TRF Prediction Thread and Roast: Rushgoober's 30,000th post

[Tombstone Mountain]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

You both have such soft hearts. You must be of relation

[Tombstone Mountain]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

Bail's been denied...this is trouble!

[HomesickAlien]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

Bail's been denied...this is trouble!

 

Bail denied? Now poor Gary will have to spend the night in lockup. You'd better send an investigative reporter out to Santa Ynez to get to the bottom of this.

 

I might have to get Lorraine to fly out there with me to picket the jail.

 

http://i.imgur.com/Y27lxDE.png

[Tombstone Mountain]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

Bail's been denied...this is trouble!

 

Bail denied? Now poor Gary will have to spend the night in lockup. You'd better send an investigative reporter out to Santa Ynez to get to the bottom of this.

 

I might have to get Lorraine to fly out there with me to picket the jail.

 

http://i.imgur.com/Y27lxDE.png

Free Rushgoober! Free Rushgoober! Free Rushgoober!

 

Can't wait for the news conference...it'll be informative I think

[greyfriar]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

Bail's been denied...this is trouble!

 

Bail denied? Now poor Gary will have to spend the night in lockup. You'd better send an investigative reporter out to Santa Ynez to get to the bottom of this.

 

I might have to get Lorraine to fly out there with me to picket the jail.

 

http://i.imgur.com/Y27lxDE.png

Free Rushgoober! Free Rushgoober! Free Rushgoober!

 

Can't wait for the news conference...it'll be informative I think

 

Save Goober!

Any news on the press conference or official statements? The world holds its breath and longs for information.

[The Analog Grownup]

I love this thread

[Tombstone Mountain]

I love this thread

I know...there's so many reasons :dweez:

[Tombstone Mountain]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Early Edition

 

 

 

November 13, 2013

 

10:00 am

Santa Barbara, Ca

County Court House

 

 

With stunning developments to report, the Yukon Blade Grinder is on the scene ready to divulge information. The Rush Forum has been at fever pitch trying to locate its most celebrated troll for weeks. The reason? He’s holding onto his 30,000^th post like a child attached to their teddy bear and people are dying to see what's next. Well, Goober’s been found, but in less than ideal conditions. At the moment, he’s holed up in a Santa Barbara jail facility and not allowed visitors of any kind. Speculation has been rampant. Exactly WTF was Goober doing at the King of Pops Neverland Ranch?

 

The county sheriff’s news conference focused on this dire situation. Amid the flash of cameras, and a boisterous, extremely diverse crowd, sheriff Ron Howard (former child star and famed director) stepped up to the podium to issue an official statement and answer questions. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: I’d like to address the situation involving vagrancy and Neverland Ranch. Everyone in the state of California knows the ranch is on the verge of becoming a state landmark. Preparations have been in place for some time to renovate the former estate of Michael Jackson, and this may slow that process for the time being. Developments materializing are indeed eye opening, and we have some new information to dispense. There appears to be evidence of a cult called “Spirits of Neverland Ranch”. Activity seemed to be isolated around the large mammal barn, with some cultic markings found in a nearby forest. As for identification of the cult leader, that is an unknown at this time.

 

Followers of this man refer to him only as “Goober”. It appears he’s a former employee of Mr. Jackson. We believe he was a performing clown when the Ranch was functioning as a children’s attraction, and he performed ancillary “duties” during the off-season at the estate. What those duties specifically were are not entirely clear at this time. Since we cannot confirm his true identity, bail's been denied.

 

So with that said, I’ll open the floor to a few questions. Just for your information this is my second job, so I’ve gotta skate soon—keep the questions brief.

 

 

USA Today: What evidence is there of occultism on the premises?

Sheriff Howard: In the barn, specifically the Llama stall, books were found. In addition, a banner that read, “Vapor Trolls Book Club meets here”. A book titled Tough Times Demand Tough Talk was found next to a five-gallon bucket (which was used as a toilet). Women from all over the world were sucked into this scheme via the internet—mostly from England. One came from New Jersey. In the woods, there was a pagan symbol constructed of rocks. Apparently used in a ceremony to commemorate/denounce oppression and defiance of some spacey ideology. Around the symbol were the words “f**k Megadon”—we don’t know what that means yet. In the private chamber of the cult leader was the best selling Dale Carnegie book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. You just know with material like that lying around, something was amiss. Next question.

