictures-becuo-fbL9GY-clipart.jpg

You can listen to it for me. It would only break my heart to do so at this point. I am on an emotional roller-coaster ride.

I've been thinking about this since you posted it. I'm assuming you meant well. Does any doctor know for certain what causes any cancer? Just what do you mean by "lifestyle habits"? What "certain foods" cause colon cancer? And, no - no one in my family ever had cancer. It can happen to you too. It can happen to anyone. Cancer knows no race, creed, religion or "lifestyle" it won't attack.

We might get to that one yet. I think they start you out at the bottom of the ladder and work their way up. I can't tell you how many prescription bottles I have on my counter. It's hard to find one that works for me. I'm the type that, if on an otc drug packaging it says May cause drowsiness, it keeps me awake all night. The one you mention might work. I see it has the "pam" at the end. I have already been told that that is a class of pills which work for me the best.

She comes over every two weeks. :) Thank you so much for your warm post. And your good prayers. It means a lot. :hug2:

Maybe John Rogers and Rick want to share some of their weekend shenanigans with the rest of us. :popcorn:

This may seem lame but have you tried herbal tea? I have used the Sleepy Time to help relax before bed and it did knock me out. Also ask if you could take some melatonin? I use that a lot and it helps me nod off real quick. :hug2: Herbal tea doesn't do a thing for me and melatonin keeps me awake all night. That's too bad... :sigh: I hadn't tried melatonin until last year, sometimes it doesn't work for me but most of the time it helps. Thought it might be a long shot. Melatonin whist useful for some situations is pretty much a waste of time if anxiety is the root cause of sleep deprivation. I have lots of anxiety, that's for sure. Now my husband has a cold. I need this like a hole in the head.

They said not to take the two together at night. It is alright if I take Ativan during the day and up to two hours before taking the Temazepan. They also gave me, a few weeks ago, a stool softener to take each day to prevent constipation. However, I have a new development. I didn't notice the cause yesterday, because it was the first time it happened, but I did take note this morning. Yesterday when I was on the toilet right before my shower, my two feet from the ankles down went completely numb. Not pins and needles type thing - just completely numb - as if they didn't exist. It happened again this morning, and I noticed it happened right after my b.m. When I told the nurse about it yesterday, she said, and the hospice doctor agreed, that it might be a tumor pressing on nerves. I never had a colonoscopy, so I don't know what is in the rectum. My surgeon told me he tried to feel around the best he could when I had my operation, but didn't feel anything. Maybe there is something there and it has grown; that would explain the flattened poop. Don't mean to be gross. Sorry. In any event, they want to put me on a steroid. The doctor said it would help shrink whatever is causing this. Also, this Temazepan is causing me bad dreams and I was up almost all night, so we can rule that pill out as a sleeping aide. Until they can find me something else, I will go back to the Ativan.

Back to you, John Rogers. :)

Thanks for saving me 3 minutes.

I never heard it.

:hug2: I was a bit shocked that you were taking Tramadol, as I have these on repeat prescription so I couldn`t imagine they would be enough to help you with your pain. As for sleeping, I`ve been known to indulge in cough mixtures that are the "drowsy" type, containing Diphenhydramine (also known as Benadryl). My Mum says I once drank Benylin from the bottle when I was about 5 (I loved the taste and still do) and topped up the bottle with water so nobody would notice. This was about the naughtiest thing I did as a kid :coy: *This is not to be taken as advice of course; just a thought. For someone who has never taken anything for pain (aside from aspirin/ibuprofen), tramadol is enough. I have morphine too, but why should I start taking it if I don't have to? I'm sure there will come a time in the near future when I will need, but not now.

This may seem lame but have you tried herbal tea? I have used the Sleepy Time to help relax before bed and it did knock me out. Also ask if you could take some melatonin? I use that a lot and it helps me nod off real quick. :hug2: Herbal tea doesn't do a thing for me and melatonin keeps me awake all night.

I have no idea what a "power ballad" is. Ignorance is bliss. Half the songs up there I never heard of. So I just voted away! :)

New sleeping pill is awful. Back to square one. Or maybe I need two of them.

