Rushchick10 Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) So, my only child...my son Alex (yes, named after Lerxst) Is 14 years old. He went from me threatening death if he didn't shower once a day, to being nearly obsessed with his appearance. I'm pretty sure there's a girl he is trying to impress. The kid showers at least twice a day, sometimes three times. While I'm glad that I have a little bit of a reprieve from the adolescent boy musk in the house, it's creating a lot more work for me. The laundry had almost doubled: it went from maybe three loads a week to about six. He's using the toothpaste and mouthwash like he'll never see the stuff again. Like I said, I think a girl has sparked this sudden concern for hygiene. The poor kid has hit puberty WAY before his friends. He's had hairy legs and a bit of acne for over a year now. Plus, I noticed he is getting a mustache. None of his friends that I see regularly have this happening yet. While we connect over comedy and music occasionally, I feel like I am losing touch with him. I'm a single mom, his biological father is almost completely absent, and he only sees his step dad once or twice a month at best. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can help him through this part of his life without being over-baring? He's my baby. He will always be my baby boy. It was a f-ing miracle that he's alive, so I want to help him make his life the best that he can. I want him to know that there is so much more to life than this dead-end town. Edited February 10, 2014 by Rushchick10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umoveme Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 You are his mom. It's ok so say, "hey please only shower once a day, the hot water bills, etc....That's not nagging. Keep in mind he's probably embarrassed about everything he does but won't admit it. Try not to be afraid of keeping your boundaries. He will set them if you don't. Good luck. This is a very difficult, confusing time..... for both of you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rushchick10 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Share Posted February 10, 2014 I can handle the hot water bill. That's minimal. I'm more worried about us completely losing touch. I would hate for him and I to live like strangers in the same apartment. I try to give him some space, but sometimes it doesn't seem like enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue J Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 My older son just turned ten, so he's not an adolescent yet. But his body is developing quickly, for his age- he's almost to the point that he probably should be taking a shower every day- almost. But he's not into girls yet...ought to be interesting to see what kind of changes he goes through, because right now, he can't even stand to see kissing on a movie screen! Anyway- my first thought about your post is that this shouldn't really be a make-or-break type of issue, that drives a wedge between you and your son. A lot of times it gets harder as kids get older to keep cultivating a close, good relationship with them, so...anyway, I agree with the post above. You ought to be able to say something about it if there are negatives that you perceive about it. You're the parent, you know? So if it's weighing on your mind, you probably should address it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KennyLee Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Going through puberty is his only issue. All boys separate themselves from their parents at this point. He is is on the shower a lot because it is a safe place to masturbate. He is feeling sexual urges constantly so being around mom doesn't feel right most of the time. He's growing up. I promise you that he will isolate himself from you for a while but he will come back as long as you're always there for him. Promise. :) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Going through puberty is his only issue. All boys separate themselves from their parents at this point. He is is on the shower a lot because it is a safe place to masturbate. He is feeling sexual urges constantly so being around mom doesn't feel right most of the time. He's growing up. I promise you that he will isolate himself from you for a while but he will come back as long as you're always there for him. Promise. :)Mr Lee is very much correct on this. I was an adolescent male teen once and I have a 23 year old son. When a boy discovers he has a penis and what it is capable of and how good that feeling is, he will obsess over it for a long time (forever possibly). I know at least I did. I also took 2 or 3 showers a day during that stage. I doubt very seriously you will able to have any kind of conversation with him about any of this without incredible embarrassment. If it were a daughter it would be different I would think with the whole period thing and all. Give him some room as this will be one a few stages he will go thru I am sure. I would however suggest the lines of communication be left wide open regarding drugs, drinking etc. I know with my son and my now soon to be 27 year old daughter they were. In my humble opinion, lying to your children about your own imperfections is a mistake. I have always been open with mine and I think they have appreciated it thru the years... Good luck my dear. Most certainly a daunting task to carry out by oneself.... :( 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstmompj Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 As you probably know, some of the best talks happen in the car—no eye contact. Let him pick the music. *sigh* Take him out to lunch and talk about his enthusiasms. Boys love food, and moms can do that. Encourage him to have friends over for movies or gaming and provide the snacks (but stay out of the way otherwise). Be comfortable with silence, but be a presence. Engage in "parallel play." Find the likes you share (i.e., favorite TV shows) and make a regular time for them. Sweeten the "date" with a dessert (let him pick). I guess I'm lucky; my three boys are each pretty close to me and it's my girl who's the one I have to work really hard to connect with. Good luck! Even if your efforts aren't fully appreciated now (and they won't be) they will be remembered and appreciated in the long run. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 So, my only child...my son Alex (yes, named after Lerxst) Is 14 years old. He went from me threatening death if he didn't shower once a day, to being nearly obsessed with his appearance. I'm pretty sure there's a girl he is trying to impress. The kid showers at least twice a day, sometimes three times. While I'm glad that I have a little bit of a reprieve from the adolescent boy musk in the house, it's creating a lot more work for me. The laundry had almost doubled: it went from maybe three loads a week to about six. He's using the toothpaste and mouthwash like he'll never see the stuff again. Like I said, I think a girl has sparked this sudden concern for hygiene. The poor kid has hit puberty WAY before his friends. He's had hairy legs and a bit of acne for over a year now. Plus, I noticed he is getting a mustache. None of his friends that I see regularly have this happening yet. While we connect over comedy and music occasionally, I feel like I am losing touch with him. I'm a single mom, his biological father is almost completely absent, and he only sees his step dad once or twice a month at best. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can help him through this part of his life without being over-baring? He's my baby. He will always be my baby boy. It was a f-ing miracle that he's alive, so I want to help him make his life the best that he can. I want him to know that there is so much more to life than this dead-end town. Obvisously I don't have kids, but I do have some thoughts that might help you anyway. What you and he is going through is normal. He is beginning to learn what it will mean to stand on his own. He is spreading his wings and learning to fly :). To you it might seem like he is forgetting everything about you, or acts like nothing you do is good enough. Going from a little kid who follows his parents footsteps, to an adolescent who needs to find his own way is daunting, and often so they step over the line in search for it. My advice is for you to be a steadfast rock he can count on. He might not show appreciation for it now, but believe me if you show him that you are there for him whenever he feels lost, he will know what a true safe haven is, and love you even more so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunder Bay Rush Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 All I know is that I’m glad my kids are now well into their 20s and out on their own… I just couldn’t do it these days. Times have changed WAY too much for this old school, old prick. Hang in there... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 All I know is that I’m glad my kids are now well into their 20s and out on their own… I just couldn’t do it these days. Times have changed WAY too much for this old school, old prick. Hang in there... Second that... :cheers: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 All I know is that I’m glad my kids are now well into their 20s and out on their own… I just couldn’t do it these days. Times have changed WAY too much for this old school, old prick. Hang in there... Second that... :cheers: I'm too scared to have kids 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brucey Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) I AM an adolescent, so I could give you answers to whatever you wish directly from ones mind - if you want. EDIT: I'm 17 Edited February 10, 2014 by RushAreAwesome 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 All I know is that I’m glad my kids are now well into their 20s and out on their own… I just couldn’t do it these days. Times have changed WAY too much for this old school, old prick. Hang in there... Second that... :cheers: I'm too scared to have kidsA man's got to know his limitations....... :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 All I know is that I’m glad my kids are now well into their 20s and out on their own… I just couldn’t do it these days. Times have changed WAY too much for this old school, old prick. Hang in there... Second that... :cheers: I'm too scared to have kidsA man's got to know his limitations....... :) Amen! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gangsterfurious Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 All I know is that I’m glad my kids are now well into their 20s and out on their own… I just couldn’t do it these days. Times have changed WAY too much for this old school, old prick. Hang in there... Second that... :cheers: I'm too scared to have kids I get horrible anxiety just having a fur-son, I can't imagine having a real one. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KennyLee Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Kids are great. The feeling you get watching their success is amazing. From the smallest success like catching a ball for the first time to scoring the game winning goal to getting accepted to college. Teach 'em to fly and let 'em go. They'll come back as long as you leave the door open. ;) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gangsterfurious Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Kids are great. The feeling you get watching their success is amazing. From the smallest success like catching a ball for the first time to scoring the game winning goal to getting accepted to college. Teach 'em to fly and let 'em go. They'll come back as long as you leave the door open. ;) Maybe after I have success in my life I'll re-consider. Right now I just want to get accepted into college, not this community place that let's anybody in the front door that I currently go to, hehehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Kids are great. The feeling you get watching their success is amazing. From the smallest success like catching a ball for the first time to scoring the game winning goal to getting accepted to college. Teach 'em to fly and let 'em go. They'll come back as long as you leave the door open. ;)Sometimes they just don't leave. My daughter at 17 moved to Savannah GA to go to school and never looked back. She still lives there 10 years later. My son is going to school at Coastal Carolina locally and at 23 still lives at home. We are glad to have him as long as we can.... :) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 All I know is that I’m glad my kids are now well into their 20s and out on their own… I just couldn’t do it these days. Times have changed WAY too much for this old school, old prick. Hang in there... Second that... :cheers: I'm too scared to have kids I get horrible anxiety just having a fur-son, I can't imagine having a real one. I'm not done growing up, and I don't think I ever will. Besides I'm not able to support a family, and I have no one to start it with, so yeah ... takes care of that problem ;) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alph Seeker Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I have been absent from this board for a long time, but this thread caught my eye because I can really relate to it right now. My son is 12 but has a lot in common with what you describe. Except the shower part - he still puts up resistence to taking even one every few days - but he sure is overdue when he takes one! And brushing teeth, my god why can't he just remember to do it?? I'm pretty confident that fairly soon mine will be like yours - obsessed with these things. I think the responses you have gotten so far have been pretty good, so I don't have much to add. I find it helps me to remember back to when I was his age - what is hard is that I am a parent now, so remembering only goes so far - but what others have said I think is true - this is all natural. The distancing / separation is hard, I totally agree with you, so hang in there knowing (trusting) that as others have said, what is important is that he knows you love him no matter what - and what is important will always be there. Notice the little things that remind you it is still there -like the other day I asked if he wanted to ride with me to run errands. He said sure, but didn't have much to say on the drive. But he chose to come. I think I will check back on this thread, maybe find answers to some of my own frustrations. So, thanks for posting. I think I've been on a break from here because Rush is on a break. But also I have been 'distracted'; but that's not really the word, because I've been parenting - and as you know, that is "the toughest job you will ever love" - the Peace Corps don't know nothin'! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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