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QUOTE (Digital Man @ Dec 15 2005, 09:56 PM)
WHY CHRISTMAS TREES ARE BETTER THAN MEN




1. A Christmas tree is always erect.

2. Even small ones give satisfaction.

3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.

4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even when it's lit.

5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.

7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.

8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it wears out.

9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

10. You only have to feed/water it once a week.

11. It's always there to light up your life.

12. It gets turned on only when you want it turned on.

13. It always smells nice and doesn't pass gas.

14. If it needles you,you can toss it out.

15.It doesn't ask you to have little Christmas trees.

hey im a christmas tree. 1022.gif

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QUOTE (Rolinda Bonz @ Feb 25 2006, 12:31 AM)
QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Feb 21 2006, 11:35 AM)
QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 20 2005, 08:54 AM)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/mobmain2.gif

I'd say 100%, that's why you have a prenupt or marry a non-American

yes, dear

 

you know you're right

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http://www.crazy-jokes.com/pictures/men-jokes2.gif

 

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On their wedding night, the young bride approached

her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first

lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily

agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made

love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a

cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that

she needed..

 

Arriving home around noon one day, she was

surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.

During the next few minutes, he explained that

his employer was going through a process of corporate

downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of

59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what

he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

 

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty

years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then

she

showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth

over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest

depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged"

him

for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her

savings

and investments.

 

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her

husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his

voice and

blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have

given you all my

business!"

 

That's when she shot him.

 

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to

keep their mouths shut.

 

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Speaking as a guy, let me start off by quote Mr. Milton Banana..."You and I, were are strangers by one chromosome"...

 

One thing men & women do have in common though....

 

Regardless of gender, we can't live with them & we can't live without them, so go figure!!!!!

 

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If Dear Abby Were A Man

 

Dear Abby:

 

Q: My husband to be still pines for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.

A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

 

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior - and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

 

Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.

A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

 

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.

A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job.

 

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at car-boot sales. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job.

 

Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love - we have no time to talk.

A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his love-making is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on him. Buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job.

 

Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds.

A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the 'effort' the more he loves you. Return this love by buying a nice, expensive present, cooking him a nice meal, and giving him a blow job.

 

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice expensive present, cooking a nice meal, and giving him a blow job.

 

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.

A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don't forget to cook him a nice meal and give him a blow job.

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QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 27 2006, 04:10 PM)
If Dear Abby Were A Man

Dear Abby:

Q: My husband to be still pines for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior - and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at car-boot sales. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job.

Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love - we have no time to talk.
A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his love-making is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on him. Buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal, and give him a blow job.

Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the 'effort' the more he loves you. Return this love by buying a nice, expensive present, cooking him a nice meal, and giving him a blow job.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice expensive present, cooking a nice meal, and giving him a blow job.

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don't forget to cook him a nice meal and give him a blow job.

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Men's Lenses

 

 

She is like the world to me

Eyes blue

like the clear waters

of a tropical beach

 

Her personality -

Promising

How I perceived it

to be

 

Her face glows

brightness -

Like the morning sun

 

Her beauty -

is everything to me

how everything should be

 

Most of all

What I love about her most

are her tits

 

 

-B. Lee

Edited by Barney's Alter
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