afansince74 Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 "Follow! But! follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth." "What an eccentric performance." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chasartymac Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 'Ello. I'd like to buy a fish license please, for my pet fish, Eric. How did you know my name was Eric? I didn't, my fish's name is Eric. Eric the fish. He is an Halibut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 QUOTE (Chasartymac @ Dec 3 2004, 08:13 PM)'Ello. I'd like to buy a fish license please, for my pet fish, Eric. How did you know my name was Eric? I didn't, my fish's name is Eric. Eric the fish. He is an Halibut. A License for your bee? Correct! Called Eric, Eric the bee? No! No? Eric the half-bee. He had an accident! You're off your chum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 I knew the second I saw this thread I shouldn't even come in here and now look.... A brief (not as brief as I thought) story: My best friend since high school in 1976, Doug, died 7 years ago. LONG story short, his widow is my wife now. Anyway, he and I were always the biggest Rush fans in our school and were also two of the biggest Monty Python nuts around. In college they showed a midnight showing of "Holy Grail" in the local theater on the weekends and we'd see it at least once EVERY single weekend! While we were both married to our first wives and had moved apart, we'd recite dialog lines back and forth on the phone everytime we talked. The fisrt time his wife and I spent any time together was on a kneeler in front of his open casket just after his Rosary. (A side note: I worked as a Mortician for about 5 years in the mid 80's and even got Doug to work there for a year, so I'm a little more at-ease around dead people than most "normal folk".... but I digress....) Anyway, I was up there on the kneeler with Doug's widow, together with his immediate family sitting behind us in the first pew, just talking about Doug, embalming, funerals, laughing, crying, you know. Anywho, I just instinctivly and unintensionally blurted out "I'm not dead", to which, without missing a beat, my now-wife says "I don't want to go in the cart!" I can't tell you how hillarious that moment was! We sat there for 10 minutes just reciting that part of the movie and laughing our a**es off! Her family had no idea what the he** was going on until later that night. It was great. I know Doug was cracking up too! And for those of you who don't know why any of this is funny, here's most all of scene 2 in it's glorious entirety (even though it's just not the same in print): MORTICIAN: Bring out your dead! **clang**(bangs a small gong) Bring out your dead! **clang** Bring out your dead! CUSTOMER: Here's one -- nine pence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! MORTICIAN: What? CUSTOMER: Nothing -- here's your nine pence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! MORTICIAN: Here -- he says he's not dead! CUSTOMER: Yes, he is. DEAD PERSON: I'm not! MORTICIAN: He isn't. CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better! CUSTOMER: No, you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment. MORTICIAN: Oh, I can't take him like that -- it's against regulations. DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go in the cart! CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby. MORTICIAN: I can't take him... DEAD PERSON: I feel fine! CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor... MORTICIAN: I can't. CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long. MORTICIAN: Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson's -- they've lost nine today. CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round? MORTICIAN: Thursday. DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk. CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there something you can do? DEAD PERSON: I feel happy... I feel happy. **whop**(the mortician hits the "dead person" in the head with a club) CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much. MORTICIAN: Not at all. See you on Thursday. CUSTOMER: Right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chasartymac Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 Singing....... La dee dee One two three Eric, the half a bee. ABCDEFG Eric the half a bee Is this a wretched semi bee? Half asleep upon my knee? Some FREAK, from a menagerie? NO!! It's Eric, the half a bee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 "Hello. I'd like to buy a cat." "I've got a lovely Terrier" "No. I want a cat really. "Tell you what... we'll take his snout out, file his legs down a bit, stick a few wires thru his checks,... make a lovely cat, that would. "No. It wouldn't be a proper cat." "What do you mean?" "It wouldn't 'meow'." "Well, It'd howl a bit!" "No." "Tell you what.... a Terrier makes a lovely fish... I could do that for you now... legs off, fins on, simple metal tube thru the back of it's head so it can breath, bits of gold paint, make good! It's a great conversation peice!" Well...... only if I can watch!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bastille Night Posted December 4, 2004 Author Share Posted December 4, 2004 The only soccer game I've ever enjoyed (yes, I said soccer UKer's, football has an oblong shaped ball ) Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Heraclitus, he beats Hegel . Heraclitus a little flick, here he comes on the far post, Socrates is there, Socrates heads it in! Socrates has scored! The Greeks are going mad, the Greeks are going mad. Socrates scores, got a beautiful cross from Archimedes. The Germans are disputing it. Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 QUOTE (afansince74 @ Dec 4 2004, 02:12 AM) "Hello. I'd like to buy a cat." "I've got a lovely Terrier" "No. I want a cat really. "Tell you what... we'll take his snout out, file his legs down a bit, stick a few wires thru his checks,... make a lovely cat, that would. "No. It wouldn't be a proper cat." "What do you mean?" "It wouldn't 'meow'." "Well, It'd howl a bit!" "No." "Tell you what.... a Terrier makes a lovely fish... I could do that for you now... legs off, fins on, simple metal tube thru the back of it's head so it can breath, bits of gold paint, make good! It's a great conversation peice!" Well...... only if I can watch!" That's as maybe, it's still a frog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_pictures/compdiff/colonel.jpg "I have here on my desk a report that states this thread is becoming too silly!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 "BEANS!!!!!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 ...And after that, a short Rassberry.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 QUOTE (afansince74 @ Dec 6 2004, 01:14 PM) ...And after that, a short Rassberry.... sex sex sex, that's all they think about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 http://docweasel.com/members/image/05/brian/19_mandy2.jpghttp://docweasel.com/members/image/05/brian/19_crowd.jpg "Now, you listen here! He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! Now, go away!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 How shall we farg off Oh Lord? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Hello! Busy Day? Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat! Four hours to bury a cat?!?! Yes - it wouldn't keep still. Shreikin' about, howling. Oh - it wasn't dead, then? No, no - but it's not at all a well cat, and as we were going for a fortnight, we thought we'd better bury it, just to be on the safe side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bastille Night Posted December 8, 2004 Author Share Posted December 8, 2004 And now for something completely similar: CART MASTER: Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] CUSTOMER: Here's one. CART MASTER: Ninepence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! CART MASTER: What? CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your ninepence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead! CUSTOMER: Yes, he is. DEAD PERSON: I'm not! CART MASTER: He isn't? CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill. DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better! CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment. CART MASTER: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go on the cart! CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby. CART MASTER: I can't take him. DEAD PERSON: I feel fine! CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favour. CART MASTER: I can't. CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long. CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round? CART MASTER: Thursday. DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk. CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do? DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy. [whop] CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much. CART MASTER: Not at all. See you on Thursday. CUSTOMER: Right. All right. [howl] [clop clop clop] Who's that, then? CART MASTER: I dunno. Must be a king. CUSTOMER: Why? CART MASTER: He hasn't got shit all over him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Harold is that most dangerous of creatures, a clever sheep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 QUOTE (Chasartymac @ Dec 3 2004, 08:42 PM)Singing....... La dee dee One two three Eric, the half a bee. ABCDEFG Eric the half a bee Is this a wretched semi bee? Half asleep upon my knee? Some FREAK, from a menagerie? NO!! It's Eric, the half a bee. You're off your chump. Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquiallism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little chum Eric the Half-Bee, I shall have to ask you to listen to this! Take it away, Eric the orchestra leader! A one... two.... A one.. two.. three..four.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Here.......comes.....a......notherone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 IT'S........... http://www.geocities.com/samohod/mpslo/pix/foot.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 (edited) Cue Liberty Bell and..... Edited December 9, 2004 by madra sneachta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 BTW Are there any women here today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 QUOTE (afansince74 @ Dec 7 2004, 08:13 PM) Hello! Busy Day? Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat! Four hours to bury a cat?!?! Yes - it wouldn't keep still. Shreikin' about, howling. Oh - it wasn't dead, then? No, no - but it's not at all a well cat, and as we were going for a fortnight, we thought we'd better bury it, just to be on the safe side. I love that bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Dec 10 2004, 01:11 AM) QUOTE (afansince74 @ Dec 7 2004, 08:13 PM) Hello! Busy Day? Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat! Four hours to bury a cat?!?! Yes - it wouldn't keep still. Shreikin' about, howling. Oh - it wasn't dead, then? No, no - but it's not at all a well cat, and as we were going for a fortnight, we thought we'd better bury it, just to be on the safe side. I love that bit. Well, Mrs Essence flushed her Budgie down the loo. Ooh! No! That's dangerous. 'Cause they breed in the sewers, and eventually you get evil-smelling flocks of huge soiled budgies flying out of people's lavatories, infringing their personal freedom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chasartymac Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Personal Freedom Infringed???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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