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Monty Python Thread


Bastille Night
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Mr Milton? You are sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?

 

I am.

 

Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad. We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled The Whizzo Quality Assortment.

 

Ah, yes.

 

 

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Excuse me, I have a bit of a dirty fork. Could I have another one please? Thank you.
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If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the cherry fondue. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.

 

Agreed.

 

Next we have number four, "Crunchy Frog."

 

Ah, yes.

 

Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here??!!

 

 

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I must warn you that in the future you should delete the words 'crunchy frog', and replace them with the legend 'crunchy raw unboned real dead frog', if you want to avoid prosecution.

 

What about our sales?

 

I'm not interested in your sales, I have to protect the general public. Now how about this one. It was number five, wasn't it? Number five, 'Ram's Bladder Cup.' What kind of confection is this??

 

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QUOTE (Sark @ Mar 26 2005, 12:06 PM)
We select only the finest Cornish ram's bladders...

...emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds whipped into a fondue and garnished with Lark's vomit.

 

Lark's vomit?

 

Correct.

 

Well it don't say nothing about that here.

 

Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.

 

Well I hardly think this is good enough. I think it would be more appropriate if the box bore a large red label warning, Lark's vomit!

 

 

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QUOTE (invisibleairwaves @ Mar 26 2005, 12:46 PM)
AAARGH! I've never seen this skit! beathorse.gif

No no ahhhh at the back of the throat. tongue.gif

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QUOTE (invisibleairwaves @ Mar 26 2005, 12:46 PM)
AAARGH! I've never seen this skit! beathorse.gif

It's a classic (aren't they all!) called "Crunchy Frog."

 

 

 

 

Well, why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionery, like praline or lime cream; a very popular flavour I'm led to understand. I mean look at this one, 'Cockroach Cluster', 'Anthrax Ripple'. What's this one, 'Spring Surprise'?

 

Ah - now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it in your mouth steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through-both cheeks.

 

Well where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced. In any case this is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.

 

It's a fair cop.

 

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QUOTE (Sark @ Mar 26 2005, 01:53 PM)
QUOTE (invisibleairwaves @ Mar 26 2005, 12:46 PM)
AAARGH! I've never seen this skit! beathorse.gif

No no ahhhh at the back of the throat. tongue.gif

What?

 

'... the Castle of uuggggggh'.

 

What is that?

 

He must have died while carving it.

 

Oh, come on!

 

Well, that's what it says.

 

Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaggggh'. He'd just say it!

 

Well, that's what's carved in the rock!

 

Perhaps he was dictating.

 

Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else?

 

No. Just, 'uuggggggh'.

 

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(coconuts clacking) ... a lovely night for a ride... tongue.gif

 

(think holy grail)

Edited by Delilah
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I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

No matter where they've been.

 

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

But only when they're green.

 

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

No matter where they've been.

 

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

But only when they're green.

 

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

That is what I said.

 

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

But not when they are red.

 

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

That is what he said.

 

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

He likes traffic lights,

But not when they are red.

 

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

Although my name's not Bamber.

 

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I like traffic lights,

I...Oh God!

 

 

 

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