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What pissed you off today? v.2


Mara
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I got a migraine today before an hour before an exam. I think I may have failed it. I could barely function mentally

It happened two weeks ago too. I failed that exam on questions I absolutely knew the answers to but my mind was so clouded due the headache. I doubt I could appeal to the professor because "Oh I have this condition that made me fail that looks suspiciously like a hangover. Let me take it over again!"

I'm pretty sure I've never had a migraine before. Does it feel like a hangover? I've had plenty of those.

Despite drinking somewhat regularly, I've never had a hangover so I wouldn't know how to compare the two. My migraines basically involved a 45 minute period where my vision is very blurry and I cannot see, then follows a period of intense dizziness and nausea and my extremities begin to go numb, then comes a horrible pain and pressure in my head behind my eye/forehead that feels like something is trying to drill its way out. This continues for another 4-5 hours. And with the initial blurry spell, my cognitive function decreases significantly. I was listening during the lecture and at random times basic words (like the word subtract) lost meaning for embarrassing amounts of time. I took the exam and feel I at the very least got 70% of the answers confidently.

 

I did take medication but it feels like it clouds my mind even more and doesn't do much to help the pain. And the pills taste so vile, it often forces me to vomit because of the intense nausea.

 

:hug2: I'm so sorry to hear this. Yours sound a lot like ones I used to have when I was younger; it felt like someone stuck a knife in my eye. A prescription helped sometimes, though. My husband gets them and gets nauseated as well. I seem to be growing out of them in the last few years, I hope this happens to you also !

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I know someone who cheats on his taxes. He does a lot of work under the table and takes payments in cash. I think if you're guilty of something, then you will eventually be found out. It's only a matter of time. Everyone eventually gets exactly what he deserves. Gary Zukav said the universe is wise and compassionate. :dweez:

 

Whether or not he gets caught depends on if everything he makes is off the books or not. If he has a legit job where he does file taxes then he'll probably be OK. There's no reason for the IRS to be suspicious of him unless everything is done under the table.

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

I agree!!

** I'm totally far from being this kind of person too. **

 

I do know what you're talking about.

Believe me. O_o

 

 

About your funny solution: :LOL:

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

 

 

"Do what you wanna do!" The way the world is today, that would make me suspicious! A kurt "NOPE!" or "Not interested" would do it for me....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/GO%20BANANAS.jpg

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

 

 

"Do what you wanna do!" The way the world is today, that would make me suspicious! A kurt "NOPE!" or "Not interested" would do it for me....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/GO%20BANANAS.jpg

 

I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

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I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

I always block this kind of people and have no Facebook since ages...

 

Segs, stay safe, please. O.o

 

Hopefully you'll have money to live somewhere else. Do start saving. Really.

 

I want you out of all troubles that have been hauting.

 

:hug2:

Edited by rhyv
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I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

I always block this kind of people and have no Facebook since ages...

 

Segs, stay safe, please. O.o

 

Hopefully you'll have money to live somewhere else. Do start saving. Really.

 

I want you out of all troubles that have been hauting.

 

:hug2:

 

Thank you!

 

I am hoping to move soon. I'm thinking Cambridge. It's expensive so I will need to look for better work in time.

 

I just love my friends and family here...but I'm yearning to get away from a lot of history.

 

And sadly a lot of these messages are from local people. It's so bad here...I'm quite classy really, my family background and history and social circle we are I guess a little proud. But I don't see myself as better than anyone.

 

But I do really hate the attitude and mind set of people in my area. It's so...grimy and many are happy to live off benefits. There is a lot if wealth too but I cannot really stand the thought of growing up with a silver spoon in my mouth.

 

It's a bit selfish of me really to say this all.

 

But...if you dress well and aren't entirely hideous and have self respect...people seem to thing you are a prime target for dates and casual sex. It's really bizarre but people around here seem to think just because you look a certain way you must be flattered into submission.

 

When I travel to Cambridge, it still happens but the prevailing attitude is...dare I say it...cleaner? I stand out a lot less as well which is nice.

 

Many of my best friends live there too.

 

I just wish sometimes I was as confident as I must come across...I've been contemplating toning down my personal style and image to blend in more. I just...feel like somehow I am at fault sending of signals.

 

I dress really smartly and love too look dapper but I see now that it's all a bit loud for where I currently am.

Edited by Segue Myles
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I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

I always block this kind of people and have no Facebook since ages...

 

Segs, stay safe, please. O.o

 

Hopefully you'll have money to live somewhere else. Do start saving. Really.

