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Rush and the Broken People


GedsJeans
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My little Rush story:

 

I was about 11 in 1993 when I first got into Rush. My brother had bought Hemispheres, the just-released Counterparts, and Archives on cassette tapes. At the time, our family was in turmoil - my mom was splitting up with our abusive, manipulative step-dad, and we didn't have much option other than to live in a trailer way out in the boonies with an old friend of hers, until the three of us (me, my mom, and my brother) could get back on our feet. After six months, we finally found an affordable place of our own.

 

My brother would play these Rush tapes on our old cassette player, and every now and then now, a song from one of these albums will transport me right back to that time of 'starting over'. "Finding My Way", in particular, became kind of an anthem for me, as we were indeed 'finding our way'. The energy and confidence of this song gave me a bit of drive, so that I wasn't quite so nervous about starting at a new school and making all new friends. 'Everyday Glory', too, kind of hit a nerve, with the part about the little girl hiding from warring parents. And I was really drawn to the singer's voice. He sounded so loud and confident! Of course, there was only so much that my mom could take before imploring us to put a different tape in....

 

Rush came into my life at a very transitory time, and for this alone they will always be special to me. As the years have gone by, and I've learned more and more about Rush and delved into the rest of their songs, my appreciation has grown tremendously. There is so much about them that rubs me the right way: songs that are meaningful and often clever and mostly positive; music that is made with great proficiency yet also with passion; members of the band who aren't like stereotypical rockstars and seem like warm, intelligent, easy-going, upstanding guys. [side note: my kitty is snoring right now!] I don't think there will ever be a band that has touched me and continues to touch me like they do. And I'm so glad I have some good memories coming from that dark time in my life, memories helped by the music of Our Band.

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I'm finding myself wondering about the "broken people liking Rush" thing. There are parts of the OP's background that are very similar to mine, though mercifully I haven't had to endure the bullying side of things. I wonder what it is that attracts us to Rush? Do we like the general positivity of the music? The integrity we see in the music? The integrity we see in the boys? Is Rush more 'real' to us than many other bands? Does Rush fill a little void that's gaping in many of us? I've been thinking about this today.

 

I've never been so positively influenced by a band other than Rush. I grew up on the Beatles, and thought they were the epitome of music, but listening to them doesn't make me feel as happy and centered as Rush does. I've had even my Rush-loving brother proclaim that "there are other bands out there other than just Rush!", but isn't it logical to keep with what works, what makes us happy? I do listen to other music, but always get hankerings for Rush and even get goosebumps if a Rush song comes on on my randomized ipod.

 

I like to hear about how listening to Rush has improved peoples' lives. I wonder if we could share some stories of this here, if it's not taking over this thread? There's such a spirit of positivity here that it seems appropriate!

 

I've thought more about that since I've read some of the replies to the original post. As for myself, I've alluded to it just briefly and very generally in the sobriety thread that I started a month or so ago. I'm also thinking about the 'inspirational Rush story that I've been working on for the proposed ebook that HowItIs posted about (it's taking me awhile to write everything that I want to put in it, and so I don't want to post it all right here), and this first post from GedsJeans is a perfect addition to that project as well, by the way...

 

On the subject of the commonality we discover in the emotional experience of Rush's music- all I can say is that Rush has been the healthiest experience I've ever had with music. They've always been around, doing what they've always done- being true to themselves and creating the music that they like to play, and we like (and need) to hear...I was led astray from the Rush scene for awhile, and there was so much that happened in my life during that time that relates directly to the subject of this thread. And I'm eternally grateful to the band, and to be among all of you now.

 

I've said it before, but it bears repeating- that in the course of all of human history, we've all been able be a part of something that has only been around for these past 40 years. It's a long time in rock and roll parlance, but not long at all, in the scheme of things. How fortunate we all are...

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This morning as I was driving to work I was listening to Geddy's solo, "My Favorite Headache" and "Runaway Train" came on.

 

There's this part where Geddy sings "If You're Heart Is Aching/Just Remove The Shame" and it kind of made me think of this post, which has been on my mind and I've wanted to respond to but has hit a nerve. I have a lot of shame in my life, a lot of things that follow me and weigh heavy on me each day.

 

I was an accident. My mother was told that she would not be able to bear children. When she was 30 she became pregnant with me, and my father, not wanting children and having two already that he neglected to take care of from two other ex-wives, made a point to tell me I was the reason for their divorce, which happened when I was 4. It wasn't his temper, or his alcoholism, or the fact that he cheated on my mom all of the time, it was my fault for being born, that's why the marriage failed.