 

The New York Times: Is there anyway at this time to determine if these women were forced into servitude, or they were willing participants?

Sheriff Howard: The women went along willingly, the farm animals—quite another story. Next question.

 

BET Entertainment: Are there any indications of brain washing amongst the captive women or animals?

Sheriff Howard: That is yet to be determined at this point. The female captors have been observed chanting the words “A certain measure of righteousness, a certain amount of force. A certain degree of imagination-daring on a different course” over and over again in their jail cells…what that means is up in the air. Last question.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: “Can you tell us the scope of the relationship between Goober and Michael Jackson? What’s the connection beyond being a clown on Neverland Ranch?”

Sheriff Howard: Good question. Ummmm, apparently this Goober was also a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Apparently his collaboration spanned a few years.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: What songs did he contribute to Mr. Jackson’s library of music?

Sheriff Howard: Well, The way you make me feel is one, and Beat it. Those are officially credited to a “Goober”. At this time we think the relationship is much more extensive than just those two songs. There’s textual evidence of a song I’m a moonwalker that was also penned by Goober. Evidence seems to suggest a Bernie Tuapin/Elton John kind of thing going on. As we dig deeper into his laptop, we’ll find out more information. Thank You!

 

 

-End Press Conference-

 

 

What a treasure trove of information to ponder loyal Yukon Blade Grinder readers. What will be uncovered next on our beloved Goobs? Will he ever see the light of day again? Can fellow inmates get used to “Mr. Snuggles”? Only time will tell as we wait for the word. So, until then, let us perk our ears to the wind, hoping to hear the approaching hoof beats of good news (well, hopefully it’s good).

Edited November 13, 2013 by Tombstone Mountain

[Babycat]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Tombstone Mountain]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Are you one of the brainwashed brits? Could it be?

[Babycat]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Are you one of the brainwashed brits? Could it be?

I don't know about brainwashed, but your posts are awesome!

[Tombstone Mountain]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Are you one of the brainwashed brits? Could it be?

I don't know about brainwashed, but your posts are awesome!

OMG you were brainwashed

[Tombstone Mountain]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Early Edition

 

 

 

November 13, 2013

 

10:00 am

Santa Barbara, Ca

County Court House

 

 

With stunning developments to report, the Yukon Blade Grinder is on the scene ready to divulge information. The Rush Forum has been at fever pitch trying to locate its most celebrated troll for weeks. The reason? He’s holding onto his 30,000^th post like a child attached to their teddy bear and people are dying to see what's next. Well, Goober’s been found, but in less than ideal conditions. At the moment, he’s holed up in a Santa Barbara jail facility and not allowed visitors of any kind. Speculation has been rampant. Exactly WTF was Goober doing at the King of Pops Neverland Ranch?

 

The county sheriff’s news conference focused on this dire situation. Amid the flash of cameras, and a boisterous, extremely diverse crowd, sheriff Ron Howard (former child star and famed director) stepped up to the podium to issue an official statement and answer questions. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: I’d like to address the situation involving vagrancy and Neverland Ranch. Everyone in the state of California knows the ranch is on the verge of becoming a state landmark. Preparations have been in place for some time to renovate the former estate of Michael Jackson, and this may slow that process for the time being. Developments materializing are indeed eye opening, and we have some new information to dispense. There appears to be evidence of a cult called “Spirits of Neverland Ranch”. Activity seemed to be isolated around the large mammal barn, with some cultic markings found in a nearby forest. As for identification of the cult leader, that is an unknown at this time.

 

Followers of this man refer to him only as “Goober”. It appears he’s a former employee of Mr. Jackson. We believe he was a performing clown when the Ranch was functioning as a children’s attraction, and he performed ancillary “duties” during the off-season at the estate. What those duties specifically were are not entirely clear at this time. Since we cannot confirm his true identity, bail's been denied.

 

So with that said, I’ll open the floor to a few questions. Just for your information this is my second job, so I’ve gotta skate soon—keep the questions brief.

 

 

USA Today: What evidence is there of occultism on the premises?

Sheriff Howard: In the barn, specifically the Llama stall, books were found. In addition, a banner that read, “Vapor Trolls Book Club meets here”. A book titled Tough Times Demand Tough Talk was found next to a five-gallon bucket (which was used as a toilet). Women from all over the world were sucked into this scheme via the internet—mostly from England. One came from New Jersey. In the woods, there was a pagan symbol constructed of rocks. Apparently used in a ceremony to commemorate/denounce oppression and defiance of some spacey ideology. Around the symbol were the words “f**k Megadon”—we don’t know what that means yet. In the private chamber of the cult leader was the best selling Dale Carnegie book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. You just know with material like that lying around, something was amiss. Next question.