 

I want you out of all troubles that have been hauting.

 

:hug2:

 

Thank you!

 

I am hoping to move soon. I'm thinking Cambridge. It's expensive so I will need to look for better work in time.

 

I just love my friends and family here...but I'm yearning to get away from a lot of history.

 

And sadly a lot of these messages are from local people. It's so bad here...I'm quite classy really, my family background and history and social circle we are I guess a little proud. But I don't see myself as better than anyone.

 

But I do really hate the attitude and mind set of people in my area. It's so...grimy and many are happy to live off benefits. There is a lot if wealth too but I cannot really stand the thought of growing up with a silver spoon in my mouth.

 

It's a bit selfish of me really to say this all.

 

But...if you dress well and aren't entirely hideous and have self respect...people seem to thing you are a prime target for dates and casual sex. It's really bizarre but people around here seem to think just because you look a certain way you must be flattered into submission.

 

When I travel to Cambridge, it still happens but the prevailing attitude is...dare I say it...cleaner? I stand out a lot less as well which is nice.

 

Many of my best friends live there too.

 

I just wish sometimes I was as confident as I must come across...I've been contemplating toning down my personal style and image to blend in more. I just...feel like somehow I am at fault sending of signals.

 

I dress really smartly and love too look dapper but I see now that it's all a bit loud for where I currently am.

The way you dress must matter to you only. And to people who essencially are interested in your personality.

 

Leaving hometown or somewhere else behind, sometimes is a necessary step. Surely will bring you more safety, new challenges, new people, friends, places to go out and more great stuff.

 

You'll go at new concerts. :)

 

I want to move out from where I live now next year. In few months. :)

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1) Fanatics. Always

2) Liars

3) sneaky lying underhanded f**k you around people

4) Trying to live a Bohemian lifestyle but Penny keeps me on a schedule. (haha, not really pissed at her. I couldn't handle shit without that little ray of sunshine)

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

 

Poor you

 

 

I'm so ugly this would never happen to me.....

 

But if it did happen would you really find it fun?

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

 

 

"Do what you wanna do!" The way the world is today, that would make me suspicious! A kurt "NOPE!" or "Not interested" would do it for me....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/GO%20BANANAS.jpg

 

I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

 

We REALLY NEED a HATE THIS button as well, for our responses here......This, in my opinion is FARCEBOOK'S fault. they need to go over your timeline and DELETE all posters that behaved in this awful way. :16ton: GO SEGUE! http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Hello/handshake3.gif

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/banana%20Avengers%20Uma%20Thurman.gif

Edited by OldRUSHfan
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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

 

 

"Do what you wanna do!" The way the world is today, that would make me suspicious! A kurt "NOPE!" or "Not interested" would do it for me....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/GO%20BANANAS.jpg

 

I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

 

We REALLY NEED a HATE THIS button as well, for our responses here......This, in my opinion is FARCEBOOK'S fault. they need to go over your timeline and DELETE all posters that behaved in this awful way. :16ton: GO SEGUE! http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Hello/handshake3.gif

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/banana%20Avengers%20Uma%20Thurman.gif

 

Well someone I worked with for two weeks when I was 18, straight after I quit modelling, who I haven't seen in eight years...who at that time was apparently heterosexual...passed me in his car three days ago. Honked hos horn loudly.

 

Minutes layer he is sending me pictures and very forward messages asking me for sex. When I say no, that I am not into that sort of thing...he keeps pushing the thought that even if I'm not it should be good fun...it's ludicrous!

 

Being told I packed myself into my jeans in a way that makes hearts race is not flattery, it is insulting.

 

I'm starting to think something is wrong with me I get treated in public the way I thought only attractive women were...I have a long history of unwanted male attention stemming back to my early teens with a PE teacher. So...

 

Something went wrong with me at a young age. Or is it the way I look? I'm pretty messed up by life and I'm at this crossroads point where I want desperately to change and be something more than what I've been made to feel. I try to defend myself but I'm by nature very passive and my friends are and mazing but I can't have them jumping in every five minutes...and then I have all this junk going in with the police and mazing and therapy and trying to move forwards after years and years of abuse.

 

And then all of a sudden everywhere I go I get hit on and it's like ten years ago all over again (minus the forced drugs and rape and high flying London career).

 

I've just legit had enough. I've stopped posting pictures of me on my own or with friends on most things now except stuff like Instagram which is mainly just my friends.

 

I just have this horrid sense of fear that I am moments from repeating the past...I have Stockholm syndrome tendencies (having had it full blown, and diagnosed, in the past), and I sometimes feel scared that under pressure I might give in. And then if I do I will torment myself in such a way you have no idea how much I lack control.

