What Made You Sad Today?

[blueschica]

A year ago today my husband had his second stroke and the one that changed our lives for good. No recovery this time. What he is today is as good as it will get. It didn't have to be like this but he wasted precious recovery time by doing nothing to help himself. The rehab he was in didn't help either. That makes me very angry, but it's no use crying over spilled milk. What happened, happened. Time to let it all go.

 

I didn't realize it had been a year already. I'm sorry that he didn't recover as fully as he did after the first one, I know that is so much to deal with. Thinking of you in these fall days. :hi:

[Rhyta]

A year ago today my husband had his second stroke and the one that changed our lives for good. No recovery this time. What he is today is as good as it will get. It didn't have to be like this but he wasted precious recovery time by doing nothing to help himself. The rehab he was in didn't help either. That makes me very angry, but it's no use crying over spilled milk. What happened, happened. Time to let it all go.

 

I didn't realize it had been a year already. I'm sorry that he didn't recover as fully as he did after the first one, I know that is so much to deal with. Thinking of you in these fall days. :hi:

It is a long process and letting it go isn't easy. You have been brave and I do wish you some peace and if I could send a in home nurse or someone to help you I would.

[RushFanForever]

The year 2020 has been truths, half-truths and blatant lies with the pandemic and politics.

 

This is what has made me sad, mad, and not glad.

[invisible airwave]

Listened to the last part of Sir Elton's Jewel Box on streaming and got teary eyed listening to The Last Song. RIP Ryan White.

[librarian]

My life is falling apart.

I am too old, way too old, for this.

Pray for me.

[invisible airwave]

Watched the little seen directed 1993 movie, Bopha!, directed by Morgan Freeman, on Showtime streaming about apartheid in 1980s South Africa. It got really sad at the end when

the son of Danny Glover is shot and killed.

Edited December 1, 2020 by invisible airwave

[librarian]

My soon to be separated husband and I are dividing up the stuff in the kitchen (our papers to be signed next Thursday the 15th) and I am extremely sad, immensely angry and feel betrayed beyond belief. He just sees nothing wrong with breaking up and and moving on after 20 years - and he's like, hey, we'll hang out and still be friends and call each other and stuff and hang out -

 

 

WTF?

 

Doesn't want to be legally bound to anyone anymore - wants to be free and do whatever, whenever for the remainder of his life. He purchased a house and he is starting to pack up - but he feels I should stay somewhat near - as we are like friends or family know as opposed to being married, so we'll be friends ...yeah... :sarcastic:

 

I am just getting caught up on reading a few things- hugs to you! I can only imagine your frustration at trying to separate out your things while your soon to be ex thinks he still wants to hang out! His attitude seems to me to be pretty immature and the real world after the divorce is going to rough for him, I think. I am agreeing with others on here that it's better for you in the long run, but I know it must be difficult now. Props to you for not actually punching him!

 

Thank you, Blueschica

 

I signed my separation agreement today with my lawyer.

 

My relationship: RIP 12/19/1997 - 10/15/2020

 

Just this morning, the hub says, Ah, It's just a change in status, we can even start dating again.

But, do your best to make sure you sign the Agreement today, because we really need to move on.

 

I'm speechless. I really cannot put into words what I'm thinking or feeling and right now but I know it is not sadness.

 

 

Thank you Cat3. Much appreciated! :sundog:

 

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as I can't imagine what a difficult time this must be for you.

 

Here's my "easier said, than done" advice...

 

Find the strength to forgive him before you move on.

 

People say 'forgive and forget", which is impossible, you may be able to forgive, but forgetting is an altogether different proposition

 

You will find so much freedom and strength in forgiveness.

 

There's a saying that "unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".

 

Don't give him that kind of satisfaction.

 

It has also been said that "living well is the best revenge".

 

Make up in your mind from this next chapter in your life onwards will be your best days.

 

Get in the best shape of your life, do all the things that you've wanted to do but had the anchor holding you back.

 

Laugh, have fun, try new things and don't allow the past to stop you from finding love again.

 

Also, please understand that it is him and his disfunction and not you to blame for this situation...

 

...you are an amazing individual who truly deserves to be loved, respected and treasured.

 

God bless you, my friend and don't forget you have your TRF brothers and sisters here in your corner who are a PM away.

 

~Love, Strength, Hope,

 

TC3

 

 

Thank you. :sundog:

[Bahamas]

Group email yesterday to my volunteer unit members: So and So confirmed, severe cancer, a few days perhaps. Seriously? Was just with them four weeks ago on an exercise, they looked great, chatty, no mention.

