Citizen of the World

I would like to come in here for a moment if I may, and disassociate my posts from these frivolous and offensive posts. Oh, I say, we are grand, aren't we? 'Oh, oh, no more buttered scones for me, mater. I'm off to play the grand piano'. 'Pardon me while I fly my aeroplane.' Now get on the thread! Yes. I will. I will! I've been pushed around long enough. This is it. This is your moment, Arthur blackhawkrush. This is it, Arthur blackhawkrush! At last, you're a man! All right, IbanezJem, come out of there! :poke: Mr IbanezJem, of Round Hill Road, Northampton, has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the car, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred bushes.

I never tire of hearing that one. And it keeps coming back every 30 years

I would like to come in here for a moment if I may, and disassociate my posts from these frivolous and offensive posts. Oh, I say, we are grand, aren't we? 'Oh, oh, no more buttered scones for me, mater. I'm off to play the grand piano'. 'Pardon me while I fly my aeroplane.' Now get on the thread!

Good! Now we're getting somewhere. Now, here's the start of the movie. I see snow! White snow! IbanezJem, you chose Paignton as the location. Isn't it a bit of a drawback that there's no snow here? This was a major setback. How could we possibly cross the river? Several hours of thought produced nothing. There was only one flask of coffee left when suddenly Mr Citizen spotted something. The sacred volcano Andu, which no man has seen before! :o From these glens and scars, the sound of the coot and the moorhen is seldom absent. Nature sits in stern mastery over these rocks and crags. The rush of the mountain stream, the bleat of the sheep, and the broad, clear Highland skies, reflected in tarn and loch... Here, in conditions of extreme secrecy, men are being trained for the British Army's first Kamikaze Regiment, the Queen's Own McKamikaze Highlanders. Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate Video Vertigo from the hands of the Sense O`Clock News Imperialist aggressors. Gentlemen, it's now quite apparent that the enemy are not only fighting this war on the cheap, but they're also not taking it seriously. Well, of course, warfare isn't all fun. It's all very well to laugh at the Military. The men of the Derbyshire Light Infantry entertain us with a precision display of bad temper. :codger: :codger: :codger: The battle raged long and hard, but as night fell Blackhawkrush overcame the Redwings. 6,000 copies of 'Tits and Bums' and 4,000 copies of 'Shower Sheila' were seized that day. The tide of Detroit porn was stemmed. And here at Epson we take up the running with fifty yards of this mile and a half race to go and it's the wash basin in the lead from WC Pedestal. Oh, er, nothing dear. It's just the toilet filling up. Recently I began to realize, well, perhaps realize is not the correct word...er, imagine, that I was not the only thing in IbanezJem's life. :boohoo: I've kept my vow for eighteen years. Not a single, recognizable, articulate sound has passed my lips. Now then, Mr. IbanezJem, you've been with us for twenty years, and your work in the accounts department has been immaculate. :codger: No, no, please don't say anything. No, no, I must speak. When I, when I came to this thread, I had two arms, two good arms, but when the time came to... to lose one, I .. I gave it gladly, I smiled as they cut if off, because I knew there was a future for mankind. I ... I knew there was hope... so long as men were prepared to give their limbs And when the time came for me to give my other arm I... I gave it gladly. I... I sang as they sawed it off. :musicnote: "Always look on the bright side of life" :musicnote: I'm so worried about everything that can go wrong. I'm so worried about whether people like this song. I'm so worried about this very next verse, it isn't the best that I've got. And I'm so worried about whether I should go on, or whether I should just stop. Stop that! It's silly