 

So began a life of living in motels, rented rooms, cheap apartments, and shelters. We were lucky if we stayed in one place six months. I lost count of how many places I've lived, how many schools I've gone to, etc... I've also almost lost count of how many husbands my mother has had. She is on #4, another in a string of mentally "off" men. The second was violent, the third was a psychopath, and the fourth is a "street preacher" that isn't all there.

 

Growing up, everything was about God, God, and God, her God. There wasn't any room for thinking outside the little religious box I was expected to be in. My mother would accuse many people of having demons and therefore we couldn't be around them. She would not allow me to play with friends that weren't Christian, except for the occasional Jewish friends. She's even taken me to have me exorcised because she said I had spirits when really I was entering puberty without a father, without a secure home, without any friends, sometimes not knowing when we'd eat next, etc... and without the ability to handle it.

 

Around this time I discovered painting and writing, I was more into writing journal entries, essays for schools, poems, just whatever helped me through. I kept a journal that I thought was private but my mother went into it one day and ripped up everything that she didn't approve of. I was crushed and humiliated.

 

I wasn't allowed to go to High School, I was home schooled through a county program. My mother says because I was so "love starved" for fatherly attention that I would have thrown myself at any boy that would have given me attention. Which isn't true, if anything I was education starved and just wanted to go to school to learn and to become something so that I could crawl out of the hellhole of a life I was living.

 

Anyway....

 

I've been assaulted by two different men I was dating (my fault according to my mother since I shouldn't have been alone with men I wasn't married to), almost strangled by another ex, survived 11 years of bulimia etc... In other words, things have been a bit hard. And that's only a small part of my story.

 

When I discovered Rush it was during the first time in my life I had lived in one place for more than 2 years and because of the man who is now my husband. When I moved in with him we were trying to condense our things together in his tiny apartment and he found his copy of 2112 in his CD's. I didn't want to listen to them at first because he had told me the reason he had a pentagram ring and pot trivet in his apartment was because of the band so instantly my religious upbringing kicked in and I was like :fury: :fury: Satan! Satan!

 

So we didn't listen to Rush for awhile. And after my hunny tried to play "The Trees" for me I just looked at him and laughed.

 

Two years later I finally got them. And my God if I have any regrets in life it's not giving them a chance sooner when my husband asked me to. Of course things would have been different had he played "Vapor Trails" and not "Hemispheres" first. :finbar:

 

But I have wanted to say this for a long time.

 

Rush fans are the best and smartest people I have ever met and I have never known a more resilient or determined group.

 

And yes, we are broken, we are different, we are outcast, we are the nerds, the geeks, the hurting, some of us wear out hurt outwardly, some of us try to act tough, and I'm sure there are a few that have had very charmed lives. What's so awesome is that I know when I'm at a Rush concert I'm standing in a room of conservatives and liberals, people of faith and atheists, etc.. and I think that (regardless of the bickering you sometimes see on this forum) that we really respect and "get" each other.

 

We've been given such a gift because in this world we've grown up in that tells us we don't belong unless we conform, here we have these three men that refuse to buy into that, they tell us IT'S OK to be who we are. I've had this surge of confidence in my life, not just because of Rush but because of the other Rush fans that I've become friends with as well.

 

Rush has taught me how...

 

To not be afraid to think for myself.

 

To be comfortable in my own skin.

 

How to heal from hurts.

 

How to see the world through other people's eyes.

 

How to calm down a bit.

 

To not be afraid to be myself.

 

They've done this better than any self-help book, any sermon, any preacher, anything else.

 

And yes, I will sit and talk about how incredibly sexy I think Geddy Lee is until the cows come home and how great his buns are, but at the end of the day it's really about the change they've inspired in me and so many other people that I've met on this journey.

 

Thanks for sharing your story and allowing us to share ours as well.

 

:hug2:

 

P.S. I wanted to come back and add that we are their garden indeed. :)

Edited by gangsterfurious
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[ Edited by gangsterfurious
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Here's a bit of irony.

 

Here we have a post talking about being a misfit, and most here relate to that.

 

Would you believe that I feel like I don't even fit in here with other misfits??? :LOL: It's true.

 

P.S. It helps misfits to "like" their own posts. ;)

Oh man. A misfit among the misfits!

Such was my life all through middle school and high school.

