I'm so done. I've had it.

[RushFlyer2112]

NOBODY Is not supposed to treat you like THAT!!!!!! I really don't like,whether you're in a Relationship or not,somebody to calls you names and such,that doesn't work out for me AT ALL!!!!!!!!!

[Lorraine]

Hobo, I will keep you and your situation in my prayers. That is the best I can do for you.

[Narps]

Wow, not much to add but never say you are a bad parent, you are doing your best. There is an old (bad) joke that you could go on the internet and figure out how to build an atomic bomb but there is no plan or instruction for being a parent. All you can do is give 100% all of the time, be it the "right" way or not. Believe me, if you think you are a loser, one day your kid will start thinking the same way. And that is a recipe for disaster.

 

Second, and again I can only go by the limited postings, it sounds like your lesser half is somewhat typical of young dads that think raising a child will be all fun and games and since he obviously is sooooo perfect, I am sure he is asking why you can't be. Being the breadwinner is an easy excuse for escaping the 24/7 job of being a parent but us selfish males are slow to get the fact that once the kid is born, we go from being number 1 to number 3 on the totem pole. It doesn't sound like he gets the idea that supporting you and Lucy is his utmost priority now, not his siblings and parents. I hope he can figure that out sooner rather than later.

 

well he's not young- he's 43. And I know for a fact he has raised several other kids, whether it be his sisters' kids (yes he did) or his friends' for various reasons (countless people have told me "yeah, he raised my kids for this reason and that reason").

he has no problem with the totem pole thing, I just wish he'd take my side in this. I'm furious that his sister had the gall to say such things when her son tormented me but I never refused to watch him because I know SHE NEEDED A BABYSITTER. This was our first night alone in almost a year.

 

He doesn't understand- I'm a young mom, this is my first kid. No parent is perfect. And neither is he.

There are a couple things that can make or break a parent. I should say basic's that are nice when you have them on your side. A great example by your own parent's would be one and adaptability to the constant OJT that goes on would be another. The first would be the most important over the long haul I would think...... Again. Best wishes my dear....

[LyndseyG]

[Ya_Big_Tree]

I hope things are getting better for you hobo send me a PM sometime. :)

[RushFlyer2112]

I just hope and want good things for you and that you do very good and wish them well

[brianb23]

your situation reminds of me when I was young and my mom was in an abusive relationship, she went back to him 2 or 3 times from what i can remember after divorcing, the whole "i promise to be better thing" , but really , it never worked out, finally she took us 3 kids and fled from our then 5 month living in FL and drove back to massachusetts and we stayed with relatives until we got back on our feet....

 

You've had issues long enough it seems.. time to get away , anyway you can...

 

Hope it gets better soon...

[hobo73]

Quick update- last night sucked after a decent couple of days, and today I'm extremely sick. My stomach feels like I drank a gallon of sour milk :/

Of course hearing me at 5 AM was his cue to be a jerk, right up til just now. (Left for work)

 

Still applying for jobs- hoping it happens soon. I'm optimistic :)

I admit it, though, I kinda wish I had someone to rub my back and hold my hair today lol you know, instead of snarky comments.

[Narps]

Quick update- last night sucked after a decent couple of days, and today I'm extremely sick. My stomach feels like I drank a gallon of sour milk :/

Of course hearing me at 5 AM was his cue to be a jerk, right up til just now. (Left for work)

 

Still applying for jobs- hoping it happens soon. I'm optimistic :)

I admit it, though, I kinda wish I had someone to rub my back and hold my hair today lol you know, instead of snarky comments.

:codger:

 

Edit: Seriously, wish you to feel better :)

Edited December 19, 2013 by Narpet

[hobo73]

Lol thanks :)

I've been killing people with kindness lately- smiling and not letting words get to me.

Besides, with how I feel today, ain't nobody got time for that haha

 

Now to lie down! Oh bed....so warm.....lol

[brianb23]

that stinks... hope it gets better, a friend of ours is going through the same thing as you right now.. :(

[Motorshooter]

OK, this is from an "outsider's perspective…mine. My flame retardant cape is on. Reading from your posts and identifying some issues I would say that “you need help and so does your husband” not only with your current situation but with issues from your past. When I say “help” I mean professional….no one on this forum is going to be able to figure you out and offer sound advice with a single post. You are not a bad mother; you are only ill-equipped for the situation.

First your husband-There appears to be a few unresolved issues with hostility that encompass a lack of respect and the proper treatment of others. These could be stress related, PTSD or built up from his childhood…he needs help. It will only become worse as he gets older. He needs to be properly diagnosed.

Now you- You suffer from low self esteem and a lack of self confidence and it doesn’t help that your husband is verbally abusive towards you. You also exhibit signs of self loathing. Time to take control of your situation and not let it or others dictate down to you.