 

I have a great life, a faith that I hope is strong, loyal friends and family and a great job.

 

But for whatever reason there is the dark side of my mind battling depression and due to years of abuse (mostly just from a two year period), this sort of attention crumbles me in such a way that something in my head clicks the wrong way and I am like "someone finds me attractive I owe them my entire everything". I can't seem to shake the feeling that my mental quirks are gradually taking over again. It's very much like an addiction (which is related to my OCD and obsessive tendencies).

 

Everyday it seems I am fighting attention off. I have had married men, so called best friends, and women as well all in the last two years try and force themselves on me. I have been told by ones who have been abused that I have an air about me that makes it obvious I can be manipulated.

 

And I've been told how I walk and talk is gaining constantly the wrong attention, and speak and act and dress and everything.

 

I don't understand it at all. I'm 26 and I still feel like the abuse I last suffered at 18/19 is following me constantly. Everywhere it seems...

 

I hate this so much and sometimes I have come close to the point that I want to cut and scar my face, overeat til I am fat (which I tried but then relapsed into bulimia), and I have shut myself away from people for months on end like an agoraphobe.

 

My whole life it seems since I was 13 has been to be seen as both weak and practically any bodies plaything. I had to move schools twice when younger due to abuse from school teachers. And I was groomed in early adulthood into a very messed up world and battling to make a career based...you guessed it...on my appearance.

 

I am sorry I am typing this in such a manic way I just want to vent and scream but I can never talk as well as I can type and I just want someone to tell me horrid things about me and make this all go away.

 

I am on the verge of losing it again it's been this way for weeks and nd I've got so much in life going right. Honestly I'm so secure and yet the past just always finds a way to keep itself in my present.

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

 

Poor you

 

 

I'm so ugly this would never happen to me.....

 

But if it did happen would you really find it fun?

 

It's not so much finding it "fun" or not, I just wish that I was in a position for this to happen to me as I would have my health and looks back, and not be the messed up mental wreck I am just now trapped in a failing, ugly body.

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

 

Poor you

 

 

I'm so ugly this would never happen to me.....

 

But if it did happen would you really find it fun?

 

It's not so much finding it "fun" or not, I just wish that I was in a position for this to happen to me as I would have my health and looks back, and not be the messed up mental wreck I am just now trapped in a failing, ugly body.

 

Oh I see I thought we were about the same age...oh buddy I feel so shallow in that sense.

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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

 

 

"Do what you wanna do!" The way the world is today, that would make me suspicious! A kurt "NOPE!" or "Not interested" would do it for me....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/GO%20BANANAS.jpg

 

I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

 

We REALLY NEED a HATE THIS button as well, for our responses here......This, in my opinion is FARCEBOOK'S fault. they need to go over your timeline and DELETE all posters that behaved in this awful way. :16ton: GO SEGUE! http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Hello/handshake3.gif

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/banana%20Avengers%20Uma%20Thurman.gif

 

Well someone I worked with for two weeks when I was 18, straight after I quit modelling, who I haven't seen in eight years...who at that time was apparently heterosexual...passed me in his car three days ago. Honked hos horn loudly.

 

Minutes layer he is sending me pictures and very forward messages asking me for sex. When I say no, that I am not into that sort of thing...he keeps pushing the thought that even if I'm not it should be good fun...it's ludicrous!

 

Being told I packed myself into my jeans in a way that makes hearts race is not flattery, it is insulting.

 

I'm starting to think something is wrong with me I get treated in public the way I thought only attractive women were...I have a long history of unwanted male attention stemming back to my early teens with a PE teacher. So...

 

Something went wrong with me at a young age. Or is it the way I look? I'm pretty messed up by life and I'm at this crossroads point where I want desperately to change and be something more than what I've been made to feel. I try to defend myself but I'm by nature very passive and my friends are and mazing but I can't have them jumping in every five minutes...and then I have all this junk going in with the police and mazing and therapy and trying to move forwards after years and years of abuse.

 

And then all of a sudden everywhere I go I get hit on and it's like ten years ago all over again (minus the forced drugs and rape and high flying London career).

 

I've just legit had enough. I've stopped posting pictures of me on my own or with friends on most things now except stuff like Instagram which is mainly just my friends.

 

I just have this horrid sense of fear that I am moments from repeating the past...I have Stockholm syndrome tendencies (having had it full blown, and diagnosed, in the past), and I sometimes feel scared that under pressure I might give in. And then if I do I will torment myself in such a way you have no idea how much I lack control.