Sometimes I feel it, even now. Not quite in with even other "misfits"... LOL

 

I'm still pulling you in to the virtual group hug among the misfits! :hug2:

 

Well, all right...if you insist! :blush:

 

How come I don't have a group hug smilie? I have looked through them twice and can't find one. Do you think it's a conspiracy or something? :o

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There's this part where Geddy sings "If You're Heart Is Aching/Just Remove The Shame" and it kind of made me think of this post, which has been on my mind and I've wanted to respond to but has hit a nerve. I have a lot of shame in my life, a lot of things that follow me and weigh heavy on me each day.

 

Gangster, I can't imagine what it took for you to write what you did, but I want you to know that somehow I already knew this about you.

 

I suspect that the boys pop in and read things here from time to time. I also think that if any one of them read this thread, they would be very much moved by it - Alex most of all because he is the most sensitive one. Geddy would be more philosophical about it. Neil might write some lyrics about it. But I think that out of all of them, Alex would be affected the most by this thread. He's just that kind of guy. If he wasn't so famous, he'd be everyones best friend. Geddy is more protective of himself. That's the way it seems to me at least. I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time...hard as that may be to believe. :cool:

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Here's a bit of irony.

 

Here we have a post talking about being a misfit, and most here relate to that.

 

Would you believe that I feel like I don't even fit in here with other misfits??? :LOL: It's true.

 

P.S. It helps misfits to "like" their own posts. ;)

Oh man. A misfit among the misfits!

Such was my life all through middle school and high school.

Sometimes I feel it, even now. Not quite in with even other "misfits"... LOL

 

I'm still pulling you in to the virtual group hug among the misfits! :hug2:

 

Well, all right...if you insist! :blush:

 

How come I don't have a group hug smilie? I have looked through them twice and can't find one. Do you think it's a conspiracy or something? :o

 

This one? http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff508/blackcc/Smilies%20GIFs/grouphug_zpsca4356aa.gif

 

It is from my private reserve.

 

;)

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There's this part where Geddy sings "If You're Heart Is Aching/Just Remove The Shame" and it kind of made me think of this post, which has been on my mind and I've wanted to respond to but has hit a nerve. I have a lot of shame in my life, a lot of things that follow me and weigh heavy on me each day.

 

Gangster, I can't imagine what it took for you to write what you did, but I want you to know that somehow I already knew this about you.

 

I suspect that the boys pop in and read things here from time to time. I also think that if any one of them read this thread, they would be very much moved by it - Alex most of all because he is the most sensitive one. Geddy would be more philosophical about it. Neil might write some lyrics about it. But I think that out of all of them, Alex would be affected the most by this thread. He's just that kind of guy. If he wasn't so famous, he'd be everyones best friend. Geddy is more protective of himself. That's the way it seems to me at least. I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time...hard as that may be to believe. :cool:

 

It was hard, I debated it after reading this yesterday and decided why not, maybe other people would have the courage to talk about their lives too in a place where other people get them.

 

I think you are right about the guys.

 

I have an image of Geddy going home, putting on his favorite pajamas and big warm socks, and watching baseball. :)

Edited by gangsterfurious
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My story's like this:

I was abused a lot up until I was about fourteen or so. The last time, I was nearly thrown through my bedroom wall by my father for sassing my mother just as he was coming home from work. Now I had just seen Rush for my first (and so far only) time the previous February so I was already a fan, but I had taken my tapedeck and my copy of HYF with me to hide in the bathroom until he calmed down. I actually contemplated killing myself that night I was planning on waiting until everyone had gone to bed and slitting my wrists with a carving knife from the kitchen. But I listened to the closing guitar solo on "Mission" and it was like something was saying that everything was going to be okay. I remember sitting against the side of the bathtub crying and listening to that particular bit over and over.

 

And everything has turned out okay since then. (Well except for not being able to go to anymore Rush concerts but... lol)

 

That's why it's been my favorite song ever since.

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What we need here is GeddysMullet to post a special Gedster picture. Or, better yet, a stunning picture of the three of them. Then we can pause for a bit and :wub: before continuing with the thread. :)

 

You got it, m'dear! :D

 

http://www.thecanadianmusicscene.com/jpgfiles/cshf/alexneilgeddydave_withaward_800.jpg

 

:wub:

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What we need here is GeddysMullet to post a special Gedster picture. Or, better yet, a stunning picture of the three of them. Then we can pause for a bit and :wub: before continuing with the thread. :)

 

You got it, m'dear! :D

 

http://www.thecanadianmusicscene.com/jpgfiles/cshf/alexneilgeddydave_withaward_800.jpg

 

:wub:

 

SQQQQUEEEEEEEEE *THUD*

 

:D <------ Nothing is better than a genuine Geddy smile with teeth.