 

I never know what to say about others' bad news.

 

But seeing it makes it hard to ignore.

 

Be strong and start every day with a deep breath of hope? For something small to get better?

 

My parents, a sibling, best friends gone. Treat a dog for cancer for two years until he says goodbye.

 

Then Covid wants to play games. Father in-law, brother in-law, a good neighbour, gone.

 

I know more bad news will arrive some day. 25 years together, next year. We can only hope for many more.

 

I don't dwell, I find it exhausting. We have been very lucky this year and practically have to keep it to ourselves. But yes, lucky, deserving, but taking nothing for granted. (Nothing...too much!)

[IbanezJem]

A return of my wife`s eye problems, which necessitated a visit to eye casualty today. Hopefully it`ll pass with the steroids given and the follow-up appointment next week.

[Lorraine]

A return of my wife`s eye problems, which necessitated a visit to eye casualty today. Hopefully it`ll pass with the steroids given and the follow-up appointment next week.

What's wrong with her eye?

[Lorraine]

I asked my husband to put away his slippers this morning. I saw him looking in his dresser drawer and asked him what he was looking for. He said, "My slippers." I pointed to the floor at his slippers. He then said, "Oh."

 

He had no idea what slippers were.

[IbanezJem]

A return of my wife`s eye problems, which necessitated a visit to eye casualty today. Hopefully it`ll pass with the steroids given and the follow-up appointment next week.

What's wrong with her eye?

It`s a bit of a weird one, as it`s a result of a lung condition (Sarcoidosis) and a weakened immune system, so she gets Uveitis at times, and it`s pretty dramatic - about this time of year five years ago her right eye became incredibly swollen and her peripheral vision had gone in both eyes. She can`t really read or use her laptop at the moment. She felt it coming on, so we`re ahead of it getting too bad, and it explains how tired she`s been for a week or so too. Because I used to train visually impaired people how to live independently, she thinks everything will be fine even if she loses her sight!

 

Sorry to hear things are obviously still difficult with your husband :hug2: Those incidents are much more fun on TV or in films than in reality.

[Lorraine]

A return of my wife`s eye problems, which necessitated a visit to eye casualty today. Hopefully it`ll pass with the steroids given and the follow-up appointment next week.

What's wrong with her eye?

It`s a bit of a weird one, as it`s a result of a lung condition (Sarcoidosis) and a weakened immune system, so she gets Uveitis at times, and it`s pretty dramatic - about this time of year five years ago her right eye became incredibly swollen and her peripheral vision had gone in both eyes. She can`t really read or use her laptop at the moment. She felt it coming on, so we`re ahead of it getting too bad, and it explains how tired she`s been for a week or so too. Because I used to train visually impaired people how to live independently, she thinks everything will be fine even if she loses her sight!

 

Sorry to hear things are obviously still difficult with your husband :hug2: Those incidents are much more fun on TV or in films than in reality.

Eye injuries are the worst. When other parts of the body go, at least you can read. When the eyes go, there's not much you can do.

 

My husband will never get any better. In fact, he has gotten worse the last year. Do you have any idea what it is like living with a man that you have no idea what he is saying 80% of the time and can't get names straight then gets mad at me when I question him? As if I'm supposed to know that Loretta is really Annie, and that Pete and Mindy are really Frank and Shirley.

 

I can no longer discuss anything of any worth or substance with him. His comprehension is pretty much gone How much he understands anymore, only he knows, because he would be the last to admit there is anything wrong with him.

 

It's hard to feel sorry for someone who did nothing to help himself get better. If you can't admit you have a problem, there is no chance of helping yourself.

Edited December 6, 2020 by Lorraine

[jamie]

the holidays, change in medication dosage, reality hitting me hard.

[IbanezJem]

the holidays, change in medication dosage, reality hitting me hard.

All three can be very hard to deal with, in very different ways :eyeroll:

[Principled Man]

After last Christmas, Ma and I went through all the decorations and decided on what to throw out and what to keep. We threw out almost everything, so we could start anew. Now, we can't find her ancient Nativity figurines. She's outraged at me for throwing them away, but I would never do such a thing without her consent. We haven't searched the entire house yet.

 

Now that she's turned 80, she's done a 180 on caring about past material things. Those figurines had better turn up!!

