GhostGirl Posted December 26, 2005 Share Posted December 26, 2005 JERRY: What were you doing? GEORGE: Well, it's not my fault. You poked me! JERRY: You're supposed to just take a peek after a poke. You were like you just put a quarter into one of those big metal things on top of the Empire State Building. GEORGE: It's cleavage. I couldn't look away. What am I, waiting to win an Oscar here? This is all I have in my life. JERRY: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away. GEORGE: All right. So, he caught me in a cleavage peek, so big deal. Who wouldn't look at his daughter's cleavage? She's got nice cleavage. JERRY: That's why I poked. GEORGE: That's why I peeked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 ESTELLE: Who told you you could have sex in our bed? GEORGE: (pleading) Well, my bed is too small. FRANK: Your bed is too small? I'm gone two weeks and you turn our house into, into Bourbon Street! ESTELLE: Where am I going to sleep? GEORGE: What're you talking about? ESTELLE: I can't sleep in there! GEORGE: Of course you can. ESTELLE: I can't! (screams) I can't! FRANK: That's it! You're grounded! GEORGE: (incredulous) You can't ground me, I'm a grown man. FRANK: You wanna live here? You respect the rules of our house. (yells) You're grounded! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indica Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Chiles: Who told you to put the cheese on? Did I tell you to put the cheese on? I didn't tell you to put the cheese on. Chiles: You people with the cheese. It never ends. Hello? Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Good Samaritan Law? I never heard of it. You don't have to help anybody. That's what this country's all about. That's deplorable, unfathomable, improbable. Hold on. Suzie, cancel my appointment with Dr. Bison. And pack a bag for me. I want to get to Latham, Massachusetts,right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 (frequently repeated line) Jerry: Hello, Newman! Newman: Hello, Jerry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pratt Boy Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 "A festivus for the rest of us." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 TIMMY: What are you doing? GEORGE: What? TIMMY: Did...did you just double-dip that chip? GEORGE: Excuse me? TIMMY: You double-dipped the chip! GEORGE: Double-dipped? What are you talking about? TIMMY: You dipped the chip, you took a bite....and you dipped again. GEORGE: So...? TIMMY: That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and END IT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indica Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indica Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Elaine: You knew he was an alcoholic. Why'd you put the drink down at all? Jerry: What are you saying? Elaine: I'm not saying anything. Jerry: You're saying something. Elaine: What could I be saying? Jerry: Well you're not saying nothing you must be saying something. Elaine: If I was saying something I would have said it. Jerry: Well why don't you say it? Elaine: I said it. Jerry: What did you say? Elaine: Nothing. It's exhausting being with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pratt Boy Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 SERENITY NOW!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
physics23 Posted December 31, 2005 Author Share Posted December 31, 2005 QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Dec 26 2005, 04:33 AM) http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/ I'm laughing as hard just reading this stuff as I do from the actual show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 QUOTE (Indica @ Dec 29 2005, 03:25 PM) Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret. "H---E---double N--I...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 (edited) QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Dec 31 2005, 11:22 AM) QUOTE (Indica @ Dec 29 2005, 03:25 PM) Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret. "H---E---double N--I...." I love that one!! Edited December 31, 2005 by rushengal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tick Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 when george says "i was in the pool !" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaWanna Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 QUOTE (tick @ Dec 31 2005, 12:32 PM) when george says "i was in the pool !" "it Shrinks?" Like laundry? "I duno how U men walk around with those things" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indica Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Dec 31 2005, 06:22 AM) QUOTE (Indica @ Dec 29 2005, 03:25 PM) Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret. "H---E---double N--I...." Ahahahaha ya, I forgot about that cheer he did. I love it when I can read a line I've heard a couple hundred times and laugh out loud again. ahahahah I love this show. TY GG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dweezil Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Where did Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer end up you ask? Remember that HBO show OZ? http://www.fanfromfla.net/lee/video/snl_oz.wmv Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Modest Man From Mandrake Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 ESTELLE: You're not Chinese!?!? DONNA: [pause] No. ESTELLE: I thought you were Chinese!! DONNA: I'm from Long Island. ESTELLE: Long Island?!?! I thought I was gettin' advice from a Chinese woman!! DONNA: I'm sorry..? ESTELLE: Well! Then, that changes everything! GEORGE: What?! ESTELLE: She's not Chinese; I was duped!! GEORGE: So what?! She gave you advice; what's the difference if she's not Chinese?!?! ESTELLE: I'm not taking advice from some girl from Long Island!! [goes into kitchen] GEORGE: [chases her] Wait a minute! You're--now you're getting a divorce because she's from Long Island?!?! FRANK: [from the living room, standing, shouts after them] You want a divorce?!!? You got one!