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What we need here is GeddysMullet to post a special Gedster picture. Or, better yet, a stunning picture of the three of them. Then we can pause for a bit and :wub: before continuing with the thread. :)

 

http://www.thecanadianmusicscene.com/jpgfiles/cshf/rushwithaward_800.jpg

 

Here you go- one of my favorite pictures! :drool:

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Sometimes I wonder who is taking the picture because the mischievous look on Geddy's face is priceless!!

 

I want to add too that all of their awards and all of their platinum records are nothing compared to the fact that they are responsible for saving us from ourselves at one point, or many points, in our lives.

 

For Lianna, it was a few riffs from a guitar that did it.

 

If they do not know that they have had that impact on not a few lives, they should.

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You have to wonder what would have happened if they had listened to what other people said they should do.

 

Just another reason for us to be true to ourselves and see what greatness we can accomplish.

Edited by gangsterfurious
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Wow, this thread is making me cry, but in a good way! :) Thank you for sharing stories and solidifying how much Rush means to us all. I don't think I'd realized, beyond my own scope, how much Rush influences us all for the better!

 

I'll share this happy picture, even though it's lacking Neil, because it's so nice to see two guys having a bit of a laughing fit:

http://i1102.photobucket.com/albums/g454/GoddessMika/Rush/gedmug.jpg

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I can't even begin to tell all of you how much your responses to my thread have affected me and how much I've cried reading all of what you've written. THANK YOU, thank you so, so much for accepting and supporting me, and for understanding. I was 100% terrified when I posted my story and had no idea how it would be received. The fact that I wasn't ignored or mocked but completely EMBRACED has shaken me to the core (in the best possible way).

I'm much too emotional right now to try to respond coherently to all of the many people I want to speak with, but I will do it over the next few days. Again, thank all of you for welcoming me, for sharing your own stories and for being so openly kind. The love I feel for all of you, and for Rush right now is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I feel somehow like I have really found my "home".

:heart:

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I can't even begin to tell all of you how much your responses to my thread have affected me and how much I've cried reading all of what you've written. THANK YOU, thank you so, so much for accepting and supporting me, and for understanding. I was 100% terrified when I posted my story and had no idea how it would be received. The fact that I wasn't ignored or mocked but completely EMBRACED has shaken me to the core (in the best possible way).

I'm much too emotional right now to try to respond coherently to all of the many people I want to speak with, but I will do it over the next few days. Again, thank all of you for welcoming me, for sharing your own stories and for being so openly kind. The love I feel for all of you, and for Rush right now is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I feel somehow like I have really found my "home".

:heart:

 

We owe this thread to you, GJ. And I am glad that you came back so that I could tell you very sincerely and from my heart: thank you!

 

As you can see, you are not alone.

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If they do not know that they have had that impact on not a few lives, they should.

 

Agreed. If I ever meet Alex and have enough guts to tell him that story, I so will. And you guys can hold me to that.

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What we need here is GeddysMullet to post a special Gedster picture. Or, better yet, a stunning picture of the three of them. Then we can pause for a bit and :wub: before continuing with the thread. :)

 

http://www.thecanadianmusicscene.com/jpgfiles/cshf/rushwithaward_800.jpg

 

Here you go- one of my favorite pictures! :drool:

 

Mmm . . . every girl's crazy 'bout some sharp-dressed men!

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What we need here is GeddysMullet to post a special Gedster picture. Or, better yet, a stunning picture of the three of them. Then we can pause for a bit and :wub: before continuing with the thread. :)

 

http://www.thecanadianmusicscene.com/jpgfiles/cshf/rushwithaward_800.jpg

 

Here you go- one of my favorite pictures! :drool:

 

:wub: !

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you're back! :)

 

just remember that you are helping others too by sharing your story. people here and elsewhere who are going through similar things and feel like they are the only one.. like they are all alone. it's comforting to know you are not alone!

 

we need you here.. thank you for coming back! :hug2:

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I can't even begin to tell all of you how much your responses to my thread have affected me and how much I've cried reading all of what you've written. THANK YOU, thank you so, so much for accepting and supporting me, and for understanding. I was 100% terrified when I posted my story and had no idea how it would be received. The fact that I wasn't ignored or mocked but completely EMBRACED has shaken me to the core (in the best possible way).

I'm much too emotional right now to try to respond coherently to all of the many people I want to speak with, but I will do it over the next few days. Again, thank all of you for welcoming me, for sharing your own stories and for being so openly kind. The love I feel for all of you, and for Rush right now is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I feel somehow like I have really found my "home".

:heart:

 

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff508/blackcc/Smilies%20GIFs/kitty_zps915f5fbb.gif

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