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It's been a year...


Alsgalpal
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This month has been a year.

 

 

A year since I had a best friend. A year since I had my dream job. A year since my boyfriend and I were perfectly in love. A year since my life was ok.

 

A year since my world was turned upside down.

 

A year of debilitating depression and a year of tearful howling.

 

It was one of the worst years of my life.

 

 

It's not just these few events that threw a big black storm cloud over me, but the events of a few years that chipped away at my shelter that ultimately left me exposed to the storm. It was a category 5 hurricane that had many eyes.

 

 

A year ago, I was working for the worlds best agent. I had freedom at my job, he and I were like a family. Brother and sister. Good friends. Great colleagues. He gave me free reign to run the office while he went out and marketed. Customer service was number one to us. We won many awards, agencies of the months, etc. The only thing wrong with that job was the fact that I wasn't full time.

 

I was offered a full time job with another company with more pay and full benefits for myself and my kids. I couldn't turn it down. The week I told my boss that I had to resign, we both cried. He couldn't work with me for a week. He was angry, and understandably so. It killed me to do what I had to do.

 

During that time, by best friend of 5+ years decided she had enough of my success in my career. This was an industry she couldn't break into. She was so resentful of me, she took my every word I said and turned it around to something negative so she could have a good reason to hate me. She then took things one step further and stared editing my emails to what would be awful statements to forward them to my boyfriend. I knew what she did when he told me he didn't want me with him at one of the events. What she did was deplorable. I was blindsided. I was betrayed by both he and her. My world was split in two, and then three. I had no where to go. I felt like my chest was perforated with the punches of each keystroke that was turned against me.

 

I withdrew from my family. My friends. My hobbies. I put up a good show, but on the inside I was dying and I wanted to die.

 

The pain was enough to cause some health issues. Stress really is a killer.

 

A month later, the job I took fell through due to a bankruptcy they knew about. What really happened was my best friends MIL was good friends with the agent I took the new job with...

 

My family came to me saying what my BF had told them. She went to not only my boyfriend, but she tried to turn all of our mutual friends against me, and my in laws against me. In the end, I only lost one friend.

 

 

Everything came together when I heard what she was saying and the actions she did before we had this big implosion.

 

She did everything I did. She started using the same skin/hair products I was using, she got the same haircut, phone, clothes and perfume wore. She would invite E to go places with her family, and then make it known I wasn't invited. Then she would text me pictures. I let her know that wasn't cool with me and she stopped.

 

Sometimes she would ignore my requests to hang out on the weekends, but text E all weekend long. She would give me put downs clothed in clever words. She made comments about my intellect, and by body when she was larger than I was. She lied to me.

 

Why did I stay her friend? Because I have the mistake of loving people unconditionally and I'm the type of person that see's the bigger picture when I see someone. Not their bad habits and quirks. She's had a hard life, but the things she has done to me are inexcusable. Eventually, she settled in and became a good friend. One that I loved deeply and cherished. I had met her through E, and E was her husbands best friend.

 

Fast forward to a year ago, and I got sick and tired of her digs on Facebook that she knew I would hear about and I went the f**k off. I aired her dirty laundry. I shouldn't have, but I had to stand up for myself. I got tired of her shit and telling E that she just wants to see him happy, to find someone else. He got caught up in it. He lied to me a few times. He trusted her, as all he knew was the person she was when she was faking it. He thought she could be trusted. She even f***ing told him I was PREGNANT!!! I wasn't. I wouldn't do any of those things she told him I was doing.

 

Now, he just doesn't want anything to do with the situation. He still hangs out with them on occasion, but things aren't the same. I successfully rectified that situation. She removed herself from his life, essentially, and from the people she was trying to get to follow her after I called her ass out. They got a lawyer because I was 'harrassing' her because she wouldn't take down pictures she had on public photo sharing sites of my children.

 

After all the dust settled, and I had to struggle, fight and work to keep my head above water; after E and I had broken up, got back together, broken up, got back together, etc; I am starting to forgive her for her actions. I'm forgiving myself for my actions. I'm starting to see life in the big picture again.

 

I know she wasn't a good person. Not the type I want to hang out with. I don't want my family in jeopardy anymore. I don't want to be defensive when E give me the silent treatment after something she told him. (she's actually been doing this all since 08)

 

I want a friend I can trust, I want a friend that has standards of morals and behavior. I just haven't found them yet.

 

I've gotten close to a few people, but I just can't take the final step to trust. I don't know if I will ever have that type of relationship with a friend that I can tell everything too.

 

We met up once back in May to forgive each other. I was thrilled. I was happy, and thankful. Maybe she was a changed person. She isn't. She's still the same nappy bitch that she was before. She hasn't forgiven me of the things I did to finally get her out of our lives. She said she forgave me, and that she caused the problem. I saved the emails in case they move forward with the lawyer. They just wasted money. There's no case now.

