Need Advice from the Rush Moms

[Territorial_Game]

Hello New World Women! So I met this AWESOME girl (she's 22, I'm 23) the other day, and we're set to have our first date on Friday. She also has a 2-year-old son. Strangely, I'm not at all worried that if this thing ends up getting more serious, the kiddo will have to be involved... Actually I kind of think it's exciting, despite all the stuff that it will mean.

 

BUT, I've never dated a single mom before. I have a basic plan: ask simple, non-intrusive questions about her son (but for now, really focus more on getting to know her more), never ask about the father, and let her bring up the idea of me meeting the kid. So, what else should I know/do? This girl is great, and I really want the date to go well!

 

 

Also, Geddy is still the sexiest man alive.

[Animate]

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 13 2012, 11:29 PM)

Hello New World Women! So I met this AWESOME girl (she's 22, I'm 23) the other day, and we're set to have our first date on Friday. She also has a 2-year-old son. Strangely, I'm not at all worried that if this thing ends up getting more serious, the kiddo will have to be involved... Actually I kind of think it's exciting, despite all the stuff that it will mean. BUT, I've never dated a single mom before. I have a basic plan: ask simple, non-intrusive questions about her son (but for now, really focus more on getting to know her more), never ask about the father, and let her bring up the idea of me meeting the kid. So, what else should I know/do? This girl is great, and I really want the date to go well! Also, Geddy is still the sexiest man alive.

Sounds like you are approaching this with an open mind and a great, relaxed attitude.

 

Just be prepared that with a 2 year old, she will have a lot of distractions and pulls on her energy and will not be able to focus on you and your relationship maybe as much as you, and probably she, would like.

 

 

BTW, to clarify, not Geddy, it is Alex!

[Babycat]

I agree with Animate's comment.

 

 

Apart from this: Geddy is the sexist man alive!

[Garden Dancer]

It sounds like your basic plan is a great one!

I agree on the energy/distraction thing, so I'd suggest a rather "simple" kind of date. Something that's nice, but on the relaxed and kind of casual side of things. Don't want to add to her stress (2 yr olds are stress inducing enough, LOL!) by making the date a super formal occasion.

Focusing on getting to know her... That right there is awesome!

I wish you the very best on the date. Let us know how it goes!

Edited August 14, 2012 by Garden Dancer

[Amy Farrah Fowler]

Good luck!

 

Yes, a toddler is nothing more than a syringe that sucks the life right outta ya!

 

The most wonderful thing to give her is just a chance to breathe...

[Territorial_Game]

Thanks y'all!! Tonight's the night. Dinner, dancing, and a concert. Don't think I've ever been this excited about a first date! I'll post about it for sure.

 

[Babycat]

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 17 2012, 04:41 PM)

Thanks y'all!! Tonight's the night. Dinner, dancing, and a concert. Don't think I've ever been this excited about a first date! I'll post about it for sure.

Good luck!

[FountainOfSyrinx]

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 17 2012, 10:41 AM)

Thanks y'all!! Tonight's the night. Dinner, dancing, and a concert. Don't think I've ever been this excited about a first date! I'll post about it for sure.

Go get 'em, Tiger.

 

You see, dating a single mom with a two-year old son isn't my kind of thing, then again, i'm 17. So i'm better off for now.

[Territorial_Game]

QUOTE (FountainOfSyrinx @ Aug 17 2012, 11:54 AM)

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 17 2012, 10:41 AM) Thanks y'all!! Tonight's the night. Dinner, dancing, and a concert. Don't think I've ever been this excited about a first date! I'll post about it for sure. Go get 'em, Tiger.   You see, dating a single mom with a two-year old son isn't my kind of thing, then again, i'm 17. So i'm better off for now. Yeah, I definitely wouldn't have considered it at 17 either haha. And also, because of your avatar, I'm obliged to say GO SPURS GO

[Territorial_Game]

Oh dear god you guys. I've been on a lot of first dates, but that was hands down the BEST. She is sooo freakin sweet and fun. I'm excited for the next time!

[Rushchick10]

Being a single mom in that same situation at this very moment, I think I have something to say.

 

HE opened the door for me by introducing me to his child first (the guy I am seeing is 5+ years older than me, but my son is 6 years older than his son). I spent most of that afternoon following the boy around and talking about how high you can shoot a Nerf dart into the sky. He also got bitten by a bug while we were out in the yard playing, and I immediately picked him up, took him inside and iced his bite. This was not an act at all...I have just raised a boy that age and know what they need in those situations. I was flattered that he trusted me with his child.

 

Now, tomorrow, I will be introducing my son to this man for the first time. Luckily, it is under the guise of a local NASCAR-style car race evening. My son is much older, and he's not an idiot. Me saying that this is mommy's "friend" isn't gonna fly. So, my hope is that he (the guy I've been seeing) just plays it low key. I picked a "guy" event in the hopes that they might find a common interest in cars or another hobby and not just be associated because of me.

