Jump to content

Recommended Posts

My humblest apologies GF for even chiming in without doing my homework. I didn't realize you had the list of issues you have had in your life. I can't identify with any of it and any advice from this old man would probably prove useless. I agree with the previous post however. Fixing yourself (if you haven't) is more important than anything else. It is your life and you only get one..... :rose: :heart:
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can't really work on your anxiety and depression in a productive way if you are unhappy with your partner. It sounds like there is a lot of resentment and pain from the past. An excellent marriage counselor would be my #1 priority.


Often, the things that seem "too hard" are the things we avoid, but those are the things we should be facing head on. Does that make sense?


I know and that's what I'm doing even though it's been emotionally taxing and very difficult. My first visit with my therapist was with my husband. He tried to tell my husband things he could already tell he needed to work on and my husband kind of blew him off, didn't try to understand what he was saying, and was basically like "she's been through more stuff so she needs more help than I do." Even one of the first things the therapist said to him was "Do you even hear the things she tells you she needs and tries to say to you?" Because he watched my husband blow me off right in front of him.




Therapist (to me): "How is your sleep? Are you getting a good night's sleep?"

Me: "No, I don't sleep well at all, I'm lucky to get 5-6 hours most nights."

Husband: "Well I sleep just fine!"

Therapist: "Did you even hear what she said? That she's struggling with sleeping?"


It was good for your therapist to point this out. If I can make a comment well above my pay grade though, your focus in this thread seems to be on your relationship and the fact that your husband doesn't live up to your expectations, is insenstive or worse, etc. But you've identified yourself as having had an eating disorder, an alcoholic father (which of course is a form of child abuse), being homeless (a runaway?), the victim of two sexual assaults and having suffered physical abuse by a former boyfriend. That is a horrific list. You probably have PTSD as well as other conditions.


Just seems to me that working through all of that (assuming you haven't fully worked through it, which I'm guessing is the case), should be the focal point. Whether or not you made a mistake marrying this fellow I think you'll be able to figure out in a relatively short time. But I don't think you're having suicidal ideations because your husband made awful comments about your weight. It goes much deeper than that and the focus on your husband as being the primary source of your current problems to me is likely misdirected, even if it turns out he's an insensitive jerk who you should leave for your own well being.


Stay in therapy. Follow your doctor's advice. Take your medication if prescribed. Good luck!


I agree with this. The frustration with your husband has deeper roots - sounds like it's PTSD and a reflection of your struggle on him. Same for his reaction to you - I am not taking his side, but I'm sure he feels threatened by what you are telling him, going to therapy, etc. However, it's the therapist/dr. who needs to get through to him and it might not be in a couple's therapy situation. I'm sure when the therapist asked him if he was noticing your struggles, he heard "Why are you not noticing your wife is struggling because of YOU? Don't you get it??" Actually, my therapist would have said it differently if this were my situation " Sounds like your wife is struggling with sleep. How does that make you feel? What comes to your mind?" That seems to start a conversation more than "Did you hear that?"


Being stubborn and threatened like that is tough shell to crack - but work on YOU first. He will show his support if he wants to, but the marriage can't be the focus right now - YOU have to be. Also, feel free to dump the therapist if this person might not be the right fit. If he is, that's great, but if not - it's all professional. Find someone else.


Love and hugs.

Edited by iluvgeddy05
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just wanted to pop back in and say thanks guys. :)
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Create New...