 

The New York Times: Is there anyway at this time to determine if these women were forced into servitude, or they were willing participants?

Sheriff Howard: The women went along willingly, the farm animals—quite another story. Next question.

 

BET Entertainment: Are there any indications of brain washing amongst the captive women or animals?

Sheriff Howard: That is yet to be determined at this point. The female captors have been observed chanting the words “A certain measure of righteousness, a certain amount of force. A certain degree of imagination-daring on a different course” over and over again in their jail cells…what that means is up in the air. Last question.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: “Can you tell us the scope of the relationship between Goober and Michael Jackson? What’s the connection beyond being a clown on Neverland Ranch?”

Sheriff Howard: Good question. Ummmm, apparently this Goober was also a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Apparently his collaboration spanned a few years.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: What songs did he contribute to Mr. Jackson’s library of music?

Sheriff Howard: Well, The way you make me feel is one, and Beat it. Those are officially credited to a “Goober”. At this time we think the relationship is much more extensive than just those two songs. There’s textual evidence of a song I’m a moonwalker that was also penned by Goober. Evidence seems to suggest a Bernie Tuapin/Elton John kind of thing going on. As we dig deeper into his laptop, we’ll find out more information. Thank You!

 

 

-End Press Conference-

 

 

What a treasure trove of information to ponder loyal Yukon Blade Grinder readers. What will be uncovered next on our beloved Goobs? Will he ever see the light of day again? Can fellow inmates get used to “Mr. Snuggles”? Only time will tell as we wait for the word. So, until then, let us perk our ears to the wind, hoping to hear the approaching hoof beats of good news (well, hopefully it’s good).

 

 

This is so far out there...did anyone suspect Goober was this nuts?

[greyfriar]

One word EPOCHAL! (Kinski quote)

YBG has a new meaning to me You'll Beg for Grace and you'll get the giggles. Jesus, that's hilarious.

Love all the Rush references and how you fondly packed them into the story. If I ever own a newspaper you'll get the job man.

...the women went along willingly, the farm animals... :LMAO:

[Lorraine]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

Bail's been denied...this is trouble!

 

Bail denied? Now poor Gary will have to spend the night in lockup. You'd better send an investigative reporter out to Santa Ynez to get to the bottom of this.

 

I might have to get Lorraine to fly out there with me to picket the jail.

 

http://i.imgur.com/Y27lxDE.png

 

Have you booked our flight yet? We must rush to his assistance and put an end to this travesty of justice.

 

I packed the Vapor Trails Remix CD for him, and a stunning 8x10 glossy of Neil toasting marshmallows by one of his campsite campfires.

[Babycat]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Are you one of the brainwashed brits? Could it be?

I don't know about brainwashed, but your posts are awesome!

OMG you were brainwashed

[Lorraine]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Early Edition

 

 

 

November 13, 2013

 

10:00 am

Santa Barbara, Ca

County Court House

 

 

With stunning developments to report, the Yukon Blade Grinder is on the scene ready to divulge information. The Rush Forum has been at fever pitch trying to locate its most celebrated troll for weeks. The reason? He’s holding onto his 30,000^th post like a child attached to their teddy bear and people are dying to see what's next. Well, Goober’s been found, but in less than ideal conditions. At the moment, he’s holed up in a Santa Barbara jail facility and not allowed visitors of any kind. Speculation has been rampant. Exactly WTF was Goober doing at the King of Pops Neverland Ranch?

 

The county sheriff’s news conference focused on this dire situation. Amid the flash of cameras, and a boisterous, extremely diverse crowd, sheriff Ron Howard (former child star and famed director) stepped up to the podium to issue an official statement and answer questions. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: I’d like to address the situation involving vagrancy and Neverland Ranch. Everyone in the state of California knows the ranch is on the verge of becoming a state landmark. Preparations have been in place for some time to renovate the former estate of Michael Jackson, and this may slow that process for the time being. Developments materializing are indeed eye opening, and we have some new information to dispense. There appears to be evidence of a cult called “Spirits of Neverland Ranch”. Activity seemed to be isolated around the large mammal barn, with some cultic markings found in a nearby forest. As for identification of the cult leader, that is an unknown at this time.

