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Tell A Dumb Joke


Principled Man
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Q: How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

 

A: It depends on if you see it later or after a while....

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Did you know Ghandi never wore shoes, had ill health from lack of eating, and had bad breath?

 

He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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What is Mick Jaggers favorite Pixar movie?

 

Up up up up up!

 

Why is James Hetfield at Ikea?

 

Because he is a table.

 

What is Ozzy Osbourne's favorite Super Bowl?

 

 

Super Bowl 3 ...... I, I, I ....

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Knock, knock!!

 

-- Who's there?

 

Ahhh....

 

-- Ahhh....who?

 

Werewolves of London...!!

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The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant, “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

 

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

 

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

 

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

 

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

 

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

 

The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track. The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

 

"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

 

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

 

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

 

"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

 

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

 

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."

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What's the best part of living in Switzerland?

 

 

-- I'm not sure, but their flag is a big plus. They all speak Cantonese, too.

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Why should Rush and Triumph start a game night together?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They both seem to be fond of board games.

 

http://nightflight.com/wp-content/uploads/RUSHBIGMONEY15.jpg

 

TRIUMPH-Just-a-game-FRONT.jpg

 

Is one of the pieces an inukshuk???

 

Also, I just noticed the game board is shaped like the United States!

Edited by Three Eyes
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http://nightflight.com/wp-content/uploads/RUSHBIGMONEY15.jpg

 

 

Fun fact: That big monopoly board was built by Les Stroud (Survivorman). He worked several jobs as a stagehand on the Toronto music scene before deciding to go off and make his way as a producer and survivalist.

Edited by KenJennings
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What do you get when you boil funny bones with veggies?

 

-- Laughing stock.

 

 

 

 

(That's pretty humerus, eh?)

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Q: What's good for your teeth?

 

 

A1. Drinking lots of milk.

A2. Minding your own damn business.

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Three old ladies are sitting on park bench when they are approached by a flasher.

 

He pulls his coat open, completely exposing himself.

 

The first old lady had a stroke; the second old lady had a stroke; but the third old lady wouldn't touch it.

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Three old ladies are sitting on park bench when they are approached by a flasher.

 

He pulls his coat open, completely exposing himself.

 

The first old lady had a stroke; the second old lady had a stroke; but the third old lady wouldn't touch it.

 

:goodone:

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My parents had an amazing going away party for me when I left for college.

 

At least, that's what I was told.

 

I grew up in a single-parent family. My mother left before I was born....

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How are Mick Jagger and chickens similar?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It should be obvious.

 

giphy.gif

 

He’s got the moves like chicken.

 

What do you call a generation of those who grew up listening to Rush?

 

 

 

 

 

YYZ

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