iluvgeddy05

You can't really work on your anxiety and depression in a productive way if you are unhappy with your partner. It sounds like there is a lot of resentment and pain from the past. An excellent marriage counselor would be my #1 priority.

 

Often, the things that seem "too hard" are the things we avoid, but those are the things we should be facing head on. Does that make sense?

 

I know and that's what I'm doing even though it's been emotionally taxing and very difficult. My first visit with my therapist was with my husband. He tried to tell my husband things he could already tell he needed to work on and my husband kind of blew him off, didn't try to understand what he was saying, and was basically like "she's been through more stuff so she needs more help than I do." Even one of the first things the therapist said to him was "Do you even hear the things she tells you she needs and tries to say to you?" Because he watched my husband blow me off right in front of him.

 

Example:

 

Therapist (to me): "How is your sleep? Are you getting a good night's sleep?"

Me: "No, I don't sleep well at all, I'm lucky to get 5-6 hours most nights."

Husband: "Well I sleep just fine!"

Therapist: "Did you even hear what she said? That she's struggling with sleeping?"

 

It was good for your therapist to point this out. If I can make a comment well above my pay grade though, your focus in this thread seems to be on your relationship and the fact that your husband doesn't live up to your expectations, is insenstive or worse, etc. But you've identified yourself as having had an eating disorder, an alcoholic father (which of course is a form of child abuse), being homeless (a runaway?), the victim of two sexual assaults and having suffered physical abuse by a former boyfriend. That is a horrific list. You probably have PTSD as well as other conditions.

 

Just seems to me that working through all of that (assuming you haven't fully worked through it, which I'm guessing is the case), should be the focal point. Whether or not you made a mistake marrying this fellow I think you'll be able to figure out in a relatively short time. But I don't think you're having suicidal ideations because your husband made awful comments about your weight. It goes much deeper than that and the focus on your husband as being the primary source of your current problems to me is likely misdirected, even if it turns out he's an insensitive jerk who you should leave for your own well being.

 

Stay in therapy. Follow your doctor's advice. Take your medication if prescribed. Good luck!

 

I agree with this. The frustration with your husband has deeper roots - sounds like it's PTSD and a reflection of your struggle on him. Same for his reaction to you - I am not taking his side, but I'm sure he feels threatened by what you are telling him, going to therapy, etc. However, it's the therapist/dr. who needs to get through to him and it might not be in a couple's therapy situation. I'm sure when the therapist asked him if he was noticing your struggles, he heard "Why are you not noticing your wife is struggling because of YOU? Don't you get it??" Actually, my therapist would have said it differently if this were my situation " Sounds like your wife is struggling with sleep. How does that make you feel? What comes to your mind?" That seems to start a conversation more than "Did you hear that?"

 

Being stubborn and threatened like that is tough shell to crack - but work on YOU first. He will show his support if he wants to, but the marriage can't be the focus right now - YOU have to be. Also, feel free to dump the therapist if this person might not be the right fit. If he is, that's great, but if not - it's all professional. Find someone else.

 

Love and hugs.

(deep breath)

 

I'm not much to complain about mixing and stuff, but I think the CA audio cd is awful. Geddy sounds like he is standing about 10 feet from the microphone - I have bootlegs of this show that sound better :( I was very disappointed! And it sucks because this tour pretty much held a dream setlist for me. I fell in love with Rush with the 80's tunes and hearing them live in 2013? Incredible! I just wish it sounded like that on my copy.

 

 

That said, the sound of the DVD in the theaters was way better and I'm expecting my Bluray copy to be the same quality (that's when Amazon decides to get the thing to me... supposedly Saturday!)

This reminds me of a story I have about being pissed when a "non-fan" won a meet in greet:

 

Years ago, my local classic rock station had a breakfast party up by the lake. There were door prizes and two grand prizes - one was a hot tub, the other a M&G with Rush that weekend at the SPAC show. I was too young to attend this "drinking at 10am" party, but I listed to the radio morning show at home since they were broadcasting from there.

 

Anyways, the DJs went to pick the grand prizes out of the hat of names. For some reason, they did the M&G one first and pick some dude's name out. "Congratulations to... "John" - you just won a M&G!!" to which drunken "John" stumbled up to the DJ stage and replied "oh...eh, I would have rather won the hot tub..." The DJ's said "Well, if that's the case - " but "John" interjected and said "Nah, I'll take the M&G... whatever..." and stumbled away. And I could hear the DJ say "No really! The Rush fans are going to kill me if I let you have this!!" "John" insisted he was happy with this prize when in reality, he sounded the exact opposite..

