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These pretzels are making me thirsty


lerxt1990
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Shhh...keep it down...nobody actually *needs* the mail....why yes, Mr. Kramer you do need mail....look just beat it!
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Oh YA?! Well... I just had sex with your wife!

Hey George, the ocean called; they're running out of shrimp

 

Oh yeah? Well the JERK STORE called, they're runnin outta YOU!

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Oh YA?! Well... I just had sex with your wife!

Hey George, the ocean called; they're running out of shrimp

 

Oh yeah? Well the JERK STORE called, they're runnin outta YOU!

You know his wife has been in a coma for the last six months?

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So let me get this straight. You're in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle and you think to yourself "what the hell, i'll just eat some trash".

 

It was on a magazine! And it still had the doily on.

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So let me get this straight. You're in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle and you think to yourself "what the hell, i'll just eat some trash".

 

It was on a magazine! And it still had the doily on.

 

Well, you my friend have now crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.

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So let me get this straight. You're in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle and you think to yourself "what the hell, i'll just eat some trash".

 

It was on a magazine! And it still had the doily on.

 

Well, you my friend have now crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.

It was above the garbage. Hovering. Like an angel. Of course I know your aunt bit it. I kissed her goodbye.

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So let me get this straight. You're in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle and you think to yourself "what the hell, i'll just eat some trash".

 

It was on a magazine! And it still had the doily on.

 

Well, you my friend have now crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.

It was above the garbage. Hovering. Like an angel. Of course I know your aunt bit it. I kissed her goodbye.

But it was right on top! It wasn't even garbage!

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What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?

 

Fake, fake, fake, fake.

 

I'm stunned, I'm shocked! How many times did you do this?

 

mmmmm, all the time.

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You wouldn't yada yada sex, would you?
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Have you ever *met* a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. *Plant* yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they *stuck* something up there... Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one."
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Believe it or not George isnt a home, leave a messaaaage at the beep.....

 

My brother and I did this to our grandma's answering machine when we were kids- she was so confused hahahaha

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