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What pissed you off today? v.2


Mara
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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

 

 

"Do what you wanna do!" The way the world is today, that would make me suspicious! A kurt "NOPE!" or "Not interested" would do it for me....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/GO%20BANANAS.jpg

 

I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

 

We REALLY NEED a HATE THIS button as well, for our responses here......This, in my opinion is FARCEBOOK'S fault. they need to go over your timeline and DELETE all posters that behaved in this awful way. :16ton: GO SEGUE! http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Hello/handshake3.gif

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/banana%20Avengers%20Uma%20Thurman.gif

 

Well someone I worked with for two weeks when I was 18, straight after I quit modelling, who I haven't seen in eight years...who at that time was apparently heterosexual...passed me in his car three days ago. Honked hos horn loudly.

 

Minutes layer he is sending me pictures and very forward messages asking me for sex. When I say no, that I am not into that sort of thing...he keeps pushing the thought that even if I'm not it should be good fun...it's ludicrous!

 

Being told I packed myself into my jeans in a way that makes hearts race is not flattery, it is insulting.

 

I'm starting to think something is wrong with me I get treated in public the way I thought only attractive women were...I have a long history of unwanted male attention stemming back to my early teens with a PE teacher. So...

 

Something went wrong with me at a young age. Or is it the way I look? I'm pretty messed up by life and I'm at this crossroads point where I want desperately to change and be something more than what I've been made to feel. I try to defend myself but I'm by nature very passive and my friends are and mazing but I can't have them jumping in every five minutes...and then I have all this junk going in with the police and mazing and therapy and trying to move forwards after years and years of abuse.

 

And then all of a sudden everywhere I go I get hit on and it's like ten years ago all over again (minus the forced drugs and rape and high flying London career).

 

I've just legit had enough. I've stopped posting pictures of me on my own or with friends on most things now except stuff like Instagram which is mainly just my friends.

 

I just have this horrid sense of fear that I am moments from repeating the past...I have Stockholm syndrome tendencies (having had it full blown, and diagnosed, in the past), and I sometimes feel scared that under pressure I might give in. And then if I do I will torment myself in such a way you have no idea how much I lack control.

 

I have a great life, a faith that I hope is strong, loyal friends and family and a great job.

 

But for whatever reason there is the dark side of my mind battling depression and due to years of abuse (mostly just from a two year period), this sort of attention crumbles me in such a way that something in my head clicks the wrong way and I am like "someone finds me attractive I owe them my entire everything". I can't seem to shake the feeling that my mental quirks are gradually taking over again. It's very much like an addiction (which is related to my OCD and obsessive tendencies).

 

Everyday it seems I am fighting attention off. I have had married men, so called best friends, and women as well all in the last two years try and force themselves on me. I have been told by ones who have been abused that I have an air about me that makes it obvious I can be manipulated.

 

And I've been told how I walk and talk is gaining constantly the wrong attention, and speak and act and dress and everything.

 

I don't understand it at all. I'm 26 and I still feel like the abuse I last suffered at 18/19 is following me constantly. Everywhere it seems...

 

I hate this so much and sometimes I have come close to the point that I want to cut and scar my face, overeat til I am fat (which I tried but then relapsed into bulimia), and I have shut myself away from people for months on end like an agoraphobe.

 

My whole life it seems since I was 13 has been to be seen as both weak and practically any bodies plaything. I had to move schools twice when younger due to abuse from school teachers. And I was groomed in early adulthood into a very messed up world and battling to make a career based...you guessed it...on my appearance.

 

I am sorry I am typing this in such a manic way I just want to vent and scream but I can never talk as well as I can type and I just want someone to tell me horrid things about me and make this all go away.

 

I am on the verge of losing it again it's been this way for weeks and nd I've got so much in life going right. Honestly I'm so secure and yet the past just always finds a way to keep itself in my present.

 

:hug2: It sounds like a rough patch in your life; just when things were going so well. Are you able to see your therapist that helped you with the sexual abuse issues? That might be helpful, it is worrisome that part of your brain is still telling you to engage with persons trying to take advantage of you. Have you considered going nuclear and changing your e-mail; cell phone number, Facebook; instagram , or part of those? That way you could provide the new information to only those you know are truly supportive. You have come so far - take care, punkin.

 

Thank you. It worries me too as I feel like two people at once each trying to win a battle.

