Moonraker Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 http://images.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/cg09142004/Cloneborg.jpg That damn Jar Jar is everywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Notorious B.S.G. Posted September 15, 2004 Author Share Posted September 15, 2004 Thought about posting this in one of the hurricane threads, but we have so MANY of them, I just put it here. Ten Reasons Why Hurricanes Are Like Christmas 10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows) 9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights) 8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores 7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials" 6. Family coming to stay with you 5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling 4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities 3. Days off from work 2. Candles And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas .. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relaxed_Jack Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 QUOTE (BSG @ Sep 15 2004, 01:29 PM) Thought about posting this in one of the hurricane threads, but we have so MANY of them, I just put it here. Ten Reasons Why Hurricanes Are Like Christmas 10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows) 9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights) 8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores 7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials" 6. Family coming to stay with you 5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling 4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities 3. Days off from work 2. Candles And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas .. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indica Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 QUOTE (BSG @ Sep 15 2004, 12:29 PM) Thought about posting this in one of the hurricane threads, but we have so MANY of them, I just put it here. Ten Reasons Why Hurricanes Are Like Christmas 10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows) 9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights) 8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores 7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials" 6. Family coming to stay with you 5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling 4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities 3. Days off from work 2. Candles And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas .. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/GIFs/cheer2.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 this is titled "WHY WOMEN LIVE LONGER THEN MEN"..... maybe it should've been moved to the ladies forum.... but then again...... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/WHYWOMENLIVELONGERTHANMEN.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relaxed_Jack Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Sep 16 2004, 07:01 AM) this is titled "WHY WOMEN LIVE LONGER THEN MEN"..... maybe it should've been moved to the ladies forum.... but then again...... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/WHYWOMENLIVELONGERTHANMEN.jpg HEY HEY!! No bashing ....or we'll bring out the Blond Jokes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonraker Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Sep 16 2004, 03:01 AM) this is titled "WHY WOMEN LIVE LONGER THEN MEN"..... maybe it should've been moved to the ladies forum.... but then again...... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/WHYWOMENLIVELONGERTHANMEN.jpg Case in point, not all men are that stoopid But I agree, that guy needs to remove himself from the gene pool right quick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Notorious B.S.G. Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 QUOTE (Moonraker @ Sep 16 2004, 10:39 AM) ....that guy needs to remove himself from the gene pool right quick. I believe that will be arranged real soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 http://home2.pi.be/lindab2/images/newwhale.gif Make you want to rethink the ban on whale hunting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Notorious B.S.G. Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 Ways Women Turn Down Men (Sorry, guys. Some of these are funny.) Man: Haven't I seen you some place before? Woman: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. _______________________________ Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. _______________________________ Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. _______________________________ Man: Can I buy you a drink? Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money. _______________________________ Man: How did you get to be so beautiful? Woman: I must have been given your share. _______________________________ Man: Your face must turn a few heads. Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs. _______________________________ Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. Woman: Okay, get out. _______________________________ Man: I think I could make you very happy. Woman: Why? Are you leaving? _______________________________ Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. _______________________________ Man: Can I have your name? Woman: Why? Don't you already have one? _______________________________ Man: Shall we go see a movie? Woman: I've already seen one. _______________________________ Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. _______________________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Notorious B.S.G. Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/bsg2112/casualfriday.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indica Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 (edited) The Last Alimony Check Today is my daughter's 18th birthday....... I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, those payments! So I called my baby girl, Kareesha, to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your mother's house and tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the expression that's on her face." So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was really anxious to hear what she had to say and what she looked like. As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, "Now what did she have to say?" "She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy... and Watch the expression on your face." Edited September 23, 2004 by Indica Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riv Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 QUOTE (Indica @ Sep 22 2004, 07:29 PM) The Last Alimony Check Today is my daughter's 18th birthday....... I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, those payments! So I called my baby girl, Kareesha, to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your mother's house and tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the expression that's on her face." So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was really anxious to hear what she had to say and what she looked like. As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, "Now what did she have to say?" "She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy... and Watch the expression on your face." Sucka! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Notorious B.S.G. Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 Female Drivers Lest I be accused of being a sexist (LIKE I CARE!!!! ), I'll have you all know I got these from a female friend. "Umm... ma'm? Excuse me! Did you wonder where the rattling noise and the sparks were coming from?" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/woman12.jpg "Ok! Now put it in Drive!" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/woman23.jpg "I don't care HOW MUCH you want to go on that 3-hour tour. That boat has already sailed!" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/woman34.jpg "Hey look! I wrote my initials in the pavement!" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/womancop5.jpg Well, she should be pretty well protected, anyways... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/womanmotorcycle6.jpg The perils of the "Gas and Go" technique. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/tahoewoman1.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 HA. That was SO funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RushRevisited Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 LOL I must say though, I don't get the one of the girl on the moped with the helmet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 QUOTE (RushRevisited @ Sep 24 2004, 03:45 PM) LOL I must say though, I don't get the one of the girl on the moped with the helmet Helmet's on bass ackwards, RR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RushRevisited Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Sep 24 2004, 04:46 PM) QUOTE (RushRevisited @ Sep 24 2004, 03:45 PM) LOL I must say though, I don't get the one of the girl on the moped with the helmet Helmet's on bass ackwards, RR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowdog Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Good Ones, bsg! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Notorious B.S.G. Posted September 25, 2004 Author Share Posted September 25, 2004 When budget cuts run too deeply: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/bsg2112/F-16.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Notorious B.S.G. Posted September 25, 2004 Author Share Posted September 25, 2004 (edited) Hey married men! Some things in the animal kingdom are universal. And I do ALL the hunting while you lounge around all day with your buddies and when's the last time you took the trash out to the road and just LOOK at yourself... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/bsg2112/AnimalKingdom.jpg Edited September 25, 2004 by BSG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowdog Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 An old farmer in Ohio had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice, with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, to look things over as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a 5 gallon bucket to bring back some fruit from the trees. As he neared the pond he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted "We're not getting out until you leave!" The old man frowned and said?? "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket he said.. "I'm here to feed the alligator." MORAL: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaWanna Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 REAL DR STORIES A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient. --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. --Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered ... Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive." --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI And Finally . . . . . A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener." --won't admit his name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singularity Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 QUOTE (BSG @ Sep 24 2004, 09:09 PM) Hey married men! Some things in the animal kingdom are universal. And I do ALL the hunting while you lounge around all day with your buddies and when's the last time you took the trash out to the road and just LOOK at yourself... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/bsg2112/bsg2112/AnimalKingdom.jpg Flippin' funny! Maybe not being able to get married ain't so bad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singularity Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Sep 25 2004, 10:38 AM) One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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