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blackadder


beherit
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I hope you will not object if I also offer you my most enthusiastic contrafribularities.

 

I'm anispeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.

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How about a cup of your best hot water with brown grit in it? -- unless, of course, by some miracle, your coffee shop has started selling coffee.
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"Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?"

 

"Yeah, it's like goldy and bronzy, only it's made of iron."

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Prince: "Say, Blackadder, are you sure this is the P.M. Looks like a bit of an oily tick to me. When I was in school, we used to line up four or five of his sort and make 'em bend over and use 'em as a toast rack."

 

Pitt the Younger: "It doesn't surprise me, sir. I know your sort. Once it was I who stood in the big, cold school room - a hot crumpet burning my cheeks with shame. Since that day, I've been busy every hour God sends, working to become Prime Minister and fight sloth and privilege wherever I found it."

 

Blackadder: "I trust you weren't too busy to remove the crumpet."

rofl3.gif

Edited by ioc
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Blackadder: Baldrick, your brain is like the four-headed man-eating haddock-fish-beast of Aberdeen.

Baldrick: In what way?

Blackadder: It doesn't exist.

 

 

Lord Flashheart: Thanks, bridesmaid, like the beard. Gives me something to hang onto! And Melchie! Still worshipping God? Last thing I heard he started worshipping me! A-HAHAHAHAHA! Nursie! I like it firm and fruity! Am I glad to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?

 

 

Melchett: Started talking to yourself, Blackadder?

Blackadder: Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation around here!

 

 

Melchett: Let's play a word game.

Blackadder: Okay, make a sentence out of the following words: Face. Sodding. Your. Shut.

 

 

 

 

Please accept my apple-ogies. biggrin.gif

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I care not a jot that you are the son of a certified sauerkraut-sucking loon!

 

It minds not me that you dress like a mad parrot and talk like a plate of beans negotiating their way out of a cow's digestive system. It is no skin off my rosy nose that there are bits of lemon peel floating down the Thames that would make better Regents than you.

 

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Dr. Samuel Johnson: Well, I simply observed, sir, that I'm felicitous since during the course of the penultimate solar sojourn, I terminated my uninterrupted categorisation of the vocabluary of our post-Norman tongue.

Prince George: Well, I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds damn saucy, you lucky thing! I know some fairly liberal-minded girls, but I've never penultimated any of them in a solar sojourn, or for that matter, been given any Norman tongue.

Blackadder: I believe, sir, that the Doctor is trying to tell you that he is happy because he has finished his book. It has apparently taken him ten years.

Prince George: Well, I'm a slow reader myself.

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Believe me, Baldrick, eternity in the company of Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me... and this pencil.
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Right. Now how much do you charge for a good, hard shag?

 

Over to you Balders!

 

Next scene-

 

So we've got sixpence. rofl3.gif

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Blackadder: Tell me, Brother Baldrick, what exactly did God do to the Sodomites?

Baldrick: I dunno, but I can't imagine it was worse than what they used to do to each other.

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They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.
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Blackadder: Baldrick, when did you last change your trousers?

 

Baldrick: I have never changed my trousers.

 

Blackadder: Thank you.

 

You see, the ancient Greeks, Sir, wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. How prophetic they were. All they got wrong was the name. They called it "Pandora's Box," when, of course, they meant "Baldrick's Trousers."

 

Baldrick: It certainly can get a bit whiffy, there's no doubt about that!

 

Blackadder: We are told that, when the box was opened, the whole world turned to darkness because of Pandora's fatal curiosity.

 

I charge you now, Baldrick: for the good of all mankind, never allow curiosity to lead you to open your trousers. Nothing of interest lies therein.

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Blackadder: Well, it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.

Lord Percy: Yes, I heard that.

Blackadder: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.

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That would be as hard as finding a piece of hay in an incredibly large stack of needles.
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Baldrick: "I want my mother."

Blackadder: "Ah, yes. A maternally crazed gorilla would come in handy at this very moment."

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Edmund to Percy-

"You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would, your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly, and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am told by women around the court wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be!"

 

and as for you Baldrick...

 

"Yes M'lord?"

 

You're out too". laugh.gif

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