 

And yeah...I see them from time to time. Problem is I have the tendency to feel very much that kindness needs to be repaid with something intimate. So I have had to ask my therapy to be via the phone. I've had ministers come to my house to discuss this subject and I've had to tell them that a part of me is so messed up I mistake kindness for grooming. One time the minister was so saddened he just gave me a hug and you know...it meant everything to be treated like that and not in a disgusting way.

 

Recently I've had to try and discuss this with my manager. I work with the public and I get a lot of attention from customers and because of my nature I can be overly attentive and it gets read the wrong way so I've had to sort an arrangement out where I rotate roles so I can avoid the risk of harassment again.

 

And tbh I have contemplated getting rid of social media altogether. I keep it to communicate with long distance friends and friends and family but lately it's been slowly taken over by stalkers. Who sadly I often know.

 

I've just had to unfollow a lot of people. Telling my closest friends about my past recently has been really rewarding. I had so many fears I'd be seen as a slut or some kind of monster but I've had so much support.

 

I've had to turn down the chance to court a girl I really like because I am too messed up. It's just so bad right now and all this attention...

 

I'm close to breaking and this time I am scared as it has been am few months of recurring obsessions and cravings coming back. I literally crave abuse because sometimes I find it the only way I can rationalise my past.

 

I'm am scared right now it is unreal

 

:hug2: Hang in there, I'm pulling for you! Remember, you are deserving of genuine friendship and support, no physical strings attached. If someone is acting interested in only your body, that is their problem, not yours. I'm glad you have some close friends for support- I'm hoping things get better soon.

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

 

Poor you

 

 

I'm so ugly this would never happen to me.....

 

But if it did happen would you really find it fun?

 

It's not so much finding it "fun" or not, I just wish that I was in a position for this to happen to me as I would have my health and looks back, and not be the messed up mental wreck I am just now trapped in a failing, ugly body.

 

Oh I see I thought we were about the same age...oh buddy I feel so shallow in that sense.

 

I wouldn't worry...at least you are tackling your issues, which is a good thing.

 

It's just that I've lived with this for so long, I'm burnt out and just exhausted....I wish there had been help and understanding over thirty years ago when I really needed it, but things weren't as out in the open then.....

 

The sheer stress of it plus long term drug side effects have greatly affected my health, and youth is a distant memory....I'm almost 50 and should be enjoying life, but mental illness has robbed me of healthy middle age, and shoved me into unhealthy old age.

 

Whatever is getting to you, sort it now while you can...you have many years to enjoy if you do...don't suffer my fate.

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

 

Poor you

 

 

I'm so ugly this would never happen to me.....

 

But if it did happen would you really find it fun?

 

It's not so much finding it "fun" or not, I just wish that I was in a position for this to happen to me as I would have my health and looks back, and not be the messed up mental wreck I am just now trapped in a failing, ugly body.

 

Oh I see I thought we were about the same age...oh buddy I feel so shallow in that sense.

 

I wouldn't worry...at least you are tackling your issues, which is a good thing.

 

It's just that I've lived with this for so long, I'm burnt out and just exhausted....I wish there had been help and understanding over thirty years ago when I really needed it, but things weren't as out in the open then.....

 

The sheer stress of it plus long term drug side effects have greatly affected my health, and youth is a distant memory....I'm almost 50 and should be enjoying life, but mental illness has robbed me of healthy middle age, and shoved me into unhealthy old age.

 

Whatever is getting to you, sort it now while you can...you have many years to enjoy if you do...don't suffer my fate.

 

Thank you. I tell myself all the time I am fortunate to live in an era where there is more support for this.

 

I am so sorry you've had it tough...and drugs...oh my I have battled cravings with them it's monstrous

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

 

Poor you

 

 

I'm so ugly this would never happen to me.....

 

But if it did happen would you really find it fun?

 

It's not so much finding it "fun" or not, I just wish that I was in a position for this to happen to me as I would have my health and looks back, and not be the messed up mental wreck I am just now trapped in a failing, ugly body.

 

Oh I see I thought we were about the same age...oh buddy I feel so shallow in that sense.

 

I wouldn't worry...at least you are tackling your issues, which is a good thing.

 

It's just that I've lived with this for so long, I'm burnt out and just exhausted....I wish there had been help and understanding over thirty years ago when I really needed it, but things weren't as out in the open then.....