You can’t recover by yourself. Help is anywhere you care to find it. Self help, try a support group or a physiologist. Your local church will have contacts for you. There are professionally run forums for parenting, relationships and abused spouses that can be a starting point. Only you can decide what you need, but help is out there. You have to take the first step and reach out.

You are involved in an abusive relationship-that started the second your husband yelled at you and tried to demean you. You are in a tail spin of emotions right now and if you don’t take control at this point it will become worse.

Remember- You are not a bad person or bad mother; you are only ill-equipped for the situation.

I hope this helps.

[ReRushed]

If you have family or friends you and your daughter can stay with, do it.

 

I honestly do not think your husband "loves" you.

[gangsterfurious]

My husband and I had a counseling appt. two days ago and the Doctor told my husband he has severe anxiety. We didn't even know it! We knew he had a little but we didn't realize the extent and the other ways it comes out. I agree with others, if you can get help, get it.

[hobo73]

Update:

 

It took me losing my shit (Lucy DID NOT see it) for everyone to kinda take a step back and leave me be. For about 3 days I didn't speak to anyone, really. They avoided me and when I'd hear my in laws talking about me or something, I'd just smile at them.

One morning mom gave a snarky little comment, then hubby immediately after. I threw my arms up and said "WOOHOO IT'S STARTING ALREADY! LET'S DO THIS!! 7TH CRAPPY DAY IN A ROW IS UNDER WAY!!! THANKS GUYS!!!!" and simply sat down. Hubby came over and had no words, just walked away.

 

That was like a door opening, in a way. Mom stood in the kitchen crying, and hubby had no sarcastic comeback.

Mom sent dad over to explain to me (because she was too embarrassed) that her new medication made her vision horrible, so she was already edgy and she admitted she would take it out on me for every little thing.

Hubby later hugged me and sat me down, told me all the things he was doing wrong and said he never stopped to realize he was the reason I was losing my mind (which, yes, I was).

 

Everyone said I never ever act this way and when I started simply not caring and stopped talking, they knew something was up.

Things have been better lately....he promised to talk things out with me instead of argue. shockingly, he HAS been.

I'm still weary- it's in my nature- but if he's willing to be a team again.....I want my marriage to work. It takes a LOT for me to plan on leaving. when he found out he didn't know what to think...

 

I also admitted that I'm stubborn in some ways too. One thing he's been great with is, he expects me to know what he wants me to clean without saying a word. like....detailed chores that....dude....I didn't know you wanted that done.

I asked him to tell me specifically each morning before work and he has been. I have been doing it.

No more forbidden kisses before work- he's been waking up in a great mood.

 

.....fingers crossed, this feels right.

[hobo73]

and yes, some people have brought it up to me and yeah.....I have always had anxiety problems. this made me go crazy. Medication always freaked me out though. in high school they wanted to pump me full of about 5 different medications and I refused. I just can't.

[Ya_Big_Tree]

and yes, some people have brought it up to me and yeah.....I have always had anxiety problems. this made me go crazy. Medication always freaked me out though. in high school they wanted to pump me full of about 5 different medications and I refused. I just can't.

^ This

 

Ok... like I told you... stop letting them see it get to you and act like it doesn't phase you (cause it really doesn't) and then they wonder wtf and it bothers them... and it looks like that's exactly whats happened.

 

As far as the anxiety meds... a lot of people on here will tell you different things and I'll tell you as someone who has had a rollercoaster of a ride with meds... DON'T TAKE THEM.

 

You should find something else that will give you some peace.. like meditation, writing (as you mentioned before) yoga, going for a walk in nature... just something that allows you to unwind. Aromatherapy is great and if have problems sleeping cause of anxiety try a natural herb for comfort like Valerian root or St. John's Wort.

 

In the end it's your choice... but if you feel strongly against it.. don't give in. It's not you with the problem... they finally are realizing that they have been causing you to feel overwhelmed and hopefully they start changing their behaviour and realizing a marriage is a 2 way street.

[Cyclonus X-1]

You should find something else that will give you some peace.. like meditation, writing (as you mentioned before) yoga, going for a walk in nature... just something that allows you to unwind.

 

These are good suggestions whether you go with meds or not.

[Narps]

You should find something else that will give you some peace.. like meditation, writing (as you mentioned before) yoga, going for a walk in nature... just something that allows you to unwind.

 

These are good suggestions whether you go with meds or not.

Agreed. I believe everyone needs something. Something that is theirs to have and to hold on too. Whether it be a hobby, knitting a sport or whatever. An outlet to blow off steam or to relax and to forget about the seriousness of it all. That's pretty much what I've done throughout my life anyway.... :)

[hobo73]

Oh yes. Meditation has helped me greatly! I've slowly been writing lately, and as crazy as it sounds- putting on music, getting Lucy and DANCING! hehe.