Good! Now we're getting somewhere. Now, here's the start of the movie. I see snow! White snow! IbanezJem, you chose Paignton as the location. Isn't it a bit of a drawback that there's no snow here? This was a major setback. How could we possibly cross the river? Several hours of thought produced nothing. There was only one flask of coffee left when suddenly Mr Citizen spotted something. The sacred volcano Andu, which no man has seen before! :o From these glens and scars, the sound of the coot and the moorhen is seldom absent. Nature sits in stern mastery over these rocks and crags. The rush of the mountain stream, the bleat of the sheep, and the broad, clear Highland skies, reflected in tarn and loch... Here, in conditions of extreme secrecy, men are being trained for the British Army's first Kamikaze Regiment, the Queen's Own McKamikaze Highlanders. Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate Video Vertigo from the hands of the Sense O`Clock News Imperialist aggressors. Gentlemen, it's now quite apparent that the enemy are not only fighting this war on the cheap, but they're also not taking it seriously. Well, of course, warfare isn't all fun. It's all very well to laugh at the Military. The men of the Derbyshire Light Infantry entertain us with a precision display of bad temper. :codger: :codger: :codger: The battle raged long and hard, but as night fell Blackhawkrush overcame the Redwings. 6,000 copies of 'Tits and Bums' and 4,000 copies of 'Shower Sheila' were seized that day. The tide of Detroit porn was stemmed. And here at Epson we take up the running with fifty yards of this mile and a half race to go and it's the wash basin in the lead from WC Pedestal. Oh, er, nothing dear. It's just the toilet filling up. Recently I began to realize, well, perhaps realize is not the correct word...er, imagine, that I was not the only thing in IbanezJem's life. :boohoo: I've kept my vow for eighteen years. Not a single, recognizable, articulate sound has passed my lips. Now then, Mr. IbanezJem, you've been with us for twenty years, and your work in the accounts department has been immaculate. :codger: No, no, please don't say anything. No, no, I must speak. When I, when I came to this thread, I had two arms, two good arms, but when the time came to... to lose one, I .. I gave it gladly, I smiled as they cut if off, because I knew there was a future for mankind. I ... I knew there was hope... so long as men were prepared to give their limbs And when the time came for me to give my other arm I... I gave it gladly. I... I sang as they sawed it off.

What? That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the trough. Hank IbanezJem is a tough, fearless backwoodsman who has chosen to live in a violent, unrelenting world of nature's creatures, where only the fittest survive. Mrs Ibanez Jem the Elder used to have to get up at three o'clock and go burrowing for truffles with the bridge of her nose. IbanezJem darling, are you sure there isn't a spade? If you feel a bit guilty about it afterwards, we can dig a grave and you can throw up in it. I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night. :tsk: Well, we've just come from the Courtauld and 73 smashed every exhibit but one in the Danish Contemporary Sculpture Exhibition. It's just that everywhere 73 goes it's the same old thing. All everyone wants him to say is "To be or not to be..." :( Blackhawkrush, I understand you claim that you wrote all those plays normally attributed to Shakespeare. How is it possible for you to have written plays performed over 300 years before you were born? Now I'm not prepared to go on with this. No, don't follow me and don't zoom in on me, no I'm off. :outtahere: I must warn you that anything you may say will be ignored and furthermore, given half a chance I'll put my fist through your teeth. F'tang. Ah good, sir IbanezJem, thy sharp-tongued wit has not deserted thee. Come, let us eat and drink. Ah yes, well I feel rather peckish, very peckish actually, I don't expect I'll post again today. I think I'll have a really good feed. You're the first person to order a salad for two years. Why don't you like a nice plate of cannelloni? Italian priests in custard, discussing vital matters of the day - these lads from a seminary near Cremona have been practising for well over a year. Colonel IbanezJem doesn't think we're nice people. We're your buddies, Colonel. We want to look after you. :bang bang: I'm sick of all this bloody fighting. If it's not the bloody Treaty of Utrecht it's the bloody binomial theorem. This isn't the senior common room at All Souls, it's bloody Video Vertigo. Oh what is my theory that it is. Yes, well you may well ask me what is my theory.