 

The sheer stress of it plus long term drug side effects have greatly affected my health, and youth is a distant memory....I'm almost 50 and should be enjoying life, but mental illness has robbed me of healthy middle age, and shoved me into unhealthy old age.

 

Whatever is getting to you, sort it now while you can...you have many years to enjoy if you do...don't suffer my fate.

 

Thank you. I tell myself all the time I am fortunate to live in an era where there is more support for this.

 

I am so sorry you've had it tough...and drugs...oh my I have battled cravings with them it's monstrous

 

When I said drugs, I meant prescription ones, though I did consume a fair quantity of the other kind back in the day.........

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

 

Poor you

 

 

I'm so ugly this would never happen to me.....

 

But if it did happen would you really find it fun?

 

It's not so much finding it "fun" or not, I just wish that I was in a position for this to happen to me as I would have my health and looks back, and not be the messed up mental wreck I am just now trapped in a failing, ugly body.

 

Oh I see I thought we were about the same age...oh buddy I feel so shallow in that sense.

 

I wouldn't worry...at least you are tackling your issues, which is a good thing.

 

It's just that I've lived with this for so long, I'm burnt out and just exhausted....I wish there had been help and understanding over thirty years ago when I really needed it, but things weren't as out in the open then.....

 

The sheer stress of it plus long term drug side effects have greatly affected my health, and youth is a distant memory....I'm almost 50 and should be enjoying life, but mental illness has robbed me of healthy middle age, and shoved me into unhealthy old age.

 

Whatever is getting to you, sort it now while you can...you have many years to enjoy if you do...don't suffer my fate.

 

Thank you. I tell myself all the time I am fortunate to live in an era where there is more support for this.

 

I am so sorry you've had it tough...and drugs...oh my I have battled cravings with them it's monstrous

 

When I said drugs, I meant prescription ones, though I did consume a fair quantity of the other kind back in the day.........

 

See I never took drugs willingly and that's really helped me stay away. I get the cravings but mentally I'm lucky I never "desired" them.

 

And medication is often no better than the others...

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:hi: Segue.

You can rely on me too whenever you wish. You've got support from people who really dear you and friends.

You also have friends here.

 

The feeling of 'it happened few days ago' might be there when anyone pushes you or you experience symbols, phrases, attitudes that relate with the past.

Attention and careful with these signs and reactions is necessary.

It's one of main things I notice that will help you.

 

If you need anything else you can talk to me. I'll be more than willing to help.

 

:hug2:

Edited by rhyv
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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

 

 

"Do what you wanna do!" The way the world is today, that would make me suspicious! A kurt "NOPE!" or "Not interested" would do it for me....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/GO%20BANANAS.jpg

 

I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

 

We REALLY NEED a HATE THIS button as well, for our responses here......This, in my opinion is FARCEBOOK'S fault. they need to go over your timeline and DELETE all posters that behaved in this awful way. :16ton: GO SEGUE! http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Hello/handshake3.gif

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/banana%20Avengers%20Uma%20Thurman.gif

 

Well someone I worked with for two weeks when I was 18, straight after I quit modelling, who I haven't seen in eight years...who at that time was apparently heterosexual...passed me in his car three days ago. Honked hos horn loudly.

 

Minutes layer he is sending me pictures and very forward messages asking me for sex. When I say no, that I am not into that sort of thing...he keeps pushing the thought that even if I'm not it should be good fun...it's ludicrous!

 

Being told I packed myself into my jeans in a way that makes hearts race is not flattery, it is insulting.

 

I'm starting to think something is wrong with me I get treated in public the way I thought only attractive women were...I have a long history of unwanted male attention stemming back to my early teens with a PE teacher. So...

 

Something went wrong with me at a young age. Or is it the way I look? I'm pretty messed up by life and I'm at this crossroads point where I want desperately to change and be something more than what I've been made to feel. I try to defend myself but I'm by nature very passive and my friends are and mazing but I can't have them jumping in every five minutes...and then I have all this junk going in with the police and mazing and therapy and trying to move forwards after years and years of abuse.

 

And then all of a sudden everywhere I go I get hit on and it's like ten years ago all over again (minus the forced drugs and rape and high flying London career).

 

I've just legit had enough. I've stopped posting pictures of me on my own or with friends on most things now except stuff like Instagram which is mainly just my friends.

