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Check me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key...

The Cat 3

By The Cat 3,
in Random Samples

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ILSnwdog

ILSnwdog

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So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.

 

A looper?

 

A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Edited by ILSnwdog
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ILSnwdog

ILSnwdog

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I was born to love you / I was born to lick your face / I was born to rub you / but you were born to rub me first /... What do you say we take this out on the patio?
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ILSnwdog

ILSnwdog

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This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
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ILSnwdog

ILSnwdog

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License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.
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ILSnwdog

ILSnwdog

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I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
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ILSnwdog

ILSnwdog

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I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.
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ILSnwdog

ILSnwdog

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Oh, Mrs. Crane, I'm looking at you... You wore green so you could hide. I don't blame you - you're a tramp! Ooh! That was right where you wanted it! Ooh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman you know that? You're a little monkey woman... You're lean and you're mean and you're not too far between either I bet, are ya? Would you like to wrap your spikes around my head?
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