Tell A Dumb Joke

[Principled Man]

What do you call a $5,000.00 Italian handbag full of baby vomit?

 

 

 

-- Gucci Gucci goo

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Segue Myles]

Where do you go to weigh a pie?

 

Somewhere over the rainbow.

[invisible airwave]

What did Steven Tyler name his oriental restaurant?

 

Wok this way.

[Principled Man]

I went to the driving range today.

 

My slice was so bad, the bakery next door sent me a check for saving them so much payroll.

[edhunter]

What did the father Buffalo say to his child when he left for college?

 

Bye son.

[Citizen of the World]

Some people think white boards aren't very interesting but I think they are remarkable.

[HemiBeers]

Rudolph looks out his window on Christmas Eve. He says to Mrs. Rudolph, "hmm looks like rain tonight". Mrs. Rudolph asks "how do you know it's gonna rain?"

 

Rudolph says "because Rudolph the red knows rain dear."

[HemiBeers]

Son asks his dad "dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

 

Dad says "yes we are son".

[goose]

Some people think white boards aren't very interesting but I think they are remarkable.

[edhunter]

I used to tell this one as a kid long before I ever knew what the punchline meant. My older brother and sister even had me call it into a radio station when I was about eight or nine.

 

How do you catch an elephant?

 

First, you dig a hole about 30 ft deep and fill the bottom of it with ashes. Then you line the outside rim with peas, so close together that they touch. So when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ashhole.

Edited May 16, 2019 by edhunter

[Fordgalaxy]

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

 

1 or 2

 

1 or 2

[Entre_Perpetuo]

What’s up?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sky.

[condemned2bfree]

What did the snowman say to the other snowman?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can you smell carrots?

[condemned2bfree]

Dyslexics of the world untie!

[Turbine Freight]

Where does Caesar keep his armies?

 

Up his sleevies.

Edited May 16, 2019 by Turbine Freight

[Three Eyes]

It's not possible to deface a Jackson Pollack painting. You throw a bucket of paint on one and it just goes up in value.

[condemned2bfree]

Horse walks into a bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barman asks "why the long face?"

[Principled Man]

Cannibals never eat clowns. They taste funny.

[Maverick]

I only tell smart jokes. Sorry.

[HemiBeers]

did you know Jeffrey Dahmer had twins?

 

he got rid of them because they were spoiled rotten.

[Three Eyes]

How can you get a very large group of Rush fans to exit a building?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Play Roll The Bones.

[grep]

How can you get a very large group of Rush fans to exit a building?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Play Roll The Bones.

 

In my case it will inspire me to take a piss break. If I timed it right I could empty the bladder, get another beer, and be back in my seat just as the next song started.

[grep]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was stapled to the turtle.

[KenJennings]

When Amy Schumer was a little girl, everyone laughed when she said she wanted to do Stand Up when she grew up.

 

Well, nobody's laughing now.

[vaportrailer]

Horse walks into a bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barman asks "why the long face?"

 

 

This turns into a Celine Dion joke in Canada.