Narps Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 BTW, each of us are the ONLY people responsible for our feelings/emotions. I'm a little heavy myself but I'm also able to handle it if someone mentions it. No one can shame me for anything unless I allow them to. If you're fat, you're fat. Do something about it or learn to deal with the comments. As adults, I suspect those comments are pretty rare. Most of the "shaming" (not of the true) take place in jr high or high school when brains haven't fully developed and idiots don't have as much concern for those on the fringes and those on the fringes often don't yet have the capacity to deal with rude comments. So if you make someone feel terrible about themselves that's their own responsibility? I see what he's getting at. The person doing it may be a jerk but if you allow them to get to you then that's on you. You have to be the stronger person and let it roll off. Easier said than done but possible in theory I suppose... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 BTW, each of us are the ONLY people responsible for our feelings/emotions. I'm a little heavy myself but I'm also able to handle it if someone mentions it. No one can shame me for anything unless I allow them to. If you're fat, you're fat. Do something about it or learn to deal with the comments. As adults, I suspect those comments are pretty rare. Most of the "shaming" (not of the true) take place in jr high or high school when brains haven't fully developed and idiots don't have as much concern for those on the fringes and those on the fringes often don't yet have the capacity to deal with rude comments. So if you make someone feel terrible about themselves that's their own responsibility? Like Narp said, people are going to be assholes and say awful shit. But you have more power than you know when it comes to deciding if you are going to let that shit bother you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 BTW, each of us are the ONLY people responsible for our feelings/emotions. I'm a little heavy myself but I'm also able to handle it if someone mentions it. No one can shame me for anything unless I allow them to. If you're fat, you're fat. Do something about it or learn to deal with the comments. As adults, I suspect those comments are pretty rare. Most of the "shaming" (not of the true) take place in jr high or high school when brains haven't fully developed and idiots don't have as much concern for those on the fringes and those on the fringes often don't yet have the capacity to deal with rude comments. So if you make someone feel terrible about themselves that's their own responsibility? I see what he's getting at. The person doing it may be a jerk but if you allow them to get to you then that's on you. You have to be the stronger person and let it roll off. Easier said than done but possible in theory I suppose... BTW, each of us are the ONLY people responsible for our feelings/emotions. I'm a little heavy myself but I'm also able to handle it if someone mentions it. No one can shame me for anything unless I allow them to. If you're fat, you're fat. Do something about it or learn to deal with the comments. As adults, I suspect those comments are pretty rare. Most of the "shaming" (not of the true) take place in jr high or high school when brains haven't fully developed and idiots don't have as much concern for those on the fringes and those on the fringes often don't yet have the capacity to deal with rude comments. So if you make someone feel terrible about themselves that's their own responsibility? Like Narp said, people are going to be assholes and say awful shit. But you have more power than you know when it comes to deciding if you are going to let that shit bother you. Okay that makes more sense. Just wanted to be sure :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x1yyz Posted June 21, 2014 Author Share Posted June 21, 2014 If you're fat, you're fat. Do something about it or learn to deal with the comments. No no, I don't buy that. Would you make fun of or degrade someone because they were black/Chinese/handicapped? Hopefully not, because that is a sort of prejudice/hatred. So, remove the word "fat" from any given sentence and replace it with "black," for example, to see it the sentence remains respectful. "That man is black."--Sure, there's nothing wrong with that. "That black man shouldn't wear a speedo."--Now it doesn't sound so good. As adults, I suspect those comments are pretty rare. Most of the "shaming" (not of the true) take place in jr high or high school when brains haven't fully developed and idiots don't have as much concern for those on the fringes and those on the fringes often don't yet have the capacity to deal with rude comments. I wish this were the case but we've already demonstrated earlier in this thread that's not true. This is a perfect example of what fat-shaming is not:http://media2.policymic.com/dc287ac29a72da7457c67a620cea3373.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 If you're fat, you're fat. Do something about it or learn to deal with the comments. No no, I don't buy that. Would you make fun of or degrade someone because they were black/Chinese/handicapped? Hopefully not, because that is a sort of prejudice/hatred. So, remove the word "fat" from any given sentence and replace it with "black," for example, to see it the sentence remains respectful. "That man is black."--Sure, there's nothing wrong with that. "That black man shouldn't wear a speedo."--Now it doesn't sound so good. You're missing a pretty big point here: a person cannot help it if they are black/chinese/disabled (handicapped is so un-PC now.) But being fat is something (usually) that can be helped, or rather is something that people should have control over. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Segue Myles Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Weight issues can have a strong link with mental healthm obesity is an illness that can be fueled by depression rather than greed. Having suffered with mental problems related to depression and anorexia, I think to make out losing weight is such an easy option is only easy for one to say if they are comfortable with themselves. Try being the one with the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 (edited) While I think its cruel to poke fun at others for anything there is a difference between things within our control and things that aren't. People are so judgmental to begin with and they see weakness and say stupid things. It really says more about them than it does about the individual they are cruel or poking fun at. If we could consider the source (A-holes) more, than the words or cruelty should be easier to take and possibly just let it roll off. Sounds good in theory but again very difficult in the real world in practice..... Edited June 22, 2014 by Narpski Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Segue Myles Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 While I think its cruel to poke fun at others for anything there is a difference between things within our control and things that aren't. People are so judgmental to begin with and they see weakness and say stupid things. It really says more about them than it does about the individual they are cruel or poking fun at. If we could consider the source (A-holes) more, than the words or cruelty should be easier to take and possibly just let it roll off. Sounds good in theory but again very difficult in the real world in practice..... So true. I find it really important as well to remember that its better to try and think nice towards people who treat you bad, for fear of becoming just as negative as them. Hard...but if you want love to dominate it should be the quality you seek to display! People with weight problems often hate themselves mire than you realise. They are hard enough on themselves and do not need anyone else to join in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x1yyz Posted June 22, 2014 Author Share Posted June 22, 2014 While I think its cruel to poke fun at others for anything there is a difference between things within our control and things that aren't. People are so judgmental to begin with and they see weakness and say stupid things. It really says more about them than it does about the individual they are cruel or poking fun at. If we could consider the source (A-holes) more, than the words or cruelty should be easier to take and possibly just let it roll off. Sounds good in theory but again very difficult in the real world in practice..... So true. I find it really important as well to remember that its better to try and think nice towards people who treat you bad, for fear of becoming just as negative as them. Hard...but if you want love to dominate it should be the quality you seek to display! People with weight problems often hate themselves mire than you realise. They are hard enough on themselves and do not need anyone else to join in! Well said! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 (edited) While I think its cruel to poke fun at others for anything there is a difference between things within our control and things that aren't. People are so judgmental to begin with and they see weakness and say stupid things. It really says more about them than it does about the individual they are cruel or poking fun at. If we could consider the source (A-holes) more, than the words or cruelty should be easier to take and possibly just let it roll off. Sounds good in theory but again very difficult in the real world in practice..... So true. I find it really important as well to remember that its better to try and think nice towards people who treat you bad, for fear of becoming just as negative as them. Hard...but if you want love to dominate it should be the quality you seek to display! People with weight problems often hate themselves mire than you realise. They are hard enough on themselves and do not need anyone else to join in!Very true. I have found it to be true that being kind back even when the person is being mean to you defuses them. You have in essence removed their ammunition from them. Its fun and it seems to work. If you are confident that you are the better person than why stoop to their level. I have done it on this forum. I refuse to insult back and forth. I won't go there. It's silly and goes nowhere.... Edited June 22, 2014 by Narpski 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x1yyz Posted June 22, 2014 Author Share Posted June 22, 2014 Some years ago I realized I was becoming a very negative person. There were some things that happened in my life to jar me out of that, and since then I have been trying very hard to stay positive and just be a nice person. I'm certainly not perfect, but one thing I don't like to do is make fun of others. (Much of my youth was spent being the one others made fun of, simply because they thought I was different.) I know what that feels like and I don't want others to feel that way. And that's what it all comes down to here. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Segue Myles Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 While I think its cruel to poke fun at others for anything there is a difference between things within our control and things that aren't. People are so judgmental to begin with and they see weakness and say stupid things. It really says more about them than it does about the individual they are cruel or poking fun at. If we could consider the source (A-holes) more, than the words or cruelty should be easier to take and possibly just let it roll off. Sounds good in theory but again very difficult in the real world in practice..... So true. I find it really important as well to remember that its better to try and think nice towards people who treat you bad, for fear of becoming just as negative as them. Hard...but if you want love to dominate it should be the quality you seek to display! People with weight problems often hate themselves mire than you realise. They are hard enough on themselves and do not need anyone else to join in!Very true. I have found it to be true that being kind back even when the person is being mean to you defuses them. You have in essence removed their ammunition for them. Its fun and it seems to work. If you are confident that you are the better person than why stoop to their level. I have done it on this forum. I refuse to insult back and forth. I won't go there. It's silly and goes nowhere.... Shut up Narpski. Jk jk! Lol but yeah, I have also done it on this forum (although it is true I rant and rave every now and then! But not quite on the level of, say, the much missed Hobo73). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 While I think its cruel to poke fun at others for anything there is a difference between things within our control and things that aren't. People are so judgmental to begin with and they see weakness and say stupid things. It really says more about them than it does about the individual they are cruel or poking fun at. If we could consider the source (A-holes) more, than the words or cruelty should be easier to take and possibly just let it roll off. Sounds good in theory but again very difficult in the real world in practice..... So true. I find it really important as well to remember that its better to try and think nice towards people who treat you bad, for fear of becoming just as negative as them. Hard...but if you want love to dominate it should be the quality you seek to display! People with weight problems often hate themselves mire than you realise. They are hard enough on themselves and do not need anyone else to join in!Very true. I have found it to be true that being kind back even when the person is being mean to you defuses them. You have in essence removed their ammunition for them. Its fun and it seems to work. If you are confident that you are the better person than why stoop to their level. I have done it on this forum. I refuse to insult back and forth. I won't go there. It's silly and goes nowhere.... Shut up Narpski. Jk jk! Lol but yeah, I have also done it on this forum (although it is true I rant and rave every now and then! But not quite on the level of, say, the much missed Hobo73). You're just calling it like you see it! :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Segue Myles Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Some years ago I realized I was becoming a very negative person. There were some things that happened in my life to jar me out of that, and since then I have been trying very hard to stay positive and just be a nice person. I'm certainly not perfect, but one thing I don't like to do is make fun of others. (Much of my youth was spent being the one others made fun of, simply because they thought I was different.) I know what that feels like and I don't want others to feel that way. And that's what it all comes down to here. Right now I am going through personal problems that leave me wanting to lash out, isolate myself, do something stupid but I know from my few young years that the important thing is to focus on the future with one eye on the past. If life had been good in spite of trials for me back then, chances are if I plod along for long enough the sane will happen in the future! Arg but right now I am somehow coping but am ready to snap at any monent. Fortunately, everyone who loves me knows I will always seek to stay levelheaded, but we all have breaking points. Sorry...I have no idea why I am sharing all this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 While I think its cruel to poke fun at others for anything there is a difference between things within our control and things that aren't. People are so judgmental to begin with and they see weakness and say stupid things. It really says more about them than it does about the individual they are cruel or poking fun at. If we could consider the source (A-holes) more, than the words or cruelty should be easier to take and possibly just let it roll off. Sounds good in theory but again very difficult in the real world in practice..... So true. I find it really important as well to remember that its better to try and think nice towards people who treat you bad, for fear of becoming just as negative as them. Hard...but if you want love to dominate it should be the quality you seek to display! People with weight problems often hate themselves mire than you realise. They are hard enough on themselves and do not need anyone else to join in!Very true. I have found it to be true that being kind back even when the person is being mean to you defuses them. You have in essence removed their ammunition for them. Its fun and it seems to work. If you are confident that you are the better person than why stoop to their level. I have done it on this forum. I refuse to insult back and forth. I won't go there. It's silly and goes nowhere.... Shut up Narpski. Jk jk! Lol but yeah, I have also done it on this forum (although it is true I rant and rave every now and then! But not quite on the level of, say, the much missed Hobo73). You're just calling it like you see it! :PHe certainly is. Segue in the house.... :cheers: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Some years ago I realized I was becoming a very negative person. There were some things that happened in my life to jar me out of that, and since then I have been trying very hard to stay positive and just be a nice person. I'm certainly not perfect, but one thing I don't like to do is make fun of others. (Much of my youth was spent being the one others made fun of, simply because they thought I was different.) I know what that feels like and I don't want others to feel that way. And that's what it all comes down to here. A Rush fan being different? Unpossible! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordgalaxy Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 (edited) BTW, each of us are the ONLY people responsible for our feelings/emotions. I'm a little heavy myself but I'm also able to handle it if someone mentions it. No one can shame me for anything unless I allow them to. If you're fat, you're fat. Do something about it or learn to deal with the comments. As adults, I suspect those comments are pretty rare. Most of the "shaming" (not of the true) take place in jr high or high school when brains haven't fully developed and idiots don't have as much concern for those on the fringes and those on the fringes often don't yet have the capacity to deal with rude comments. So if you make someone feel terrible about themselves that's their own responsibility? If someone speaks with the intent of upsetting someone, part of that is on them. If someone is just talking and says something that offends a listener, that is 100% on the listener. I just finished a book written by Kevin Smith (Silent Bob) and he says he knows he's fat and is okay with that. If more people would just admit it, and move on, whatever their malady, they'd be better off, imo (as well as mental health professional's opinion). Edited June 22, 2014 by Fordgalaxy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Some years ago I realized I was becoming a very negative person. There were some things that happened in my life to jar me out of that, and since then I have been trying very hard to stay positive and just be a nice person. I'm certainly not perfect, but one thing I don't like to do is make fun of others. (Much of my youth was spent being the one others made fun of, simply because they thought I was different.) I know what that feels like and I don't want others to feel that way. And that's what it all comes down to here.I was picked on countless times and bullied as a child. I was small and weak and "they" knew it. I can't remember the last time I was picked on but I will never, ever intentionally hurt someone with words or otherwise. A few folks have said mean things to me since adulthood but I never return their meanness or insults. I always try to be nice back and this throws them off their game and defuses everything typically..... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x1yyz Posted June 22, 2014 Author Share Posted June 22, 2014 Right now I am going through personal problems that leave me wanting to lash out, isolate myself, do something stupid but I know from my few young years that the important thing is to focus on the future with one eye on the past. If life had been good in spite of trials for me back then, chances are if I plod along for long enough the sane will happen in the future! Arg but right now I am somehow coping but am ready to snap at any monent. Fortunately, everyone who loves me knows I will always seek to stay levelheaded, but we all have breaking points. Sorry...I have no idea why I am sharing all this! Sorry you're going through a crappy time. Have you tried listening to really loud, really angry music? It sometimes helps me when I'm feeling that way. Live vicariously through others, so to speak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 (edited) Right now I am going through personal problems that leave me wanting to lash out, isolate myself, do something stupid but I know from my few young years that the important thing is to focus on the future with one eye on the past. If life had been good in spite of trials for me back then, chances are if I plod along for long enough the sane will happen in the future! Arg but right now I am somehow coping but am ready to snap at any monent. Fortunately, everyone who loves me knows I will always seek to stay levelheaded, but we all have breaking points. Sorry...I have no idea why I am sharing all this! Sorry you're going through a crappy time. Have you tried listening to really loud, really angry music? It sometimes helps me when I'm feeling that way. Live vicariously through others, so to speak.ABBA or Toto might do the trick.... BTW Can we get back to the boobs at some point? Edited June 22, 2014 by Narpski 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Right now I am going through personal problems that leave me wanting to lash out, isolate myself, do something stupid but I know from my few young years that the important thing is to focus on the future with one eye on the past. If life had been good in spite of trials for me back then, chances are if I plod along for long enough the sane will happen in the future! Arg but right now I am somehow coping but am ready to snap at any monent. Fortunately, everyone who loves me knows I will always seek to stay levelheaded, but we all have breaking points. Sorry...I have no idea why I am sharing all this! Sorry you're going through a crappy time. Have you tried listening to really loud, really angry music? It sometimes helps me when I'm feeling that way. Live vicariously through others, so to speak.ABBA or Toto might do the trick.... BTW Can we get back to the boobs at some point? Here's a pair for ya...http://theflyingcameldotorg.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/bush-obama.jpg 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 If you're fat, you're fat. Do something about it or learn to deal with the comments. No no, I don't buy that. Would you make fun of or degrade someone because they were black/Chinese/handicapped? Hopefully not, because that is a sort of prejudice/hatred. So, remove the word "fat" from any given sentence and replace it with "black," for example, to see it the sentence remains respectful. "That man is black."--Sure, there's nothing wrong with that. "That black man shouldn't wear a speedo."--Now it doesn't sound so good. I disagree - black men are usually good candidates for Speedos. Or so I hear. ;) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treeduck Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 http://i1.cpcache.com/product/586148304/tell_your_boobs_teddy_bear.jpg?color=White&height=460&width=460&qv=90 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Right now I am going through personal problems that leave me wanting to lash out, isolate myself, do something stupid but I know from my few young years that the important thing is to focus on the future with one eye on the past. If life had been good in spite of trials for me back then, chances are if I plod along for long enough the sane will happen in the future! Arg but right now I am somehow coping but am ready to snap at any monent. Fortunately, everyone who loves me knows I will always seek to stay levelheaded, but we all have breaking points. Sorry...I have no idea why I am sharing all this! Sorry you're going through a crappy time. Have you tried listening to really loud, really angry music? It sometimes helps me when I'm feeling that way. Live vicariously through others, so to speak.ABBA or Toto might do the trick.... BTW Can we get back to the boobs at some point? Boobs..! :P 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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