 

 

I still hurt though. The world I thought I had didn't ever exist. I've learned some very important lessons about boundaries. I've learned that people will get away with what you let them, and that if you don't sent boundaries, they will plow right over you. I've learned to be my own best friend again.

 

 

But, god damn. I miss her so much. It still hurts so much and I feel so damn alone.

 

I've got to quit now, I'm at work and crying is unprofessional.

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I wish I had words with which to comfort you.

 

Betrayal is something I could never understand. I still don't.

 

Don't miss her so much. From what you have written, she doesn't sound like she is worth it, and she doesn't sound like she was (or is) worthy of your friendship.

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Cut that bitch loose!!!

 

Then, sneak into her house and do this to her:

 

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff508/blackcc/LOLlapalooza/animated-gifs-28-07.gif

If you only knew the fantasies I've had about bashing her face... ;)

 

I wish I had words with which to comfort you.

 

Betrayal is something I could never understand. I still don't.

 

Don't miss her so much. From what you have written, she doesn't sound like she is worth it, and she doesn't sound like she was (or is) worthy of your friendship.

Thank you. I know my life is more peaceful and better without her. My boyfriend and I are doing better too. She's one of those toxic people that thought every woman was a threat and she called women cumcdumpsters or ***ts. I never did understand that...

 

When we met, she said she would never air my dirty laundry like that, and I wish I would have thought to say, no but you will lie about what I said and try to come between my boyfriend and I and try to break up my family.

 

She went so far as to steal pain meds from my purse and then told E that I was the one with the drug problem. *insert huge eye roll here* What ever floats your boat, baby.

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Alsgal, why would you want anything to do with someone like this anyway?

 

Like Sheldon said, cut her loose. Don't look back.

 

And in the immortal words of Bette Davis to Leslie Howard in "Of Human Bondage": Good riddens to bad rubbish!!

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I should add that it's taken a lot of hard work and many many hours of out and out sobbing with my therapist to get through this. I couldn't imagine someone doing something that bad to me. Least of all, her. Or E for that matter.

 

I don't want her back in my life. I'm mourning the loss of what I thought I had. I'm wiser. Wary. And, heart weary at times. When I love my friends, I love them unconditionally. All she would have had to do was to talk to me if she was having issues. Instead, she took the cowards way out.

 

I'm angry at her at times, but for most of the time I can think back on her with love and wish her nothing but a peaceful life and for her to get through her own demons.

 

I just can't allow myself to be that close to anyone anymore. What I said to you here on the forum, is common knowledge if you search for it.

 

When I do get close to a friend, I freak out and have to step back. My closer friends know this and accept it. This is just another hurdle to get through.

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He lived.

 

:LOL: You must have boys? :LMAO:

 

Nope. But I was one. I took shots like that to the nuts.

 

:LOL:

 

I can't imagine you as a young child. :LOL: I can't imagine you at all, actually. :unsure: I've never seen a pic of you...

 

 

I guess if I could imagine you as a child, you would be a little red headed boy with lotsa freckles and a wicked sense of humor.

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I just can't allow myself to be that close to anyone anymore.

 

That's an unfortunate consequence of being treated that way for which there is no remedy. You can continue, if you want, being vulnerable and take chances with people. If not, a hard shell will be all the outside world will see. Personally, I would choose the former because the latter will eventually, as you grow older, make you bitter and angry.

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He lived.

 

:LOL: You must have boys? :LMAO:

 

Nope. But I was one. I took shots like that to the nuts.

 

:LOL:

 

I can't imagine you as a young child. :LOL: I can't imagine you at all, actually. :unsure: I've never seen a pic of you...

 

 

I guess if I could imagine you as a child, you would be a little red headed boy with lotsa freckles and a wicked sense of humor.

 

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff508/blackcc/225756_1047237514591_4666_n.jpg

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Awww.... :wub: What a cutie!

 

 

Welp. We've thoroughly jacked my thread. Thanks for the cheer up. :)

 

That's why I love coming here every day. If you could only see me laughing sometimes, as I sit in front of the computer, at some of the posts. When I need a good laugh, I come here. Now don't take that the wrong way. Y'all know what I mean.

 

TRF is a good cheering up place. If all else fails, I can always sit and look at pics of Geddy, or Sheldon as a junior terror! :LOL:

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Sheldon!! Is that really you?

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff508/blackcc/225756_1047237514591_4666_n.jpg

I didn't picture you like that at all. Even at the age of five. :LOL: Were you a little terror?

 

Yep that was me then.

 

And this is me now...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff508/blackcc/UnZaE.png

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