Principled Man Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 Q: How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: It depends on if you see it later or after a while.... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbine Freight Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 A pun enters a bar & shoots ten people. Pun in, ten dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vaportrailer Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon. http://i.imgur.com/XciYowd.jpg 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 2, 2019 Author Share Posted July 2, 2019 Did you know Ghandi never wore shoes, had ill health from lack of eating, and had bad breath? He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?A: A spelling bee. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 What is Mick Jaggers favorite Pixar movie? Up up up up up! Why is James Hetfield at Ikea? Because he is a table. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 What is Mick Jaggers favorite Pixar movie? Up up up up up! Why is James Hetfield at Ikea? Because he is a table. What is Ozzy Osbourne's favorite Super Bowl? Super Bowl 3 ...... I, I, I .... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 Knock, knock!! -- Who's there? Ahhh.... -- Ahhh....who? Werewolves of London...!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 10, 2019 Author Share Posted July 10, 2019 The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant, “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.” “Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?” "That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones. He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?” The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track. Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds." The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track. The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage. "This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!" The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over. "What seems to be the problem, sir?" "This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!" The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly. "I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Three Eyes Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 How are Mick Jagger and chickens similar? It should be obvious. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 12, 2019 Author Share Posted July 12, 2019 What's the best part of living in Switzerland? -- I'm not sure, but their flag is a big plus. They all speak Cantonese, too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Three Eyes Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 (edited) Why should Rush and Triumph start a game night together? They both seem to be fond of board games. http://nightflight.com/wp-content/uploads/RUSHBIGMONEY15.jpg Is one of the pieces an inukshuk??? Also, I just noticed the game board is shaped like the United States! Edited July 12, 2019 by Three Eyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KenJennings Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 (edited) http://nightflight.com/wp-content/uploads/RUSHBIGMONEY15.jpg Fun fact: That big monopoly board was built by Les Stroud (Survivorman). He worked several jobs as a stagehand on the Toronto music scene before deciding to go off and make his way as a producer and survivalist. Edited July 12, 2019 by KenJennings 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 16, 2019 Author Share Posted July 16, 2019 What do you get when you boil funny bones with veggies? -- Laughing stock. (That's pretty humerus, eh?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 Q: What's good for your teeth? A1. Drinking lots of milk.A2. Minding your own damn business. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nova Carmina Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Three old ladies are sitting on park bench when they are approached by a flasher. He pulls his coat open, completely exposing himself. The first old lady had a stroke; the second old lady had a stroke; but the third old lady wouldn't touch it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 Three old ladies are sitting on park bench when they are approached by a flasher. He pulls his coat open, completely exposing himself. The first old lady had a stroke; the second old lady had a stroke; but the third old lady wouldn't touch it. :goodone: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowdogged Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 The other day I slipped in the shower. Thank God my father was there to catch me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowdogged Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 My parents sent me a strip-o-gram for my biryhday this year. It was good to see my sister again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowdogged Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 My parents had an amazing going away party for me when I left for college. At least, that's what I was told. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 24, 2019 Author Share Posted July 24, 2019 My parents had an amazing going away party for me when I left for college. At least, that's what I was told. I grew up in a single-parent family. My mother left before I was born.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 How are Mick Jagger and chickens similar? It should be obvious. He’s got the moves like chicken. What do you call a generation of those who grew up listening to Rush? YYZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JARG Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Q: Why are gorilla nostrils so big?A: Because gorilla fingers are so big. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Why is Ice T perfectly cast as a kangaroo in Tank Girl? Kangaroos hip and hop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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