just like the word, it gives me confidence. Gorn. Gorn -- it's got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Gorn. Go-o-orn. Gone. Now what am I bid for another great bargain? Edward Landseer's 'Nothing at Bay'. Ah! I have only a fifty. Do you have change? Oh, is that all you've got? Well, he's got much more than you, so you'd better have some of his... sorry... pick them up in a moment... there's about oh, what, nine down there... so you must have about... oh, he's still got lots... oh you've got what? ... you've got more than he started with... so if I give you some of those... well now, look ... If I give you that... have you got a bit of jewellery? Yes, If I give you that one and you have some of his coins... is that another box? Were you trying to hide it? Well, that's nice! Right! Now, I've got a signed copy of Geddy`s Big Book of Bass... you've got one... you've got one of the 2112 tickets from 1977`s World Tour... you've got one... anyone else got a tiara? Take your hat off! Oh, honestly, it's absolutely pointless trying to do this if you're going to cheat. It really is awful of you. We would like to apologize for the way :rush: has been represented in this post. We are sorry if a bad impression has come across. You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy Citizen. You two, come at me then with raspberries. Come on, both of you, whole basket each. I'll turn me back so you can stalk up behind me. Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency... So the world was in the grip of FEAR! A huge and terrifying crisis generated by one man! Mr. Shabby's extraordinary personal magnetism. He's superb. His gobbing is consistent and accurate. Ooooh. I think it's someone about the damp. Tell 'em about the bleeding rats, too. They're at 22 Wimpole Street. :poke: Ow! 22a Wimpole Street. I was proceeding in a northerly direction up Alitalia Street when I saw the deceased Blackhawkrush standing at an upstairs window, baring his bosom at the general public. You got a nice pair there haven't you The thread would like to apologize to everyone in the world for the last item. It was disgusting and bad and thoroughly disobedient and please don't bother to phone up 73 because we know it was very tasteless. Because of the unsuitability of the post, TRF will be replacing it with a post from a thread of 'Sense O'Clock News' for 1958.

just like the word, it gives me confidence. Gorn. Gorn -- it's got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Gorn. Go-o-orn. Gone. Now what am I bid for another great bargain? Edward Landseer's 'Nothing at Bay'. Ah! I have only a fifty. Do you have change? Oh, is that all you've got? Well, he's got much more than you, so you'd better have some of his... sorry... pick them up in a moment... there's about oh, what, nine down there... so you must have about... oh, he's still got lots... oh you've got what? ... you've got more than he started with... so if I give you some of those... well now, look ... If I give you that... have you got a bit of jewellery? Yes, If I give you that one and you have some of his coins... is that another box? Were you trying to hide it? Well, that's nice! Right! Now, I've got a signed copy of Geddy`s Big Book of Bass... you've got one... you've got one of the 2112 tickets from 1977`s World Tour... you've got one... anyone else got a tiara? Take your hat off! Oh, honestly, it's absolutely pointless trying to do this if you're going to cheat. It really is awful of you. We would like to apologize for the way :rush: has been represented in this post. We are sorry if a bad impression has come across. You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy Citizen. You two, come at me then with raspberries. Come on, both of you, whole basket each. I'll turn me back so you can stalk up behind me. Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency... So the world was in the grip of FEAR! A huge and terrifying crisis generated by one man! Mr. Shabby's extraordinary personal magnetism. He's superb. His gobbing is consistent and accurate. Ooooh. I think it's someone about the damp. Tell 'em about the bleeding rats, too. They're at 22 Wimpole Street. :poke: Ow! 22a Wimpole Street. I was proceeding in a northerly direction up Alitalia Street when I saw the deceased Blackhawkrush standing at an upstairs window, baring his bosom at the general public. You got a nice pair there haven't you

just like the word, it gives me confidence. Gorn. Gorn -- it's got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Gorn. Go-o-orn. Gone. Now what am I bid for another great bargain? Edward Landseer's 'Nothing at Bay'. Ah! I have only a fifty. Do you have change? Oh, is that all you've got? Well, he's got much more than you, so you'd better have some of his... sorry... pick them up in a moment... there's about oh, what, nine down there... so you must have about... oh, he's still got lots... oh you've got what? ... you've got more than he started with... so if I give you some of those... well now, look ... If I give you that... have you got a bit of jewellery? Yes, If I give you that one and you have some of his coins... is that another box? Were you trying to hide it? Well, that's nice! Right! Now, I've got a signed copy of Geddy`s Big Book of Bass... you've got one... you've got one of the 2112 tickets from 1977`s World Tour... you've got one... anyone else got a tiara? Take your hat off! Oh, honestly, it's absolutely pointless trying to do this if you're going to cheat. It really is awful of you. We would like to apologize for the way :rush: has been represented in this post. We are sorry if a bad impression has come across. You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy Citizen. You two, come at me then with raspberries. Come on, both of you, whole basket each. I'll turn me back so you can stalk up behind me. Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency... So the world was in the grip of FEAR! A huge and terrifying crisis generated by one man! Mr. Shabby's extraordinary personal magnetism. He's superb. His gobbing is consistent and accurate.