 

Followers of this man refer to him only as “Goober”. It appears he’s a former employee of Mr. Jackson. We believe he was a performing clown when the Ranch was functioning as a children’s attraction, and he performed ancillary “duties” during the off-season at the estate. What those duties specifically were are not entirely clear at this time. Since we cannot confirm his true identity, bail's been denied.

 

So with that said, I’ll open the floor to a few questions. Just for your information this is my second job, so I’ve gotta skate soon—keep the questions brief.

 

 

USA Today: What evidence is there of occultism on the premises?

Sheriff Howard: In the barn, specifically the Llama stall, books were found. In addition, a banner that read, “Vapor Trolls Book Club meets here”. A book titled Tough Times Demand Tough Talk was found next to a five-gallon bucket (which was used as a toilet). Women from all over the world were sucked into this scheme via the internet—mostly from England. One came from New Jersey. In the woods, there was a pagan symbol constructed of rocks. Apparently used in a ceremony to commemorate/denounce oppression and defiance of some spacey ideology. Around the symbol were the words “f**k Megadon”—we don’t know what that means yet. In the private chamber of the cult leader was the best selling Dale Carnegie book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. You just know with material like that lying around, something was amiss. Next question.

 

The New York Times: Is there anyway at this time to determine if these women were forced into servitude, or they were willing participants?

Sheriff Howard: The women went along willingly, the farm animals—quite another story. Next question.

 

BET Entertainment: Are there any indications of brain washing amongst the captive women or animals?

Sheriff Howard: That is yet to be determined at this point. The female captors have been observed chanting the words “A certain measure of righteousness, a certain amount of force. A certain degree of imagination-daring on a different course” over and over again in their jail cells…what that means is up in the air. Last question.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: “Can you tell us the scope of the relationship between Goober and Michael Jackson? What’s the connection beyond being a clown on Neverland Ranch?”

Sheriff Howard: Good question. Ummmm, apparently this Goober was also a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Apparently his collaboration spanned a few years.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: What songs did he contribute to Mr. Jackson’s library of music?

Sheriff Howard: Well, The way you make me feel is one, and Beat it. Those are officially credited to a “Goober”. At this time we think the relationship is much more extensive than just those two songs. There’s textual evidence of a song I’m a moonwalker that was also penned by Goober. Evidence seems to suggest a Bernie Tuapin/Elton John kind of thing going on. As we dig deeper into his laptop, we’ll find out more information. Thank You!

 

 

-End Press Conference-

 

 

What a treasure trove of information to ponder loyal Yukon Blade Grinder readers. What will be uncovered next on our beloved Goobs? Will he ever see the light of day again? Can fellow inmates get used to “Mr. Snuggles”? Only time will tell as we wait for the word. So, until then, let us perk our ears to the wind, hoping to hear the approaching hoof beats of good news (well, hopefully it’s good).

 

 

This is so far out there...did anyone suspect Goober was this nuts?

 

Now. Now. Let's not be too hasty in our judgment of Goober. The stress might be altering his normally balanced reason and judgment. I am certain that once we can get him listening to Vapor Trails, all will return to normal.

 

In the meantime, I hope that The Yukon Blade Grinder will stay on the cutting edge of all further developments until Substance and I fly out there and get the true scoop.

[Babycat]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Early Edition

 

 

 

November 13, 2013

 

10:00 am

Santa Barbara, Ca

County Court House

 

 

With stunning developments to report, the Yukon Blade Grinder is on the scene ready to divulge information. The Rush Forum has been at fever pitch trying to locate its most celebrated troll for weeks. The reason? He’s holding onto his 30,000^th post like a child attached to their teddy bear and people are dying to see what's next. Well, Goober’s been found, but in less than ideal conditions. At the moment, he’s holed up in a Santa Barbara jail facility and not allowed visitors of any kind. Speculation has been rampant. Exactly WTF was Goober doing at the King of Pops Neverland Ranch?

 

The county sheriff’s news conference focused on this dire situation. Amid the flash of cameras, and a boisterous, extremely diverse crowd, sheriff Ron Howard (former child star and famed director) stepped up to the podium to issue an official statement and answer questions. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: I’d like to address the situation involving vagrancy and Neverland Ranch. Everyone in the state of California knows the ranch is on the verge of becoming a state landmark. Preparations have been in place for some time to renovate the former estate of Michael Jackson, and this may slow that process for the time being. Developments materializing are indeed eye opening, and we have some new information to dispense. There appears to be evidence of a cult called “Spirits of Neverland Ranch”. Activity seemed to be isolated around the large mammal barn, with some cultic markings found in a nearby forest. As for identification of the cult leader, that is an unknown at this time.

