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2 minutes ago, IbanezJem said:

How could I think of catching a train when I should be here helping you? 

This is Bolton, is it?   That's inter-city rail for you.

55 minutes ago, blackhawkrush said:

Admin has had a long journey here and miscounted...73 times.  

Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Five is right out!

6 hours ago, IbanezJem said:

Now more than ever, they must rely on the skills they have learnt from a lifetime's hunting. 73 gauges the wind.

Listen, in order to maintain airspeed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right? Am I right?

1 hour ago, blackhawkrush said:

So you can wake up, look at the clock and use the phrase immediately.     

AHHHHHHH! Stop saying the word!

11 minutes ago, blackhawkrush said:

Ooh, what's that? It's a bazooka.  

Sounded a bit like an alarm clock going off, sir. 

20 minutes ago, blackhawkrush said:

Running away, eh? Come back here and take what's coming to you.    

There are people with guns out there, sir!  Real guns, sir! Not toy ones, proper ones, sir!

28 minutes ago, blackhawkrush said:

Blatantly unfair. Given this basic inequality what can be done?     

You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes...

1 hour ago, IbanezJem said:

He has been dead for four years, but he has not let that prevent him from coming here this evening. 

And on my right, putting the case against the government, is a small patch of brown liquid.

52 minutes ago, IbanezJem said:

Here at the Institute, Professor Charles Pasarell, Dr. Peaches Bartkowicz, and myself have been working on the theory originally postulated by the late Dr Kramer that the penguin is intrinsically more intelligent than the human being.

An electric penguin, twenty feet high, with long green tentacles that sting people!

2 hours ago, IbanezJem said:

If I could walk that way I wouldn't need aftershave. 

Or, try Crelm toothpaste with the miracle ingredient, Fraudulin!

8 minutes ago, IbanezJem said:

Do sit down. Ah, sit on the desk here. Now then, a glass of sherry?

I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

27 minutes ago, IbanezJem said:

I see. You'd better wait here. I'll get a cloth. 

Well, it's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....

18 minutes ago, IbanezJem said:

And Robert, what are your hobbies outside summarizing? 

He was really considerate to his mother, and not at all the kind of person you'd expect to pulverize their opponent into a bloody mass of flesh and raw bone.

12 minutes ago, IbanezJem said:

We're going to kidnap s wife, take her back, issue demands.

I was here on Saturday, getting married to a blond girl, and I'd like to change please. I'd like to have this one instead please.

1 minute ago, blackhawkrush said:

Oh, so glad you could come. What would you like to drink?  Gin and tonic? Sherry? 

Big gin, please. A pint of creme de menthe for my friend.

2 hours ago, blackhawkrush said:

We live in Esher.   

Say no MORE!  Esher, squire, say no more, say no more, SAY NO MORE! WOOO!!!

1 hour ago, IbanezJem said:

I've been here five years!  They only hung me the right way up yesterday! 

Well, how about the Dungeon Room? It's real Hawaiian food served in an authentic, medieval English dungeon atmosphere!

5 minutes ago, blackhawkrush said:

      I'm going to throw myself under the 10:12 from Reading. 

Yes, of course. We have a train to catch, and I don't want to start bleeding all over the seats!

2 hours ago, blackhawkrush said:

   This is an old Lenin number. 

Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean.

3 hours ago, blackhawkrush said:

I wanted to listen to that!    

Oh, I thought you were complaining about the music.

3 minutes ago, IbanezJem said:

Yes, madam. I'll speak to the makers personally, all right? 

I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

1 hour ago, blackhawkrush said:

And now, four tired undertakers. 

Here...he says he's not dead!

2 hours ago, IbanezJem said:

The claret is in the decanter. 

Yeah. No, wait a minute. I think I can only manage six crates today. 

4 minutes ago, blackhawkrush said:

Barry Zeppelin? The least talented of the fourteen Zeppelin brothers?  

Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and two film producers and a man they called 'Ibanez', who just sat there biting the heads of whippets.

1 hour ago, IbanezJem said:

Ooh, that was lucky. I never even heard of him. 

He didn't have a dueling scar just here? And a hook?