Married With Friends Of Opposite Sex

[Gompers]

QUOTE (ghostworks @ Oct 19 2011, 11:40 AM)

QUOTE (Workaholic Man @ Oct 19 2011, 10:28 AM) ...no man has any business hanging out with another man's wife.  Not by themselves.  Not even if the husband is present.  Same goes for a woman hanging out with another woman's husband... if you truly feel that way, I'd strongly suggest you seek some professional counseling   seriously   when your own insecurities are at a stage where they're affecting how you perceive others' behavior, it's time to make the call   From my point of view, he was right on the money. I used to think like you.

[Tick]

QUOTE (Xanadoood @ Oct 19 2011, 11:38 AM)

Attraction is going to happen regardless of the situation. I have hung out with many attractive ladies from work, in group settings, and sure, naughty thoughts run through my head. But it doesn't mean i am going to avoid social contact with them. I agree that one on one platonic " dates " could lead to trouble though. But that also depends on how strong your relationship is in the first place. I would never cheat on my girlfriend because our relationship is solid, doesn't matter how hot the " friend " is.

Flirting with women in the work place or a social setting is just part of life. That is reality. I know there are guys that flirt with my wife at work. I get it. She may flirt back innocently. I get it.

 

What this is about is a man hanging out alone with a married mans wife, in there home repeatedly. Going for rides on his motorcycle. There is just no way my wife riding on a bike with her arms around another guy is cool. I don't think that makes me insecure, I think it makes me wise.

 

As I said, I have no problem if my wife was going out to see a band at a club or something and she was going to hang with a male friend that night. I wouldn't want her going out with that guy once a week, because that just isn't a healthy thing for a married woman.

Edited October 19, 2011 by tick

[Steel Rat]

QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 10:02 AM)

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Oct 19 2011, 10:32 AM) QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 06:30 AM) I told him man have one thing on there mind if they are hanging out with an attractive women and sooner or later they will act upon there feelings. Its inevitable. Human are of a carnal nature and that beast is in there waiting to come out. Bullshit. Absolute, total and complete bullshit. It's a stereotype of men that has absolutely no foundation in reality. We are not ALL like that. There is no foundation in reality? Really? You may think you're above it, but statistics say there sure as hell IS a foundation in reality. If you think otherwise your wrong. Are there really statistics showing that?   I can confirm that I'm not like that, but I don't know what goes on in other guys' heads, so I can't make conclusions like that. I'll just say I'm pretty sure it's bullshit though.

[Blenderhead]

QUOTE (Steel Rat @ Oct 19 2011, 12:06 PM)

QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 10:02 AM) QUOTE (danielmclark @ Oct 19 2011, 10:32 AM) QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 06:30 AM) I told him man have one thing on there mind if they are hanging out with an attractive women and sooner or later they will act upon there feelings. Its inevitable. Human are of a carnal nature and that beast is in there waiting to come out. Bullshit. Absolute, total and complete bullshit. It's a stereotype of men that has absolutely no foundation in reality. We are not ALL like that. There is no foundation in reality? Really? You may think you're above it, but statistics say there sure as hell IS a foundation in reality. If you think otherwise your wrong. Are there really statistics showing that?   I can confirm that I'm not like that, but I don't know what goes on in other guys' heads, so I can't make conclusions like that. I'll just say I'm pretty sure it's bullshit though. Of course there aren't any statistics backing that up; only tick's delusions and projections.

[thesweetscience]

I think you can still be friends but there needs to be boundaries.

 

If you put people of the opposite sex together to much or to often, things will happen. It's human nature.

 

 

 

 

Edited October 19, 2011 by thesweetscience

[rushlady23]

If you have a good, strong relationship with your spouse/significant other, it shouldn't matter if you have friends of the opposite sex.

[Tick]

QUOTE (thesweetscience @ Oct 19 2011, 12:37 PM)

I think you can still be friends but there needs to be boundaries. If you put people of the opposite sex together to much or to often, things will happen. It's human nature.

This in a nutshell.

[Tick]

QUOTE (rushlady23 @ Oct 19 2011, 12:42 PM)

If you have a good, strong relationship with your spouse/significant other, it shouldn't matter if you have friends of the opposite sex.

I don't agree. If you're married and love your spouse, but spend way too much time with a friend of the opposite sex, things can happen, feelings can manifest, and all of a sudden your strong relationship has cracks in its foundation. You don't see things like this coming but if you open doors you really don't know what can happen. That is just the way it is.

Edited October 19, 2011 by tick

[PhilCastro]

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Oct 19 2011, 10:32 AM)

QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 06:30 AM) I told him man have one thing on there mind if they are hanging out with an attractive women and sooner or later they will act upon there feelings. Its inevitable. Human are of a carnal nature and that beast is in there waiting to come out. Bullshit. Absolute, total and complete bullshit. It's a stereotype of men that has absolutely no foundation in reality. We are not ALL like that. No.     Tick has a point actually.     You have to remember that we are still simply animals. Are main goal in life is to survive and reproduce. The only thing that separates us from other animals is the ability of conscience though and reasoning. This ability has to be strong enough to overcome our natural urges and not all humans can do that.     According to Aristotle, humans are constantly after the 'good life' and I bet if this guy thinks he will be able to hook up with his buddy's wife he will do it.     IMO, its okay to have friends of the opposite sex, but there has to be a limit to how much they do together.

[Mara]

Really good friends are just too hard to come by. (Present company notwithstanding - I am talking about folks you see in the flesh on a regular basis.

 

I'm not going to get all hung up about whether a friend has a penis or a vag. My guy friends have been in my life for 15+ years, all of them. My husband DOES have first call on my free time, but occasionally I like to hang with someone not-my-husband.

 

I just have more in common with guys, always have. They are generally easier to be around; most guys are "what you see is what you get". At least in my world.

 

I can't control how someone thinks about me. What I CAN control is how I respond to it should a male friend suddenly make overtures. I can tell you it would be the end of that friendship.

 

Here's food for thought. What if a married woman wanted to hang out with her unattached lesbian friend? (And PLEASE, can we for once avoid the obvious jokes and innuendos? I can already see those heading down main street, and it's not funny when it's so predictable).

[ghostworks]

[treeduck]

I give this thread three on the scale.

 

And I'll throw in a and a

 

[Can-Utility]

[On TheRoad To Adventure]

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. I would never consider spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex (except my own brother, of course) and my husband agrees totally. He would never spend time alone with another woman. It is just unhealthy and asking for trouble. However, I have single female friends and my husband has single male friends who love to hang out with both of us together. There is nothing wrong with that.

[Gompers]

[Inthend]

QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 10:02 AM)

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Oct 19 2011, 10:34 AM) QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 07:32 AM) A single man hanging out regularly with another mans attractive wife is inappropriate, and I can't see it any other way. But if she were ugly that would be okay? No. What if the guy was really ugly?

[Tick]

QUOTE (Inthend @ Oct 19 2011, 01:53 PM)

QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 10:02 AM) QUOTE (danielmclark @ Oct 19 2011, 10:34 AM) QUOTE (tick @ Oct 19 2011, 07:32 AM) A single man hanging out regularly with another mans attractive wife is inappropriate, and I can't see it any other way. But if she were ugly that would be okay? No. What if the guy was really ugly? Well, since my wife chose me I'm not taking any chances.

[Digital Man]

I think we are straying from the original intent of the question. Tick isn't saying people shouldn't have friends of the oppostie sex when they are married.

 

He is asking whether or not one of the people in the relationship should spend a lot of one on one time with a person of the opposite sex.

 

The couple he is asking about were both friends with the man in question, he isn't only her friend. When the man was married he didn't do things one on one with the wife. Now that he is divorced he is doing things one on one with the wife.

 

I see suspect behavior on both the wife and the other man. It's one thing to have friends of the opposite sex, but when you're friends with a couple and they split up and then one wants to hang out with the others partner one on one; something is up.

[fledgehog]

wow, seriously? I know I, at least, outgrew this type of jealousy in high school. A large portion of my best/closest friends are female, and that doesn't change when I'm in a relationship. You should be friends with whoever the f**k you damn well choose, regardless of their gender. Keep in mind that if anything that constitutes cheating happens, the relationship isn't really a "close friendship". It's important to differentiate between when that's the truth and when it's just the cover for an affair. And despite what anybody says, it is entirely possible for members of opposite genders to be friends with each other and not have any physical or sexual attraction.

[Mara]

[Tick]

QUOTE (fledgehog @ Oct 19 2011, 02:54 PM)

wow, seriously? I know I, at least, outgrew this type of jealousy in high school. A large portion of my best/closest friends are female, and that doesn't change when I'm in a relationship. You should be friends with whoever the f**k you damn well choose, regardless of their gender. Keep in mind that if anything that constitutes cheating happens, the relationship isn't really a "close friendship". It's important to differentiate between when that's the truth and when it's just the cover for an affair. And despite what anybody says, it is entirely possible for members of opposite genders to be friends with each other and not have any physical or sexual attraction.

You don't really get the point do you?

No, you don't.

 

Maybe you should really understand what is being said instead of some crazy extreme point of view that is not what is being said.

 

You can be friends with members of the opposite sex. If your married however, continuous one one one alone time is a bad idea.

 

By the way, your post reads like you are still in high school.

[workingcinderellaman]

I think it's a good idea to set some rules and boundaries when you get married. That's sort of the point of a monogamous marriage.

 

All relationships start out innocent. Most people don't wake up one day and say, "I'm going to go have an affair on my spouse today." It's a continuous path from being acquaintances to being friends to being intimate friends to having sex. It's a good idea to keep it in the friend zone and there's no better way to do that than to not pair off.

 

I personally don't think it's good to be alone for very long with someone from the opposite sex if you are married. I don't think it's a good idea to go to lunch one on one with them or go to a movie or other activity. This is my belief and I don't see any problems with these boundaries. I work at my job with women; in fact I'm the only male at my office. (That's why I get on TRF so much. ) Anyway, I know a lot of guys in my profession who have had issues with this because they didn't have rules and boundaries set.

 

[Tick]

Its funny how the older married men on the board get it. and some that learned the hard way as well.

 

Fledges post was so goofy I should have not even have responded.

[Mara]

QUOTE (workingcinderellaman @ Oct 19 2011, 03:10 PM)

I think it's a good idea to set some rules and boundaries when you get married. That's sort of the point of a monogamous marriage. All relationships start out innocent. Most people don't wake up one day and say, "I'm going to go have an affair on my spouse today." It's a continuous path from being acquaintances to being friends to being intimate friends to having sex. It's a good idea to keep it in the friend zone and there's no better way to do that than to not pair off. I personally don't think it's good to be alone for very long with someone from the opposite sex if you are married. I don't think it's a good idea to go to lunch one on one with them or go to a movie or other activity. This is my belief and I don't see any problems with these boundaries. I work at my job with women; in fact I'm the only male at my office. (That's why I get on TRF so much. ) Anyway, I know a lot of guys in my profession who have had issues with this because they didn't have rules and boundaries set.

Plus you know women target dentists for a reason. Dental work is expensive these days and insurance only covers so much. So you lot are attractive from that perspective - free caps, crowns, and veneers!

[workingcinderellaman]

QUOTE (Mara @ Oct 19 2011, 02:19 PM)

QUOTE (workingcinderellaman @ Oct 19 2011, 03:10 PM) I think it's a good idea to set some rules and boundaries when you get married. That's sort of the point of a monogamous marriage. All relationships start out innocent. Most people don't wake up one day and say, "I'm going to go have an affair on my spouse today." It's a continuous path from being acquaintances to being friends to being intimate friends to having sex. It's a good idea to keep it in the friend zone and there's no better way to do that than to not pair off. I personally don't think it's good to be alone for very long with someone from the opposite sex if you are married. I don't think it's a good idea to go to lunch one on one with them or go to a movie or other activity. This is my belief and I don't see any problems with these boundaries. I work at my job with women; in fact I'm the only male at my office. (That's why I get on TRF so much.  ) Anyway, I know a lot of guys in my profession who have had issues with this because they didn't have rules and boundaries set. Plus you know women target dentists for a reason. Dental work is expensive these days and insurance only covers so much. So you lot are attractive from that perspective - free caps, crowns, and veneers! Really? That's the only reason? It's not because I'm a good looking stud?