just like the word, it gives me confidence. Gorn. Gorn -- it's got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Gorn. Go-o-orn. Gone. Now what am I bid for another great bargain? Edward Landseer's 'Nothing at Bay'. Ah! I have only a fifty. Do you have change? Oh, is that all you've got? Well, he's got much more than you, so you'd better have some of his... sorry... pick them up in a moment... there's about oh, what, nine down there... so you must have about... oh, he's still got lots... oh you've got what? ... you've got more than he started with... so if I give you some of those... well now, look ... If I give you that... have you got a bit of jewellery? Yes, If I give you that one and you have some of his coins... is that another box? Were you trying to hide it? Well, that's nice! Right! Now, I've got a signed copy of Geddy`s Big Book of Bass... you've got one... you've got one of the 2112 tickets from 1977`s World Tour... you've got one... anyone else got a tiara? Take your hat off! Oh, honestly, it's absolutely pointless trying to do this if you're going to cheat. It really is awful of you. We would like to apologize for the way :rush: has been represented in this post. We are sorry if a bad impression has come across. You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy Citizen. You two, come at me then with raspberries. Come on, both of you, whole basket each. I'll turn me back so you can stalk up behind me. Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency... So the world was in the grip of FEAR! A huge and terrifying crisis generated by one man!

Blackhawkrush ! Wonderful to see you, super, super, super. Am I a teeny bit late? Stapling machine, blackhawkrush.

just like the word, it gives me confidence. Gorn. Gorn -- it's got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Gorn. Go-o-orn.

Well, I think cement is more interesting than people think. What do people mean when they talk about things? What do they mean to you, what do they mean to me, what do they mean to the average man in the street? Over these houses, over these street hangs a pall of fear. Fear of a new kind of violence which is terrorizing the city. And it was to this world that creatures :yay: :yay: :yay: of an alien planet came to conquer and destroy the very heart of civilization. Comrades, I don't want to destroy in order to build, I don't want a state founded on hate and division - I want an old-fashioned house with an old-fashioned fence and an old-fashioned millionaire. Now, you were saying. I'm very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very rich... I was thinking of taking the ice cream. I can eat enormous quantifies of ice cream without being sick. Right. Well, you're quite clearly suffering from a repressive libido complex. Out please! I'm terribly sorry, sir. We have a lot of problems here with bogus psychiatrists. One of the risks in psychiatry I'm afraid. Unfortunately they do tend to frighten the patient and they can cause real and permanent damage to the treatment. But I assure you that I am a completely bona fide psychiatrist. Here's my diploma in psychiatry from the University of Oxford. This here shows that I'm a member of the British Psychiatric Association, a very important body indeed. Here's a letter from another psychiatrist in which he mentions that I'm a psychiatrist. This is my Psychiatric Club tie, and as you can see the cufflinks match.

Well, I think cement is more interesting than people think.

Oh, come on in. Excuse me not shaking hands, I've just been putting a bit of lard on the cat's boil. Let's have a look at that handshake again in slow motion. :pussy: :pussy: Oh, I don't know what's good about it, my right arm's hanging off something awful. It'll have to come out. That's great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion. There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor - that's too sexy. Put an Archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Nude man, what did you make of that? I`d like to answer this question, if I may, in two ways. Firstly in my normal voice and then in a kind of silly, high-pitched whine. No I'm sorry, there isn't time, we're just going straight over to Luton. :poke: I mean, near Luton will do, you know... Harpenden, do you go near Harpenden? I'll get a bus to Luton. It's only twenty-five minutes. I don't have to do this job, you know. I'm a qualified brain surgeon. I only do this job because I like being my own boss. Blackhawkrush plays the zany bachelor bowler in a new series of 'Owzat', with Anneley Brummond-Haye on Mr Citizen as his wife. We like dressing up, yes. It's a man's life taking your clothes off in public You can slip it in your sock, but don't take it out in public, or they will stick you in the dock, and you won't a-come a-back. :tsk: The general public's not going to understand this, are they?

