Just for fun

[Gompers]

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

 

As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

 

My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.'

 

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

 

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt still around her neck.

 

A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

 

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken'

[Gompers]

(Not just for the ladies)

 

The commanding officer of a regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his staff, battalion and company commanders.

 

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

 

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

 

The regimental executive officer chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

 

A captain said it was 50-50%.

 

The colonel's aide responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time.

 

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

 

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

 

The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?

 

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

 

The room fell silent.

 

God Bless the Marine Corps.

Edited March 23, 2009 by Gompers

[Gompers]

A stereotypical blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

 

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

 

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

 

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

 

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

 

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to

assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

 

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ...' he said with a deep sigh,.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

Edited March 23, 2009 by Gompers

[Gompers]

"Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

 

"Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than an AAA battery.

 

Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing. A few minutes later she was able to regain her composure.

 

"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

 

"It's swollen," Fred replied.

 

Things went downhill from there..

[yaoi_myantidrug]

 

those are both great!

[Cygnus]

No longer the need for Implants

[Gompers]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 26 2009, 09:11 AM)

No longer the need for Implants

[Cygnus]

http://adamthinks.com/iphone/

 

There really is an app for almost anything

[brandi]

hee hee people are rather amusing!!!xxx

[Cygnus]

HOW TO START A FIGHT

 

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

[Cygnus]

HOW TO START A FIGHT

 

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,

'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

[Cygnus]

HOW TO START A FIGHT

 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,"He's my old boyfriend....

I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

[Cygnus]

HOW TO START A FIGHT

 

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

[Cygnus]

HOW TO START A FIGHT

 

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

[Cygnus]

HOW TO START A FIGHT

 

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

[realomind]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Nov 17 2010, 02:13 PM)

HOW TO START A FIGHT My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...

[Babycat]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Apr 14 2005, 05:53 AM)

here ya go gentleman.... a little help.... This explains it all!!! Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find out that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then... come their teen years. Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday and is now all but null and void. So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. Send this to bright women you know and make their day!!! Or at least make them laugh a little... but not too hard or they may pee their panties. The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause. Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho.

Much as I sympathise with all womanhood, I couldn't help but laugh out loud! Best accurate description though..!

[FoxxiStarr]

[Babycat]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 10 2008, 09:33 AM)

QUOTE (Jaye @ Dec 9 2008, 10:49 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 9 2008, 02:46 PM) Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. Other Women I don't understand 9 or 10 and #6...why even bother going anywhere if your not trying to beat your best time? I fully understand numbers 2, 4 & 10. For me, so true... Especially number 10.

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/iBoob.jpg

[Vive le Rush]

QUOTE (Digital Man @ Apr 13 2005, 10:56 AM)

The Guys' Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this.

This is HILARIOUS, and exactly how my husband thinks!!!!!!!!!!

[Rushchick10]

QUOTE (Babycat @ Nov 20 2010, 06:49 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 10 2008, 09:33 AM) QUOTE (Jaye @ Dec 9 2008, 10:49 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 9 2008, 02:46 PM) Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. Other Women I don't understand 9 or 10 and #6...why even bother going anywhere if your not trying to beat your best time? I fully understand numbers 2, 4 & 10. For me, so true... Especially number 10. Ok, I am a woman (not overly "girly," but feminine). BUT, I have done #6. Can't help it...I like to drive and I like to drive FAST!!!   I also relate to most other things on that list.

[Cygnus]

Understanding Women: Manual finally Available....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m188/Bushwack_2006/ATT256635.jpg

[umoveme]

If you think you're fat, you probably are.

 

 

My favorite!!

 

 

[Fred Star]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Apr 14 2005, 11:53 AM)

here ya go gentleman.... a little help.... This explains it all!!! Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find out that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then... come their teen years. Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday and is now all but null and void. So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. Send this to bright women you know and make their day!!! Or at least make them laugh a little... but not too hard or they may pee their panties. The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause. Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho.

Heh-heh-heh.. think you should rename y'self Lady"thrush"fan...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Irritable cnut.

 

 

Loves ya!