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Favorite Seinfeld lines


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JERRY: What were you doing?

 

GEORGE: Well, it's not my fault. You poked me!

 

JERRY: You're supposed to just take a peek after a poke. You were like you just put a quarter into one of those big metal things on top of the Empire State Building.

 

GEORGE: It's cleavage. I couldn't look away. What am I, waiting to win an Oscar here? This is all I have in my life.

 

JERRY: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

 

GEORGE: All right. So, he caught me in a cleavage peek, so big deal. Who wouldn't look at his daughter's cleavage? She's got nice cleavage.

 

JERRY: That's why I poked.

 

GEORGE: That's why I peeked.

 

rofl3.gif

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ESTELLE: Who told you you could have sex in our bed?

 

GEORGE: (pleading) Well, my bed is too small.

 

FRANK: Your bed is too small? I'm gone two weeks and you turn our house into, into Bourbon Street!

 

ESTELLE: Where am I going to sleep?

 

GEORGE: What're you talking about?

 

ESTELLE: I can't sleep in there!

 

GEORGE: Of course you can.

 

ESTELLE: I can't! (screams) I can't!

 

FRANK: That's it! You're grounded!

 

GEORGE: (incredulous) You can't ground me, I'm a grown man.

 

FRANK: You wanna live here? You respect the rules of our house. (yells) You're grounded!

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Chiles: Who told you to put the cheese on? Did I tell you to put the cheese on? I didn't tell you to put the cheese on.

 

Chiles: You people with the cheese. It never ends. Hello? Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Good Samaritan Law? I never heard of it. You don't have to help anybody. That's what this country's all about. That's deplorable, unfathomable, improbable. Hold on. Suzie, cancel my appointment with Dr. Bison. And pack a bag for me. I want to get to Latham, Massachusetts,right away.

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TIMMY: What are you doing?

 

GEORGE: What?

 

TIMMY: Did...did you just double-dip that chip?

 

GEORGE: Excuse me?

 

TIMMY: You double-dipped the chip!

 

GEORGE: Double-dipped? What are you talking about?

 

TIMMY: You dipped the chip, you took a bite....and you dipped again.

 

GEORGE: So...?

 

TIMMY: That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and END IT!

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Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret.
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Elaine: You knew he was an alcoholic. Why'd you put the drink down at all?

 

Jerry: What are you saying?

 

Elaine: I'm not saying anything.

 

Jerry: You're saying something.

 

Elaine: What could I be saying?

 

Jerry: Well you're not saying nothing you must be saying something.

 

Elaine: If I was saying something I would have said it.

 

Jerry: Well why don't you say it?

 

Elaine: I said it.

 

Jerry: What did you say?

 

Elaine: Nothing. It's exhausting being with you.

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QUOTE (Indica @ Dec 29 2005, 03:25 PM)
Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret.

rofl3.gif rofl3.gif rofl3.gif

 

"H---E---double N--I...."

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QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Dec 31 2005, 11:22 AM)
QUOTE (Indica @ Dec 29 2005, 03:25 PM)
Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret.

rofl3.gif rofl3.gif rofl3.gif

 

"H---E---double N--I...."

 

 

I love that one!! z7shysterical.gif

Edited by rushengal
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QUOTE (tick @ Dec 31 2005, 12:32 PM)
when george says "i was in the pool !" rofl3.gif

"it Shrinks?" ohmy.gif Like laundry?

"I duno how U men walk around with those things" icon_really_happy_guy.gif

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QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Dec 31 2005, 06:22 AM)
QUOTE (Indica @ Dec 29 2005, 03:25 PM)
Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret.

rofl3.gif rofl3.gif rofl3.gif

 

"H---E---double N--I...."

Ahahahaha ya, I forgot about that cheer he did. I love it when I can read a line I've heard a couple hundred times and laugh out loud again. ahahahah I love this show. TY GG laugh.gif

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ESTELLE: You're not Chinese!?!?

 

DONNA: [pause] No.

 

ESTELLE: I thought you were Chinese!!

 

DONNA: I'm from Long Island.

 

ESTELLE: Long Island?!?! I thought I was gettin' advice from a Chinese woman!!

 

DONNA: I'm sorry..?

 

ESTELLE: Well! Then, that changes everything!

 

GEORGE: What?!

 

ESTELLE: She's not Chinese; I was duped!!

 

GEORGE: So what?! She gave you advice; what's the difference if she's not Chinese?!?!