I prefer natural remedies. I hate how so many people say "anxiety? PILLS!" like it's the perfect solution. I've known plenty of people who took anti depressants & stuff to help with anxiety, and more often than not it really made things worse.

 

Ya, yes...they're starting to realize they're not right 100 percent of the time. I admitted to things I've done (like not cleaning purely out of spite. I did explain, though, that the one day I spent a full 8 hours cleaning and they told me of all I DIDN'T do, that that was what made me say "F this.")

Another good night last night :)

An argument almost started but we both walked away for a moment, calmed down and talked it out. before we knew it, we were cuddling on the couch. No screaming. and that was the only bump in the road last night.

 

He's also realized that my god, I NEED alone time. Even just a few minutes. I have Lucy all day every day and sometimes I get frazzled!! so he's been telling me "go for a walk. I've got her. Go get your headphones and walk."

I love walks and it's so nice to get out of the house. :)

[Janie]

You should find something else that will give you some peace.. like meditation, writing (as you mentioned before) yoga, going for a walk in nature... just something that allows you to unwind.

 

These are good suggestions whether you go with meds or not.

Agreed. I believe everyone needs something. Something that is theirs to have and to hold on too. Whether it be a hobby, knitting a sport or whatever. An outlet to blow off steam or to relax and to forget about the seriousness of it all. That's pretty much what I've done throughout my life anyway.... :)

Couldn't agree more. This is why I exercise. I run daily and it's the best medicine for me. I get to pound all of my frustrations out into the pavement. I used to paint and write to get things out. The point is, as others have pointed out, that there are alternatives to being medicated.

[Narps]

You should find something else that will give you some peace.. like meditation, writing (as you mentioned before) yoga, going for a walk in nature... just something that allows you to unwind.

 

These are good suggestions whether you go with meds or not.

Agreed. I believe everyone needs something. Something that is theirs to have and to hold on too. Whether it be a hobby, knitting a sport or whatever. An outlet to blow off steam or to relax and to forget about the seriousness of it all. That's pretty much what I've done throughout my life anyway.... :)

Couldn't agree more. This is why I exercise. I run daily and it's the best medicine for me. I get to pound all of my frustrations out into the pavement. I used to paint and write to get things out. The point is, as others have pointed out, that there are alternatives to being medicated.

:cheers: I believe I once heard it called a "distraction". That's why many people are into sports fandom so much too. My two vices at this point are working out of course and this forum. Mind and body are both covered.... :)

[Cyclonus X-1]

You should find something else that will give you some peace.. like meditation, writing (as you mentioned before) yoga, going for a walk in nature... just something that allows you to unwind.

 

These are good suggestions whether you go with meds or not.

Agreed. I believe everyone needs something. Something that is theirs to have and to hold on too. Whether it be a hobby, knitting a sport or whatever. An outlet to blow off steam or to relax and to forget about the seriousness of it all. That's pretty much what I've done throughout my life anyway.... :)

Couldn't agree more. This is why I exercise. I run daily and it's the best medicine for me. I get to pound all of my frustrations out into the pavement. I used to paint and write to get things out. The point is, as others have pointed out, that there are alternatives to being medicated.

:cheers: I believe I once heard it called a "distraction". That's why many people are into sports fandom so much too. My two vices at this point are working out of course and this forum. Mind and body are both covered.... :)

 

You guys are right on. My morning workout is one of my favorite parts of the day. It's such a productive way of channeling angry or nervous energy, and it's relieving at the same time.

[Narps]

You should find something else that will give you some peace.. like meditation, writing (as you mentioned before) yoga, going for a walk in nature... just something that allows you to unwind.

 

These are good suggestions whether you go with meds or not.

Agreed. I believe everyone needs something. Something that is theirs to have and to hold on too. Whether it be a hobby, knitting a sport or whatever. An outlet to blow off steam or to relax and to forget about the seriousness of it all. That's pretty much what I've done throughout my life anyway.... :)

Couldn't agree more. This is why I exercise. I run daily and it's the best medicine for me. I get to pound all of my frustrations out into the pavement. I used to paint and write to get things out. The point is, as others have pointed out, that there are alternatives to being medicated.

:cheers: I believe I once heard it called a "distraction". That's why many people are into sports fandom so much too. My two vices at this point are working out of course and this forum. Mind and body are both covered.... :)

 

You guys are right on. My morning workout is one of my favorite parts of the day. It's such a productive way of channeling angry or nervous energy, and it's relieving at the same time.

Then you can throw on your flannel and grab the guitar.... :dweez:

[Ya_Big_Tree]

Exactly. Nothing would ever get me to go on medication again. I'm very lucky to have an extremely supportive partner and friends and family who respect my decision for alternative therapies which in the end make me feel 10000X better about myself anyways because it's results I can see.