 

Followers of this man refer to him only as “Goober”. It appears he’s a former employee of Mr. Jackson. We believe he was a performing clown when the Ranch was functioning as a children’s attraction, and he performed ancillary “duties” during the off-season at the estate. What those duties specifically were are not entirely clear at this time. Since we cannot confirm his true identity, bail's been denied.

 

So with that said, I’ll open the floor to a few questions. Just for your information this is my second job, so I’ve gotta skate soon—keep the questions brief.

 

 

USA Today: What evidence is there of occultism on the premises?

Sheriff Howard: In the barn, specifically the Llama stall, books were found. In addition, a banner that read, “Vapor Trolls Book Club meets here”. A book titled Tough Times Demand Tough Talk was found next to a five-gallon bucket (which was used as a toilet). Women from all over the world were sucked into this scheme via the internet—mostly from England. One came from New Jersey. In the woods, there was a pagan symbol constructed of rocks. Apparently used in a ceremony to commemorate/denounce oppression and defiance of some spacey ideology. Around the symbol were the words “f**k Megadon”—we don’t know what that means yet. In the private chamber of the cult leader was the best selling Dale Carnegie book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. You just know with material like that lying around, something was amiss. Next question.

 

The New York Times: Is there anyway at this time to determine if these women were forced into servitude, or they were willing participants?

Sheriff Howard: The women went along willingly, the farm animals—quite another story. Next question.

 

BET Entertainment: Are there any indications of brain washing amongst the captive women or animals?

Sheriff Howard: That is yet to be determined at this point. The female captors have been observed chanting the words “A certain measure of righteousness, a certain amount of force. A certain degree of imagination-daring on a different course” over and over again in their jail cells…what that means is up in the air. Last question.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: “Can you tell us the scope of the relationship between Goober and Michael Jackson? What’s the connection beyond being a clown on Neverland Ranch?”

Sheriff Howard: Good question. Ummmm, apparently this Goober was also a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Apparently his collaboration spanned a few years.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: What songs did he contribute to Mr. Jackson’s library of music?

Sheriff Howard: Well, The way you make me feel is one, and Beat it. Those are officially credited to a “Goober”. At this time we think the relationship is much more extensive than just those two songs. There’s textual evidence of a song I’m a moonwalker that was also penned by Goober. Evidence seems to suggest a Bernie Tuapin/Elton John kind of thing going on. As we dig deeper into his laptop, we’ll find out more information. Thank You!

 

 

-End Press Conference-

 

 

What a treasure trove of information to ponder loyal Yukon Blade Grinder readers. What will be uncovered next on our beloved Goobs? Will he ever see the light of day again? Can fellow inmates get used to “Mr. Snuggles”? Only time will tell as we wait for the word. So, until then, let us perk our ears to the wind, hoping to hear the approaching hoof beats of good news (well, hopefully it’s good).

 

 

This is so far out there...did anyone suspect Goober was this nuts?

 

Now. Now. Let's not be too hasty in our judgment of Goober. The stress might be altering his normally balanced reason and judgment. I am certain that once we can get him listening to Vapor Trails, all will return to normal.

 

In the meantime, I hope that The Yukon Blade Grinder will stay on the cutting edge of all further developments until Substance and I fly out there and get the true scoop.

How about playing Vapor Trails at full blast?

[Lorraine]

Will the prison allow it??? It may cause an uprising. Or worse!

[Tombstone Mountain]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

Bail's been denied...this is trouble!

 

Bail denied? Now poor Gary will have to spend the night in lockup. You'd better send an investigative reporter out to Santa Ynez to get to the bottom of this.

 

I might have to get Lorraine to fly out there with me to picket the jail.

 

http://i.imgur.com/Y27lxDE.png

 

Have you booked our flight yet? We must rush to his assistance and put an end to this travesty of justice.

 

I packed the Vapor Trails Remix CD for him, and a stunning 8x10 glossy of Neil toasting marshmallows by one of his campsite campfires.

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

Bail's been denied...this is trouble!