 

I have a great life, a faith that I hope is strong, loyal friends and family and a great job.

 

But for whatever reason there is the dark side of my mind battling depression and due to years of abuse (mostly just from a two year period), this sort of attention crumbles me in such a way that something in my head clicks the wrong way and I am like "someone finds me attractive I owe them my entire everything". I can't seem to shake the feeling that my mental quirks are gradually taking over again. It's very much like an addiction (which is related to my OCD and obsessive tendencies).

 

Everyday it seems I am fighting attention off. I have had married men, so called best friends, and women as well all in the last two years try and force themselves on me. I have been told by ones who have been abused that I have an air about me that makes it obvious I can be manipulated.

 

And I've been told how I walk and talk is gaining constantly the wrong attention, and speak and act and dress and everything.

 

I don't understand it at all. I'm 26 and I still feel like the abuse I last suffered at 18/19 is following me constantly. Everywhere it seems...

 

I hate this so much and sometimes I have come close to the point that I want to cut and scar my face, overeat til I am fat (which I tried but then relapsed into bulimia), and I have shut myself away from people for months on end like an agoraphobe.

 

My whole life it seems since I was 13 has been to be seen as both weak and practically any bodies plaything. I had to move schools twice when younger due to abuse from school teachers. And I was groomed in early adulthood into a very messed up world and battling to make a career based...you guessed it...on my appearance.

 

I am sorry I am typing this in such a manic way I just want to vent and scream but I can never talk as well as I can type and I just want someone to tell me horrid things about me and make this all go away.

 

I am on the verge of losing it again it's been this way for weeks and nd I've got so much in life going right. Honestly I'm so secure and yet the past just always finds a way to keep itself in my present.

 

:hug2: It sounds like a rough patch in your life; just when things were going so well. Are you able to see your therapist that helped you with the sexual abuse issues? That might be helpful, it is worrisome that part of your brain is still telling you to engage with persons trying to take advantage of you. Have you considered going nuclear and changing your e-mail; cell phone number, Facebook; instagram , or part of those? That way you could provide the new information to only those you know are truly supportive. You have come so far - take care, punkin.
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Three people asked me for sex today in public.

 

Erm...

 

Is this modern day flirting?

If it is... personally for me it shouldn't be this way.

Talk first, have some drinks and meet more than once seems better.

 

I found my solution to this problem...

 

I got a cold!

 

Hahaha

 

But seriously...I'm not the sort of person who does this sort of thing. I get a lot of attention and I am starting to tire of it. Not when it's polite...that's lovely and I in turn always tell people they are beautiful but when it gets provocative I find it insulting.

 

 

"Do what you wanna do!" The way the world is today, that would make me suspicious! A kurt "NOPE!" or "Not interested" would do it for me....

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/GO%20BANANAS.jpg

 

I just had to delete Facebook messenger after a barrage of requests...seriously I really wish I could move away from here I swear it's like living in a giant Tinder world.

 

That's the other thing...I hate how things like Facebook make it so much easier for people to find you who've never met you.

 

I've seen enough random genitals of all sorts for one week...

 

WHO SENDS PICTURES OF THEIR BODY PARTS TO STRANGERS?!?!

 

Oh you spoke to me once where I work...yes I'd love to sleep with you...oh we locked eyes for two seconds on the train because we bumped into each other...yes I want to spend the rest of my days with you...

 

Haha you heard me laugh...yes that must mean I will be your lover in two seconds from this point on.

 

Seriously it's getting ridiculous now. I am aware now more than ever that I have far too flirtatious a personality but good grief I don't deserve this.

 

We REALLY NEED a HATE THIS button as well, for our responses here......This, in my opinion is FARCEBOOK'S fault. they need to go over your timeline and DELETE all posters that behaved in this awful way. :16ton: GO SEGUE! http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Hello/handshake3.gif

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j223/OldRUSHfan/Banana%20World/banana%20Avengers%20Uma%20Thurman.gif

 

Well someone I worked with for two weeks when I was 18, straight after I quit modelling, who I haven't seen in eight years...who at that time was apparently heterosexual...passed me in his car three days ago. Honked hos horn loudly.

 

Minutes layer he is sending me pictures and very forward messages asking me for sex. When I say no, that I am not into that sort of thing...he keeps pushing the thought that even if I'm not it should be good fun...it's ludicrous!

 

Being told I packed myself into my jeans in a way that makes hearts race is not flattery, it is insulting.

