Just for fun

[digitalman30]

QUOTE (Daylin @ Mar 21 2006, 04:49 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 21 2006, 03:47 PM) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/womantools.jpg   Been there...done that!   The right tool for the right job! Very funny!

[Cygnus]

WORDS WOMEN USE

 

 

 

 

FINE

 

This is the word women use to end an argument when they

are right and you need to shut up.

 

 

FIVE MINUTES

 

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

 

 

NOTHING

 

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

 

 

GO AHEAD

 

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

 

LOUD SIGH

 

This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often

misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

 

 

 

THAT'S OKAY

 

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

THANKS

 

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say

"You're Welcome."

[ladirushfan80]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 26 2006, 05:27 PM)

WORDS WOMEN USE FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine" GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing" THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say "You're Welcome."

[Arleen2112]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 26 2006, 05:27 PM)

WORDS WOMEN USE FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.   FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five  minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game  before helping around the house. NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should  be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine" GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.   LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and  wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you  over "Nothing" THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a  man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before  deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.   THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say "You're Welcome."

Remember these Words

 

[Digital Man]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 26 2006, 05:27 PM)

WORDS WOMEN USE FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.   GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a  man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before  deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

These 3 are all related & are often used together.

 

i.e.: She says FINE, GO AHEAD . Then later, after you do what you apparently weren't supposed to do, you hear THAT'S OKAY .

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Arleen2112 @ Mar 27 2006, 01:29 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 26 2006, 05:27 PM) WORDS WOMEN USE FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.   FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five  minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game  before helping around the house. NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should  be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine" GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.   LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and  wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you  over "Nothing" THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a  man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before  deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.   THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say "You're Welcome." Remember these Words

[Arleen2112]

Advantages Of Being A Woman Why it's better to be a Woman!

 

1. We got off the Titanic first.

 

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

 

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

 

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

 

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

 

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

 

7. Taxis stop for us.

 

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

 

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

 

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

 

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

 

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

 

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

 

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

 

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

 

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

 

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

 

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

 

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

 

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

 

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

 

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

 

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

 

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

 

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

 

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

 

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

 

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

 

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

 

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

 

 

Edited March 28, 2006 by Arleen2112

[blonde77th]

Ok i am but i still say so true & Let the man have the 1st child and i bet NO family would have over 2 lovely babies in it I would give anything to see this 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Edited March 31, 2006 by blonde77th

[chaotica]

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Mar 31 2006, 10:04 AM)

Ok i am but i still say so true & Let the man have the 1st child and i bet NO family would have over 2 lovely babies in it I would give anything to see this 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and no drugs.... no epidurals or pain meds or anything ... then let me see how far they get

[sundog]

Marriage

 

You have two choices in life:

You can stay single and be miserable,

or get married and wish you were dead.

------------

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,

"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

------------

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted"

Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine!"

-------------

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

--------------

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

-------------

A little boy asked his father,

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

------------

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

------------

Then there was a woman who said,

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

--------------

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

---------------

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

---------------

Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

--------------

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

-----------------

A Woman's Prayer

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.

----------------

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

[Cygnalschick]

QUOTE

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

 

Good one!!! Very true!!

[sundog]

Handyman?

 

[chaotica]

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

 

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

 

 

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices! a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

 

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

 

So the first blonde hand s her the compact.

 

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

 

 

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

 

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

 

 

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde wa s bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

 

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

 

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

 

 

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde as k her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

 

"Is it mine?"

 

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

 

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision

George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

 

 

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

 

They send me a BLIND policeman."

 

Ok. Now forward this to someone else who needs a laugh today!!!

[Cygnus]

THE LONELY BRAIN CELL

 

 

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

 

 

She looked around nervously because it was all empty & quiet.

 

 

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

 

 

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

 

 

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

 

 

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"We're down here"......

 

[Daylin]

very funny

 

Sunny, I was LOL at the 'Handyman' video you posted!

[Jack Aubrey]

QUOTE (madra sneachta @ Feb 16 2006, 08:42 AM)

Men's Version: Man 2: Haircut? Man 1: Yeah

Optional replies: "About damn time, I was getting ready to start calling you Mary." Or: "Didn't help much, did it?"

 

 

 

[Cygnus]

Two ladies talking in heaven:

 

1st woman : Hi! My name is Wanda.

 

2nd woman: Hi, I'm Sylvia; how'd you die?

 

1st woman : I Froze to Death.

 

2nd woman : How Horrible!

 

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold,

 

I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.

 

What about you?

 

2nd woman : I died of a massive heart attack.

 

I suspected that my husband was cheating,

 

so I came home early to catch him in the act.

 

Butinstead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

 

1st woman: So, what happened?

 

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere

 

that I started running all over the house looking.

 

I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.

 

Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.

I kept this up until I had looked everywhere

,

and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over

 

with a heart attack and died.

 

 

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both

still be

alive.

 

 

[Daylin]

[Cygnalschick]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Apr 18 2006, 12:25 PM)

Two ladies talking in heaven: 1st woman : Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi, I'm Sylvia; how'd you die? 1st woman : I Froze to Death. 2nd woman : How Horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman : I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Butinstead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere , and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

Good one!

[blonde77th]

Love it

[chaotica]

[Cygnus]

Thought for the day

 

 

 

Women don't want to hear what you think.

 

 

 

Women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice

 

 

 

 

[Rolinda Bonz]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Apr 28 2006, 06:18 AM)

Thought for the day Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice

[Cygnus]

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound

coming from her daughters bedroom.

When she opened the door she found

her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

 

"What are you doing?" She exclaimed.

 

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents

and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

 

Later that week,

the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the

basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa

with her vibrator.

 

"What are you doing?" He exclaimed.

 

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents

and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

 

A couple of days

later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from

the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching

television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

 

"What are you doing" She asked.

 

He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."

 

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ May 1 2006, 09:02 AM)

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. "What are you doing?" She exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing" She asked. He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."

 

Good one Cyg