invisible airwave Posted October 15 Share Posted October 15 21 hours ago, Principled Man said: Touché. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted October 19 Share Posted October 19 I don't feel well. Chicken doesn't agree with me. I want to eat it, and it doesn't want me to. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted October 19 Share Posted October 19 Woman: You must find my husband's murderer, detective. Money is no object. I haven't got any. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted October 22 Author Share Posted October 22 A harp walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What on Earth are you?" The harp replies, "I'm a harp." The bartender laughs and says, "You're way too small to be a harp." The insulted harp says, "Are you calling me a lyre?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted October 23 Share Posted October 23 "Knock knock. Who's there? Ah. Ah who? Werewolves of London!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 Woman: My husband took his secretary out to dinner. I made him put her back in the fridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BastillePark Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 Knock knock. Who's there? Ahh Ahh who? Werewolves of London. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 Saw this on Bluesky minutes ago. What do you call a short mother? A minimum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BastillePark Posted October 27 Share Posted October 27 Two engineering students were walking across campus and one of them was pushing a bike. The other guy asked him where he got it. He said, "Yesterday I was walking along here and a beautiful woman rode up to me, threw the bike on the ground, took off all her close and said "take anything you want.'" The second student said, "Good choice since the clothes probably wouldn't fit you." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted October 31 Author Share Posted October 31 Costello: Who's on first? Abbott: The Dodger. Costello: Huh?! Abbott: The Yankee didn't cover first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted November 5 Author Share Posted November 5 I went to a Bill Withers concert and got to meet him after the show! I said to him, "Bill, your show was great, but Ain't No Sunshine has horrible grammar! Bill shrugged his shoulders and said, "I know... I know... I know... I know... I know... I know.. I know.. I know..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 10 Share Posted November 10 Good evening, or if you're in Cleveland, good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 10 Share Posted November 10 Actress: I was accused of sleeping with every producer in the business, which is totally untrue. I managed to stay awake with some of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 10 Share Posted November 10 Is it a bird? Is it a plane? It's hard to tell with our animators. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted November 10 Share Posted November 10 What do you call a Parrot that flies away ? Polygon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted November 10 Share Posted November 10 How do you hold onto a deer during hunting season ? You hang onto it for deer life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted November 12 Author Share Posted November 12 A prisoner in jail was serving a 20 year sentence for armed robbery when he had a bout of extreme abdominal pain. The doctors found a blockage and had to remove half of his lower intestine. When his 20 years were up, he he was denied release. The warden said, "I'm sorry, but you can't finish a sentence with a semicolon." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted November 19 Author Share Posted November 19 I used to give a lot of business to my neighbor Frank and his daughters, who run a furniture shop. Frank once asked me, "I have two daughters making cabinets. Why do you keep wanting Emily to make your cabinets?" I told him, "Well, to be honest, she's a lot faster than lazy Susan." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 22 Share Posted November 22 Reporter to tennis player: Do you prefer astroturf or grass? Player: I don't know, I never smoked astroturf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 23 Share Posted November 23 Inspector: I just found this in our records department. Accused: I hope it's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 24 Share Posted November 24 Son: I had a dream I was drowning. Parent: Is this a gentle way of telling me you wet your bed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted 8 hours ago Author Share Posted 8 hours ago Top 5 Airline advertisements that no one should hear: Our staff is good at counseling next-of-kin. Are the engines too noisy? We'll turn them off. Complimentary champagne during free-fall. The kids will love our big inflatable slides. Ask about our out-of-court settlements. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted 8 hours ago Author Share Posted 8 hours ago Airlines are getting so greedy. The boarding agent just charged me extra for my emotional baggage! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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