 

So, in other words, this man who was clearly not a Rush fan got a M&G ... and probably a real Rush fan got the stupid hot tub

I have a few ideas that may work for you:

 

Keep it social. It's completely key for me. After giving up running (hopefully just temp, but we'll see), I start cycling and found it to be just OK as a replacement. I didn't get really why at first but it's because when I ran, I did so with running groups. I got to know people and they became my friends, both with running and in normal life. I'm now finding a bunch of people to do cycling with too and it's made a huge difference in terms of enjoying the sport. I live in the Finger Lakes region of NY state and rode around one of our lakes with some people - a 45 mile ride was so enjoyable with people to do it with. Now I hardly do my long rides alone if I can help it - talking with someone you're exercising with makes the time go by and gains you friendship. When you find something active you like to do, it's pretty easy to find groups around your area of people with the same interest. Often a simple Google search can find you groups, or ask around your coworkers, family, friends, etc.

 

Make goals. I started doing weight training recently, something I used to think was so freaking boring because...well, on the surface, it is! Now I love it. How come? I look forward to the day I add extra weight on and consider it one little victory when I do so ;) Especially on the weight machines. I've almost doubled my weight limits since getting serious about it this spring and it's awesome to accomplish something like that, to look back and say "wow, I started at X weight and now I'm up to XYZ". Another goal that kept me going when I ran was signing up for races - knowing I spent money on a race kept me in the training spirit (as did the running group). I signed up for races I never thought I could run, like 10ks and half marathons, then proved myself wrong - which felt so awesome. I am signed up for a charity century bike ride this September. It's 100 miles in one day, so it's not like I can sit on my ass all summer and then go out and bike 100 miles, with some major hills in there. I've been consistently riding all season to make sure I am prepared for the day.

 

Find something fun: I find most cardio machines torturous. I mean, you're in one place, and going no where, watching a TV or listening to music if you're lucky. When you're outside - hiking, walking, running, cycling, it is so refreshing to see things! You get a completely different picture than from your car and it's pretty neat. You don't even have to be a nature person to appreciate fresh air. Encourage your family or friends to come along. I don't know if you get snow in the winter, but snowshoeing is fun and way cheaper than skiing.

 

I have also heard you need to give an exercise program a good amount of time before it becomes a habit. When it does, that is usually the time you start to recognize differences in your life outside working out. Maybe you can climb stairs easier, or carry more grocery bags from your car with ease. With my lifting this spring, I noticed it was "working" when I purchased a 12 pack of bottled beer at the store - picked it up like it was a roll or paper towels! It's the little things!

Long time, no see, TRF (I'm hardly on here..!)

 

Been riding a lot this year - training for the century again come September. I am in worse shape this year since I did not run all winter due to chronic foot issues.

 

The best thing is I have become friends with more cyclists! Last year, I showed up to events and didn't know anyone - or the ones I did know where triathletes and wayyy ahead of me in the pack. I'm really growing into the cycling communities around me and it feels great.

 

One thing I am intrigued with are these touring rides that go on for a few days, up to a week. Riding 60 miles on average a day, camping out at night. I've never done hard core camping by any means but the idea sounds cool. If I could hook up with one that had support and transport available, that would be ideal for the first one out. Not sure about this season, but surely the next!

Oh and this too:

 

http://www.therushforum.com/index.php?/topic/75658-truth-about-love/

 

As you can see, I had a hard time too the first year or so... :)

I would highly HIGHLY encourage you and your husband (or even just you for now) to go through this website:

http://conscious-transitions.com/

 

It debunks all of what marriage "is supposed to be" and why there is so much anxiety and fear when you are married to someone. Not having butterflies all the time is not a bad thing, you might not LIKE the person all the time, those sorts of things - which are OK and NORMAL. The site focuses on things pre-marriage but really hits on the core of relationships and what really matters. It has made a world of difference in my marriage simply because I had unrealistic expectations based on what society says and shows us. Remember - marriage is a transition, just like getting a new job, moving, losing someone in life - but we tend to treat it as this magical weapon that should never EVER be "off" - when nothing in real life is that way.

 

Keeping communication open, honest and without yelling (hard sometimes!) is necessary. I like Mira's letter suggestion if you can see that working for you.

 

My only red flag in this (to me) is his insensitivity to your eating disorder, but I know from experience (as I am one year in medically-treated recovery myself right now) is that unless the person you are talking to personally has such issues, no one else is going to get it. It's not because they don't want to, they just literally can't. Remarks that the person might think are harmless or all in good fun - or even meant to support you - can be tragic to those who struggle with food and body image. But he needs to know this and understand to the best of his ability.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks all! Sorry I don't visit here more often :( Facebook and work has sucked up my daytime!

 

Hope to see some of you this summer (SPAC and Hamilton shows) :7up:

SPAC presale this time around was yucky, for me anyways. Think I have like 24th row - not bad, but...

 

And I kept seeing seats that I had in years past at this same venue! MusicToday must get the same seats to throw out each time.

http://www.rockabyebabymusic.com/rush.html

 

I'm in love and want a baby now :P

Make it a two-fer. RRHOF induction ceremony, Rush show a following (or previous) night!