That was sad news. The Goodies was a great show

Oh, come on in. Excuse me not shaking hands, I've just been putting a bit of lard on the cat's boil. Let's have a look at that handshake again in slow motion. :pussy: :pussy: Oh, I don't know what's good about it, my right arm's hanging off something awful. It'll have to come out. That's great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion. There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor - that's too sexy. Put an Archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Nude man, what did you make of that? I`d like to answer this question, if I may, in two ways. Firstly in my normal voice and then in a kind of silly, high-pitched whine. No I'm sorry, there isn't time, we're just going straight over to Luton. :poke: I mean, near Luton will do, you know... Harpenden, do you go near Harpenden? I'll get a bus to Luton. It's only twenty-five minutes. I don't have to do this job, you know. I'm a qualified brain surgeon. I only do this job because I like being my own boss. Blackhawkrush plays the zany bachelor bowler in a new series of 'Owzat', with Anneley Brummond-Haye on Mr Citizen as his wife. We like dressing up, yes. It's a man's life taking your clothes off in public

'I will give you one after you have got me my supper,' I now usually scream, 'but not before'-- as you understand, making Citizen`s bang contingent on the arrival of my supper. Would you care for a glass of blood? Oh, what a giveaway. It's almost incredible isn't it, to think that this huge Hawks fan has walked over two thousand miles across this inhospitable forum to stop here, maybe just to take in water before the two thousand miles on to Chicago, where it lives. It's almost unimaginable, I find - the thought of this mighty American strolling through Nigeria, perhaps swaggering a little as it crosses the border into Zaire... We thought perhaps we might lose the fight with the lion a little bit. Quite right - you don't want to come back from Cygnus X-1 to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. It's a success. The #*@ now is dead. But Roy Citizen must make sure. :bang bang: first with bombs, and rockets destroying their homes, and then when they run helpless into the streets, er, mowing them down with machine guns. Er, and then of course releasing the vultures Twentieth Century Citizen presents a tale so gripping that they said it could not be filmed. A unique event in cinema history. :goodone: I used to go to the cinema with three hundredweight of King Edwards. I'd eat 'em all before I got out of the toilet. I had to go on to bread. These sandwiches, :burger: :burger: :burger: however, were an excellent substitute. Sandwiches? Blimey. Whatever did I give the wife? Um... sausage squad up the blue end? That's Mr. Kamikaze IbanezJem, the pilot. :hi: He's very nice really, but make sure he stays clear of White Hart Lane. I don't know whether I can, sir... he's in a state of Itsubishi Kyoko McSayonara. It's the fifth state that a Scotsman can achieve, sir. He's got to finish himself off by lunchtime or he thinks he's let down the Emperor, sir. If I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away! Here at Luton it's a three-cornered fight between Alan Jones - Sensible Party, in the middle, Tarquin Fin- tim- lim- bim- whin- bim- lim- bus- stop- F'tang- F'tang- Olè- Biscuitbarrel - Silly Party, and IbanezJem, the Slightly Silly candidate He doesn't know when he's beaten, this boy, he doesn't know when he's winning either. He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus. More apparatus, please, nurse: the E.E.G., the B.P. monitor, and the A.V.V. and the machine that goes ping What? Well, I don't care, you'll just have to do it yourself. I'd do it, if it was valid. Or if the money was valid, and if it were a very small part.

'I will give you one after you have got me my supper,' I now usually scream, 'but not before'-- as you understand, making Citizen`s bang contingent on the arrival of my supper. Would you care for a glass of blood? Oh, what a giveaway. It's almost incredible isn't it, to think that this huge Hawks fan has walked over two thousand miles across this inhospitable forum to stop here, maybe just to take in water before the two thousand miles on to Chicago, where it lives. It's almost unimaginable, I find - the thought of this mighty American strolling through Nigeria, perhaps swaggering a little as it crosses the border into Zaire... We thought perhaps we might lose the fight with the lion a little bit. Quite right - you don't want to come back from Cygnus X-1 to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. It's a success. The #*@ now is dead. But Roy Citizen must make sure. :bang bang: first with bombs, and rockets destroying their homes, and then when they run helpless into the streets, er, mowing them down with machine guns. Er, and then of course releasing the vultures Twentieth Century Citizen presents a tale so gripping that they said it could not be filmed. A unique event in cinema history. :goodone: I used to go to the cinema with three hundredweight of King Edwards. I'd eat 'em all before I got out of the toilet. I had to go on to bread. These sandwiches, :burger: :burger: :burger: however, were an excellent substitute. Sandwiches? Blimey. Whatever did I give the wife? Um... sausage squad up the blue end? That's Mr. Kamikaze IbanezJem, the pilot. :hi: He's very nice really, but make sure he stays clear of White Hart Lane. I don't know whether I can, sir... he's in a state of Itsubishi Kyoko McSayonara. It's the fifth state that a Scotsman can achieve, sir. He's got to finish himself off by lunchtime or he thinks he's let down the Emperor, sir. If I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away! Here at Luton it's a three-cornered fight between Alan Jones - Sensible Party, in the middle, Tarquin Fin- tim- lim- bim- whin- bim- lim- bus- stop- F'tang- F'tang- Olè- Biscuitbarrel - Silly Party, and IbanezJem, the Slightly Silly candidate He doesn't know when he's beaten, this boy, he doesn't know when he's winning either. He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus. More apparatus, please, nurse: the E.E.G., the B.P. monitor, and the A.V.V. and the machine that goes ping