 

Don't know if that helps. I am very protective of my son. Think momma bear and her cubs...

[FountainOfSyrinx]

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 17 2012, 02:15 PM)

QUOTE (FountainOfSyrinx @ Aug 17 2012, 11:54 AM) QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 17 2012, 10:41 AM) Thanks y'all!! Tonight's the night. Dinner, dancing, and a concert. Don't think I've ever been this excited about a first date! I'll post about it for sure. Go get 'em, Tiger.   You see, dating a single mom with a two-year old son isn't my kind of thing, then again, i'm 17. So i'm better off for now. Yeah, I definitely wouldn't have considered it at 17 either haha. And also, because of your avatar, I'm obliged to say GO SPURS GO   we are not friends..

[Ya_Big_Tree]

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 18 2012, 01:18 AM)

Oh dear god you guys. I've been on a lot of first dates, but that was hands down the BEST. She is sooo freakin sweet and fun. I'm excited for the next time!

PM me.

 

[Rushchick10]

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 18 2012, 02:18 AM)

Oh dear god you guys. I've been on a lot of first dates, but that was hands down the BEST. She is sooo freakin sweet and fun. I'm excited for the next time!

Glad it went well. Be respectful of her space with her child and you should be ok. That goes a LONG way with me as a single parent.

 

[Babycat]

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 18 2012, 08:18 AM)

Oh dear god you guys. I've been on a lot of first dates, but that was hands down the BEST. She is sooo freakin sweet and fun. I'm excited for the next time!

Glad it went well for you!

[Territorial_Game]

QUOTE (Rushchick10 @ Aug 19 2012, 03:52 PM)

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Aug 18 2012, 02:18 AM) Oh dear god you guys. I've been on a lot of first dates, but that was hands down the BEST. She is sooo freakin sweet and fun. I'm excited for the next time! Glad it went well. Be respectful of her space with her child and you should be ok. That goes a LONG way with me as a single parent. Ok, so we talk about him occasionally. Never anything too personal, never anything about the father. Where would you say is your boundary? For example, when she brings him up, I may ask a question like "oh what kind of movies does he like?" but I really avoid prying too much. At the same time, I want her to know that I realize he's the most important part of her life, and that's cool, so I'm not sure what the proper level of interest to show in him is. To this point, I've only asked a couple questions about him when she hasn't brought him up first.

[Mara]

Hmm, not a parent, but here's my take on it. Let her be the guide on talking about her son. That doesn't mean don't bring him up, but her tone of voice, body language, etc. should clue you in as to when she'd rather engage in some non-child-related conversation.

 

You do have one advantage to the child being so young - they aren't at that age developmentally where their first reaction may be one of resentment! I dated a divorced man who had shared custody of his 8 year old son, and Manny, while never rude to me, really did not like sharing his dad, and it was pretty obvious. I just rolled with the flow, let him set the tone, and we got to be good buddies eventually.

[Thunder Bay Rush]

Dude, if you're only 23 or so, you might be walking into a huge sh** storm...

 

I am older (50) and balder (extra bald) than you, so automatically, I know more about this sort of crap. Take my advice and start running and don't stop until you get San Antonio... then, look over your shoulder and if anyone is following you, run until you cross into Mexico, but not too close to where all the crazy drug-related murders are happening.

 

At your age and given the situation, the odds aren't exactly stacked in your favour. Ever heard the saying, "baggage free?" Well, this would not be a primo example of that.

 

Just wait until the kid becomes a little pain in the ass (a classic melt-down in McDonald's for example) and / or the kid's father becomes one...

 

Just sayin'... "Keepin' it real Dawg."

 

Good luck either way... sounds like you have a big heart though.

 

*********************

 

I came back to make a quick edit - I thought about something... first, you asked for advice from the women, of which, I am not. So, I'm sorry if I'm sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong. But, mainly, I could say some things that you probbaly want to hear - OR - I could say what you might not want to hear, but what is probably the best advice you'd get.

 

Edited September 3, 2012 by Thunder Bay Rush

[Rushchick10]

QUOTE (Thunder Bay Rush @ Sep 3 2012, 03:49 PM)

Dude, if you're only 23 or so, you might be walking into a huge sh** storm... I am older (50) and balder (extra bald) than you, so automatically, I know more about this sort of crap. Take my advice and start running and don't stop until you get San Antonio... then, look over your shoulder and if anyone is following you, run until you cross into Mexico, but not too close to where all the crazy drug-related murders are happening. At your age and given the situation, the odds aren't exactly stacked in your favour. Ever heard the saying, "baggage free?" Well, this would not be a primo example of that. Just wait until the kid becomes a little pain in the ass (a classic melt-down in McDonald's for example) and / or the kid's father becomes one... Just sayin'... "Keepin' it real Dawg." Good luck either way... sounds like you have a big heart though. ********************* I came back to make a quick edit - I thought about something... first, you asked for advice from the women, of which, I am not. So, I'm sorry if I'm sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong. But, mainly, I could say some things that you probbaly want to hear - OR - I could say what you might not want to hear, but what is probably the best advice you'd get.