 

 

I mean, they aren't touring Europe until May, and with a spring 2013 trip on the road, obviously this will be coordinated around it.

Bread. If I want to be fussy, any bread that has a crusty exterior and doughy interior. Like good french or italian breads. GOD

 

and, chocolate.

I was front row and lucky to WIN tickets. I loved every minute of it, but yes, it went by fast. I would say second row is pretty much the same, just on person in front of you...

 

 

It did ruin me for future shows because if am more than 10 rows back, I get really cranky.

 

 

 

Cycling in the cold sucks! Was barley 50F here yesterday - I only lasted an hour. I had layers on but I guess not enough

I go in and out of drinking moods.

 

I drink a lot over the summer. Outdoor BBQs, bonfires - all require a nice glass of cold white wine or beer. We tend to go out more in nicer weather, and I drink more when out than bundled up inside all winter.

 

I'm starting to settle down now I just went a couple weeks without a real good drink, broken with a glass of red wine this Sunday with dinner, but that was it.

Geddy belly

 

http://www.rushshowphotos.com/Rush2012/Col...62184&k=mhh44JM

 

 

(too lazy to upload with photobucket..)

It's a fun song and I like it. Am I going to buy this guy's music or albums? Not a chance. But, it is what it is. I like having breaks from the seriousness of Rush and other music to wig out on things like this.

QUOTE (AgentScotty @ Sep 23 2012, 10:46 PM)

Congrats on your first c, iluvgeddy05. I had what was probably the most serious crash I've ever had today: My chain skipped as I got out of the saddle for a climb, the bike lurched side to side as I attempted to regain control, the rider tailgating me hit my back wheel, and I went down hard, mostly on my left hip then the back of my head. The back of the helmet got smashed up pretty good, but it did its job. None of the riders tailgating me went down. Later, when I got home and looked at my helmet under better light, I saw I also hit on the left temple and upper forehead, but the helmet took those hits for me as well. If this happened back in 2001 or earlier when I wasn't wearing a helmet, I'd probably be in intensive care or pushing daisies right now. I have to get a new helmet tomorrow, and will also have to retape the left handlebar and replace the little "Shimano 105 Flightdeck" covers on the ends of both brifters, but it beats the heck out of being worm food. Until seeing a bad crash last year, I used to leave the chinstrap on my helmet on the loose side, but have been wearing it tighter ever since. It looks like that paid off for me today, as the helmet took 3 hits and stayed in place. Oh well, today was only my fourth ride for September, but also my third century for September (yeah, I finished the ride, damaged helmet, bruised hip, and all), and I'll probably be riding another century next weekend. I have six centuries and one 200k for 2012, versus the ten centuries I had for 2011. I'm still short of 4000 miles for the year, which I had by mid-July in 2011. Even in 2011 I was aware that 2011 might be my best year ever, so I haven't been pushing myself too hard to match or beat it.

QUOTE (Chicken hawk @ Sep 21 2012, 10:39 AM)

I almost went to Manchester....but decided Boston instead. So i hope that one is a special show. Manchester ... the first show must have been excellent !

My husband went on a wild pig hunt in Texas this past year. They got one large pig, brought it back to NYS and took it to our butcher to get our choice of cuts...

 

 

However, the shop had a fire and almost all our stuff was destroyed except for the wild sausage! It's pretty good but very dry. Wild cuts have way less fat which is great health wise but when you get used to corn raised meat with flavorful fat throughout, it's an adjustment.

 

We raise out own beef cattle, mainly grass fed (only grain in the winter so they survive the cold) and its the same deal, but i like it a lot better.

 

And we love wild caught fish but where we live is quite far from sea, so all fish is insanely expensive, unfortunately.

QUOTE (HowItIs @ Sep 18 2012, 02:58 AM)

Chopped! It's fun to think of what I would do with the ingredients. I like several shows on FN, too: Iron Chef (back to the Japanese version), Good Eats (love Alton Brown), FN Challenge (which has been gone for awhile), The Next Food Network Star and The Worst Cook show are both fun, too. I'll watch most of the competition shows if there's nothing else on. But not so much the individual chef shows.

I did the full 100! I'm really proud of myself and it was SUCH a great day.

 

If you're interested in photos:

 

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.3...=3&l=8c1507fe40

 

 

Thanks for all the encouragement here too!!

I did it! I rode the full 100 miles around the lake. What an incredible day. Weather was a big chilly for riding, but really sunny and seasonable. There was ton of food along the way too, which kept us going.

 

 

I was so glad I was able to participate in so something that made such a difference. All the riders yesterday in total raise over $260,000!! Remarkable - all that money goes towards saving lives and helping people with HIV live full productive lives.

 

 

Thanks everyone who encouraged me to go the distance!!

QUOTE (ALifeson85 @ Sep 13 2012, 06:44 PM)

Alex keeps f**king up his solos because his fat fingers are too fat.