 

Bail denied? Now poor Gary will have to spend the night in lockup. You'd better send an investigative reporter out to Santa Ynez to get to the bottom of this.

 

I might have to get Lorraine to fly out there with me to picket the jail.

 

http://i.imgur.com/Y27lxDE.png

 

Have you booked our flight yet? We must rush to his assistance and put an end to this travesty of justice.

 

I packed the Vapor Trails Remix CD for him, and a stunning 8x10 glossy of Neil toasting marshmallows by one of his campsite campfires.

He's not allowed to have those things in the pokey

[Lorraine]

Then Substance and me will camp outside and under his cell window and sing the songs. Edited November 13, 2013 by Lorraine

[Lorraine]

And surely they will let him have the 8x10 glossy of Neil. Goober will love it!

[Tombstone Mountain]

Will the prison allow it??? It may cause an uprising. Or worse!

Mr. Snuggles has his work cut out for him—survival is on his mind!

[HomesickAlien]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Early Edition

 

 

 

November 13, 2013

 

10:00 am

Santa Barbara, Ca

County Court House

 

 

With stunning developments to report, the Yukon Blade Grinder is on the scene ready to divulge information. The Rush Forum has been at fever pitch trying to locate its most celebrated troll for weeks. The reason? He’s holding onto his 30,000^th post like a child attached to their teddy bear and people are dying to see what's next. Well, Goober’s been found, but in less than ideal conditions. At the moment, he’s holed up in a Santa Barbara jail facility and not allowed visitors of any kind. Speculation has been rampant. Exactly WTF was Goober doing at the King of Pops Neverland Ranch?

 

The county sheriff’s news conference focused on this dire situation. Amid the flash of cameras, and a boisterous, extremely diverse crowd, sheriff Ron Howard (former child star and famed director) stepped up to the podium to issue an official statement and answer questions. Here’s the official transcript:

 

Sheriff Howard: I’d like to address the situation involving vagrancy and Neverland Ranch. Everyone in the state of California knows the ranch is on the verge of becoming a state landmark. Preparations have been in place for some time to renovate the former estate of Michael Jackson, and this may slow that process for the time being. Developments materializing are indeed eye opening, and we have some new information to dispense. There appears to be evidence of a cult called “Spirits of Neverland Ranch”. Activity seemed to be isolated around the large mammal barn, with some cultic markings found in a nearby forest. As for identification of the cult leader, that is an unknown at this time.

 

Followers of this man refer to him only as “Goober”. It appears he’s a former employee of Mr. Jackson. We believe he was a performing clown when the Ranch was functioning as a children’s attraction, and he performed ancillary “duties” during the off-season at the estate. What those duties specifically were are not entirely clear at this time. Since we cannot confirm his true identity, bail's been denied.

 

So with that said, I’ll open the floor to a few questions. Just for your information this is my second job, so I’ve gotta skate soon—keep the questions brief.

 

 

USA Today: What evidence is there of occultism on the premises?

Sheriff Howard: In the barn, specifically the Llama stall, books were found. In addition, a banner that read, “Vapor Trolls Book Club meets here”. A book titled Tough Times Demand Tough Talk was found next to a five-gallon bucket (which was used as a toilet). Women from all over the world were sucked into this scheme via the internet—mostly from England. One came from New Jersey. In the woods, there was a pagan symbol constructed of rocks. Apparently used in a ceremony to commemorate/denounce oppression and defiance of some spacey ideology. Around the symbol were the words “f**k Megadon”—we don’t know what that means yet. In the private chamber of the cult leader was the best selling Dale Carnegie book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. You just know with material like that lying around, something was amiss. Next question.

 

The New York Times: Is there anyway at this time to determine if these women were forced into servitude, or they were willing participants?

Sheriff Howard: The women went along willingly, the farm animals—quite another story. Next question.

 

BET Entertainment: Are there any indications of brain washing amongst the captive women or animals?

Sheriff Howard: That is yet to be determined at this point. The female captors have been observed chanting the words “A certain measure of righteousness, a certain amount of force. A certain degree of imagination-daring on a different course” over and over again in their jail cells…what that means is up in the air. Last question.

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder: “Can you tell us the scope of the relationship between Goober and Michael Jackson? What’s the connection beyond being a clown on Neverland Ranch?”

Sheriff Howard: Good question. Ummmm, apparently this Goober was also a lyricist for Mr. Jackson. Apparently his collaboration spanned a few years.

