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QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Dec 8 2005, 08:04 AM)
QUOTE (Cygnus @ Nov 8 2005, 01:24 PM)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00026317.jpg

The goal of a Bitch...

To dominate

...and to throw up all over her shirt? unsure.gif

z7shysterical.gif I thought the same thing!

 

"The goal of a bitch is...to avoid doing laundry!"

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REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one o f them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

 

 

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QUOTE (sundog @ Dec 16 2005, 04:27 PM)
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one o f them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

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QUOTE (Rolinda Bonz @ Dec 17 2005, 12:15 AM)
QUOTE (sundog @ Dec 16 2005, 04:27 PM)
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.  Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one o f them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

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1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

 

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)

 

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE

ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)

 

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR

BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

 

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

 

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

 

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET

SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)

(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

 

And my personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

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QUOTE (sundog @ Jan 8 2006, 09:35 AM)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/sundog918/fishing.jpg

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z7shysterical.gif z7shysterical.gif z7shysterical.gif

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DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

 

40-ish................................49.

 

Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.

 

Athletic...............................No breasts.

 

Average looking....................Moooo.

 

Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.

 

Emotionally Secure................On medication.

 

Feminist................................Fat.

 

Free spirit............................Junkie.

 

Friendship first......................Former slut.

 

New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places.

 

Old-fashioned.......................No BJs.

 

Open-minded.......................Desperate.

 

Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing.

 

Professional..........................Bitch.

 

Voluptuous..........................Very Fat.

 

Large frame.........................Hugely Fat.

 

Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.

 

 

 

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

 

1. Yes = No

 

2. No = Yes

 

3. Maybe = No

 

4. We need = I want

 

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

 

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

 

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

 

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

 

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

 

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

 

 

 

MEN'S ENGLISH:

 

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

 

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

 

3. I am tired = I am tired

 

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

 

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

 

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

 

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

 

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

 

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

 

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

 

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

 

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QUOTE (sundog @ Jan 8 2006, 09:13 AM)
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish................................49.

Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.

Athletic...............................No breasts.

Average looking....................Moooo.

Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure................On medication.

Feminist................................Fat.

Free spirit............................Junkie.

Friendship first......................Former slut.

New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-fashioned.......................No BJs.

Open-minded.......................Desperate.

Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing.

Professional..........................Bitch.

Voluptuous..........................Very Fat.

Large frame.........................Hugely Fat.

Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.



WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?



MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

z7shysterical.gif icon_really_happy_guy.gif laugh.gif

 

These are so funny sis! laugh.gif

 

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QUOTE
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not)
was having sex for
the first time which was about as much fun as having a
ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder
what all the fuss was about.

 

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A young boy went to his father and asked, "Dad, what's the difference between theory and reality?"

"Well, son, the best way to explain this is a practical exercise. Go ask your Mom if she'd sleep with a stranger for a million dollars and come tell me her answer."

 

The boy returned and said, " She said she would, Dad." "OK," replied the father, "Go ask your sister the same question."

 

The boy returned and said that his sister also answered "yes" to the question and then asked his Dad, "What's this got to do with theory and reality?"

 

"It's simple, son. In theory, we live with millionaires. In reality, we live with a couple of sluts."

 

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Bumper Stickers for women.....

 

 

1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

 

2. GOD MADE US SISTERS; PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

 

3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.

 

4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.

 

5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.

 

6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. . . SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

 

7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

 

8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

 

9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.

 

10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN-AND I HAVE A GUN.

 

11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE...WHO CARES?

 

12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.

 

13. AND YOUR POINT IS...?

 

14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

 

15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

 

16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

 

17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.

 

18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

 

19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.

 

20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

 

21. SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I'M NOT.

 

22. ANOTHER DOPELESS HOPE FIEND

 

23. IF WE ARE WHAT WE EAT, I'M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY.

 

24. DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

 

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