 

ESTELLE: I'm not taking advice from some girl from Long Island!! [goes into kitchen]

 

GEORGE: [chases her] Wait a minute! You're--now you're getting a divorce because she's from Long Island?!?!

 

FRANK: [from the living room, standing, shouts after them] You want a divorce?!!? You got one!!!

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Father: Tell me your sins, my son.

 

Jerry: Well I should tell you that I'm Jewish.

 

Father: That's no sin.

 

Jerry: Oh good. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism just for the jokes.

 

Father: And this offends you as a Jewish person.

 

Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian. And it'll interest you that he's also telling Catholic jokes.

 

Father: Well.

 

Jerry: And they're old jokes. I mean, the Pope and Raquel Welch in a lifeboat.

 

Father: I haven't heard that one.

 

Jerry: Oh, I'm sure you have. They're out on the ocean and, yada yada yada, and she says, "Those aren't buoys." (Father starts laughing) Father...

 

Father: One second... Well, if it would make you feel better I could speak to Dr. Whatley. I have to go back and have a wisdom teeth removed.

 

Jerry: You know the difference between a dentist and a sadist don't you?

 

Father: Um...

 

Jerry: Newer magazines.

 

 

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GEORGE: Ah you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is

allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him,

Ceases to Exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but

there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the

George you grew up with -- Movie George, Coffee shop George, Liar

George, Bawdy George.

 

JERRY: I, I love that George.

 

GEORGE: Me Too! And he's Dying Jerry! If Relationship George walks

through this door, he will Kill Independent George! A George, divided

against itself, Cannot Stand!

 

 

Love this one z7shysterical.gif

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Jerry: "Let me ask you this. Are there any Tampax in your house"?

George: "yeah"

Jerry: "I'll tell you what you've got my friend...You've got yourself a girlfriend"!

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Poppy PeeD on My sofa! ohmy.gif

 

laugh.gif

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ORGANIZER: O.k., you're checked in. Here's your AIDS ribbon.

KRAMER: Oh, no thanks.

ORGANIZER: You don't want to wear an AIDS ribbon?

KRAMER: No.

ORGANIZER: But you have to wear an AIDS ribbon.

KRAMER: I have to?

ORGANIZER: Yes.

KRAMER: Yeah, see, that's why I don't want to.

ORGANIZER: But everyone wears the ribbon. You must wear the ribbon!

KRAMER: You know what you are? You're a ribbon bully. <Walks away.>

ORGANIZER: Hey you! Come back here! Come back here and put this on!

 

-----------

 

WALKER #1: Hey, where's your ribbon?

KRAMER: Oh, I don't wear the ribbon.

WALKER #2: You don't wear the ribbon? Aren't you against AIDS?

KRAMER: Yeah, I'm against AIDS. I mean, I'm walking, aren't I? I just don't wear the ribbon.

WALKER #3: Who do you think you are?

WALKER #1: Put the ribbon on!

WALKER #2: Hey, Cedric! Bob! This guy won't wear a ribbon! <Cedric and Bob turn around and glare at Kramer.>

BOB: Who? Who does not want to wear the ribbon? <Kramer is frightened.>

 

BOB: So! What's it going to be? Are you going to wear the ribbon?

KRAMER (nervously): No! Never.

BOB: But I am wearing the ribbon. He is wearing the ribbon. We are all wearing the ribbon! So why aren't you going to wear the ribbon!?

KRAMER: This is America! I don't have to wear anything I don't want to wear!

CEDRIC: What are we gonna do with him?

BOB: I guess we are just going to have to teach him to wear the ribbon!

<Kramer tries to climb up a fire escape, but the mob grabs him and pulls him back down. Kramer screams.>

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QUOTE (launchpad67a @ Jan 4 2006, 11:34 AM)
Jerry: "Let me ask you this. Are there any Tampax in your house"?
George: "yeah"
Jerry: "I'll tell you what you've got my friend...You've got yourself a girlfriend"!

JERRY: All right, let me ask you this: when she comes over, you're cleaning up a lot?

 

GEORGE: Yeah.

 

JERRY: You do the tub?

 

GEORGE: Yeah.

 

JERRY: On your knees, Ajax, scrubbing, the whole deal?

 

GEORGE: Yeah.

 

JERRY: Okay, I think you're in love!

 

GEORGE: Tub is love?

 

JERRY: Tub is love!

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