The Yukon Blade Grinder: What songs did he contribute to Mr. Jackson’s library of music?

Sheriff Howard: Well, The way you make me feel is one, and Beat it. Those are officially credited to a “Goober”. At this time we think the relationship is much more extensive than just those two songs. There’s textual evidence of a song I’m a moonwalker that was also penned by Goober. Evidence seems to suggest a Bernie Tuapin/Elton John kind of thing going on. As we dig deeper into his laptop, we’ll find out more information. Thank You!

 

 

-End Press Conference-

 

 

What a treasure trove of information to ponder loyal Yukon Blade Grinder readers. What will be uncovered next on our beloved Goobs? Will he ever see the light of day again? Can fellow inmates get used to “Mr. Snuggles”? Only time will tell as we wait for the word. So, until then, let us perk our ears to the wind, hoping to hear the approaching hoof beats of good news (well, hopefully it’s good).

 

Sheriff Ron Howard? You forgot to mention his trusted sidekick, Deputy Fife.

[HomesickAlien]

Finally, we have some clues to Rushgoober's absence—Hope he's OK

 

—TM

 

 

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder

 

Late edition

 

November 12, 2013

Santa Barbara, Ca

 

 

Vagrant Arrested at Neverland Ranch

 

The Yukon Blade Grinder’s reach is getting more and more evident in American culture, as we uncover yet another newsprint gem. Michael Jackson makes the YBG.

 

Neverland Ranch has been quiet for many years, until today. Procurator of the ranch, Jorge Pilaguana, reports a homeless camp on the King of Pops infamous stomping grounds has been discovered. Out of the public eye for years, now back in the news, details are beginning to emerge as rare animals are being sighted throughout various parts of Santa Barbara. “We found evidence of squatters on the premises, possible the presence of a cult as well…real weird stuff was going on without our knowledge”, said the estate’s spokesman. The revelation came as groundskeepers approached the barn after hearing cries of animals and hysterical women. The barn door burst open with all manner of fleeing creatures, some apparently smiling upon escape. “I don’t know how to put it. When Noah’s ark made landfall, it must’ve looked something like this”, said one staff member. “As we went in we could see a bunch of animals huddled in a corner afraid to make a move…surreal. You don’t often see tigers and wildebeasts banding together for protection”.

 

What was the reason for such timidity? Hunched in a corner of the Llama stall with only his laptop and a bottle of carrot juice, an unidentified man was found. He was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a goofy goober” on the front, and “check out my prog show” on the back. Although the vagrant kept singing the Pink Floyd hit song “Us and Them”, he was fully compliant with arresting officers until they confiscated his computer. At the sheriff’s press conference police spokesman said the “contents cannot be revealed at this time, but safe to say there seems to be a past connection with Michael Jackson and this individual. More details will be released as we have them.”

 

…and the Yukon Blade Grinder will be there!

 

Maybe he soaked up too many weird vibes from crop circles and finally went over the edge.

Should we try to bail him out, or let him rot? I'm conflicted

 

How much is his bail? I'll chip in a fiver.

You know we're probably better off knowing where he is...plus WTF was he doing at Neverland Ranch? There's more to this than meets the eye

 

We can't leave him in jail. They don't understand him. He should be around people he knows and loves tolerates at such a difficult time.

 

I agree. Where do I send my check to help post bail?

Bail's been denied...this is trouble!

 

Bail denied? Now poor Gary will have to spend the night in lockup. You'd better send an investigative reporter out to Santa Ynez to get to the bottom of this.

 

I might have to get Lorraine to fly out there with me to picket the jail.

 

http://i.imgur.com/Y27lxDE.png

 

Have you booked our flight yet? We must rush to his assistance and put an end to this travesty of justice.

 

I packed the Vapor Trails Remix CD for him, and a stunning 8x10 glossy of Neil toasting marshmallows by one of his campsite campfires.

 

Our first order of business is to assess Goober's mental state for ourselves. He's not allowed visitors, but rumor has it that Deputy Fife isn't particularly bright, so we shouldn't have any problem coaxing him into letting us see Gary for at least a brief time. You can give him your care package, which may calm him for a bit until we can determine our course of action.

 

He hasn't been charged with anything yet, but I think we should consider cajoling a high profile defense attorney to take his case pro bono. He shouldn't be saddled with a public defender.

Edited November 13, 2013 by substancewithoutstyle