'I will give you one after you have got me my supper,' I now usually scream, 'but not before'-- as you understand, making Citizen`s bang contingent on the arrival of my supper. Would you care for a glass of blood? Oh, what a giveaway. It's almost incredible isn't it, to think that this huge Hawks fan has walked over two thousand miles across this inhospitable forum to stop here, maybe just to take in water before the two thousand miles on to Chicago, where it lives. It's almost unimaginable, I find - the thought of this mighty American strolling through Nigeria, perhaps swaggering a little as it crosses the border into Zaire... We thought perhaps we might lose the fight with the lion a little bit. Quite right - you don't want to come back from Cygnus X-1 to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. It's a success. The #*@ now is dead. But Roy Citizen must make sure. :bang bang: first with bombs, and rockets destroying their homes, and then when they run helpless into the streets, er, mowing them down with machine guns. Er, and then of course releasing the vultures Twentieth Century Citizen presents a tale so gripping that they said it could not be filmed. A unique event in cinema history. :goodone: I used to go to the cinema with three hundredweight of King Edwards. I'd eat 'em all before I got out of the toilet. I had to go on to bread. These sandwiches, :burger: :burger: :burger: however, were an excellent substitute. Sandwiches? Blimey. Whatever did I give the wife? Um... sausage squad up the blue end? That's Mr. Kamikaze IbanezJem, the pilot. :hi: He's very nice really, but make sure he stays clear of White Hart Lane. I don't know whether I can, sir... he's in a state of Itsubishi Kyoko McSayonara. It's the fifth state that a Scotsman can achieve, sir. He's got to finish himself off by lunchtime or he thinks he's let down the Emperor, sir. If I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away! Here at Luton it's a three-cornered fight between Alan Jones - Sensible Party, in the middle, Tarquin Fin- tim- lim- bim- whin- bim- lim- bus- stop- F'tang- F'tang- Olè- Biscuitbarrel - Silly Party, and IbanezJem, the Slightly Silly candidate

'I will give you one after you have got me my supper,' I now usually scream, 'but not before'-- as you understand, making Citizen`s bang contingent on the arrival of my supper. Would you care for a glass of blood? Oh, what a giveaway. It's almost incredible isn't it, to think that this huge Hawks fan has walked over two thousand miles across this inhospitable forum to stop here, maybe just to take in water before the two thousand miles on to Chicago, where it lives. It's almost unimaginable, I find - the thought of this mighty American strolling through Nigeria, perhaps swaggering a little as it crosses the border into Zaire... We thought perhaps we might lose the fight with the lion a little bit. Quite right - you don't want to come back from Cygnus X-1 to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. It's a success. The #*@ now is dead. But Roy Citizen must make sure. :bang bang: first with bombs, and rockets destroying their homes, and then when they run helpless into the streets, er, mowing them down with machine guns. Er, and then of course releasing the vultures Twentieth Century Citizen presents a tale so gripping that they said it could not be filmed. A unique event in cinema history. :goodone: I used to go to the cinema with three hundredweight of King Edwards. I'd eat 'em all before I got out of the toilet. I had to go on to bread. These sandwiches, :burger: :burger: :burger: however, were an excellent substitute. Sandwiches? Blimey. Whatever did I give the wife? Um... sausage squad up the blue end? That's Mr. Kamikaze IbanezJem, the pilot. :hi: He's very nice really, but make sure he stays clear of White Hart Lane. I don't know whether I can, sir... he's in a state of Itsubishi Kyoko McSayonara. It's the fifth state that a Scotsman can achieve, sir. He's got to finish himself off by lunchtime or he thinks he's let down the Emperor, sir.