MUCH better, you should notice a fair old difference with these...I did think of Promethazine, but was unsure of US prescribing guidelines If you begin to feel pain relief isn't cutting it, then there are further options which will allow you to remain at home ...don't suffer unneccessarily.....in the 21st Century there is no reason for anyone to be in undue pain, whatever the cause...Keep on keeping on Lorraine, lets get you that Christmas you want so badly.. :hug2:

I see Goose's favorite song made one of the list. :cool: He'll be pleased. :yes:

:hug2: Thank you, but there's nothing anyone can say or do. This is just the way it is. We all have to go some day; I just didn't ever think I would go this way and so young. Hospice is my best choice. Their primary purpose is to make me comfortable and pain-free and the end of my life the best it can possibly be. Like one nurse told me, if you want to eat ice cream all day, do it. The chaplain came over today and I spent an hour with her pouring my heart out. It did me a lot of good. I don't get a chance to do that often. In fact, I can't remember the last time I did do it. But it felt good to release so many emotions. It's not easy coming to grips with this. Most of the day, when I'm not sleeping, I'm staring out the window wondering if this is really happening to me. I look at my beautiful sunflower tree and think: I'll never see that tree next Spring. I hope I make it through Christmas. I'd really like to have one last Christmas.

Now they gave me promethazine 25mg for nausea, and temazepam 15mg for sleep.

The tramadol helps the pain. I have morphine if I need it, but I don't need it if tramadol does the trick for now. My pain is centralized all around the same area and moves from one side to another, but it is primarily in the lower right side, where the tumor was/is. I need something stronger to help me sleep. Sleep is essential for me. They gave me the lowest dose possible for Ativan, but I'm taking 3 to go to sleep now, and 3 aren't cutting it. I am calling Hospice this morning. Hospice is well aware that I chose this route so I could be comfortable, pain-free, so as to enjoy as much as I can whatever time I have left. So I am sure they will give me whatever I need to achieve that. It is very sad though that this is going a lot faster than I thought. The hospice inter-faith chaplain is coming over today, and I have much to speak to her about. It's hard for me to look at my beautiful sunflower plants right outside my window and realize that I won't be here next summer to see them. It's hard to stay strong when I'm emotionally falling apart. My husband isn't much emotional support (somehow he thinks if I get a good nights sleep, all will be well), and my friends have family responsibilities and I don't want to impose too much on them. Impose away on your family, I garuntee they won't mind Tramadol is notorious for causing nausea/vomiting thoughit is good pain relief...I know that in the UK they often go straight for Morphine Sulphate tablets with oramorph liquid for breakthrough pain You need something better for sleep ...Lorazepam (Ativan) is not a sleeping tablet but an anxiolitic (same family as Diazepam) which is for anxiety, not sleep I'm sure the Hospice will sort things out for you meds wise.....perhaps a change in antiemetic as well? You should've been a doctor, Fridge. They pretty much told me what you just did. I'll let you know the names of the new pills when they get here later today. But now I discovered I have blood clots in my poop. Noticed it has been two-tone for days and finally decided to find out why. It's clots. Now I have to call Hospice back again. EDIT: Nurse thinks clots caused by Flagyl.

The tramadol helps the pain. I have morphine if I need it, but I don't need it if tramadol does the trick for now. My pain is centralized all around the same area and moves from one side to another, but it is primarily in the lower right side, where the tumor was/is. I need something stronger to help me sleep. Sleep is essential for me. They gave me the lowest dose possible for Ativan, but I'm taking 3 to go to sleep now, and 3 aren't cutting it. I am calling Hospice this morning. Hospice is well aware that I chose this route so I could be comfortable, pain-free, so as to enjoy as much as I can whatever time I have left. So I am sure they will give me whatever I need to achieve that. It is very sad though that this is going a lot faster than I thought. The hospice inter-faith chaplain is coming over today, and I have much to speak to her about. It's hard for me to look at my beautiful sunflower plants right outside my window and realize that I won't be here next summer to see them. It's hard to stay strong when I'm emotionally falling apart. My husband isn't much emotional support (somehow he thinks if I get a good nights sleep, all will be well), and my friends have family responsibilities and I don't want to impose too much on them.

I'm looking forward to meeting him. We'll get busy starting up the celestial TRF. Neil is already there to help administrate. :)

I remember Staten Island as being nice, but that was three decades ago. It used to be nice. A long time ago. It's evolved(devolved?) into a place to be escaped from. Mission accomplished. Don't bother visiting, there's nothing there but overcrowding, strip malls, endless grey townhouse developments (they knock down 1 house and build 4), nasty drivers, high density red light and speed cameras..... Plus, you'd have to pay for the privilege of experiencing all that. I think it's > $15 now to get onto the rock. I mean, there are still a lot of good people there. Like any place. But it's more of a zoo than any place I've ever been.... Not recommended. That negative perception is based on a lot of reality. Is Todt Hill still exclusive?