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What Made You Laugh Today?


GeddysMullet
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The state of New York post a seat in Congress because it fell 89 people short in the 2020 census :dweez: :dweez: :dweez:
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I was walking on the sidewalk today and a person coming in the opposite direction, at least 50 feet away, decided he had to leave the sidewalk and try and cross the street. As he stepped onto the grass between the curbstone and the sidewalk, he slipped for a moment, and then regained his balance. When I reached the spot at which he apparently stepped off the sidewalk, I saw why he slipped. He had stepped in dogshirt.
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The reviews of last night's Oscars, which I thankfully did not watch.

 

https://www.google.c...-043026747.html

 

"Anthony Hopkins won his second Oscar for The Father, but the veteran British actor didn't attend the ceremony in Los Angeles or at a satellite location in the United Kingdom. So with no one to hand the statue to, presenter Joaquin Phoenix signed off and the closing credits rolled. It was an epic face-plant..."

Apparently, Tony Hopkins did offer to accept via Zoom but the Oscars declined that, so a) they made him look bad and b) Chadwick Boseman`s family are defending Hopkins` for winning (whilst not being dead or accepting in person). At 83 years old and in a pandemic, albeit a quietening one (in the UK), it`s tough that he gets criticised for staying on his farm when I think everyone thought a posthumous win was the likely outcome.
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So will it be pronounced “Oon-X” or “Uncks?”

Good call. Wouldn't want to be cancelled for saying it wrong...

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So will it be pronounced “Oon-X” or “Uncks?”

Good call. Wouldn't want to be cancelled for saying it wrong...

 

It's pronounced: "you-next!" ;)

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Larry Kudlow saying Biden is going to make America have to drink plant based beer... :laughing guy: Isn't it already plant based??
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WASHINGTON, DC— After causing an uproar for constantly extending how long masks will be required, Dr. Fauci has finally provided some much needed answers. In a recent interview, Dr. Fauci has once and for all explained that we will only need to wear cloth masks until humans evolve them.

 

“As soon as humans naturally evolve an organic nose and mouth covering at birth, then we can start dialing back on the mask mandates.” clarified Dr. Fauci. “This isn’t going to be some endless, arbitrary policy. We have clear, scientific measures informing us when masks are obsolete.”

 

“Well, that is a huge relief!” said Cathy Pittman. “We just have to trust the science and everything will be better in no time! I was starting to think the masks were going to become permanent parts of our lives!”

 

In a statement, Dr. Fauci gave his estimate for when he thinks that the evolved facemasks might become a reality. “We’re working with a purely scientific, definitive timetable now. We just need exactly, right at, about 2-5 millionish years, give or take, to probably evolve facemasks, for the most part.”

 

When pressed further, Dr. Fauci continued by saying, “I know that time will be here before you know it, but I don't think life should start returning to normal until humans are born with at least 2 naturally occurring face masks. So just another quick 5 million years!”

 

article-8060-1.jpg

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So a few minutes ago, I stop into my local Kwik Trip to trade in some winning lottery tickets.

A total of $54.00 in winners, the very pretty cashier said.

I hand the very pretty girl a Wisconsin Supercash ticket that I had filled out. The ticket costs $35.00.

 

I tell the girl, "I'd like to get the rest in Badger 5 tickets, please."

The girl hesitated for a second, then turned away from me to get an iPad.

I couldn't see what she was doing, but I'm guessing that she used the calculator to determine that $54 - $35 = $19.

 

:eh: :eh: :lol:

Edited by Principled Man
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