I will agree that dating someone who already has a child is a HUGE challenge. Don't let it completely turn you off, but proceed with caution. My two step daughters from my previous marriage went through times where they really did a fantastic job of villainizing me to both their father (my husband) and their mother. Luckily (especially with the youngest), it was short lived and, even though their dad and I are divorced, we get along quite well and both girls are welcome in my home anytime.

 

I am fierce when it comes to my son. I really doubt that I will have any sort of domestic-type relationship between now and the time my son moves out. He's just a few months away from 13. I say that only because I don't want to put Lil' Lerxst in a position where he has to have another step-dad. Long story, but his father is all but absent, and my ex-husband is the only father-figure he's really had.

 

Also, I am not really a "kid person," and I've taken provisions to make sure I can't have anymore children. That being said, it's unfair for me to have any sort of relationship with a man who wants to have a/more children. So, the majority of the men in my "dating pool" will already have kids. Having said that, I don't care for most kids. I find that is the hardest part of dating for me. Yes, it's hypocritical, I know. There in lies my dilemma.

 

[Thunder Bay Rush]

Wow - it's nice to see other people who are not afraid to say it like is... well done, "Rushchick!" I am impressed...

 

About 10 years ago I met a woman, 11 years younger (probably a huge mistake now that I can look back with my brain and not my "Johnson") and she had a 4 year old boy. Oh my friggin' God! Never again. That little fart had his oblivious "mommy" wrapped around his little finger. He said "Jump" and she said "How high, sir?" Pathetic.

 

It's (almost) always difficult to accept and even love someone else's children as if they are your own. In fact, it wouldn't be natural to do so. Sorry, but The Brady Bunch was a TV show. I don't know one single mixed family that does anything more than just "get along" and that's at the best of times.

 

Dude, if you're still slugging it out, cut your losses and find someone who doesn't have big bags dragging behind her at every step of the way.

 

 

[Rushchick10]

QUOTE (Thunder Bay Rush @ Sep 5 2012, 08:10 AM)

Wow - it's nice to see other people who are not afraid to say it like is... well done, "Rushchick!" I am impressed... About 10 years ago I met a woman, 11 years younger (probably a huge mistake now that I can look back with my brain and not my "Johnson") and she had a 4 year old boy. Oh my friggin' God! Never again. That little fart had his oblivious "mommy" wrapped around his little finger. He said "Jump" and she said "How high, sir?" Pathetic. It's (almost) always difficult to accept and even love someone else's children as if they are your own. In fact, it wouldn't be natural to do so. Sorry, but The Brady Bunch was a TV show. I don't know one single mixed family that does anything more than just "get along" and that's at the best of times. Dude, if you're still slugging it out, cut your losses and find someone who doesn't have big bags dragging behind her at every step of the way.

I have to say that I do like the guy I'm currently seeing, but I don't care for his son. The kid is a spoiled, rude little brat. My son, who is usually very good about playing with younger kids has asked that I don't make him play with that boy anymore. I spent two hours preparing dinner (marinated flank steak, grilled to perfection, with roasted yellow and red bell peppers and cherry tomatoes optional, tortilla strips and shredded Jack cheese, served over a bed of mixed greens with sour cream, avocado, and choice of dressings on the side as wanted), and when he didn't like that it was a salad-based meal, I took the steak and cheese plus two flour tortillas and made him a grilled quesadilla. The little sh*t took two bites and said it was horrible, then left the table. Later, I saw him going back to his plate when he thought no one was looking and eating what I had made him. Rude, disrespectful children make my blood boil.

 

My son knows that I would put a boot in his ass if he EVER acted that way with someone. He is regarded by many of my friends and family as a "great kid." Why is this? He was taught respect from an early age. And, while I can't remember the last time I spanked my son (I am sure it was long before he started kindergarten and he just started 7th grade this week), he understands that there are consequences to his actions. He's not fearful of me...honestly, that kid is big enough now that he gives me a run for my money when we wrestle! But, since that respectful behavior was expected of him as a small child, he understands how he needs to act now that he is older. That's my biggest problem with other people's children...even my own nieces. Rude kids are a horrible indication of the future.

 

Anywho, the kid will probably be the deal-breaker in this relationship, Too bad...my boyfriend likes my son. Could that be because he was raised to be a respectful young man? There are several on this site that have met my boy and would vouch for his coolness.