 

I just have this horrid sense of fear that I am moments from repeating the past...I have Stockholm syndrome tendencies (having had it full blown, and diagnosed, in the past), and I sometimes feel scared that under pressure I might give in. And then if I do I will torment myself in such a way you have no idea how much I lack control.

 

I have a great life, a faith that I hope is strong, loyal friends and family and a great job.

 

But for whatever reason there is the dark side of my mind battling depression and due to years of abuse (mostly just from a two year period), this sort of attention crumbles me in such a way that something in my head clicks the wrong way and I am like "someone finds me attractive I owe them my entire everything". I can't seem to shake the feeling that my mental quirks are gradually taking over again. It's very much like an addiction (which is related to my OCD and obsessive tendencies).

 

Everyday it seems I am fighting attention off. I have had married men, so called best friends, and women as well all in the last two years try and force themselves on me. I have been told by ones who have been abused that I have an air about me that makes it obvious I can be manipulated.

 

And I've been told how I walk and talk is gaining constantly the wrong attention, and speak and act and dress and everything.

 

I don't understand it at all. I'm 26 and I still feel like the abuse I last suffered at 18/19 is following me constantly. Everywhere it seems...

 

I hate this so much and sometimes I have come close to the point that I want to cut and scar my face, overeat til I am fat (which I tried but then relapsed into bulimia), and I have shut myself away from people for months on end like an agoraphobe.

 

My whole life it seems since I was 13 has been to be seen as both weak and practically any bodies plaything. I had to move schools twice when younger due to abuse from school teachers. And I was groomed in early adulthood into a very messed up world and battling to make a career based...you guessed it...on my appearance.

 

I am sorry I am typing this in such a manic way I just want to vent and scream but I can never talk as well as I can type and I just want someone to tell me horrid things about me and make this all go away.

 

I am on the verge of losing it again it's been this way for weeks and nd I've got so much in life going right. Honestly I'm so secure and yet the past just always finds a way to keep itself in my present.

 

:hug2: It sounds like a rough patch in your life; just when things were going so well. Are you able to see your therapist that helped you with the sexual abuse issues? That might be helpful, it is worrisome that part of your brain is still telling you to engage with persons trying to take advantage of you. Have you considered going nuclear and changing your e-mail; cell phone number, Facebook; instagram , or part of those? That way you could provide the new information to only those you know are truly supportive. You have come so far - take care, punkin.

 

You need to find a sew on patch that says, "NOT INTERESTED IN SEX WITH YOU!" that you can flash uncouth jerks with when you need to! I would just flip 'em the STIFF DIGIT as it were.....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/banana%20hit%20by%20hammer.gif

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In the middle of day 9 of this annoying cough/sore-dry throat/cold combo. The cold has been gone for a few days now at least but the coughing has been relentless at times. My voice is up and running at about 80% though. Still, I've coughed so much the last two days that I have a headache from that pressure alone. :blaze:
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1. Going through odds which I actually don't belong.

 

I'm pissed off because I've absolutely no idea what that means.

It means my name and presence are involved in sad and bad circumstances I don't belong.

Someone else made it, not me.

I had to defend myself again and..

it all could have been avoided.

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In the middle of day 9 of this annoying cough/sore-dry throat/cold combo. The cold has been gone for a few days now at least but the coughing has been relentless at times. My voice is up and running at about 80% though. Still, I've coughed so much the last two days that I have a headache from that pressure alone. :blaze:

 

I hope you feel better soon! :hug2:

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One of the main reasons I chose to move to this village is that the quack has an office here. Today I get a letter in the post saying they are shutting down this branch and now I must go to the surgery in the next village. A £2.40 bus ride. Thanks.

 

Brexit fall out? LOL :laughing guy:

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One of the main reasons I chose to move to this village is that the quack has an office here. Today I get a letter in the post saying they are shutting down this branch and now I must go to the surgery in the next village. A £2.40 bus ride. Thanks.

 

Brexit fall out? LOL :laughing guy:

:unsure:

 

 

 

 

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Not being able too read my PM's. :madra:

I had to blink twice to make sure I was really seeing your name.

 

I'm very glad to see you back here. :)

 

Hi,

 

It's been a tough lately. I miss Matty.

I'm sorry, I don't know who Matty is. What happened?

 

My dog. I posted that she passed away.

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