 

I'm starting to think something is wrong with me I get treated in public the way I thought only attractive women were...I have a long history of unwanted male attention stemming back to my early teens with a PE teacher. So...

 

Something went wrong with me at a young age. Or is it the way I look? I'm pretty messed up by life and I'm at this crossroads point where I want desperately to change and be something more than what I've been made to feel. I try to defend myself but I'm by nature very passive and my friends are and mazing but I can't have them jumping in every five minutes...and then I have all this junk going in with the police and mazing and therapy and trying to move forwards after years and years of abuse.

 

And then all of a sudden everywhere I go I get hit on and it's like ten years ago all over again (minus the forced drugs and rape and high flying London career).

 

I've just legit had enough. I've stopped posting pictures of me on my own or with friends on most things now except stuff like Instagram which is mainly just my friends.

 

I just have this horrid sense of fear that I am moments from repeating the past...I have Stockholm syndrome tendencies (having had it full blown, and diagnosed, in the past), and I sometimes feel scared that under pressure I might give in. And then if I do I will torment myself in such a way you have no idea how much I lack control.

 

I have a great life, a faith that I hope is strong, loyal friends and family and a great job.

 

But for whatever reason there is the dark side of my mind battling depression and due to years of abuse (mostly just from a two year period), this sort of attention crumbles me in such a way that something in my head clicks the wrong way and I am like "someone finds me attractive I owe them my entire everything". I can't seem to shake the feeling that my mental quirks are gradually taking over again. It's very much like an addiction (which is related to my OCD and obsessive tendencies).

 

Everyday it seems I am fighting attention off. I have had married men, so called best friends, and women as well all in the last two years try and force themselves on me. I have been told by ones who have been abused that I have an air about me that makes it obvious I can be manipulated.

 

And I've been told how I walk and talk is gaining constantly the wrong attention, and speak and act and dress and everything.

 

I don't understand it at all. I'm 26 and I still feel like the abuse I last suffered at 18/19 is following me constantly. Everywhere it seems...

 

I hate this so much and sometimes I have come close to the point that I want to cut and scar my face, overeat til I am fat (which I tried but then relapsed into bulimia), and I have shut myself away from people for months on end like an agoraphobe.

 

My whole life it seems since I was 13 has been to be seen as both weak and practically any bodies plaything. I had to move schools twice when younger due to abuse from school teachers. And I was groomed in early adulthood into a very messed up world and battling to make a career based...you guessed it...on my appearance.

 

I am sorry I am typing this in such a manic way I just want to vent and scream but I can never talk as well as I can type and I just want someone to tell me horrid things about me and make this all go away.

 

I am on the verge of losing it again it's been this way for weeks and nd I've got so much in life going right. Honestly I'm so secure and yet the past just always finds a way to keep itself in my present.

 

:hug2: It sounds like a rough patch in your life; just when things were going so well. Are you able to see your therapist that helped you with the sexual abuse issues? That might be helpful, it is worrisome that part of your brain is still telling you to engage with persons trying to take advantage of you. Have you considered going nuclear and changing your e-mail; cell phone number, Facebook; instagram , or part of those? That way you could provide the new information to only those you know are truly supportive. You have come so far - take care, punkin.

 

Thank you. It worries me too as I feel like two people at once each trying to win a battle.

 

And yeah...I see them from time to time. Problem is I have the tendency to feel very much that kindness needs to be repaid with something intimate. So I have had to ask my therapy to be via the phone. I've had ministers come to my house to discuss this subject and I've had to tell them that a part of me is so messed up I mistake kindness for grooming. One time the minister was so saddened he just gave me a hug and you know...it meant everything to be treated like that and not in a disgusting way.

 

Recently I've had to try and discuss this with my manager. I work with the public and I get a lot of attention from customers and because of my nature I can be overly attentive and it gets read the wrong way so I've had to sort an arrangement out where I rotate roles so I can avoid the risk of harassment again.

 

And tbh I have contemplated getting rid of social media altogether. I keep it to communicate with long distance friends and friends and family but lately it's been slowly taken over by stalkers. Who sadly I often know.

 

I've just had to unfollow a lot of people. Telling my closest friends about my past recently has been really rewarding. I had so many fears I'd be seen as a slut or some kind of monster but I've had so much support.

 

I've had to turn down the chance to court a girl I really like because I am too messed up. It's just so bad right now and all this attention...

 

I'm close to breaking and this time I am scared as it has been am few months of recurring obsessions and cravings coming back. I literally crave abuse because sometimes I find it the only way I can rationalise my past.

 

I'm am scared right now it is unreal

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