Maddy Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 20 2006, 10:16 AM) A Texas rancher and his wife were arguing while touring Paris. They were hardly speaking to each other after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. When the waiter arrived, the rancher said," I'll have a BIG THICK PORTERHOUSE STEAK." The waiter replied, "Monsieur, what about Ze Mad Cow? "He replied, "She'll have a Salad." And a minute later he probably had a salad fork someplace the sun doesn't shine... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 And then she threw a party right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaWanna Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 What's just 2.5 inches long And can satisfy any woman Every time? http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/4306/creditcardshy4.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddy Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Sep 21 2006, 11:42 AM) What's just 2.5 inches long And can satisfy any woman Every time? http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/4306/creditcardshy4.jpg A girl's best friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaWanna Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 21 2006, 01:52 PM) Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" how fukin true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Sep 21 2006, 11:42 AM) What's just 2.5 inches long And can satisfy any woman Every time? http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/4306/creditcardshy4.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Sep 21 2006, 12:55 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 21 2006, 01:52 PM) Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" how fukin true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddy Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Sep 21 2006, 12:55 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 21 2006, 01:52 PM) Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" how fukin true "Driving Directions" will work, too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00006799.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 25 2006, 02:29 PM) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00006799.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Priceless Picture A man sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a million dollars." "That's the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Theres an old man whos sitting in a bus when a young punk walks in covered by red,yellow,and green feathers and no shoes and sits across from the old man. After ten miles of staring at each other the young punk says, "what the hell are you lookin at, didnt you ever do anything wild when you where young!? " Without missing a beat the old man says "yeah, when I was young and in the navy I got drunk and had sex with a parrot...I thought you might be my son." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddy Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Oct 9 2006, 10:01 AM) Theres an old man whos sitting in a bus when a young punk walks in covered by red,yellow,and green feathers and no shoes and sits across from the old man. After ten miles of staring at each other the young punk says, "what the hell are you lookin at, didnt you ever do anything wild when you where young!? " Without missing a beat the old man says "yeah, when I was young and in the navy I got drunk and had sex with a parrot...I thought you might be my son." Or, if he's like me, he might just be the proud owner of a birdie - or three. (Guess who found a brilliant yellow feather floating in her teacup this AM? Not sure if Woodstock or Freddie was the culprit, but I'm guessing Freddie...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthleven's rose Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Brilliant!!!!! -now I wish I still had a bird-- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Oct 10 2006, 07:17 AM) A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me." Cygnus, again you're making me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthleven's rose Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 god--love someone to cure mine like that!!!! (preferably a member of Rush!!!!!!! lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddy Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I could see Alex curing someone's hiccups like that - after he gave them hiccups in the first place by making them laugh too hard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Hell i would died on the spot ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddy Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Oct 16 2006, 10:29 AM) A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck." Ouch... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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