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Tell A Dumb Joke


Principled Man
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Last year, I went Trick or Treating all around the neighborhood.

 

Every time, the neighbors looked at me all confused and said, "What have you come as?"

 

I'm a werewolf.

 

Neighbors: "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on."

 

Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, ya moron....

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^^^ lol

 

Last night I was a Standup Comic Panda, telling bad jokes like an old-timey comic.

 

"My panda-wife's cooking...it's horrible. Every night the same thing...Chinese! But seriously, last night she burned the bamboo!"

 

"I tell ya, it ain't easy being endangered. No really, it's unbearable!"

 

 

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Two Airline mechanics named Gary and Tim get off work at New York's La Guardia Airport, one night La Guardia gets fogged in heavily so there is not any aircraft movement. So that night they do not have any work, usually after Gary and Tim quit the two hit a nearby bar, so Gary said to Tim. "I have heard you can get a buzz off of drinking jet fuel." So they roughly drink a quart a piece and return back home. The next morning Gary calls Tim and says "How are you feeling?" Tim says he is fine, Gary asks Tim if he has a hangover which Tim responds with no, Tim then says to Gary "This is great we can drink all we want and we will not get hung over," Gary then says "One small question, Tim" Tim says "what is that" Gary responds with "Have you farted yet?" Tim answers "no, why?" "Well don't because I am calling from Phoenix, Arizona."

 

Here's another joke a friend of mine said to me in high school:

 

Two Cannibals named Jeff and Mike are sitting down to chow down on a man killed after being hit by a city bus, they cook him and begin consuming him, Jeff asks Mike how he is doing, Mike responds "Awesome, I am having a ball right now."

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Why do Norwegian battleships all have barcodes on the sides?

 

 

....so when the ships return to port, they can Scandinavian!

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I had a customer at work ask about upgrading her iPhone 7 to an iPhone 11.

 

So I did an Apples to Apples comparison. :D

Edited by Disk98
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I was gonna make an anal sex joke....but f**k it
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I was gonna make an anal sex joke....but f**k it

 

You're a naughty, naughty lady.

 

Carry on .... :sundog:

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And now, a haiku.....

 

 

Love is in the air

 

But so is influenza

 

Wash your face and hands

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If Jesus' earthly dad was a carpenter, how did young J spend his evenings?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus swept.

 

I'll show myself out.

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If Jesus' earthly dad was a carpenter, how did young J spend his evenings?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus swept.

 

I'll show myself out.

 

I used to be a carpenter. My boss said that I was like lightning. I never struck the same thing twice.

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To Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you...

 

You have my Word.

When telling jokes about Microsoft Office, you really Excel. At least that's my Outlook on the subject. Ok, I'll stop...I'm becoming a pain in the Access.

 

Sorry, I'm a computer guy.

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