[JohnnyBlaze]

After last Christmas, Ma and I went through all the decorations and decided on what to throw out and what to keep. We threw out almost everything, so we could start anew. Now, we can't find her ancient Nativity figurines. She's outraged at me for throwing them away, but I would never do such a thing without her consent. We haven't searched the entire house yet.

 

Now that she's turned 80, she's done a 180 on caring about past material things. Those figurines had better turn up!!

 

Sounds like something a spouse would go nuts over...even if the spouse had instructed you to toss it at the time.

[jamie]

i got into a big argument with my mom about the trauma she's caused me. it was pointless, it's like talking to a brick wall with her.

[blueschica]

After last Christmas, Ma and I went through all the decorations and decided on what to throw out and what to keep. We threw out almost everything, so we could start anew. Now, we can't find her ancient Nativity figurines. She's outraged at me for throwing them away, but I would never do such a thing without her consent. We haven't searched the entire house yet.

 

Now that she's turned 80, she's done a 180 on caring about past material things. Those figurines had better turn up!!

 

I hear ya. I hope they can be found somewhere! My mom has done the same thing with her paperback books lately. She gives me a few (to keep!) when we go to Pittsburgh, and then on the next trip, she asks me when I can bring them back. . .remembers every darn one! :lol:

[blueschica]

i got into a big argument with my mom about the trauma she's caused me. it was pointless, it's like talking to a brick wall with her.

 

:hug2: :hug2:

[blueschica]

i got into a big argument with my mom about the trauma she's caused me. it was pointless, it's like talking to a brick wall with her.

 

I only remember one or two of your postings about this and I'm just throwing this out there in case it is useful. A friend of mine with a traumatic childhood (dad was a drug dealer, mom had some problems) found that going to a local Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting group was really helpful. That is the name (ACA) because it started along with AA, but it really is for people who have stress from any type of parent addictive behavior. If it doesn't apply to your situation, no worries. :hi:

[Rhyta]

Still feeling sad about our friend that passed away from Covid last week. She was relatively healthy but over 65, gone in 5 days due to blood clots in her lungs. She's the second person from our Cat Club days that has passed away in the last couple of months. We used to go to a show in her city every year and she was a real bundle of energy. We were on opposite sides of the fence politically but she was one of the few who could have discussions and then get back to being friends. It is so sad. :(

[blueschica]

Still feeling sad about our friend that passed away from Covid last week. She was relatively healthy but over 65, gone in 5 days due to blood clots in her lungs. She's the second person from our Cat Club days that has passed away in the last couple of months. We used to go to a show in her city every year and she was a real bundle of energy. We were on opposite sides of the fence politically but she was one of the few who could have discussions and then get back to being friends. It is so sad. :(

 

:hug2: I'm so sorry that you lost a friend. :( And, at least in our area, there are not the usual funeral arrangements and so forth right now for comfort of those left behind. It's been a tough year. Your friend sounds like a peach. :hug2:

[IbanezJem]

i got into a big argument with my mom about the trauma she's caused me. it was pointless, it's like talking to a brick wall with her.

It`s why my wife has no contact with her family, and it`s been over four years now since she has - her mental health has been so much better since, like a different person. Her mother was pretty much as poisonous a woman as I`ve ever met. I speak to my parents, but it`s always been walking a tightrope because I haven`t been the son they wanted or expected me to be. Once we`ve sold our house, we`re moving to Scotland. This is my polite way of me saying I need to be free from you. I rang her from the hospital last week, whilst my wife was in eye casualty, and within a minute it turned into how I`m neglecting her. Everything is about how things could affect her.

 

Hopefully there is a less dramatic solution for you and I`m sure other posters have better ideas :)

[Bahamas]

I am reading the recent posts above. Many. Many.

 

Hang in there folks. You must!

 

I was standing by my fridge today, sipping coffee. I was staring at a comic, stuck on the fridge door years ago. Just standing there, cup in hand.

 

It is a cut-out of a Bizarro Comic strip: A big sketched hand is handing down a tablet. A "Noah" like person is kneeling and reaching up for it, maybe hoping it will solve all the problems.

 

The words: "It started as one simple rule. Then we passed it by Legal". The tablet is filled with writing.

 

For those who wonder and second guess the words of wisdom and what we are supposed to do and say and act when faced with the unreal...nobody has a real answer.

 

Keep on doing your best. It's all you can honestly live by.

 

Rather Neil-like, I just wish it didn't have to be that way. It must be exhausting.

Edited December 14, 2020 by Bahamas