'I will give you one after you have got me my supper,' I now usually scream, 'but not before'-- as you understand, making Citizen`s bang contingent on the arrival of my supper. Would you care for a glass of blood? Oh, what a giveaway. It's almost incredible isn't it, to think that this huge Hawks fan has walked over two thousand miles across this inhospitable forum to stop here, maybe just to take in water before the two thousand miles on to Chicago, where it lives. It's almost unimaginable, I find - the thought of this mighty American strolling through Nigeria, perhaps swaggering a little as it crosses the border into Zaire... We thought perhaps we might lose the fight with the lion a little bit. Quite right - you don't want to come back from Cygnus X-1 to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. It's a success. The #*@ now is dead. But Roy Citizen must make sure. :bang bang: first with bombs, and rockets destroying their homes, and then when they run helpless into the streets, er, mowing them down with machine guns. Er, and then of course releasing the vultures Twentieth Century Citizen presents a tale so gripping that they said it could not be filmed. A unique event in cinema history. :goodone: I used to go to the cinema with three hundredweight of King Edwards. I'd eat 'em all before I got out of the toilet. I had to go on to bread. These sandwiches, :burger: :burger: :burger: however, were an excellent substitute. Sandwiches? Blimey. Whatever did I give the wife?

'I will give you one after you have got me my supper,' I now usually scream, 'but not before'-- as you understand, making Citizen`s bang contingent on the arrival of my supper. Would you care for a glass of blood? Oh, what a giveaway. It's almost incredible isn't it, to think that this huge Hawks fan has walked over two thousand miles across this inhospitable forum to stop here, maybe just to take in water before the two thousand miles on to Chicago, where it lives. It's almost unimaginable, I find - the thought of this mighty American strolling through Nigeria, perhaps swaggering a little as it crosses the border into Zaire... We thought perhaps we might lose the fight with the lion a little bit. Quite right - you don't want to come back from Cygnus X-1 to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. It's a success. The #*@ now is dead. But Roy Citizen must make sure. :bang bang: first with bombs, and rockets destroying their homes, and then when they run helpless into the streets, er, mowing them down with machine guns. Er, and then of course releasing the vultures

Oh, that's the bit I like

Well I may be an idiot but I'm no fool. Well, I'm not surprised you didn't get that, Citizen. It was in fact a trick question. Coventry City have never won the FA Cup. :P a side intellectually out argued by a Jarrow team thrusting and bursting with aggressive Kantian positivism and outstanding in this fine Jarrow team was my man of the match, the arch-thinker, free scheming, scarcely ever to be curbed, midfield cognoscento, IbanezJem. I'm a very good shot. I practice every day... well... not absolutely every day, but most days in the week. I expect I must practice four or five times a week, at least four or five. How could you miss? He moved? Shut up. Go and practice. I'm so sorry, Citizen. Do you mind waiting in your cell? Listen... chaps... there's still a chance. I'm... done for, I've got a gammy leg and I'm going fast; I'll never get through. But some of you might. So... you'd better eat me. This is a vegetarian restaurant only, we serve no animal flesh of any kind. Could you do the egg, bacon, spam and sausage without IbanezJem, then? Well, we sort of like pineapples. Pineapple. Mmm. Yeah, we love pineapple. Yeah, anything with pineapple in it is great for us. I was showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone who attacks you with armed with a piece of fresh fruit I'll make it a gud'un, sir! :bang bang: And so, here on the final day, there seems to be no players left to challenge the blancmanges. If only Bicycle Repairman were here! He must have crawled through here, and made his escape through 'Music of the Spheres'. Then he won't be needing his reservation to New World Women. And I suppose, as his eldest son, it must go to me. :drool: It's all a bit zany - you know a bit madcap funster... frankly I don't fully understand it myself, the kids seem to like it. I much prefer Des O'Connor ... Rolf Harris ... Tom Jones, you know... :musicnote: "If I ruled the world, every day would be the first day of spring" :musicnote: - Tom Jones ;) If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our oesophagus, the guard's van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon.