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Dear Abby...why is my wife


briremo
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QUOTE (The Maples @ Oct 12 2010, 11:30 AM)
QUOTE (iluvgeddy05 @ Oct 12 2010, 08:23 AM)
You need to have a frank conversation with her when this is bothering you.  Many times, other things in life carry over into the bedroom whether it's conscious or not.

/agreed

 

When I was married this was the case for me. Once the issue was fixed my libido came back.

Also, pestering her like "Aww, Come ON! Don't I turn you on anymore?" will NOT help. It will just make her angry or feel guilty she's doing something wrong.

 

Be genuine. Ask her about her day, what's going on in her mind, what she wants to do non-sex wise, just, do like take a walk, whatever. Be a friend first and the sex will follow..

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QUOTE (briremo @ Oct 12 2010, 11:07 AM)
As far as going away, I would love to get her away! Our kids are 12 & 14 and she has litterally been away from them three times in that time. We have frequent flyer miles, we have the resources for a little get away but she just won't do it. She says we can do that after the kids are gone.

And look, I love spending as much time as I can with the boys, they are a blast, but seriously. One weekend in 14 years? We need some time away for the two of us.

OK, you have 100% of my sympathies there. You are right...one trip alone in 14 years is not enough.

 

My hubby & I try to get away for weekends alone at least twice a year. Before our second daughter was born, we went away on extra looong weekends together to reconnect. We are in the process of planning a long weekend to Vegas for our 15th anniversary next May. (Hoping to put the sin back in Sin City. wink.gif )

 

And as for her comment that you can do all that after the kids are gone... Well, by then it might be too late. You need to reconnect now. Because when the kids are gone, you may just find that you have nothing to do with each other anymore. Yes, it's great that you take family vacations together. But quite frankly, I think its good for kids to see that Mom & Dad love each other enough to want to spend time alone.

 

Could you have a very trusted friend of hers watch the kids and arrange a night or weekend away? Book a nice hotel room - even if it's local - schedule spa treatments, dinner at some place fabulous, go watch a dreaded chick flick (if those are your wife's style).

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Try experimenting with drugs.

 

 

When you get really horny and want it, slip some E in her coffee and see if that doesn't get her wound up.

 

 

You won't know until you try.

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My hubs and I have had 1 night alone together without the kids in 15 years.

 

We hope to do a mini-road trip to see Rush the next tour as the kids will be older.

 

Edited by nobodys hero
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Having been fairly young when I had my son (21, and from a previous relationship) I have to admit that I had NEVER gone anywhere by myself since he had been born...until this last summer. I went to three Rush concerts by myself and made mini-vacations out of them (2 or three days at a time is all). I have to say that it was AMAZING! So liberating to get AWAY from everything and have time to myself. It was actually a step in the right direction for my marriage. We had been fighting like you wouldn't believe, and I had actually been drinking heavily to cope (read: NOT GOOD!). But, since I had that time to myself, I feel that some of the tension has been released (not all, but some) and I have found myself not wanting to drink hardly at all (read: VERY GOOD!). Sure, we still have problems...SO many problems...that need to be resolved, but it was great to get out and clear my head, have some time to myself without a husband and kid in tow. Believe me, I didn't go out and get crazy. In fact, one of those weekends was in Vegas, and I think the craziest that I got was I put $20 in a slot machine, then had a couple glasses of wine with dinner then went back to my hotel room.

 

It wasn't what I was doing, it was the fact that I was doing it alone. It was great.

 

Ok, what's the point of this? Sounds like your wife feels obligated to those kids to be around 24/7. I understand this, as I feel the same way about my son, but the truth of the matter is that she might need some "decompression" time...some time to herself...without having to worry about kids and work and booster packets and making dinner and doing laundry. Men sometimes don't understand everything that goes into a woman's day, therefore they are confused when sex starts taking a back seat to things like booster packets. That's never all that is going on, but i know that my husband will see things like that...like "oh, you are busy doing laundry, so now the laundry is more important than being with me."

 

It's everything, wrapped up in a neat little package called being a wife and a mother. Suggest that she take a weekend to herself...get out of town. Hell, she might not even have to leave town...just get her a weekend spa package or a nice hotel room, then don't tell your kids where she is and make her turn off her cell phone.

 

Just a suggestion. It worked WONDERS for me. I came back with a fresh perspective on things, and I actually WANTED to be home and around my husband again.

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Yeah, I go away on girls' weekends too.

 

1. Every mother's day to a B&B with 3 other girl friends

 

2. A weekend in August at one of my closest girlfriends' cabin in northern MI (800 pudding shots, 2 cases of beer each - all of it gone by Sunday morning, tubing down the Au Sable River...and we're banned from the only bar in town. Man, it's a great time! trink39.gif )

 

3. A 4-7 day trip with my bowling team each summer.

 

It really does help me recharge and enjoy my family time that much more.

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QUOTE (Rushchick10 @ Oct 14 2010, 02:26 PM)
Having been fairly young when I had my son (21, and from a previous relationship) I have to admit that I had NEVER gone anywhere by myself since he had been born...until this last summer. I went to three Rush concerts by myself and made mini-vacations out of them (2 or three days at a time is all). I have to say that it was AMAZING! So liberating to get AWAY from everything and have time to myself. It was actually a step in the right direction for my marriage. We had been fighting like you wouldn't believe, and I had actually been drinking heavily to cope (read: NOT GOOD!). But, since I had that time to myself, I feel that some of the tension has been released (not all, but some) and I have found myself not wanting to drink hardly at all (read: VERY GOOD!). Sure, we still have problems...SO many problems...that need to be resolved, but it was great to get out and clear my head, have some time to myself without a husband and kid in tow. Believe me, I didn't go out and get crazy. In fact, one of those weekends was in Vegas, and I think the craziest that I got was I put $20 in a slot machine, then had a couple glasses of wine with dinner then went back to my hotel room.

It wasn't what I was doing, it was the fact that I was doing it alone. It was great.

Ok, what's the point of this? Sounds like your wife feels obligated to those kids to be around 24/7. I understand this, as I feel the same way about my son, but the truth of the matter is that she might need some "decompression" time...some time to herself...without having to worry about kids and work and booster packets and making dinner and doing laundry. Men sometimes don't understand everything that goes into a woman's day, therefore they are confused when sex starts taking a back seat to things like booster packets. That's never all that is going on, but i know that my husband will see things like that...like "oh, you are busy doing laundry, so now the laundry is more important than being with me."

It's everything, wrapped up in a neat little package called being a wife and a mother. Suggest that she take a weekend to herself...get out of town. Hell, she might not even have to leave town...just get her a weekend spa package or a nice hotel room, then don't tell your kids where she is and make her turn off her cell phone.

Just a suggestion. It worked WONDERS for me. I came back with a fresh perspective on things, and I actually WANTED to be home and around my husband again.

Ok, you seem to have excellent self insight and I just want to know how much you charge per hour to disect my brain and figure out what's up with me lol.... I sure could use it!

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QUOTE (Joeblw09 @ Oct 17 2010, 02:32 PM)
QUOTE (Rushchick10 @ Oct 14 2010, 02:26 PM)
Having been fairly young when I had my son (21, and from a previous relationship) I have to admit that I had NEVER gone anywhere by myself since he had been born...until this last summer.  I went to three Rush concerts by myself and made mini-vacations out of them (2 or three days at a time is all).  I have to say that it was AMAZING!  So liberating to get AWAY from everything and have time to myself.  It was actually a step in the right direction for my marriage.  We had been fighting like you wouldn't believe, and I had actually been drinking heavily to cope (read: NOT GOOD!).  But, since I had that time to myself, I feel that some of the tension has been released (not all, but some) and I have found myself not wanting to drink hardly at all (read: VERY GOOD!).  Sure, we still have problems...SO many problems...that need to be resolved, but it was great to get out and clear my head, have some time to myself without a husband and kid in tow.  Believe me, I didn't go out and get crazy.  In fact, one of those weekends was in Vegas, and I think the craziest that I got was I put $20 in a slot machine, then had a couple glasses of wine with dinner then went back to my hotel room. 

It wasn't what I was doing, it was the fact that I was doing it alone.  It was great. 

Ok, what's the point of this?  Sounds like your wife feels obligated to those kids to be around 24/7.  I understand this, as I feel the same way about my son, but the truth of the matter is that she might need some "decompression" time...some time to herself...without having to worry about kids and work and booster packets and making dinner and doing laundry.  Men sometimes don't understand everything that goes into a woman's day, therefore they are confused when sex starts taking a back seat to things like booster packets.  That's never all that is going on, but i know that my husband will see things like that...like "oh, you are busy doing laundry, so now the laundry is more important than being with me."

It's everything, wrapped up in a neat little package called being a wife and a mother.  Suggest that she take a weekend to herself...get out of town.  Hell, she might not even have to leave town...just get her a weekend spa package or a nice hotel room, then don't tell your kids where she is and make her turn off her cell phone. 

Just a suggestion.  It worked WONDERS for me.  I came back with a fresh perspective on things, and I actually WANTED to be home and around my husband again.

Ok, you seem to have excellent self insight and I just want to know how much you charge per hour to disect my brain and figure out what's up with me lol.... I sure could use it!

Initial consultation is free. cool.gif laugh.gif

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