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pratt Boy Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Father: Tell me your sins, my son. Jerry: Well I should tell you that I'm Jewish. Father: That's no sin. Jerry: Oh good. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism just for the jokes. Father: And this offends you as a Jewish person. Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian. And it'll interest you that he's also telling Catholic jokes. Father: Well. Jerry: And they're old jokes. I mean, the Pope and Raquel Welch in a lifeboat. Father: I haven't heard that one. Jerry: Oh, I'm sure you have. They're out on the ocean and, yada yada yada, and she says, "Those aren't buoys." (Father starts laughing) Father... Father: One second... Well, if it would make you feel better I could speak to Dr. Whatley. I have to go back and have a wisdom teeth removed. Jerry: You know the difference between a dentist and a sadist don't you? Father: Um... Jerry: Newer magazines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batman Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 GEORGE: Ah you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him, Ceases to Exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with -- Movie George, Coffee shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George. JERRY: I, I love that George. GEORGE: Me Too! And he's Dying Jerry! If Relationship George walks through this door, he will Kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, Cannot Stand! Love this one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pratt Boy Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 "The Summer of George" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
launchpad67a Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Jerry: "Let me ask you this. Are there any Tampax in your house"? George: "yeah" Jerry: "I'll tell you what you've got my friend...You've got yourself a girlfriend"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaWanna Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Poppy PeeD on My sofa! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
physics23 Posted January 8, 2006 Author Share Posted January 8, 2006 ORGANIZER: O.k., you're checked in. Here's your AIDS ribbon. KRAMER: Oh, no thanks. ORGANIZER: You don't want to wear an AIDS ribbon? KRAMER: No. ORGANIZER: But you have to wear an AIDS ribbon. KRAMER: I have to? ORGANIZER: Yes. KRAMER: Yeah, see, that's why I don't want to. ORGANIZER: But everyone wears the ribbon. You must wear the ribbon! KRAMER: You know what you are? You're a ribbon bully. <Walks away.> ORGANIZER: Hey you! Come back here! Come back here and put this on! ----------- WALKER #1: Hey, where's your ribbon? KRAMER: Oh, I don't wear the ribbon. WALKER #2: You don't wear the ribbon? Aren't you against AIDS? KRAMER: Yeah, I'm against AIDS. I mean, I'm walking, aren't I? I just don't wear the ribbon. WALKER #3: Who do you think you are? WALKER #1: Put the ribbon on! WALKER #2: Hey, Cedric! Bob! This guy won't wear a ribbon! <Cedric and Bob turn around and glare at Kramer.> BOB: Who? Who does not want to wear the ribbon? <Kramer is frightened.> BOB: So! What's it going to be? Are you going to wear the ribbon? KRAMER (nervously): No! Never. BOB: But I am wearing the ribbon. He is wearing the ribbon. We are all wearing the ribbon! So why aren't you going to wear the ribbon!? KRAMER: This is America! I don't have to wear anything I don't want to wear! CEDRIC: What are we gonna do with him? BOB: I guess we are just going to have to teach him to wear the ribbon! <Kramer tries to climb up a fire escape, but the mob grabs him and pulls him back down. Kramer screams.> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 QUOTE (launchpad67a @ Jan 4 2006, 11:34 AM) Jerry: "Let me ask you this. Are there any Tampax in your house"? George: "yeah" Jerry: "I'll tell you what you've got my friend...You've got yourself a girlfriend"! JERRY: All right, let me ask you this: when she comes over, you're cleaning up a lot? GEORGE: Yeah. JERRY: You do the tub? GEORGE: Yeah. JERRY: On your knees, Ajax, scrubbing, the whole deal? GEORGE: Yeah. JERRY: Okay, I think you're in love! GEORGE: Tub is love? JERRY: Tub is love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 QUOTE (dweezil @ Jan 3 2006, 03:54 AM) Where did Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer end up you ask? Remember that HBO show OZ? http://www.fanfromfla.net/lee/video/snl_oz.wmv That was GREAT! I can't repeat the best parts in here, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now