Digital Man Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 The Guys' Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geddy's Gal Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 My goodness.......you are living very dangerously today, Digital Man !!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 I luv it! Okay, now I finally know how a man thinks!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slaine mac Roth Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 QUOTE (Digital Man @ Apr 13 2005, 03:56 PM) 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. That is very important and has needed to be said for a long, long, long time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 QUOTE (Digital Man @ Apr 13 2005, 11:56 AM) 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. some of my walls have a 'mauve' color... the "man" of the house calls it purple... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 QUOTE (Digital Man @ Apr 13 2005, 10:56 AM) 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. Blasphemy!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilpeart_gal Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 Ditto. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolinda Bonz Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 Item #1 duly noted. Ahh, communication!!! (kuh-myoo-nik-a-shun) There now, was that so hard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 here ya go gentleman.... a little help.... This explains it all!!! Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find out that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then... come their teen years. Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday and is now all but null and void. So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. Send this to bright women you know and make their day!!! Or at least make them laugh a little... but not too hard or they may pee their panties. The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause. Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Apr 14 2005, 05:53 AM) Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. Hell yes!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sullysue Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 "Sucking It In" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La villa edwardo Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 It's all true at least the male part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alsgalpal Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Apr 14 2005, 05:53 AM) here ya go gentleman.... a little help.... This explains it all!!! Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find out that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then... come their teen years. Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday and is now all but null and void. So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. Send this to bright women you know and make their day!!! Or at least make them laugh a little... but not too hard or they may pee their panties. The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause. Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho. I love the seven dwarfs of womanhood. Shall we call them the seven little piss ants of womanhood? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/2057.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.... HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanEHdian Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 1 2005, 02:21 PM) HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.... HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumnut Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 QUOTE (CanEHdian @ Sep 1 2005, 11:22 AM)HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring Coke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanEHdian Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 QUOTE (Drumnut @ Sep 1 2005, 03:29 PM) QUOTE (CanEHdian @ Sep 1 2005, 11:22 AM)HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring Coke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/9271.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 4, 2005 Share Posted September 4, 2005 http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/24733DG.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaWanna Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 (edited) http://www.medialunchbox.com/pics/uploads/washingdir.jpg Edited September 5, 2005 by DonnaWanna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old." The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?" She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 8 Things You Will Never Hear a Woman Say -------------------------------------------------- 8. What do you mean today's our anniversary? 7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV. 6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big! 5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends' 4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small? 3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there. 2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress. 1. Hey, pull my finger! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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